3x9 - Stranger in a Strange Land

"Don't take it out on me because you feel guilty."

"I don't feel guilty," she counters, raising her voice at him.

"The hell you don't."

"We had to leave Jack behind. I didn't have a choice."

"I'm not talking about leaving Jack behind; I'm talking about you and me," Sawyer says sadly. Having had some time to think about recent events now that they had escaped from the Others, he is quite sure that he has figured it all out. Sure, she may have slept with him, but her heart belongs to someone else. That had been abundantly clear to him after her continued insistence that they go back for him and the heartbreaking scene on the beach; he didn't understand the story she told, but he had felt tears stinging his own eyes at the pain she was going through at having to recount it. "I know you did it because you thought I was a dead man. So don't beat yourself up because the doc's left behind."

"I'm not beating myself up."

"Of course you're not. So now that we got that out of the way, let's go," he says, heading off through the woods again. She reluctantly trails after him, ignoring the fact that he is bossing her around again. They hike for an hour before they come across a stream, and he stops to rest and get some water.

"Freckles, you should drink something," he looks up at her as she sits down on a rock to rest her feet.

"Not thirsty."

Sawyer picks a large leaf off of a tree and scoops up some water in it, then carries it over to her, "Kate, you gotta take care of yourself. You're drenched in sweat from walking, and there's no way you ain't thirsty."

Though she arches an eyebrow at him for telling her what to do again, she accepts the leaf and lifts it up to her mouth to drink.

He fills the leaf up again and brings it back to her, taking a seat next to her as she sips the water. "Kate… he's gonna be alright. He'll figure out how to get away."

"He helped us escape and may have killed Ben; who knows what they're going to do to him, Sawyer?" she closes her eyes and after a moment leans her head on his shoulder. He gently rests a hand on her back to comfort her. They sit silently for a few more minutes before she stands and heads over to the stream, crouching down and cupping water in her hands to wash her face. Then she runs her wet hands through her curls, trying to cool down and wishing she had a hair tie to get her long hair out of her face for the rest of the hike.

He watches her, ignoring the tug in his heart, and when she comes back over to stand before him, he says, "No one else has to know what happened in that cage, Kate."

Avoiding his eyes, she replies, "I care about you, Sawyer."

"But you care about him more. It's okay, Freckles."

"I don't regret what happened between us," Kate reaches out to take his hand and her eyes seek his out. "And I didn't do it because I thought they were going to kill you… at least not entirely."

"So you do like me, Freckles," he smirks up at her.

She smiles back, "You're not so bad when you aren't being a jerk."

"But… you like Jack more," he says, smile fading.

After a brief moment of hesitation, she gives a small nod. "I'm sorry, Sawyer."

He stands up, squeezing her hand, and then presses his lips to her temple. "If you change your mind, you know where to find me, Freckles."

She watches his retreating back as he heads off again, wishing that everything didn't have to be so complicated.

They make it back to camp later that evening, and she immediately starts making plans to go back for the doctor. Though he cares about her more than any other woman he's been with, he makes no move to stop her from leaving; her heart had made its choice, and it wasn't him.

~Lost~

He can't help the relief that he feels when she returns from the other side of the island, and he puts all of this emotion in the hug he gives her. He had been expecting her to come back hand in hand with the doctor - if she came back at all - but instead of being closer, they seem to be more distant from each other than he had seen them. A brief flicker of hope shoots through his heart, but he quickly talks himself out of it.

A few days later, the thought occurs to him that Jack had found out about them and that that was the cause of trouble between them. When he confronts her about it, she confirms his suspicions, and he flirts with her, though he doesn't expect it to change her mind.

He is very surprised when she shows up in his tent later that night; he knows something is up with her when he sees tears on her cheeks, but he can't resist her, can't deny her what she so desperately seems to want from him in that moment. He is sure that her presence doesn't mean that she has changed her mind and he knows that it will probably result in his own heart getting hurt, but he doesn't stop her.

"You ain't gotta use me, Freckles. All you have to do is ask," he tells her sadly. Before the island, he had run away from real relationships, had just wanted the physical part without the emotional baggage. And now that she is doing the same thing to him, he finds that, for the first time, he wants so much more. He turns away from her and heads down the beach to where Jack and Juliet are sitting. He loves her and he wants her to be happy, even if it isn't with him; despite the fact that it involves an unpleasant conversation with his competition, he is going to try to fix things for her.

