Rachel Berry, Meet Your Sister: Chapter SEVEN
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, or any of the Glee verse. I do own my OC though.
Also - fair warning guys, I'm not hugely happy with this chapter but it gets the job done and I didn't want you waiting too long for it. Please enjoy :)
Quinn POV
This summer sucked. It was the lowest low of my life so far and, after a month or so of thinking, I realised why. I'm not sure why it took me so long. It was actually glaringly obvious. I had an epiphany as I, once again, locked myself in room and ignored my fathers yelling and my mothers drinking and Santana and Brittany's not-so-subtle making out, that the only friends I really had were Santana and Brittany. I also realised that they were perfectly content to spend every moment of every day together with just each other. No one else. Including me.
That isn't to say that I wasn't welcome to spend time with them – we have been friends since third grade. I just hate being the third wheel. I realise that sounds awfully egotistic, like I need to be the centre of attention, but it's actually that I want them to spend time together without having to worry about anything like does Quinn realise that when I take Brittany's hand it's because I love her? Or what would Quinn think of us together? Like a couple? And I really want to kiss Santana right now but Quinn is watching and Santana says we have to play the 'no one else is allowed to see us kiss' game. I say that because I know exactly how paranoid Santana can be, and how much it hurts Brittany when she sees that Santana is scared of her feelings for Britt. I like it when they're happy, they are my best friends. So, if it means that I have to lock myself in my room every couple of days so that they can spend some time together without having to worry about prying eyes, then that's what I'll do.
I envy them, you know? They're so happy together. It's like they're in their own little world and nothing bad can get to them there. It changes them. It's especially obvious with Santana – it's like a single touch or a little smile from Britt changes her from the bitch we all know and love into this completely foreign and wonderful woman that only Brittany knew existed. She smiles – actually goddamn smiles! – and cooks and watches Disney movies and hugs people (read – hugs me and Brittany). And Brittany, well. She's happy all the time but when San is happy with her she almost glows. So yeah, I'm pretty jealous of them.
I know that most people would find it surprising that I even accept their relationship, let alone that I would be jealous of it, seeing as my family is super Christian, but I've known for years that San and Britt were gay and I have no issue with it. Sure, Britt technically identifies as bi-curious, but I know that they only love each other. That being said, I wasn't always as open minded. I know now that I would have been a lot more judgemental pre-Beth…before the baby…but I know I don't have any room to judge now. I guess the 'traumas' (my father's words) of having Beth opened my eyes a lot to how people that are different are treated. And I hate it. Now I can see that San and Britt are happy with each other – no. They were made for each other and I don't see how it could possibly be wrong to love someone of the same gender if it makes them so happy and vibrant and makes their eyes glow and their smiles wider and makes their life better. I don't see why they would be sent to hell for something that makes them both better people!
Sorry. I'm a bit of a romantic and I hate the idea that someone could be punished for loving someone. Especially when I look at a 'real relationship' (again, my fathers words) like my own mother and father and see how awful they are to each other and how unhappy they are. I pointed this out to my father in defence of San and Britt in the second week of holidays (which the girls aren't aware of) and I very clearly recall my Berry-esque storm out that followed when he went purple and called them 'a pair of sinners'.
They aren't sinners. That much is obvious. Brittany is the most amazing and innocent and lovely person in the world and Santana, well, she's a bitch but she's also my best friend and is crazy smart and amazing and deep deep deep under the bitch persona is the third most lovely person I've ever met (after Brittany and Rachel Berry. Yeah, I've acknowledged that Berry is a good person. I'll tell you about that later.) My girls looked after me all summer long, through all my heartache over Beth –the baby – and my family deciding that they wanted to 'become a better family' after my father returned from his escapades with the tattooed harlot and my mother welcomed him back with open arms. I did not. I'm not sure whether it was primarily to spite my father that I spent most of the summer living with two mostly closeted lesbians and skipping church, but I know that spite had a lot to do with it. Add that to the premarital sex with Puck and I guess that makes me the biggest sinner in town.
