"You ever think about having kids, sis?"

Wide-eyed, I looked up from the tattered magazine I had been skimming through and stared incredulously at Katherine. Expecting to find her waiting for my answer, she was instead looking across at a small girl playing with the brightly colored abacus sitting on the lone table in the hospital waiting room. With crusted snot coming from its nose and a sucker half held in its hand, half stuck in its hair, the child didn't seem like the type of adorable cherub that would awaken maternal instincts in anyone, much less my sister.

"I haven't really considered it either way, Kat. What made you ask that?"

Katherine shrugged and went back to rifling through her purse, undoubtedly trying to find an nail file. "No reason."

I bit my lower lip and glanced away because it had suddenly hit me hard why she was so mesmerized by the infant. Katherine had never been good with children. The one time we had visited Disney World she'd been so annoyed by being surrounded by screaming, sticky toddlers that she'd ended up drinking too much and throwing up into Cinderella's wishing well, getting us instantly kicked out the park. Being parental had just never been in her blood.

But now, as we waited for my sister's tests to come back, a whole life of possibly missed opportunities must have been stretching out before her.

I'd been disbelieving at first when I had walked back into our hotel room after leaving Damon's apartment to find Katherine waiting for me, an appointment already booked by her to find out the results she's been so adamant about not finding out the truth to. She hadn't elaborated since, but I knew instantly she had done it for me. No matter how we acted, my sister had always hated me being disappointed in her. And I could only feel guilt, wondering if the attitude I'd taken with her was pushing her to confront this in a way she didn't want. But I always ended up with the same thought. We had to know for sure. She had to know for sure. So the next day found us yet again in what was rapidly becoming my least favorite place. The hospital.

"Katherine, I'm ready for you."

I closed my eyes in fatigue, knowing exactly who had spoken without having to look up to confirm it. After that awful breakfast yesterday, I was hoping it would have been the last of our contact, but Damon Salvatore just kept stubbornly turning up. When I opened my eyes again I could just about make out his feet and the bottom of his white lab coat.

"Kat, I'm sorry, I had no idea. He has nothing to do with Oncology," I apologized, turning my head to whisper to Katherine. The last thing my sister probably needed right now was a man she hadn't ever liked being the one to deliver the news, whether it be good or bad. "He's a first year resident. We'll just ask for someone else."

"No," Katherine looked at me, her eyes clear and determined. "No, actually I requested it be him." She stood up and nodded calmly at Damon, who to my surprise, returned it with a small smile. "He even got the lab stuff pushed through on a rush."

"I don't understand," I hissed after my sister as I followed her down a hallway off to the side.

"You don't need to," she shot back, her perfect, artificially created curls bouncing as she looked over her shoulder at me. "Believe it or not being told I'm going to die by him is better then being told it by a stranger."

I pursed my lips and began to reply but was distracted by being ushered into an impersonal office with beige furniture and white walls, evidently used for situations like this when the doctor didn't have their own space yet.

After waiting for Katherine and I to sit down, Damon moved to the far side of the desk and looked at the chair there. After a brief pause he shook his head wryly before coming back around to us and perching on the edge of the desk. Putting down the manilla file he had been holding, he shoved the sleeves of his coat up to his elbow and with one look into his eyes I knew what was coming.

"Please, no bullshit, Salvatore," Katherine held Damon's stare and straightened her spine. "Tell it to me straight."

Damon combed his hands through the side of his hair and his whole body seemed to brace. "Your Ovarian cancer has returned. You were right."

I clasped my hands over my mouth silently, as if I could take the words Damon had spoken and make them disappear by shoving them away and hiding them forever. This had to be just a bad dream. I was so convinced she was going to be okay.

"When am I not?," Katherine smiled brittlely, acting if she had only just been told that her favorite nail polish color had been discontinued. "How long?"

"Well, with all the treatments available now we rea-"

"How long, Salvatore?"

Damon nodded like he knew he wasn't going to get off that easy. "Speaking as a friend, a year at best. Maybe less."

