She doesn't get a chance to respond to this, because we levitate to the surface, and I settle her down on her rump on a patch of ground I know to be solid before checking the area around me. In retrospect, maybe it would have been a good idea to check first, because when I turn around, I see that Northwest, Dagwood and Mabel are on the other side of the chasm, staring at the guy flying around like Peter Pan.
I abruptly settle myself onto the ground next to Ricky, but the damage has been done, and the three of them look at me like I have several heads. "Eh, that was a stage trick," I say. "Illusionist Extraordinaire, remember?" Northwest, Dagwood and Mabel blink dumbly. "We were never falling in the first place, savvy?" If my tone is a little threatening, it's only because I'm worried.
Northwest and Dagwood exchange glances "We saw a giant flash of light!" Dagwood exclaims.
Flash of light? Oh. My fire flash. I should have known it would draw attention. I need to think fast. "Ah, yes!" I hold up a finger "Lightning! It happens…sometimes, in the winter, sometimes."
Northwest and Dagwood are still unsure, so it's up to Mabel to get us back on track "How did you get across, Mr. Mischief?"
"Great question! Ya see, Ricky and I found this land bridge that-"
"Oh for God's sake, Billy!" Ricky exclaims, climbing to her feet. She has been watching me, simmering this whole time, and she has finally snapped "Just levitate them over! We don't have time for your games!"
I startle at her sudden rage. "I don't know what you're-"
"I know you can do it. Don't lie to me, Billy! Don't fucking lie to me!" Not people use that word- not in 1929. "You've been lying to me since you came here. Don't you dare lie again when you know what's at stake!"
My mouth is dry. Kind of sheepishly, I carefully pick the three humans up with my magic. They gasp with surprise when they leave the earth's surface, and are relieved to touch ground again. They brush themselves off. Dagwood, Northwest and Mabel are looking at me, stunned, and it kind of makes me mad. "We don't have much time yanno!" I snap at them, and walk to catch up with Ricky.
Where does the girl find all this energy? I'm already tired and we're not even there yet. I open my mouth but she's already shutting me down "I just don't want to talk to you right now." I clench my fists. Today seems to be a parade; one screw-up after another.
So we walk some more. We are very close to where the gnome said the Man Cave was now. There is a wall of iced over stone to our left. To the right there is, of course, the chasm Ricky and I just fell into. None of us are eager to get close to it, not even me. Northwest and Dagwood are whispering to one another. I realize that, as far as safety is concerned, I should be talking to these guys. I let myself slow until they catch up. They look at me wearily, but I put my gangly arms on their shoulders.
"Sooooo, guys," I grin "good thing we made it over that little gap. And it really was a little gap. Nothing to speak of- that's for sure!"
Dagwood is the type who's used to bargaining, and he says "Oh, I'm not so sure, Mischief. It seemed kind of large to me."
"I'm sure I can change your perspective on that," I say, patting his chest.
Northwest speaks up "My daughter speaks about you. You work with Clubb, correct, at The Club? And Mischief is your name?"
"That's Billy Mischief, Illusionist Extraordinaire! I'm sure you've heard of me." Changing my tactic a little, I get in front of him, walking backwards. Puffs of visible steam come out of my mouth as I speak excitedly. "Hey, Mr. Northwest, if you ever need anything then I'm your guy. Really- just drop a dime and I'm sure we can make a deal."
He smiles a big, fake smile. It's unpleasant. "Right now, I only want to know your name, Billy."
He's working some kind of angle, I can tell. I don't know what it is, though. Anyway, there's no harm in a name. "William M. Cipher- I bet ya can figure out what the M stands for!" Northwest and Dagwood both come to a sudden halt, which kind of disturbs my flow. "Eh, ya guys alright?" I question.
"B-bears?" Someone mumbles, then "Oh my god! BEARS!" Mabel yells, her voice louder than I've ever heard it.