I saw no point in keeping up the charade of 'the Perfect Fabray's' and spent the summer locked in Santana's guest room. The room with my name on it at the Fabray's I now see as a temporary storage room for my things and I plan on spending as little time as possible there. San put up a sign on her guest room that says 'Quinn's Room – Fuck Off', so I consider that my room now. A few weeks after I escaped from that hellhole, and after I dropped the desire to be perfect and need for the perfect reputation, I realised exactly how empty my life is. There was more crying and throwing of things and depression that went hand in hand with this realisation than I would like to admit but I like to think that I came out of it a better person. More importantly, what came from it was a Plan.
I have made a change in my life that basically entails me no longer being a bitch (Santana overheard my plan and scoffed, rolled her eyes, but happily agreed to slap me silly when I deserved it after being a bitch to someone – I think of her as my safety net, someone to stop me from being too bitchy). When I came up with the plan, I had no doubt that it would affect my life at school. I knew that, despite my position as Head Cheerleader – which Sue had returned to me halfway through the holidays when she appeared suddenly in Santana's bedroom (super creepy) – and the fact that San, Britt and I are the hottest girls at school, my niceness would be seen as a weakness. I also knew that there was one person that was integral to my Plan (other than me) and that I had to apologise to her as soon as possible. Turns out, I had no idea how. My years as a Fabray – and therefore perfect and not needing to apologise – and then as HBIC never prepared me for this eventuality.
I was worrying about this – the Plan, and the person I needed to apologise to - in the first period of school when I heard Brittany's name. My head snapped up, and I saw Santana's do the same. I may not intend to be a bitch but if someone hurt our Brittany I would forcibly throw them from the room. Still, I restrained myself as the new girl – Jo, was it? – sat herself between Britt and me and contented myself from glaring threatening at her back. The moment she hurt Britt I would unleash the full power of HBIC (I know, that sounded so geeky. Another pro to the list of benefits of no longer being a perfect Fabray – I can be as geeky as I want to be). The girl (woman, actually. She's older than us, I think) tells us that she's here to tutor Brittany and I can't help but be relieved. I love Britt, I really do (though maybe no so much as Santana does) but I don't think that even I can keep my place as Head Cheerio, maintain my perfect 4.0 GPA and make sure that Brittany passes all of her classes. We only managed to do that last year with the help of Sue's intimidation tactics and some bullshitting (oh, did I mention that? I swear now, thanks to Santana's influence). Maybe it's the relief that Brittany will be taken care of that I don't have to kill the woman. Maybe it's the fact that I know if I was honest with myself, I don't want to kill her, or maim her, or emotionally damage her at all because I recognise her. Or something about her, which both soothes me and terrifies me because I know what I recognise.
Allow me to explain: when I warn Jo not to hurt Brittany (okay, threaten her) she doesn't flinch at all. Her face is perfectly smooth. Flawless. There is no hint of weakness, and her emotions are all under control and I don't know how to describe it other than tight. It's like looking at the mask I adopted for myself in freshman year when I realised that if I wanted to be at the top I had to stand on people to do it. Literally. I am the top of the pyramid. So yeah, I suppose the reason I don't bitch at her or threaten her any more than Santana already has is because I feel like I know her. I already know that she is guarded and wary and I'm a little frightened because I know exactly why I used my own mask and it wasn't just because of school.
After class, I absently promise Santana that I will protect Britt from the new girl, but I also make a note to myself to keep an eye on Jo. She's interesting and frightening and very different. A thought is prickling on the edge of my mind as I turn the corner to my class and suddenly I am brought back to the present. My books are scattered on the floor and there is a familiar figure picking herself up from where she fell.
Rachel Barbra Berry. She starts to collect her book and stutters apologies in my direction. I watch her for a long moment, trying to recall all of the practice Santana made me do with apologies, but can't remember a single thing. I'm nervous. She coughs delicately and I look at her. She's holding my books out towards me and I hesitantly take them from her with a little nod of thanks. My hand grazes hers when I take them and she yanks her hands back hurriedly as if she'd been scalded. My heart gives a funny lurch and I tell myself that it is sadness because she's so obviously frightened of me.
"I apologise profusely for running into you Quinn. I was distracted by my thoughts. I promise that I will pay more attention to my surroundings in the future. I do hope that I didn't injure you or cause you any kind of discomfort. If you have been injured I would be happy to escort you to the nurse's office, or if there's anything else I can assist you with I would be happy to do so."