The gravity of the situation appeared to finally hit my sister for a moment. When she looked down with her nails digging into her palms, trying to collect herself, Damon who had seemed to be avoiding looking at me until this point, studied me carefully, his mouth opening and closing once helplessly.

No. No we weren't going down without a fight. "Kat has beaten this once, she'll do it again. Tell her, Damon." I swallowed painfully and pleaded desperately "Tell her."

"Sorry little sister, I think I'm what they call a hopeless case."

"You're pretty damn strong Kat, and there's a whole range of routes we can look at to make you more comfortable, to prolong-"

Katherine interrupted Damon once again. "I'm not doing it. No chemo, no homeopathic crap, no nothing. I'm not going through that again. I'm not changing my mind this time. Not even for you, Elena."

The tears that had been threatening, began to spill down my cheeks from fear and frustration. "Kat, you just need time. Please. Everything is going so fast we just need to…" I trailed off aimlessly, looking at Damon while wiping furiously under my eyes. He could fix this. He'd always been able to fix things at the last second.

"I think it's you who needs time, sweetheart," Katherine's voice was gentle as she got up and ran a hand softly over the top of my hair, shooting an indecipherable look at Damon before walking to the door. "I'll be in the car."

I rose to follow her but Damon carefully took my elbow, halting me. "Give her a second, Elena. She trying to hold it together in front of you."

And that's when I broke. I punched at him, at anything I could reach, pounding at his chest with my fist, furious at everything. What had Katherine and I done to deserve all this pain in our lives?

"Elena, stop…" Damon tried taking my arms and attempting to hold my hands against him. "Elena," he ordered, pulling my struggling body closer.

I gave in, falling into him. Exhausted and needing someone. Needing Damon.

"Shhh," he soothed into my hair, his breath tickling my neck. "You're going to be okay. It's going to be okay."

"Everyone leaves me," I sobbed, letting my knees give slightly as I leant into him more. "Why does everyone leave me?"

Rather than answer, he sighed deeply and held me tighter, rubbing a hand up my back. "I'm so sorry, 'Lena. I'm so sorry."

Finally getting my emotions under control and acutely embarrassed, I pushed away, his hold sliding away instantly. "Well, don't be. She's not dead yet."

Damon's eyes searched me, an emotion in them I couldn't place.

"I shouldn't have said that," I confessed after a moment. "I didn't mean to take it out on you. And I shouldn't have been so awful to you yesterday either."

"Oh Elena, it doesn't matter. None of it fucking matters anymore." He reached out as if to take my hand but apparently thought better of it and let his fall uselessly back to his side. "Why do you think your sister wanted it to be me here for when you got the news?"

I took an angry step back. "Oh great, so you took one for the team, dealing with the weeping woman as a favor because you felt bad my sister was terminal?"

"Just stop, Elena. I did it for you. Of course I did. Why won't you believe I still care?"

I laughed humorlessly. "I can't do this, Damon. I can't. My sister's needs me, your brother's a mess. We are last on a very long list right now." I pushed the tips of my fingers to my mouth for a second before pulling what was left of me together and making myself take one step in front of the other, towards the exit.

"Damon," I uttered, waiting for him to look at me before continuing. "I'm glad it was you. Who was with me." I looked away and left before waiting for a reaction.

The ride back was quiet and it gave me a small snatch of time to slightly absorb what had just happened and by the time we walked into our room, I knew what I needed to do.

"Kat," I started.

"Elena, I'm not in the mood to fight right now."

"No, please let me say what I need to say," I smiled at her tightly. "You're my sister. And you're old enough to make your own decisions. So whatever you decide. Whatever you need. I'm here for you. I'll do whatever you need me to do."

"Even if I want to do nothing at all?"

"Even if you want to do nothing at all," I confirmed. And I was telling the truth. I couldn't make Katherine's last days miserable because she felt guilty enough to be forced into something she didn't want. She had always gotten the most out of life and if this was the way she wanted to fight it, then I'd support that.

Without a word, Katherine took my hand and squeezed it for a second, letting it go before seemingly steeling herself and laying down onto her bed, turning away from me.

