I really wasn't happy with this chapter the first time around, but after taking a little break I was able to come up with something else that should propel the story's action forward better. Hope you enjoy!
"In a far off land only a year or two ago, or a couple of decades ahead if you want to look at it that way, good sir Spock was on his way to ignite red matter into a supernoving star. You know the rest—Romulus, the U.S.S. Kelvin, the separate time line. What you don't know is that this is not the first alternate reality.
"An expanse of entwining black and mass, the fabric of the universe, is known as Shit World to the locals. The locals consist of a Shit Lord, a chicken that can cut the fabric of the universe, a small army of speaking hotdogs, and a bunch of scientists that sorely miss their loved ones. The Shit Lord has taken it upon himself to ensure that only the original reality exists and that all others are squashed.
"Of course, he is not always successful. This world is one such example. He seeks to destroy it in order to keep the universe clean and tidy, but there's the problem of an older Spock stuck in here. If he kills him then he has ultimately made another universe- I don't know how. Don't look at me like that. You two were supposed to be hostages to get Spock Prime into Shit World.
"Now that you've so artfully escaped we can pool our knowledge together to destroy the Shit Lord. No more people should die."
The blue man finished his dialogue and sat back sprawling into his chair, eyes taking in Sam and Leonard's reactions. They sat close together on a couch, fully fed and finally dressed in clean clothes.
"What about my daughter?" Bones gruffly asked.
His eyebrow raised. "Daughter?" Of all the reactions, he had not expected this. They should have been freaking out and denying his claims.
"Someone threatened to kill my daughter!"
"Oh. That was me. Sorry. Had to get you out of Ryan Cooper's house." Bones glared at the man.
"Speaking of my brother, can I call him? You made quite a scene and I'm sure he thinks I'm dead. Again. And what about that zombie me?" Sam crossed her arms, eyes hard. Needless to say, this man amused neither of them.
"No. Then he'll try to do things. Just like why you can't contact StarFleet and they can't contact you. And as for the zombie that was for the Shit Lord's entertainment; I believe the pirate was from the early 2000's and just had a bit of an obsession with zombie movies and comics."
"Frodo Baggins?" They asked in unison.
"I think he just sells illegal substances. You don't need to worry about him. But enough about all this mess; how are you two?"
Leonard crossed his arms, too, scowling at the blue man. "I think you know the answer."
The blue man grinned, teeth sharp, and stood to tower above them. "At any rate, go get some sleep. We'll start brainstorming in nine hours after you've gotten decent, normal sleep. The bedrooms are upstairs."
"Because time isn't important at all."
"I do not think one night will impair our efforts, Dr. McCoy. The pirate can't do anything without you; he needs you to return to Shit World." Then he stepped out of the room and vanished in a puff of smoke.
"Wonderful," McCoy sighed, sinking into the cushions, closing his eyes. "This is… I think we're dead and this is some twisted sort of hell."
"Your ex-wife would be here if it were hell."
A rare, small smile broke across face. "I suppose, Sam." The air pressed in on them, silence pounding into their ears in a strange sense of calm they had not felt since joining StarFleet. He sighed and leaned against her, head resting on her shoulder.
Sam was startled by his moves but didn't protest. She rested her head on his, finding his hand with hers and lightly squeezing it. "What do you think would happen if we dumped a bucket of yellow dye on him?" she whispered, reluctant to break the silence too loudly.
"He'd get a sex-change and call himself Mother Nature."
Sam smiled in amusement briefly before sobering up. "So we're just going to follow his words?"
Bones lifted himself away from her and shrugged, passive. "I don't think we have other choices. I have no idea what the hell's going on, and he does. Unless you have some brilliant plan?"
"Just the dye."
"Which is why we don't follow your plans anymore." He heaved himself off the couch to stand, extending a hand towards her. "Let's get some sleep," he offered. Sam took his hand and stood beside him, looking around for the stairs; the evasive oak things slid into existence out of a wall, spiraling upwards into the ceiling. A trap door greeted the very top.
"Huh."
They climbed the creaky stairs until they came to the door hinged in the ceiling. A gold knob glistened in the center, much like a square hobbit-hole. When Sam mentioned this similarity out loud Leonard rolled his eyes. "Just open the damn door."
"Just open the damn door," she mimicked under her breath. She turned the knob, pushed up and the door swung open with a crash, the sound nearly startling them into a tumble back down the stairs. Leonard tugged her out of the way.
"You're gonna hurt yourself." Sam crossed her arms and let him enter the room first. Pitch black greeted them, and the smell of a fresh fall breeze played on the air. His eyes strain to peer through the dark; a light flicked on and scared the crap out of him.
"Sorry," Sam apologized, biting back a laugh. She drew her hand from the light switch and ducked away from his glare.
Bones grumbled something unintelligible and pulled himself into the room, Sam following. Upon entering they found a very clean, very tidy room with two beds, two windows, one bathroom, and the ugliest yellow wallpaper ever to haunt mankind. "Gross."
"I think he heard your plan," Leonard remarked. He kicked off his shoes and started towards one of the beds before coming up short. Sam raised an eyebrow at him. She stood nearby her bed, looking ready flop down and curl up in the blankets like an eggroll.
"What is it?"
McCoy stepped back. "Someone's in my bed."
"Bullshit." But she crossed the room and stood by his shoulder, eyes narrowed at the lump. Slowly, she took off her shoe. Bones watched her with curiosity; he should have known better. She threw the shoe.