I tilt my head to the side and let myself smile a little. Like I said before, Rachel Berry is the second nicest person I've ever met in my life – after Brittany. And that is only because Brittany doesn't have a mean bone in her body. Rachel sees my smile and it sends her into another rant about brain damage from her running into me and my smile broadens. Ever since I rid myself of my beliefs that popularity and prestige are everything, I find that Berry's ramblings are humorous, though I will admit they do not endear her to the entire school population. The poor girl really is a loser…she is short and loud and annoying and she's still talking and won't look at me and she's wearing absolutely awful clothes.
I sigh. I can't recall any of the apologies I had prepared for Rachel and if there is one thing that I retain from being a Fabray it is that I never do anything less than perfectly, including apologies. Instead of reassuring her that I'm fine, I turn and walk quickly away to my next class. I'll just pretend that I never saw her and then write down my apology and say it to her tomorrow… I hear her faltering in her speech behind me and I smile. She really is funny. I make a note to tell Santana to take her off the slushie hit list and to tone down the insults. I would never ask San to stop entirely – insulting people is one of her favourite past times – but Rachel doesn't deserve the constant put-downs. Now that I think of it, San is probably going to kill me. Rachel is her favourite target. Oh well, sucks to be San.
I somehow make it through the rest of the day and find myself in Glee. I sit myself up the back, next to Santana and Brittany, and hide behind a book. I'm still hiding from Rachel because I haven't finished writing my apology and, to my delight, she doesn't look my way. For some reason, no one ever does when I'm reading. I've perfected the 'I'm actually reading, not eavesdropping or spying on you' look. Well, almost perfect. Santana can see through it. She kicks me in the ankle every so often and I glare at her. Maybe she just likes to kick me…Still, I watch Rachel and her new friend from the corner of my eye – I feel a wave of relief that Rachel has a friend. I had thought for sure that my HBIC reign meant that Rachel would never have a friend – and an unfamiliar sensation floods my system. I frown and take a few moments to analyse my feelings.
There is curiosity, of course. I don't know who this new girl is but she's turned our Glee club against one another. Santana is throwing her usual (hilarious) barbed comments; Kurt is dissing Rachel (again, what is that feeling?); and Mercedes is backing up everything her number one diva says – that's Kurt, by the way. Not Rachel. No one ever backs up Rachel. Until today. Jo steps up and touches Rachel gently on the elbow and, from behind my book, my eyes zero in on the touch. It's casual and brief, but it lingers for a moment, and it seems so natural and practiced. What does it show? Friendship? Something more?
I feel uncomfortable because I'm normally so good at reading people but I can't read the new girl and I can't see why Rachel is simultaneously upset and happy…I'm so confused that I don't talk for the entirety of Glee. It's only when I'm driving home – to the Fabray house today rather than Santana's – that I realise what the feeling is. I almost crash my car (given to me by my father for 'not being pregnant any more') when the thought occurs to me. I go over it again and again and again and again but each time the answer is the same. I'm jealous. But of who? And why? I'm not certain. I mean, I know that it's not about Finn, even though she's draping herself all over him, because he, well. I honestly have no idea what I ever saw in him. So now, instead of being able to get angry at her about Finn, I don't want to be angry at her at all and now I'm furious because I'm confused and it's only the first day of school and I know this is all Rachel's fault! I just wanted to be nice and quiet and not interested in anything over than getting fantastic grades and maybe get a few other friends but now I'm just confused and jealous and angry and crappity fucking crap! I just wanted to start anew but she's so small and scared of me and argh!
I slam my palm against the steering wheel and yell a loud 'shit fucking Christ!' I ignore the horrified look I receive from my elderly neighbour when the horn blares and she hears me, perfectly content to continue my tantrum. Eventually I stomp my way inside the house and actively ignore my mother. I grab some sandwiches from the fridge and flee upstairs when I realise that my father is already home. I consider throwing some things because I'm still not calm and I keep thinking about Rachel Berry and Jo, the tutor, and the gleeful look Santana got when she saw them together and I swear again, loudly. Everything is so confusing when I'm not in control.
I sigh and rip my bag open, hunkering down to do some homework. Today sucked but I can't fall behind in my work. I don't care for my family's reputation but I do care for my own. I am the best, and I intend to stay there.