Trying to find some peace for a few hours, I turned down the covers on my own bed and followed suit.

I woke up to find the sky was already in the stages of dusk and my sister was animately getting ready, applying lipstick while shimmying to music coming from her phone.

"Kat," I moaned blearily. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Getting ready for dinner," she replied blithely, as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. "Which is what you need to be doing."

Pushing myself up by my elbows, I clipped the mess of my hair onto the top of my head. "Dinner?" I repeated stupidly.

Katherine finally turned around to face me, rolling her eyes. "I called Alaric and planned it. Told him to invite all your little friends too. We need some sort of celebration to mark the loss of my crutches." She waggled her cast sheathed foot at me. "I mean, sure, I'm supposed to still use them, but they're ugly and it doesn't really matter anymore now, does it?"

I ignored her. "We can't go to dinner tonight. We have things to talk about. We need to think about getting you back to Italy and-"

"No," Katherine voided the suggestion doggedly. "I'm not ready to go back yet. I'm having fun." She pouted. "Give me one night, Elena. Jesus."

"I thought you and Alaric weren't even talking."

"We're not. Not really. And like I said, it's for the best. But he's a nice enough guy that he called everyone for the dinner without being an asshole about it."

Abruptly, I realized with some lucidity just exactly what their spat the other night had been about. "Oh God, you were pushing him away because you were already convinced about how ill you were and you didn't want him to get attached."

"I wanted to fuck and he wanted to talk," Katherine spat crudely. "Men like him are just not meant for woman like me."

When I opened my mouth to interject, she talked over me and decisively went back to primping her hair. "I don't want to discuss it anymore, Elena. And not a word about it to anyone tonight." She glared at me expectantly from the reflection of the mirror and prompted "What are you waiting for? Start getting dressed."

For once, I let my sister do my hair and make-up and choose my clothes, and as a result, ended up looking like her evil vamp twin. But I was determined to fit in all the sister bonding I could. And taking a page out of her book, I was going to push everything out of my mind tonight.

We were late to the restaurant, not entirely unusual when I was with Katherine, and when we eventually found our table everyone had already been seated and looked to be halfway through their first drinks.

Katherine wasn't kidding when she said she had gotten Alaric to call everyone. Caroline, Bonnie, Damon, and even Stefan and Rose were circling the table. In a lot of ways It was like being pulled back into the past. But it actually felt good. Comfortably nostalgic.

With her eyes narrowed, Katherine realized around the same time I did that the only seats that had been left inconspicuously empty were the ones next to Alaric and Stefan. Before she could react, I dodged around her and took the chair next to the youngest Salvatore, pretending I didn't know why Katherine was glaring darts at the back of my head.

Dinner started off lightheartedly enough. I mostly interacted with Caroline, Bonnie and my sister. Whenever Rose spoke I was inordinately nice in return, trying to make up for my behavior towards her. To her credit she didn't seem to hold a grudge towards me.

My eyes wouldn't meet Damon's. I was such a writhing ball of feelings over him and I didn't have a hope of untangling them right now. Also, I was ashamed of how vulnerable I had acted in front of him at the hospital earlier. Did I still care for him too? Was I still even angry at him anymore? Hurt, yes. But as much as I searched, I couldn't find the rage in me towards him.

"I'm sorry," Stefan broke through my thoughts when he murmured an apology as everyone else was completely distracted by their recently delivered appetizers and some discussion that we weren't involved in. For the first time of the night he laid his fork down and twisted in his seat to look at me. "About saying what I did. You and Damon would never do what Lexi did. I shouldn't have implied that. "

I smiled wanly. The guilt over having remaining feelings for a taken man intensified.

"It was understandable considering the circumstances." Propping my head on my hand, I also turned to face him head on.

"And-." He hesitated briefly. "And, you should know I'm not angry anymore that you knew about the cheating before the wedding. You only did what you thought was best and it was just easier to take everything out on you and my brother."

"Forgiven," I responded quickly. At least I could make things right with one Salvatore brother.

Stefan relaxed immediately.