It takes me a second to see them, but when I do, they are stark in the uniform white landscape. They are shambling toward us, all as tall as Labradors, but wider and made of pure muscle. Their jaws are open wide and their teeth long and sharp and saliva hangs down from them in sticky strings for good effect. They have short thick dark brown, almost black fur. They make angry groaning sounds as they come near. They form a ring around one side of the group. On the other side of us, the gaping mouth of the chasms is wide open. There are eight bears.
They round in on us, pushing us against the cliff. "I hope someone brought a gun." I state.
"Why don't you do something, triangle kid?" Dagwood says to me with what I think might be hostility. What is he so mad about, all of a sudden? He's also apparently seen my costume. I clear my throat and take a step forward, preparing to do something.
"Very well, ladies and gentlemen. I usually charge admission for this, yanno, but I figure that since it's our lives at stake I might-"
"Get on with it, Billy!" Ricky hisses through her teeth.
I nod "Prepare to be amazed!" I can probably scare them off with a bit of fire. Animals don't like that stuff, to my recollection.
"Boys, boys, what are you doing over there?" A lusty voice calls into the wind. Wearily, I put my arms down. Who's coming? Who would be way out here, at this time of the night?
"Alright! You found visitors! Nice job, boys!" The speaker walks toward the cliff and, thus, our group. My jaw kind of drops when I see the man…person…creature…he's half cow, ok?! Well, technically he's a bull, isn't he? From the waist down, some hoofed thing. From the waist to the neck, pure muscle. I have never in my life felt like more of a wimp. I see why they call them MANotaurs. The face is a mix of the two- flat, and with large, expressive human eyes, but covered in fur tapering into a beard, with a large, flat, bovine nose, and long, leaf shaped animal ears.
"Come boys, come!" The manotaur claps his hands, each about the size of a large steak. "Don't forget our guests!"
Seven bears turn to their hunky master, but one lingers. It gets close enough to breath growl at my chest and I get the feeling I know this bear in particular.
"Why hello again," I greet "glad to be on solid ground, or ya wanna give it another go?" He's the bear from that fateful night with Smokinmirs. Went back to the wild, didn't he?
The bear is not amused by my jest and lets out a big roar, making my face hot and his breath. I get ready to unsheathe some protective flames when there is a loud trill. The manotaur is blowing a whistle. The bear winces in pain and falls back. It weakly swipes with a claw, but the sound of the whistle goes off again, and it cowers. Walking small, it makes it way back to the manotaur's side "Bad! Bad Rageclaw!" The manotaur smacks the bear between the eyes. "Save the fighting for inside!"
He now approaches the humans on the cliff "Come join us!" The smell of Canadian whiskey is heavy on his breath. "The party has just begun, and our tiny friend has just opened up a new cask!"
"Cask?" Dagwood repeats with a groan and rolls his eyes "Please don't let the 'tiny friend' be who I think it is!"
The manotaur seems to recognize Pines "Dagwood the Destructor! Come, come! Any friend of the magic-water-humans is a friend of mine!" When there is some hesitation, he says "I insist!" And the eight bears form a ring around us.
Rageclaw gets especially close to me. "Don't get too excited." I grumble. Some more blunt minded of you are probably thinking Ohhh, Billy, blow them all away with your fire! And I tell you, I'm gauging the situation first! Too our best information, Colin the Gnome has the nectar. This guy has been taken prisoner by these manotaurs, just like we are. If I start burning manotaur fur now, I might never find out where the gnome leader is being kept.
The bears escort us into the mouth of a natural cave. We can see in said cave, because of burning torches attached to the walls on all sides, casting everything in this kind of yellow glow. There are more of the hairy man-beasts within, a lot of them wrestling with one another, one of them on top of a stone singing drunkenly, and two of them hugging and crying into one anothers' shoulders. They are clearly very drunk.
"Welcome to the Man Cave!" Says the first manotaur, who has a chipped horn and a long black beard. "And welcome to the party of the year! We call it the CeleBROtion!" He says, yelling the syllable bro. "Hey, Pectorin, look what I found wandering outside!" He leaves us to go talk to one of his brethren.
