7.

"Dani, is that you?"

Dani placed her hand in her pocket before turning. "Ma," she said, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"I volunteer for the shelter," her mother answered, expression odd. "I told you this before."

"Did you?" She let out a little laugh. "Must've forgot."

"What are you doing here?" Leyla asked then looked around nervously, "Are you…" she lowered her voice, "are you on duty?"

"No." Dani said, ran her fingers through her hair then massaged her neck, "No, I was. I was walking."

"Dani, where were you last Saturday?"

"Saturday?" She looked at Leyla blankly. Her mother was dressed in a simple dress and coat but still managed to look pressed, professional, not a hair out of place. Dani wondered if she knew how much worse she made places like this look by simply dressing the way she did. Taylor would have a thing to say to her mother, Dani suspected.

"You said you were going to visit us." Leyla said, "Your father and I waited."

"You mean you waited." Dani said, feeling the lining of her coat then looked at her watch, missing the hurt expression on her mother's face. "Something came up. Work."

"I thought you said that your sergeant was going to try to pull you out?"

Dani rubbed her left arm, restless. "Yeah, I think I said that but you know how it is."

"No," her mother said, anger edging in, "I don't. You hardly talk to me anymore."

Dani looked around, eyes darting every corner. She didn't like talking in the open it wrangled at her nerves. "Ma, maybe you should leave."

"I haven't seen you in months can we have a cup of coffee?"

Dani cricked her neck to the right and rubbed the side of her face. "I can't, I have to be somewhere."

"I haven't seen you in months," Leyla repeated in a quiet voice, "I think you can spare a few minutes for coffee."

She wanted to run her fingers through her hair again. She can't do this now. "Not now, I gotta… Ma, I really have to go."

Leyla looked at her and the look in her eyes felt like ants running up and down her skin. "You don't look well, Dani."

"I'm fine." Dani said. She felt like she wanted to jump out of her skin. She didn't have time for this. She had to move, be somewhere else. "I really gotta go."

She stilled when Leyla placed a hand on her arm. "Please, visit us sometime. I really want to see you."

"I will," she promised, looking past her to one of the kids standing around a shop. "I have to go. I'll call you."

Dani didn't wait for her mother to respond, patted her mother on the arm and crossed the street. She didn't look back.

-/-

The lights reflected against her car, red, blue, white and yellow changing color as she passed by each building. She'd been driving around for hours and there was that itch at the base of her skull, the restless buzz just at the edge. Reese wasn't aware she was doing what she was doing until the third time she circled a corner.

No. That was a lie. She knew what she was up to but it wasn't until the third time she admitted to herself. Hard not to, not with the way she watched a car pull up next to the guy standing on the corner. Reese pulled on her handbrake hard, tires screeching to a halt when she realized she was about to follow the car. Jesus Christ.

She shouldn't be here.

Reese doubled over. Her head hit the steering wheel with a thud. She breathed in breath coming in shallow and hard. She knew this was coming. Two days, carrying the case, immersed in that world, even just in the periphery seeing all that.

Fuck.

"Hey, you alright?"

Reese jerked her head up, stared at the man tapping her window.

"You alright?" He repeated.

Reese nodded, gripped the steering wheel hard.

"Saw you back there," he said, "thought you maybe need a hand..."

He looked at her expectantly, to roll down a window.

"No." She answered.

"You sure?" His voice was deep and smooth, promising a lot of things.

"No." She repeated, shaking her head. She caught a glimpse of her face on the mirror and fuck. She looked like...

Dani could feel her badge dig into her side and her head hurt and damn Roman and his fucking words because she could taste it. She released the handbrake and stepped on the gas, the dealer let out a surprised squawk as her car roared into the night. Dani was shaking when she stepped off her car.

The door opened at her first knock and Mike appeared. He looked like he just got in. She could see his badge and gun on the table. He looked like crap, another bad day in Sex Crimes. She should feel guilty but she only had enough feeling for one. "Dani?"

"Are you alone?"

Mike frowned. "Yeah, I'm alone-- why--"

She pushed him inside his apartment. "You said you didn't like how things ended between us."

"Dani--" Whatever words he was about to say were lost when she reached up and kissed him. She kissed him like she was drowning and if it wasn't him it would be someone else and somewhere else and God, she needed this.

He pulled away and he was angry, angrier than the last time. "I don't like being used, Dani."

Her breathing was harsh and somewhere along the way she'd lost her top. He wasn't fairing well either. His shirt was off and somehow his tie was wound around her hand. "Then ask me to leave."

"Dammit, Dani." He said, hissing her name as she pulled him down.

-/-

She met him.

Dani didn't think much of it at first. He made her laugh. He was sweet and when he dragged her to the dance floor he made her feel better, sometimes, even better than the dope running in her blood.

He made her forget about being the person she was supposed to be and even forget about being Officer Dani Reese. He made everything better. He made it all better even as he dragged her down with him.

He loved to party, he loved the good life. It was easier to play the Girlfriend, get things done. He was also related to the dealer. It made things easier. Harder. Worse.

He was sweet but he was also weak, had to be if you were a junkie. Dani watched as the people around him kept bringing him down. But by then she was in a haze of her own. And then he blew his brains out and Dani stared at him in shock but all she can seem to think of was: Thank God her dope was okay.

Almost immediately she was disgusted.

That was then she knew it would never be over. Dani took all the evidence she had, tapes she collected and dumped them on the lieutenant's desk.

"I'm done," she told them.

They looked at everything she had and at each other and said: "Okay."

The next night Dani watched as people she pretended to be friends with, who were friends, were dragged out in cuffs or body bags.

She watched everyone she knew get arrested then she stood up and walked away.