"Can I talk to you, Jack?" he asks.

Juliet looks from one man to the other, then stands, "I'll go check on Claire."

"What's wrong, Sawyer?" the doctor asks once the blonde woman is out of earshot.

"Kate said that you know about us, about what happened in the cages."

Jack frowns, unsure how Kate knew that he knew. "Sawyer… what goes on between you and Kate is none of my business. She can be with whoever she wants."

Sawyer looks over at the other man, then says the words that break his heart, "She don't wanna be with me, Doc; she only did it because she thought they were gonna kill me."

"Why are you telling me this?" he asks.

"You know… she was worried about you the whole time they had us. Thought I was gonna have to tie her up to get her off of that island with me; she didn't wanna leave you behind," the con man turns to look out at the ocean. "I know you weren't tryin' to save me, Jack; you did what you did so that you could protect her."

"Sawyer," Jack starts with a sigh.

"No. I ain't got a clue what you're tryin' to do with that woman who held us captive over there. But I sure hope you ain't tryin' to hurt her because of what happened with me."

"Juliet and I are just friends."

"Good. 'Cause Freckles… well, I ain't the one she loves," he stands, leaving the doctor to contemplate his words.

~Lost~

"So… I guess Sun found out about the pregnant women on the island," Jack sits down next to her, two bowls of oatmeal in hand.

She glances at him briefly, "… Yeah."

He offers one of the bowls to her, then digs in to his own oatmeal. When she just stirs her food around in the bowl, he tries not to read into it, hopes that she isn't worried that she might face the same thing as Sun. "You okay?" he finally asks, though he is sure she won't open up to him.

"Yeah," she says, lifting the spoon to her mouth.

"You know… Juliet and I are just friends," he repeats the words that he had said to the other man the day prior.

She sets her spoon back down in the bowl and swallows. She has no idea where he is going with this conversation, but she knows that he knows and doesn't see the utility in trying to lie to him again. "I can't tell you that Sawyer and I are just friends. I slept with him."

"Sawyer said otherwise" he looks over at her nonchalantly, continuing to eat.

She studies him, unsure why he is no longer upset with her; he had seemed to be avoiding her since they were reunited, and she had believed that his behavior was a result of what had happened in the cage, especially when Juliet told her that he knew. "You talked to Sawyer? About me?"

Finally he rests his spoon and meets her eyes. "He came to me, told me it was all a mistake and that the only reason it happened was because they were going to kill him."

"And you believed him?"

"Yes. He cares about you, Kate. A lot. And that has changed him, made him a better person. So maybe it meant something to him. But if he told me that it meant nothing and you are just friends, then I believe him."

""Why did you do the surgery, Jack?" she asks, looking back down at her bowl of oatmeal.

He shrugs, "Why did you come back for me, Kate?"

"Live together, die alone," she says after a moment, avoiding his gaze.

Tired of the lack of honesty between them, he says, "I did it because I care about you, Kate. And I suspect the same is true for you."

"Then you should know that what happened with me and Sawyer wasn't just because he was going to die," she says quietly, expecting him to change his mind at this admission.

Jack slowly nods in acceptance. The man who had come to him yesterday had seemed adamant that this was the case, but he had watched their interactions after he had been injured from the adventures on the raft; she cared about the southerner too. But according to Sawyer, she had displayed similar feelings for him. "Kate… if he's who you want to be with -"

"He's not," she quickly states. The waves continue to crash on the shore as the sun sinks lower on the horizon. "Jack… I might be pregnant."

He reaches for her hand and squeezes it, "It's going to be okay."

"I don't think he's even realized that it's possible yet."

"He'll come around if you are, Kate."

"Won't matter anyway. I'll be dead in a few months if I am."

"Maybe you aren't. But if you are, I will make sure that that doesn't happen to you."

"Jack… this thing between us can't happen until I know."

"I understand, Kate. But please don't shut me out and try to deal with this on your own. I want to be here for you until we know… and I will be right beside you no matter the outcome."

With a sad smile, she rests her head against his shoulder. He puts his arm around her, and together they watch the sun set.