Chapter 7

Take A Mile


When dreams were that good, it seemed like a crime to wake up. Nope. No waking up. Johanna lay still, as if willing herself to drift back off to sleep, back into the world of dreams where James had been so good to her. But no. No amount of telling herself to sleep was dulling the pounding in her skull, she could feel her amp buzzing at the base of her skull as it fought its way through the alcohol in her bloodstream. Sure, biotics recovered faster but it didn't mean they didn't have killer hangovers like everyone else until their amps caught up.

"Shit," she cursed out loud, her voice little more than a hoarse whisper, "I am never drinking again." Every time she woke with a hangover, Johanna made the same promise and every time, she found her way back to a bottle of beer. Pointless promises to herself. Glancing at the wall, she noticed the numbers blinking 0839, meaning that the Normandy's morning cycle was well underway. "EDI," she spoke louder now, willing her head to stop pounding, "Can you dim the lights in here? It's about five notches too bright." The AI didn't respond as she dimmed the lights, no doubt remotely monitoring Shepard's biometrics. Without the head-splitting light, Johanna finally opened her eyes and looked around the room. From where she lay on her side, she couldn't see very much but nothing looked to be too out of place. Except for the two pairs of boots by the sofa. And the line of clothes strewn around the foot of the bed - two shirts, two sets of dog tags, her underwear. Hang on. "Well, damn," she grinned, suddenly aware of a body behind her and the strong arm around her waist, holding her close. Those dreams hadn't been dreams after all.

"Dreams?" Came his voice, a low rumbling from behind her, "What dreams?" Vega loosened his grip on her long enough for her to turn around to face him. He didn't even look hungover. Lucky bastard, she thought, he looked as fresh as a daisy. His hand trailed down her side and over the curve of her hip, sending a shiver down her spine.

"Yeah, dreams," she traced a finger down his chest, "About you. About me. About us doing the things Joker's extranet search history is filled with. And you," she kissed him lightly, fully aware that what she was about to say would inflate his ego tenfold, "Were incredible."

"Oh," Vega grinned smugly, " I had those dreams, too. I had no idea you were so wild." He kissed her again. "Not that I'm complaining or anything," he turned his attention to her neck, peppering kisses downward, "I like my women wild but next time, maybe we can tone things down."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Johanna used the hand on his chest to push him back, "Your women?" Talk about a mood killer. Johanna belonged to nobody, she was very much her own woman, relationships just weren't her thing. She had walls that even a Hades cannon would have trouble breaking through, trust didn't come easily for her off the battlefield. "I may be wild but I'm not one of your women, Vega, and there won't be a next time." She sat up, clutching the chest to her chest. "There can't be a next time." Johanna knew if she kept him close, she'd let him in and she couldn't allow anyone past those walls again, not when every time she had, she'd ended up hurt.

"Oh, come on," James laughed, "You know that's not what I meant. I know you don't belong to me, I'm not some god-damn caveman." He sat up behind her, his arm once again finding its way around her waist for a second before she shrugged him off. "So that's it," his face hardened, the humour of before vanished, "We fuck, it's amazing, and you just, hell, you just throw me aside? Like some cheap-ass toy you don't want anymore?"

"It's not like that," Johanna jerked away from him, reached for her shirt from the floor and roughly pulled it over her head. She struggled to find the words to explain her thoughts to him. Anyone else talking to her like that would've been torn a new one by now but, surprisingly, she found she didn't have it in her. This was the man who had guarded her for six months on Earth, he'd kept her company, helped her keep her sanity when the Alliance kept visitors from her, he'd followed her to Menae and she had no doubt he'd follow her into Hell itself when it came to it - and all of that despite the fact that she had once threatened to biotically slam him through a wall. He was right. She was a wild one but she wasn't one for relationships, not now, no matter how much of a soft spot she had for the man.

"So tell me what it is, then," he moved to pull his boots on, "Or does the caveman not deserve to understand whatever the fuck just happened? You're Johanna Shepard, I know you're a ruthless bitch out there." James nodded toward the bulkhead. "And you know what? It's hot as hell watching you shred those Reaper things just with your mind. You're a force of nature. But this hot and cold thing you're doing right now is bull and you know it, Jo."

"Don't call me Jo," she shook her head as she pulled her own boots on, "Just don't." Standing, she crossed the room to where he sat on the edge of her bed. "You really wanna know?" James just looked at her and nodded. "I don't do relationships, Vega," she crossed her arms over her chest, "The last relationships I had? Kaidan? Well, everyone knows how that one turned out, don't they? He can't trust me and because of that mistrust, I sure as hell can't trust him now. Jacob? He left as soon as we turned the ship over to the Alliance. Haven't heard from him since and I'm sure Alenko'll find a way to hold him against me, too. I don't let people in now because when I do, they break me down. They tell me that I've betrayed them or they leave at the first chance. And as much as I want you, I can't do it to myself again." She turned away from him as he stood, now fully dressed just like her. "So there you have it, your heartless bitch isn't all so heartless after all, huh? Just a big damn girl," she spat the word as though it left a bad taste in her mouth, "Yeah, I'm crazy out there but with this stuff? I'm as guarded as they come. This can't happen."

James stepped toward her, his arms encircling her waist, and held her tightly as she struggled to pull away from him.

"Hey, hey," he grinned as she stopped struggling and rested her forehead against his shoulder, "I'm not Major Asshole, ok? And I'm not that Cerberus dude, either. If he left, hell, he's an asshole, too. I'm just me and sure, I can be a jerk as much as you can be a bitch. We'll fight, we'll argue, you'll probably threaten to slam me through a bulkhead a few more times but I can take it and I won't run, I won't walk away just because you can't always keep yourself in check."

"You mean you're not a pussy," Johanna laughed against his shoulder. "You think you can melt an ice queen." She didn't attempt to move from her place in his arms, finding his embrace comforting. So comforting, in fact, that she momentarily forgot about her hangover.

"Well I did have that ice queen in bed last night," James kissed the top of her head, "Didn't seem so icy then. And you don't seem so icy now. If you want me, I'm yours, just give it a chance."

"Fine." She sighed. "Fine. You win. We'll give this, us, a shot and I won't tell anyone about your little speech right there if you don't tell anyone that their commander doesn't actually have a heart of stone, deal? Just don't rush me, ok? I believe you but just, don't push me."

"Deal," James dipped his head to gently press his lips to hers, glad that she didn't immediately tense. "For the record, I kinda like this side of you. You don't shimmer as much, the biotics, I mean. You seem relaxed."

"Don't get used to it," Shepard laughed, "I am who I am, no apologies. An ice queen, ruthless, a bitch, whatever, that won't change just because I'm with you." She winked up at him. "The biotics flare whenever I feel my temper fraying, you should know that. It takes a lot of self-control to keep them down, can't always do it so I'd get used to them, too, if I were you."

"You got it, Lola, you got it."


A/N :: So there you have it, a look at Johanna's rarely seen sensitive side. As she said, don't get used to it, it doesn't show itself very often. I know this is a quick update, only posted the last one yesterday, but I think I really know where I want to go with this story now so hopefully the updates will be more frequent - just don't bet on daily updates!

As always, thank you to "Katschaba," "Zee," and "Aubrey1207" for the reviews on the last chapter - I hope this one is a contrast to the last!