Santana calls me while I'm doing homework and she's strangely hesitant. "Q, I think I did something really stupid." I immediately close my Mac – Santana trumps homework any day of the week – and focus on her voice. Apparently my silence is enough to get her to continue because she does. "I beat up the new girl." I make a soft choking noise and she wails. "I know! I don't even know why I did it but she said shit about me and Britt and I just, fuck. I don't know. I couldn't control myself." I hum.
"How bad was it?" She sniffs.
"I don't know. She was pretty cool about it afterwards, which is totally weird now that I think about it. I was just relieved at the time so I didn't really notice…and she said to Britt that she's had worse, but my hands are pretty sore so I think it was probably pretty bad." We're silent for a little while and she sniffs again. "Oh. Britt wants to talk to you." I hear the noises of the phone being passed over and grin at Brittany's enthusiastic greeting.
"Hi Quinn!" I say 'hi' back and then I can hear her murmuring something to Santana and walking away. She turns on her serious voice. "Quinn…it was pretty bad. I could barely hold her back." I stifle a gasp because that is scary. Brittany can always calm Santana down! I wonder briefly what Jo had said that had freaked Santana out so much. And how the fuck is that girl still alive?
"And her knuckles are bruised. Jo said she had abs of steel and she probably does because they're pretty bad." I don't say what we're both thinking. Or Santana just really did a job on her.
"I'm sure she does Britt. Here's what you need to do. Right now you need to be with Santana and make sure she's okay. That includes icing her hand, okay?" Brittany gives an affirmative hum. "Then tomorrow I want you to ask Jo if she's alright because you'll be with her all day, right?" She hums again, so I assume that's a yes. "Alright then. Love you."
"Love you too Quinn." I smile and click my phone shut. I stare at it for a moment, considering this new development. The girls were perfect for each other. Santana was so protective of Brittany, everyone knew that. But only I really knew that Brittany was just as protective of Santana, just in a different way. She protected Santana's heart, and her fists. I rubbed my eyes, suddenly exhausted, and looked over at my clock. Nine-thirty. I sighed. Back to my homework. I could worry about Santana tomorrow.
It was ten-thirty when I finally went to bed and I set my alarm for five a.m. and grinned evilly. As Head Cheerio, and with Coach Sue out of state for a few months on Cheerio business, I was setting practice schedules. And, as most people knew, I was evil. I liked to wake up early and I like to go running, so I run to all of my Cheerio's homes and we go for a morning run – five-thirty to six-thirty. Every day. This was important because Sue liked to check up on us – usually she sent spies but she also liked to do internet meetings because she didn't trust others to hold us to the same level of perfection. She had bribed the tech kids to secretly record all of our trainings, and sometimes did live feed training sessions. Whatever happened this year, I was going to be prepared for it. The baby Cheerio's didn't dare mess with me (as Santana had spread the rumour that during my pregnancy I had gotten used to my weird cravings for the blood of freshmans and hadn't quite grown out of it yet).
After the morning run only Brittany, Santana and I are still standing. And I don't mean that in the figurative sense of 'we're the best', I mean that literally the girls had fallen over and couldn't stand. I roll my eyes. No surprises there – they didn't realise that they had to train over the summer as well. I counted the Cheerios and frowned. There were two missing.
"Jenkins!" The captain of the junior varsity muffled a groan and stood slowly, hobbling over to me. She plastered a smile on her face and I nodded approvingly. That was why I had picked her. She didn't like to show weakness. "There are two of your Cheerios missing. Find them, tell them that they are no longer Cheerios, and make sure that their uniforms are on Sue's desk before school starts." She nods, and started turning around, but I bark another order after her. "And you will do an extra lap of the football field this afternoon after practice. You are Captain and, as such, you are supposed to make sure that your team is the best it can be with all of it's members. Understood?" Her face falls slightly but the punishment is more than fair so she just nods. "Then go."
When we (Santana, Brittany and I) get to school, I finally realise the extent of the power I have. Yesterday was all about refocusing the school order, of schedules and books and friends, but today everything is as it always was – with me at the top. And, for the first time in years, knowing that I have this power doesn't make me feel any better. I blame the Glee Club. Maybe Sue did have it right. Maybe Glee does need to be destroyed for making me weak. But then I remember how great I feel when I'm singing and dancing and sigh. No, I love Glee.
When I'm frowning at that thought, a loser scurries out of my line of sight. I frown deeper. It seems that everyone is still scared of me even though I sent out that group text and Facebook message that this was a new year – all grudges are forgiven and I am more mellow and approachable. Perhaps they didn't get it…Still, I'm glad that I'm making the change.