"They're drunk," Dagwood declares.
"Nice job, Sherlock, how'd ya come to that deduction?" I snark.
Dagwood glares at me "Most of the time, manotaurs are just big pushovers. They'll fight each other, but when it comes to conflicts with other races, they'll avoid them. Get them enough liquid courage, though, and that changes." His eyes are searching the cavern, and when he finds something that interests him, and says "And I know how they got that way, too." He says, taking off for a part of the cave.
Ricky also sees something of interest "Those must be the gnomes." In the direction she's looking, a number of bearded giants(well, it doesn't feel right calling them giants when I've seen the manotaurs. I mean the gnomes are big, but manotaurs are huge. The gnomes still have more impressive beards than the manotaurs, though.) who are reclined against a wall. As we watch, a manotaur looks over to the gnomes and blows a whistle. Said gnomes jump up as if whipped and start to dance, much to the manotaurs' amusement.
Ricky goes to talk to them. Northwest follows, and Mabel after. I'm about to go with them when something heavy and furry knocks me down from behind. I fall onto my face, and then I'm dragged back. Shocked, I don't at first fight. I'm rolled over onto my back brutally, by a large claw. I blink up into eight ursine faces looking down at me.
Scowling, levitate. This takes them by surprise, however I don't get far before I run into the low, cave wall. I press myself against the wall as the bears come close. One takes my leg and throws me across the floor. When I rub the concussion out of my eyes, I find that I'm in kind of a nook of the cave- and the bears are closing in. I stand up, but I'm not able to stand up straight, trapped, as I am, against the curving stone. My hands catch fire.
"I hate bears." I tell them "Actually, I hate a lot of things, but today I really hate bears. The more there are, the worse for me." My turquoise stone glows under my shirt. My pulse is fast, sweat drenches me under my winter clothes, and my breathing and mind are clear. I can feel it. These bears don't deserve to die like normal bears. It's time for some big magic.
Even though she only wanted to speak to the gnome leader and finish this business as quickly as possible, she could not bring herself to do so while the poor creatures were humiliating themselves for the manotaurs. Ricky's feelings about the gnomes were mixed. Naturally, they kept themselves away from humans, for the most part. But it was telling that the only interaction most Fallers had with the warriors of the forest happened when something was going wrong.
The manotaurs threw their heads back and laughed at the terrified gnomes, but they were getting bored of this amusement. One of them spotted the humans come near. "What is that?" He asked his brother "It doesn't look like regular humans."
The other had his attention "That one does," he pointed to Ricky's father "the other two, though..."
The first one's nostrils began to twitch. He walked over to Ricky and smelled her before she could raise a protest. Unsure to where this was going, she stood tall, but her father exclaimed "I say! What is the meaning of that?"
"That's it, Adam!" The manotaur exclaimed, ignoring Ricky's father "They're fee-males!"
"Gross!" The one identified as Adam shuddered "Fee-males are unnatural!"
They then gave Ricky and Mabel and, by association, Ricky's father, a wide berth and retreated into the center of the cave, casting dirty bovine looks other their shoulders every once in a while. "I say," he father stated "they seemed to be terrified of that X chromosome of yours. Perhaps we can use this to our advantage."
"Lord, I hope so." Ricky growled "I am so fed up with surprises today, and if something can go my way just because of my sex, I'll take that win."
In any case, now that the two manotaurs were gone, Ricky would have a chance to talk to the gnomes. Said gnomes had collapsed on the stone floor into ragged sitting positions, panting. They looked tired, even kind of pale. Approaching, she cleared her throat "Hello."
Her father bullied his way in front of her, which was funny when you knew Ricky's Dad. Parsifal Northwest never bullied, not in a physical way. He was a gentleman, white gloves and all. Even when he pushed Ricky to the side at this moment, he whispered a quiet apology.
"Gnomes, we have come far to speak to you. Farther than we should have."
One in the back, with a flowing, white beard, straightened to a sit. The other gnomes perked up when he sat. This must have Colin, the leader. "Then talk, Kin of the Pantsless One." He said to Ricky's father.
