Chapter three
Rogers and Vulcan found themselves in an industrial warehouse. They looked around but Vulcan stopped to take a look at a crate. "Hey, Rogers take at look." When he got there she read aloud what the crate had branded on it. "Project freelance. That sounds familiar."
"I think it's the company that the freelancer come from, that also give me a great idea." said Rogers.
"What is it?"
"Since these asshole gave us so much problems I think we should fuck up their shit." Rogers said with a devilish smile.
"How are we going to do that?" asked Vulcan.
"Help me break this crate." He said trying to pull off the top, Vulcan looked around for anything and she found tomahawk. She pushed Rogers out of the way and smashed the crate to bits to only revealed a couple of paint guns. Rogers picked up the gun and shot himself in the foot and then shot Vulcan.
"What the hell man?"
"Oh, just pick up a paintball and fight it's not like we're leaving anytime soon." he said shooting her again.
"Fine." she said Picking up the paintball gun and shooting Rogers in the face. For the next hour they fighted each other, they soon opened more crates and found grenades.
"Hey Vulcan what's that game with the shotgun and the thing that throws the disk."
"I don't know but fore." Vulcan said throwing a grenade up in the air and Rogers shooting it after a couple of throws from Vulcan and a couple fails Rogers could hear Simmons over his radio.
"Rogers, Vulcan! Finally found you just give me a sec and I'll send you guys a portal." said Simmons. The next second a green portal appeared and Rogers and Vulcan went through. After Rogers and Vulcan left a man walked into the warehouse.
"I am so fired." he said looking at the destroyed warehouse. After Rogers and Vulcan came out of the portal they saw Sarge, Caboose and Simmons.
"Hey I thought we would never see you guys again." said Vulcan.
"Hey Simmons do you know where Grif is?" asked Rogers.
"No. But where did you end up?" asked Simmons.
"Some warehouse." she shrugged.
"Alright. We just need to find Church and Grif." said Simmons.
"Hey wait Sarge didn't you plant a microphone in one of the robots." said Rogers.
"Oh yeah I forgot about that." Sarge said turning on the microphone. A familiar voice came on the air, it was muffled but the words came out alright.
"Man I hate this." At first he thought it was Grif but as the man kept talking Rogers had a theory who it was. "This sucks, I just want to lay around and do nothing. Right after I take this nice warm bubble bath."
"Donut." everyone said in unison.
"Caboose hold this while I help Simmons." Sarge said handing Caboose the controller. Rogers watch as Caboose looked at it and saw a button labeled nuke.
"If the button is large and red you have to push it." Caboose said happily.
"Caboose no!" Rogers said trying to stop Caboose, but it was too late he had just activated the 10 mega-ton bomb.
"Wait this might not be that bad of a thing." said Simmons, Rogers and Vulcan didn't know it was even remotely good. "I can trace the activation signal. Give me a minute and boom. Ok we can trace the bomb activation signal to Sidewinder. I just need to tell Donut how to fix the teleporter on his side and we'll be set." Simmons then got on the radio while he tinkered with the teleporter.
"Sidewinder that name sounds familiar for some reason." Vulcan said to herself. Next thing she knew Simmons and Caboose jumped through the teleporter again, she was hesitant at first but Simmons voice came on the radio.
"Come on Vulcan, it's perfectly safe." he said in a perfectly calm tone of voice.
"You only live once." she said jumping in the teleporter. "So this is sidewinder um, I thought it would be bigger." Just then Tucker, Tex and Donut came through the teleporter. "Tucker you're alright?!"
"Define alright, I can't feel my arm."
"Alright, hey come help me explore and find Church." said Vulcan.
"I have to clean this black stuff off." Tucker said walking off.
"Hey Rogers help me find Church will ya."
"Alright, Christ it's cold." Rogers said shivering. Rogers never liked the cold, he despised it.
"Hey doesn't your armor have heating?"
"Yeah but I used to live in Las vegas so I'm used to scorching temperatures all year round."
"Yeah I lived in Idaho so this sort of feel like home." she said throwing a snowball at his face.