-/-

Before she disappeared she called her mother and every time Leyla answered Dani found she couldn't talk. The fifth time she called, her father answered the phone. Dani didn't bother talking. She dialed another number next. This time she didn't even need to talk.

"Dani," Davis said, "you did it. You can come in now."

She didn't say anything. She breathed in, breathed out.

"Dani," Davis repeated, "the grand jury indicted them. You can come back, be a proper cop."

"A 'proper' cop." She repeated, not quite keeping out the note of derision in her voice.

"Dani--"

She didn't hear what Davis had to say. She dropped the phone and walked.

It didn't take long for her to find a bar, buy a drink. She pulled the bindings on her hair and let it loose around her shoulders. She finished her fourth glass and slid it away.

"Buy you a drink?"

Dani looked sideways the guy was dark haired and had nice eyes. She opened her mouth to tell him to shove off but all what came out was: "Go ahead."

They ended up in his room reeking of booze and smoke. She pushed him against the wall, just like a cop would and kissed him but before they went further he pushed away, laughed and brought out the dope.

She could feel the burn at the back of her throat before snapping, "Well?"

"I like you." He laughed.

She pushed him back into bed. "We're not here to talk."

The next morning she woke-up alone but the guy left some of his stash behind. In the end that was all that mattered. There were more bars and men and drugs but eventually it just became alcohol and drugs and more drugs until she was so high Dani Reese was a distant memory.

She was just another junkie in a crack house, waiting around for another fix but when she woke-up and found herself next to a dead body Dani found she was still enough of a cop to call 911 and take away all evidence of ever being there.

She didn't think about the number of times she'd wake-up in a puddle of piss and puke.

Dani did think about the number of times she could end it. Take a gun to her head and squeeze. It wasn't hard to acquire guns in LA and she knew the gun she liked, remembered the first sidearm issued to her. The Glock wasn't heavy and all she needed was a quiet corner. Dani sat on a chair, it's spindly legs creaking against her weight and placed the muzzle to her forehead then under her chin. The muzzle poked at her flesh, she removed the safety and cocked the gun.

All it would take was for her to squeeze the trigger.

It could all end.

It would be so easy but seconds passed into minutes and into an hour and Dani never squeezed. Because somehow, despite everything, her parent's beliefs stuck, the one thing that stuck.

-/-

"You're here early."

Reese looked up. She was sitting on top of the conference table, papers spread across. "Couldn't sleep."

"You look it." Davis leaned against the doorjamb.

"Thanks." She murmured drily and Davis shrugged. Reese gestured to the coffee pot to her left. She brought the pot with her when she got tired of crossing back and forth the bullpen. "You want some?"

"I'd say 'yes' but I think you need it more." Davis frowned at her. "I thought I warned you about shoes on my chairs."

Reese glanced at where her foot was settled there was a little bit of dirt on the chair. She pulled her left foot from the chair.

"Sometimes I look at you and it's like you're still that 14 year old sulky kid I met years ago."

"Oh, thanks." Reese said, more sarcastic. "Are you telling me I've hardly grown?"

Davis raised her eyebrows. "You're really touchy about your height, huh?"

Reese let her glare answer for her.

Davis smiled, moved forward then patted the dirt off the chair. She sat on the chair and looked at Reese. "Is this case getting to you?"

"No more than the other cases," she replied keeping her face very neutral.

"Dani," Davis leaned forward, "you look like crap. The last time I saw you looking like crap someone was forcing you to drink yourself to death."

"It's not like that."

"That's right, it's not. Last time no one needed to put a gun to your head to make you take drugs."

Reese had a retort ready for that but nothing came out and the memory of last night of what could have happened, of what did happen stopped her.

"Lieutenant?"

Reese broke eye contact and saw Sylvia, one of the civilian employees by the door. She looked at them, hesitating at Davis' angry stare. Reese turned away and refilled her cup.

"What is it, Sylvia?" Davis asked.

"There's a man here, he says he has something to say about the Ames murder."

Reese paused, tilted her head and saw Davis hesitate. "Ames?"

"Yes, ma'am." Sylvia nodded to a man hanging back around one of the tables. "Said you might be interested to know what he saw—"

"I'll be there." Davis stood-up and made ready to leave.

"Okay." Sylvia nodded.

Davis glanced at her and Reese returned the look but what Davis said surprised her. "I know we've had our differences but you know you can still talk to me, right?"

Reese studied Davis' face and she had the same expression on as that night long ago. "Yeah." She said, finally, "I know."

-/-

Dani didn't know how long she stood in the gloom, watching other cops get in and out of squad cars. She didn't even know how she got there. Only, that she was there and she was shivering.

"Who's there?"

Dani stepped forward, saw Davis reach for her gun and said, "It's me."

It took a minute before Davis said: "Dani?"

"Hey, Sarge."

"People have been looking for you."

She shrugged, tried to look nonchalant but knew the shivers gave her away. "Had places to be."

"Dani, why are you here?"

"Uh, I woke-up next to a dead body a couple nights ago." She frowned. "Or was that yesterday?"

"Dani..." Davis had that look, alarmed and official looking.

"Wasn't murder, just--" she made a vague gesture, "had too much." Her laugh was tinny and Davis was looking at her like... "I have to go."

"Dani." The way Davis said her name stopped her. "Officer Reese, why are you here?"

She could walk out now, get lost again. "Don't call me that, I'm not a cop."

"You helped bring down a drug ring. You're a cop." Davis' voice was firm, steady. "Why are you here?"

"You said..." her voice and hands shook. She was in the middle of the LAPD parking lot and she was the biggest screw-up in the department but she was here. "I need help."