Ricky looked to Mabel, not understanding the reference. "I don't get it either," she whispered.
"Gnomes," Ricky's father spoke "a dark time has once again come over the humans of our settlement, and like others before me, I come to try to trade with your people."
"Kind of difficult, now that we're all the manotaurs guests," Colin pointed out.
Ricky walked around the circle of gnomes, observing them. She found that Mabel was walking close to her. The poor girl was probably terrified. Why had she volunteered, anyway? Ricky wrapped her arm around the other girl's and gave Mabel's hand a discrete squeeze "It's not too late to change your mind, you know."
"My mind is already made up." She smiled sweetly at Ricky "Thank you, though."
Apart from the group, gnomes were in a small circle, hands joined. Between in the circle, drawn on the dark floor white some kind of chalky white stone was a curious device- a triangle split with a line, with an oval near the top touching two sides. The gnomes were chanting something. They were praying, Ricky realized. She wasn't sure why, but it surprised her to see that these inhuman creatures had religion and a culture all their own. Up to this point, she had kind of been thinking of them as sort of human facsimiles that hadn't come out right.
"I wonder what it represents," Ricky whispered to Mabel.
"If we humans were to get you gnomes out of this place," Ricky's father was saying, back over where Colin was "then I propose that that you would grateful enough to hand over some nectar just for that."
The gnome reclined in the stone he had been leaning against "Grateful we would be if we got our freedom. The thought is worth considering." Ricky caught Mabel's eye.
"There they are- I told you I wasn't imagining things!" The two manotaurs from before had returned, and they had a larger manotaur with them. They were pointing at Ricky and Mabel. Now what. Ricky thought with a groan.
"Smell them! They reek of hormones!" Adam said, scandalized. The big manotaur smelled Ricky. It was not any more pleasant the second time, and Ricky felt her hair ruffled by the power of his lungs.
"You're right! It is a fee-male! And the other is one, too!"
This was where Ricky's father attempted to make best of the situation "Perhaps you should let us go? Females are dangerous creatures, you know."
"No," the large manotaur said "there is only one way to dispose of a fee-male." He went to a wall and picked up a torch "Burn them so that their disease does not spread!"
"What?" Ricky, her father and Mabel all said in unison. It would have been comical under other circumstances.
A meaty hand took hold of Ricky's arm, and another meaty hand took hold of Mabel. "I say!" Ricky's father exclaimed "Unhand those girls, you ruffians! There are more civil ways of dealing with situations like this!"
"The tall humans speaks of civility," Adam observed.
"The infection of feminism must be spreading to him! Burn the male human as well!"
Ricky's father was shocked when another arm grabbed him around the middle. The manotaurs did not have to exert a lot of effort to restrain the humans. Ricky fought- punched and kicked, but uselessly. Ricky, her father and Mabel were taken to another room, with a platform made of stone in the middle. The three humans were thrown roughly onto the platform. At one side of the room, on another large platform were some rough hewn rocks thrown together to form a kind of chair. In this chair the largest, most animal-like manotaur the humans had yet seen. He towered at the height of a two story house, and was almost as wide along the shoulders.
"Leaderaur!" The manotaurs bowed subserviently "We have found these tainted humans in our cave!"
The black giant manotaur- more animal than man- roared loudly "Build the ceremonial pyre!"
The manotaurs hooted and roared in delight. Some of them began running out and coming back with whole uprooted trees. When Ricky realized they were going to drop said trees on the humans, she got to her knees and raised her hands. This was going to hurt and then it would hurt more when the manotaurs set them on fire later.
"Onwards, Multi-Bear! To honor and glory!"
Despite herself, Ricky was able to think Billy, what are you doing now?
The manotaurs were able to see it, and their eyes widened. Their bovine jaws dropped and they forgot about the uprooted trees they were holding. Only by peaking out between two of the manotaurs was Ricky able to see what was coming. She saw Billy clearly enough in his thick wool trousers and dark blue coat. He was standing on top of something that was running very fast. What the heck was it?