"How are you doing, Stef?," I requested delicately, taking in the bags that still resided under his eyes. "You know you can dump it all on me. The shit you don't want to tell your brother. Anything you want. Hell, even complain about your sports teams to me if it's what will help."

Looking down, Stefan wrinkled the stretch of skin between his brows. "Up and down. I feel like I need to be okay. Damon keeps telling me she wasn't worth it anyway and that i'll be over her in no time." He leant back a little to let the server put down the steak he'd ordered before resuming his train of thought. "Honestly, all I feel like is an idiot because I can't stop being in love with her. Even after everything."

"That doesn't make you an idiot, Stefan. You can't turn love off and on like a tap just because the other person screws it up. Love doesn't work that way."

Contemplating me searchingly, Stefan glanced over at his brother and then looked back at me with what looked a lot like pity in his eyes. "Hey, enough about me anyway. What about you? You've had a rough couple of days. We should get away tomorrow. Spend some time together."

Katherine's laughter cut through my reply and I knew by its tone, overloud and fabricated, that she was not okay by any means. I cut a look over at her from under my eyelashes and wasn't surprised to find her looking untouchable, emotionless, while Alaric watched her with a curious stare.

Worried about my sister, at first I hadn't tuned in to the conversation the rest of the table was now all participating in, but slowly, we all drifted to the same topic. Gradually, as Bonnie finished talking about the time she had spent in South America helping at an orphanage, Rose made the decision to say something which was destined to change everything.

"Oh, I know," Rose added, nodding agreeably. "It just breaks my heart to see people in pain like that. The other day I had this cancer patient, late stage, who could barely breathe from the agony."

I choked on the water I'd just started to drink and the rest of the table shifted uncomfortably. It may have been just Damon, Katherine and I who knew about the latest developments but our other friends were still very aware of what my sister had gone through in the past.

Unknowingly, Rose continued, her story about the horrors this patient had gone through getting more graphic and heartbreaking as it went on.

"Honey, c'mon, I don't think this is what we need to be talking about at dinner," Damon interrupted his girlfriend, his face drained of all color and trying to avoid looking around.

"No, Damon, because there's something beautiful in this," Rose waved Damon off with a hand to his chest, her speech becoming more impassioned. "There is something really beautiful in how much love and fight there was-." Noticing how unresponsive everyone else had become, Rose trailed off, bafflement clear on her face. "What did I say?"

Met with the rest of the table either ignoring her or coughing uncomfortably, she looked at Damon with some panic. "What did I say?"

"I'll take this one," Katherine's volunteered, her voice ringing out clear and cold and already I wanted to cover my face with my hands.

Looking at Damon's girlfriend, my sister smiled viciously. "Everyone has just got their over-sensitive panties in a bunch because I survived the big C word a few years ago and they think that little sob story is going to set me off." Pausing for effect, she grabbed her wine glass and held it aloft while continuing. "But what they don't know is that it actually beat me in the end. All it did was take a little vacation making me think everything was going to be okay before coming back with a vengeance. Cancer really is a first class cunt."

You could cut with a knife the shock that waved over our friends. But of course Katherine wasn't done, not by a long shot.

Catching a glimpse of Rose's mortified face, Katherine shook her head with faux-sympathy. "Oh I wouldn't worry about the awkwardness. I found out today I'll be dead within the year and then you can forget all about tonight. Cheers!." Draining the rest of glass with one deep swallow, Katherine put it promptly back down onto the table before pushing her chair back, standing, and holding her head high as she crossed in and out between the tables towards the exit.

The thought had barely entered my mind to follow when Alaric was already up and halfway out the door, trying to catch up with her. I decided to let him go. If she wanted me she'd call and God only knew what was going through her head right now. Maybe Alaric could pull a miracle out of his ass and help her.

"Elena, I had no idea. Jesus, I was whining about my love life to you and you were going through that."

I shook myself out of my haze to find Stefan speaking with horror in his eyes and the rest of the table looking at me like I was about to commit suicide over their foie gras.