And then I happen to turn to the left and see the new tutor hugging Rachel. Santana scoffs and grins at me. "We have class with Stubbles new bestie." She sneers. "Want us to inform her how uncool Manhands is?" She hooks her pinkie around Britt's but I shake my head slowly.
"No, San. I meant what I said. This year is a new me. Berry is entitled to have friends." Then Jo picks Rachel up and spins her around. Rachel laughs happily and I frown. "Go get your tutor and take her to class." San frowns as well and I raise a brow at her. "Be nice San. Britt needs her. And remember – Rachel is off limits!" San nods grudgingly and tugs Brittany over to where Rachel and Jo are chatting.
I watch as Jo lets go of Rachel and they say goodbye. Berry frowns after her friend and San and Britt. Her eyes flicker back, away from the girls, and meet mine. I don't change my expression but she blushes and immediately drops her gaze. I walk slowly over to her and let my lips curl up into a hesitant smile.
"Hey Berry." Her shoulders tense. "You look nice." In my head I'm screaming at myself because, really, how lame can I get? Still, she does look nice. Actually, she looks really good. She's wearing jeans and a shirt and there is no awful sweater in sight and she smiles up at me.
"Thank you Quinn! It's lovely to see you this morning. I am glad that I didn't injure you yesterday and that you are well." I smile. She's cute when she's nervous. "I regret to inform you that I must now depart for class as it begins in approximately three minutes and it will take me that time to make my way there. Have a pleasant day." She was moving away now and I blinked, but then laid a hand on her shoulder. She flinched and I frowned, looking away. That hurt. I know I'd been awful to her but I had never physically hurt her. She seemed to see that she'd hurt me because she was apologising. "I'm sorry Quinn. Was there something more I can help you with?"
I open my mouth to speak but I have no idea what I wanted to say. She is waiting patiently though and I say something. Her face goes completely blank and she asks me to repeat myself. So I do.
"Would you like to walk to class with me? We share the same class and if I walk with you people won't walk into you and you'll get there faster." I snap my mouth shut and breathe heavily out of my nose. Stop blathering Quinn!
"There's no need to do so Quinn, but thank you for your offer." And then she was gone and I was staring at the place where she had been. That wasn't how I had expected her to react. Actually, that was the first time I had ever really gone into a conversation without knowing exactly what I was going to say so I think it went pretty well, considering.
The now familiar combination of confusion and slight anger directed towards Rachel rose up and I pushed it back down heavily. It wasn't her fault that I wasn't used to making friends. I shook my head and tightened my ponytail as I walked down the hall to class. And Jo… I reminded myself to keep an eye on her. Everything was doubly confusing when I saw them together. My jealousy ran rampant – obviously it was because I wanted to be Rachel's friend and yet there she was with a best friend already – which I also pushed deep down out of sight. I nodded with satisfaction when I realised that, with Santana and Brittany befriending Rachel's best friend, there would be more opportunities for me to talk to Rachel and, hopefully, one of these days I will be able to apologise properly. I sucked in a deep breath and let myself smile a little – it's a new day, Lima! Prepare yourself for the new and improved Quinn Fabray. I snuck in late, giving the teacher a little smile, and sat in my usual seat up the back. I let myself zone out and spent most of the lesson scribbling bits of apologies but none of them sounded right. In the end, I gave up and frowned in Rachel's direction. I know that I want to apologise to her, and I know that if I don't become a better person I'll end up with few friends, but I'm not sure why it has to be Rachel that has to forgive me. Why can't it be someone like Mercedes, or Finn? Mercedes is cool and Finn is stupid. I ignored the little voice that told me that this was all part of becoming a better person – apologising to someone that knows they've been wronged and knows they deserve an apology – and I'm content to wallow in self pity. She's going to make me suffer, I can tell.
That was Chapter Seven. Sneak peek at Quinn's thoughts, experiences and hopes and dreams blah blah blah which shall accumulate and become overwhelming love for Rachel Berry! Kidding, Kidding. But seriously, those two are totally getting together. Anywho, as usual, please review with thoughts, comments, ideas, etc. Let me know what you thought. Have a lovely day, keep smiling, and keep reading, readers! :)