The drunken manotaurs were very excited, and moved away from the platform in a crowd. Like a bunch of kids who see St. Nicolas, they wanted to scrambled to get a closer look of this thing. Now that they had moved their hulking, stinking bodies away, Ricky finally saw what it was. It was a monster.
Billy was leaping off his steed. The boy rolled and righted himself right next to the platform Ricky, her father and Mabel were on. He magicked himself to the top of this and flashed her that annoying, shit eating grin. "I leave ya for one minute, and you start partying without me? I'm hurt, Ricky!"
He said before passing out.
"Billy?!" She got to her knees and shook him "Hey, wake up you sap!"
Something crashed into the platform. Most specifically, it was a manotaur being tossed into the thing by the monster- the thing Billy had called "Multi-Bear". It was some kind of sick amalgamation of bear heads, bear legs and bear muscle. Standing taller than any bear, it would furiously whack at the manotaurs, but even with eight heads, it could not parry all their attacks.
"This is our chance." Her father pointed out "Let's get the gnomes and get out of here!"
"I can't just leave Billy, though!" Ricky reminded her father.
"Believe me, America, considering what he is, it's best to leave him here." Her father said darkly.
Ricky narrowed her eyes "What do you mean, 'what he is'?"
He didn't get to answer her question, because something large and hairy had just been thrown over the platform and flew between them. Both Northwests saw it coming, and they have both dived in opposite directions. The manotaur landed harmlessly on the stone floor beyond the platform. Ricky tried to put her narrow body over Billy's prone one. She took his narrow face in her hands and slapped it back and forth. "Please wake up! You have no idea how important it is for you to wake up!"
Mabel was crouching on the other side of Billy's body, watching the fray. "That poor creature."
"Poor us, more like! We can't stay here, but I can't leave my boyfriend!"
"Maybe if we help the multi-bear, he'll be grateful." Mabel suggested. "Look at him- he's being destroyed." Mabel was right. The multi-bear was putting up a valiant fight, but the violent manotaurs were coming from every direction. He was loosing steam, and panting. At least one of his sixteen eyes were swollen.
"Either him or us." Ricky said, shaking Billy.
"Or both if the manotaurs come to finish the job!" Mabel had a good point. She went on "Look- they really hate girly things. They're even afraid of them!"
"So, what do you suggest, then? Should be throw our brassieres at the manotaurs?"
Mabel seemed to consider this for a second, then said "Sing with me, Ricky."
"Huh?"
"There's a saying old says that love is blind
Still we're often told "seek and ye shall find"
So I'm going to seek a certain lad I've had in mind"
I wake up and rub my eyes. I must have fell asleep at some point. There's singing near me. At first I don't understand why I'm on the stone cave floor. It takes a few seconds for the details to come back. The trek into the wilderness which should have been unremarkable. And unexpected detour into the heart of monsters' domain. A sickness. A bear. No- not just any bear.
Not even a bear. Multi-Bear. A creature I created, with my own power. Eight bears fused into one. Eight heads, eight legs and all ferocity. My hand goes to my heart. It still aches a little. The magic leaving my body had been like a waterfall being pushed out of my non-existent chest cavity. Adrenaline had kept me going for a while, but I must have passed out!
I'm in the manotaurs' cave- the other part, where Ricky, her dad and the other girl had been taken after the manotaurs lost it. I'm now on top of that platform where I saw them. The sound of the two voices are trilling nearby. Across from me, Mr. Northwest is on his side, looking at the front of platform. And here are Ricky and Mabel are singing like a couple of carolers.
"Looking everywhere, haven't found him yet
He's the big affair I cannot forget
Only man I ever think of will regret"
Their singing has been noticed, and not just by Northwest and me. The manotaurs are distracted, looking their way. This gives my Multi-Bear an upper claw, and he turns three manotaurs onto their backs and swipes at them. Some of the manotaurs who are not immediately engaged with Multi-Bear are holding their meaty hands to their ears. A large one starts to approach the girls on the stone platform.