Panicking, I tried to speak soundlessly before shaking my head and throwing my linen napkin on my plate. "I'm sorry I have to-. I have to go to the bathroom."

I practically sprinted to the woman's restroom, relieved to rest my head against the cool tile inside and finally get away from everyone's stares.

A second later the door swung open again behind me and I heard a muted call of my name.

"Boundaries, Damon," I retaliated drolly while keeping my head down and not moving from the porcelain ."You'll freak out all the women who come in here."

"Screw that." The sound of the lock being turned echoed around us and then Damon offered tentatively. "Rose is so sorry, she didn't mean-"

"Rose is a moron."

Silence and then sounding discouraged, he promised, "I'll go get Bonnie and Caroline for you."

Does the guilt trip ever end with this man? I sighed and turned to look at him. "No wait, don't. I love them both but the last thing I need right now is another person making this more real." My two best friends knowing would force me to accept what was going to happen, and I wasn't ready for that yet. "And I'm sorry. Again. Rose couldn't have known. Tell her it isn't her fault."

"I want to make it hurt less for you, Elena. But I don't know how."

The longing in his voice made warmth spread through my veins before my involuntary reaction kicked my irritation into first gear.

"Oh, give me a break, Salvatore," I mocked callously. "Just because I shed some tears on your shoulder today doesn't mean anything. It really isn't in your job description to run after me anymore."

I could see the hardness spread over his face and knew I was in for some home truths. "Because 'why the hell would I think I was your friend', right? Wasn't that what you said to me?," he bickered spitefully.

I crossed my arms and looked fixedly back at him. Good, getting angry over this was making me forget about everything else.

Undaunted, he advanced towards me with his finger out. "But Elena," he simpered, sneering. "I thought in the end you were glad it was me who was with you? Which one is it? Which face is Elena wearing today? Is she happy? Is she sad? Who the hell knows?"

"Go fuck yourself, Damon."

"When are you going to forgive me for a mistake I made five years ago, huh? I was stupid for distancing myself, and not calling you back, and for letting you think our friendship meant nothing to me." Damon finally exploded, his arms fencing me in on either side. "But I was pissed at you and hurt that you just left. You went halfway around the world, Elena, and you let me know a week before and at the same time as everybody else. That's all I rated to you? You were the most important person in my life. I was closer to you than my own brother and it felt like you couldn't get away from me fast enough."

Trying to slow, the quick, hard breathing that I was exhibiting, I threw up my arms and let out everything that I had been pushing down and bottling since I'd last seen Damon at the airport all that time ago.

"Because you broke my heart," I screamed emphatically back into his face. "And I know that's not your fault. I know that. So don't for a second think I'm blaming you or angry at you for not loving me back." Damon inhaled sharply but I heedlessly continued. If he wanted to have this conversation then we'd do it right. "But it fucking hurt, Damon. Probably second only to what I found out today. I needed to leave you behind for my own sanity. I can't get sucked in again. More so now than ever."

The fight seemed to just hemorrhage out of Damon's body and he took a step back, resting wearily against a sink.

"My sister is going to die, Damon," I persevered, almost soft in my tone this time. "And there was a time I would have given anything to hear that explanation. But now? Now I can't find it in me to care about anything anymore. I don't know how I'm even going to find it in me to care about waking up tomorrow."

"But you'll find a way to, Elena." Damon sighed, pushing the heels of his hands into his eyes. "You always have."

"Do you understand now? Why we can't do this? Why we shouldn't even attempt at being friends again? You and I, Damon? We're just too complicated."

Laughing shortly without a hint of humor, Damon smirked bitterly. "You don't know how wrong you are."

Defeated, I could only watch as he walked away without single a look back.


A/N: Yay, now were finally getting somewhere between them, things are coming out.

I really just wanted to take a second and thank you all, old and new readers, for taking the time out of your day to read this fic. It really makes it worth it to know that you're enjoying it!

And please, please, direct your thanks to amydelbay who had worked her magic on my writing and listened to me ramble about where I want this story go. Invaluable help.

Hope this finds everyone well! x