Making Amends
Things only seemed to get worse after our fight. He would come over to help out with Lily but would barely speak to me. I had gotten so frustrated about it that I ended up snapping on him one day starting another argument. Ok I'll admit, it was no secret to me that Mark was in love with me and hated that his brother still had some type of power over me. But what was I supposed to do? I mean sure, Mark was a sweet man and took very good care of me and my daughter, but what did I look like jumping from one brother to the next? Plus, how was I supposed to know if The Undertaker was still around watching my every step? If I were to let Mark into my life in that way, his brother would kill me for sure, and this time he would make sure I was really dead.
I didn't see Mark for another week or so after the second fight. When he came over to deliver more stuff, I just stayed in the living room with Lily, playing with her on the floor. She was the only thing in my life that seemed to keep me going with a smile. It was like every morning that I was feeling low, I would pick her up and she would smile at me. I wished I could be like her…smiling everyday without fear or worry in my heart.
While I played with her, he was in the kitchen putting things away for me. I kissed my daughter's cheek before placing her against my chest and getting up. I walked around slowly and hummed a song to help her go to sleep. While I did that I thought about all the things I had been through up until this point. Man what a trip…I'm glad I'm still alive.
Once Lily was asleep, I took her upstairs to her bedroom and placed her in her crib. I watched her sleep for a few moments before sighing to myself and glancing out the window.
"You ok?"
I jumped when I heard Mark's voice from the doorway. He stood in the doorframe leaning against it with his arms crossed over his massive chest. I looked back at Lily for a moment and then walked up to him. With a gentle push, I shoved him into the hallway so we could talk.
"I'm fine…I just wish there was more I could do in this world." I said.
He looked at me with that same annoying blank stare I couldn't read. "Come on, let's go back downstairs."
I nodded and followed him downstairs to the living room. I took a seat on the couch while he sat in the arm chair adjacent to me. I crossed my legs and folded my arms, staring off in a daze. I could tell he was looking at me, but I didn't avert my gaze to him.
"Tell me what's on your mind." He said softly.
I didn't speak at first, afraid that I would start an argument. I took a deep breath and then glanced down at my lap.
"This may sound bad, but sometimes I wish I hadn't gotten pregnant." I said. "I love my baby with all my heart, but sometimes I feel as though having her is what keeps me binded to him. I felt it before she was born and even more now."
He remained silent, waiting for me to continue.
"I wanted to graduate high school, go to college, and become a singer someday. Being a mom wasn't exactly part of my plan, nor was getting involved with an evil cretin like your brother." A tear fell from my face as I spoke my mind. It was the first time I was letting them fall in front of Mark like this and to be honest it felt kind of nice. "It hurts Mark….it hurts so much being stuck here with no outside contact with my family or my friends. I want my life back and at this point I doubt that'll ever happen."
He nodded and picked up a box of tissues from the small table next to him. After handing me the box he sat back down and then cleared his throat.
"I'm sorry."
I glanced at him not sure about what he was apologizing for. He straightened up in his chair and then sighed, "I've been a jerk towards you when I should have been helping you through this process. I don't know…I guess I expected you to want to be with me since we're both stuck in this mess. Plus I've been keeping you safe even when we were captured by that freak."
I wiped my eyes and nodded, "It's alright. I understand how you feel about me and I want you to know that I'm absolutely grateful for everything you've done for Lily and I. Without you we would both be dead so I owe you my life."
"No problem." He said.
"But please be patient with me. I don't know why I feel the way I do for the Undertaker, but I promise it'll pass. I just need some more time that's all."
He smiled, "And I plan to give that to you."
I smiled at him and then decided to get up and hug him. My heart was so glad that he was lightening up on me and my crazy feelings. "thank you for understanding." I whispered into his ear.
"You're welcome. Now what do you say we watch some movies. I bought a few I think you will like."
I backed away from him with a smile," Ok,"
It was real nice being with Mark that night. He seemed happier sitting next to me on that couch and chatting away. Although he looked happy on the outside, something was telling me that he was withholding that anger somewhere inside of him. I guess he figured that being mad at me wasn't going to solve anything…and he was right.