"Stop that girlish singing right now!" He threatens, pounding on fist into the other palm.
Mr. Northest jumps up and steps in the space of the platform between the edge and the girls. "They're doing nothing wrong!" Northwest shouts. He's nervous, but he won't back off. "You stay back, ruffian! You will not come near them!"
The manotaur smirks "Or you'll do what?"
Ricky and Mabel continue to sing, undaunted.
"I'd like to add his initials to my monogram
Tell me where's the shepherd for this lost lamb"
Northwest proclaims "I'll-"
"There's a somebody I'm longing to see
I hope that he
turns out to be
Someone to watch over me"
Northwest has joined in on the chorus. My jaw drops. Thats insane! But even more insane- the manotaur reacts! He acts act like Northwest, Ricky and Mabel have the plague. He cowers away in fear. Oooooh,I get now! The music is hurting them- or at least they think it is!
A wild grin climbs up onto my face. Musical warfare! I love it!
And I add my voice to the barrage.
"I'm a little lamb who's lost in a wood
I know I could
always be good
To one who'll watch over me"
Yeah I know the words. It's a pretty popular song. Ira Gershwin- Someone to Watch Over Me. Not my favorite- I'm really a jazz guy, but it's catchy, I guess. The manotaurs back up even more. At this point, all of the manotaurs are staring at our little quartet, mouths agape in horror. Multi-Bear uses this distraction to take advantage of them, knocking them out and throwing them out of the ring.
My monster seems to have this all wrapped up, but there is one person who is not jarred by the four singing humans. The giant manotaur in the chair pushes himself out with a vicious growl. He tilts back his head and snorts a blast of yellow flame out of his nostrils, which annoys me because he totally stole that move! Anyway, we continue to sing.
"Although he may not be the man some girls think of
As handsome
to my heart
He carries the key"
The Alpha-Manotaur stamps toward Multi-Bear. The ground shakes, and pebbles are dislodged from the ceiling and dropped. Some of Multi-Bear's heads try to retreat into his ugly, twisted body, but of course physics won't allow for that. For the first time, Multi-Bear is afraid.
I won't allow for that!
"Kill him! It's what I created you for!" I shout, disturbing the flow of the song. Mabel and Mr. Northwest stop singing. Ricky looks at me with surprise.
"But Leaderaur took us in!" Multi-Bear argues back "He gave us food scraps, and made us strong!" Ricky gasps.
"That bear can talk?!" She exclaims.
"Of course Multi-Bear can talk." Why is she asking when that's obvious?
The one called Leaderaur charges Multi-Bear. Still in a kind of emotional crisis, the bear does not dodge until the worst second. He's caught on the bull-man's horns and carried along. Leaderaur slams Multi-Bear against the wall and holds him there with his car sized hands- each one over one bear head. Multi-Bear struggles, but cannot find a way out. Leaderaur pulls back his head and is ready to gore the trapped monster.
My creation is about to fail. I had wanted so badly for him to be able to do this himself, but I can see the writing on the wall. I'll have to step in. But can I? Just creating Multi-Bear left me bushed. Suddenly-
"Won't you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh how I need-"
The voice singing is strong and strangely pleasant despite it's growliness. It's- it is! Multi-Bear is singing! I'm so proud of him! A giant grin spreads over my face. Can this get any better?
I catch the others' eyes, and we chime in-
"Someone to watch over me
Someone to watch over me!"
This is kind of the last straw for Leaderaur, who backs up as if he's been stunned. I swear he looks a few shades paler under his black face fur. His bovine mouth opens and closes uselessly a few times. Then he raises an arm and, in a voice that sounds like rocks scraping against each other, shouts "Manotaurs! Retreat!"
The manotaurs do not hesitate- having seen their leader defeated so soundly scares them more than any amount of singing. There is something of a stampede, which shakes the earth and threatens to dislodge parts of the ceiling, but after seconds, the manotaurs are gone.