The lump in the bed grunted and threw the blankets off. "Hey!" he snapped. Both McCoy and Sam took a step back. Khan. His face remained hostile, but even though recognition was clear on his face he didn't move forward or away. "What are you doing here?"
"What are you doing here?" Sam growled.
After a brief silence he stood, towering over the two of them with a cool air. "I asked first."
"Don't be such a baby." Lenoard elbowed her. Maybe he was being paranoid, but he didn't find that antagonizing a mass murder was the smartest way to go about this. Sam glared pointedly at Bones before returning her gaze to Khan. "Well?"
Khan folded his arms. They stared each other down, tiny little Sam against enormous superhuman Khan. His mouth twitched. "The Blue Man promised me… information."
"Information?"
"You answer me before asking another question."
She glanced at McCoy. "You didn't listen to my advice before," he grumbled.
Sam shrugged and told Khan, "We were kidnapped by a pirate after drinking some drugged beverage from Frodo Baggins. Then I killed myself, the Blue Man caught us, and now we're helping him stop the Shit Lord."
A genuine smile, albeit a small smile, cracked its way across Khan's face. Leonard thought he might fall to the ceiling. How could she-how? What? "It would seem you've been caught up in Spock Prime's mess?"
Sam returned the smile. "I suppose. So what information did he promise?"
Khan's smile disappeared. In that half second McCoy thought he was going to have to push Sam out of the way of a crushing punch. But no such thing was attempted. "My family. The seventy-two cryo tubes. I want the information on how to form a reality of my own, so I can attain it and create a place for us to live in peace, away from anyone that would try to suppress us."
"Oh. Sounds honorable. And legit."
"You doubted me."
"Of course we doubted you. You killed half the Enterprise and took out nearly a fourth of London." Sam went to the other bed and sat. "Unless you're planning to kill us in our sleep as revenge, I'm going to bed. Dunno 'bout you guys. But revenge would be stupid at this point."
Khan raised his hands in a gesture of peace. "I need rest as well. And revenge would have little point, yes. After all, your success directly influences mine. Good night, Miss." McCoy smarted at the gentlemanly air the murderer assumed. Like hell he'd let him flatter Sam to kill her later. And he would. Leonard had no doubt the man would try.
"S'pose that leaves me," he gruffly stated. "I'll stand watch."
Sam fixed Leonard with an incredulous stare. "You serious? Go to bed. If you stay up any longer you'll be dead on your feet and then get us all killed."
Khan looked between the two. "Interesting. Miss, were you one of my guards on the Enterprise? And I know who you are, Doctor McCoy."
From her position Sam nodded tentatively. "Sam Cooper. I'm head of security."
"Fascinating that you two are here, of all people. The tension between you two seems non-existent, as compared to onboard. I remember you lounging against the wall, in the presence of a mass murderer, completely at ease." He scratched his chin.
"You were behind a forcefield," Sam tried to defend herself.
"Weak argument. But as soon as our good Doctor walked in your arms were folded much like they are now; you do that when you're on guard."
"Don't call me your good Doctor," McCoy snapped.
"Calm yourself." He focused all his attention on the woman sitting across from him. His face opened up. He looked, vulnerable. "You were suddenly closed and I could read nothing on your face. Your beautiful face... You remind me of my first love, except you exceed even her intelligence."
"Flattery might get you somewhere when I'm not running on minimal sleep and in the house of a blue man spewing the very essence of shit," she flatly said.
The vulnerability vanished. "It was certainly worth a try. Still, I am surprised at the lack of tension. That was only three months ago? A short span for a cranky old man and a cold, shut young woman to become such apparent good friends."
"Tension? I don't know what tension you're talking about."
Leonard rubbed his eyes, wishing he could shrink away. He knew what was going to come spewing out of Khan's mouth next.
"Sexual tension, of course."
For a good five seconds no one said anything. And then, "Yep. We've had all the sex so we're good. Now it's bedtime. C'mon, Leo." Sam burrowed under the yellow covers and glanced up at him expectantly.
"One wrong move and you're dead," he growled at Khan before stepping over to the bed with Sam.
"Oh yes, Doctor. I am trembling with fear."
Sam stifled a laugh. McCoy hit her shoulder and scowled before crawling under the blankets beside her. "Shittiest adventure ever. Not even Jim could live up to this."
The weight on the bed shifted and an arm snaked around his waist. "Jim ever do this?" Something pleasantly soft pressed against his neck.
"Get off of me, you sick freak!"
Khan let out a chuckle, chilling Leonard to the core. Sam let go of Leonard and sat up to throw a sock at him with vicious momentum. It bounced off the side of his head uselessly. "Shut it, eugenics-boy." When she laid back down Bones turned and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Oh, so it's okay for you?"
He pressed his lips to her cheek. "Yes, darlin'."
"Sickeningly sweet," she muttered, settling down and closing her eyes. Sleep took them with cushiony paws, rocking them over a sea of blankets and holding them close to warmth.
After what felt like a blink a loud bang shook them awake. The blue man stood in the doorway; to their sleepy eyes he looked dark and gangly. He removed his night cap in an apology. "Sorry to interrupt, but do any of you know a James T. Kirk?" Both of them shot up, eyes wide and alert, hearts pounding. "That's a yes. Well, it turns out the Shit Lord has kidnapped him."