"Rogers, Vulcan we found O'malley." yelled Simmons. Rogers and Vulcan then raced to regroup with the reds and Blues. When they got there O'Malley was giving a speech while everyone else pointed their guns at him. "O'Malley, the reds and blues are working together now, you can't hope to beat us."
"Yeah bitch just put down your gun and I promise I won't beat you senseless." yelled Vulcan.
"Oh I see you brought the little girl, oh and Vulcan your cooking suck."
"You bastard! I'll kill you." But all O'malley did was laugh evilly.
"Lopez activate weather control routine." At that very moment lighting and runes appeared around Lopez. Vulcan mouth dropped, at the sight of the super weapon.
"Oh Sampson's back hair. They found out secrete weapon, I developed a weather control device, but I was missing a critical piece of technology to make it work."
"And now I've located those D batteries the universe will be mine."
"Are you serious, you couldn't find D batteries?" said Tucker.
"Only at gas stations and they're just so darn expensive there."
"Are you kidding walmart sells them for 3.99." said Vulcan raising her hands in the air.
"Yeah but that's with coupons and I don't have time for that." Just then Church came around the corner.
"Whats going on?" asked Church.
"You want the long version or the short? Basicly you got a 10 megaton bomb in your gut and Lopez is about to kill us all."
"That doesn't make sense what's the long version."
"That was the long version, the short version is we're boned." said Tucker.
"Hey Sarge what is the fast most painless death. The bomb or Lopez's weather thing?" asked Vulcan.
"Both are actually painful. The bomb will first emit a wave of radiation and then explode. While if you get hit by Lopez's lighting it will melt your spine but you'll still live for five to ten minutes." As Vulcan sighed as a rocket came flying down almost hitting her. She then took cover behind a rock with Rogers.
"Well this is it, might as well." She said taking off her helmet and taking a deep drag from a cigarette. "Want one."
"No thanks smoking bad for you." Laughed Rogers.
"Hey it's not like I smoke everyday. I was just saving these for the end of the war or when i'm dying." She blowed the smoke before she back on her helmet and looked around the rock and saw O'Malley was about to kill Sarge and Grif but Simmons opened a portal and a group of teen like gamers came out and attack O'Malley. She and Rogers got up from behind the rock and regrouped with Church. Sarge tried to disarm the bomb but it was too late. "Well it been an fun life."
"Yeah it has I think I'll take that cig." Rogers said taking off his helmet to reveal his green and blue eyes and dirty blonde hair. She handed him the cigarette and lighter. He hit it and took a deep inhale. All Vulcan could do was stare at him and the next thing she knew there was a bright light. Suddenly Rogers knew he was a waking up in a desert, he got to his feet and walked around.
"I'm alive, holy shit. I'm Vulcan you alright, Vulcan." he said running towards the lifeless body of the icy blue trooper. He kneeled down taking off her helmet and checking for a pulse. He found one but it was faint. He took off his own helmet, pinch her nose and gave her mouth to mouth. When all seem lost her she grabbed Rogers throat and spoke.
"What the FUCK do you think you are doing?" Vulcan said angrily.
"Giving you mouth to mouth." Rogers said gasping for air.
"Why?"
"Because you weren't breathing." She then let go of him and wandered looking for anyone else who was alive. Rogers then caught up to her and after five minutes they found Donut. "Hey Donut it's good to see that you're alive, what about everyone else though?
"Alive and kicking except Tucker he's just alive. Hey do you want to in my play."
"What the hell but only because we survived a 10-megaton about you Vulcan want to join in"
"Alright." she sighed.
"Great Vulcan you'll be lady time while Rogers you be the bomb."After Donut then explained the whole play, Rogers and Vulcan began to talk after a while, soon Tucker got up and Vulcan and Rogers got in place for the play. Vulcan despised her part but she's only doing this because she owed Rogers one.
"Hello travel I'm lady time." sighed Vulcan.
"It's not that hard." said Donut. "Put emotion into it."
"These are my three children, the past my oldest child."
"Things cost less and people knew value of a hard day's work but they live to be only 28 years old."
"My geeky child the future."
"Where people have no morals and no emotion but we have a bunch of kickass gadgets" said Simmons.
"And my troubled child the present." said Vulcan.
"We have nothing cool ,also no morals and everything bad happens to me."
"And I'm the bomb that destroys the present." Rogers said punching Grif in the face.
"What the hell man."
"No, no you weren't supposed to do that." said Donut
"Hey that's what my script says and now I realize Sarge gave me the wrong script." At that moment Caboose came in while Sarge, Grif and Simmons argued which time was worse and Donut narrating.
"Enter stage left. Hello I am stupid private Tucker. I'm going to set off a big bomb now and totally, mess things up for everyone because I am stupid."
"Why would you kill one of my children why you monster why." said Vulcan.
"Because I am stupid. Turns around. Hello present I am going to set off a bomb in you."
"Don't do that stupid Private Tucker, that might kill me."
"Thinks about this for a moment."
"Caboose stop reading your stage directions." pouted Donut.
"Hey when am I going to do my actual part?" asked Rogers .
"This is stupid I quit." said Grif.
"If Grif quits. I quit." said Vulcan.
"You guys can't quit."
"Too late." said Rogers.
"I quit." said Donut.
"Listen son you and your buddy, Church set off a bomb which when combined with the weather machinery in Lopez made an explosion so large it destroyed the present." said Sarge.
"Destroyed the present? Then where are we." said Tucker.
"The future. Numb nuts." said Simmons.
"Aren't we in the present right now? Aren't we always in the present."
"I know it doesn't make sense but if you think about it it kind of does." added Vulcan. "Our present was destroy. Who ever was born now that is the present to them."
"Son you're just not listening." said Sarge.
"It make no sense." yelled Tucker.
"Your friend is pretty dumb." Rogers whispered Vulcan.
"He's not my friend."
"Boyfriend."
"Oh god !" Vulcan said Vomiting in her mouth. "Sorry we're just squad mates."
"Rogers."
"Yes Sir."
"Go look around for supplies."
"Sir yes sir." Rogers then left the area and look around, Vulcan followed him. "What do you want?"
"Someone to hang out with I mean you're the only guy besides Caboose and Donut that doesn't oggle me."
"Yeah well, anyways do mind helping me open this crate." Vulcan nodded and then she took off her helmet and took out a bobby pin from her hair.
"Hey do you have a knife." Roger took out his five inch blade and handed to her."Thanks." She said picking the lock. After a minute she opened it up.
"What's in there."
"A couple of assault rifle bullets, a playboy and a few engine parts."
"Thanks." Rogers then took the engine parts and went to sarge. When he got back to Sarge he found him working on what looked like a broken down jeep. Hey Sarge got a present for ya." Rogers said dropping a couple spare parts at his feet.
"Christmas must of came early. Where did you find these?" asked Sarge.
"A crate over wander."
"Well trooper you've earned a break."
"Thank you sir." Rogers said wandering back to Vulcan. He didn't know what but he like talking to her.
"What was that?" asked Vulcan.
"Sarge found a jeep and I gave him the engine parts."
"Oh, so do you know what to do to pass the time?"
"Well we can just talk." Suggested Rogers. After a hour Rogers heard Sarge call for him. "So you were a cheerleader."
"Yeah, wait do you hear that. I think your Sergeant is calling."
"Alright, nice see you later." Rogers said going towards Sarge's voice.
"What is it Sir?" Is it my turn for patrol."
"No son, just help me push the jeep into the sunlight."
"Alright," Rogers pushed the jeep until it was in the sun. When the jeep got into the sunlight it powered up and began to play polka music and then a voice came on the air.
"Does anyone read me over." said the girl over the radio.
"I guess we're not the last humans on this planet after all." Rogers said in a sigh of relief.
"This is freelancer Tex looking for anyone from the blood gulch outpost."
"Aw crap it's that chick that chipped my tooth turn it off."
"I've found O'Malley's base. I repeat I found O'Malley base." Rogers blood boil when he heard that name. O'Malley's the reason we're even in this bloody wasteland. When they got the coordinates Sarge spoke up.
"Rogers go get the blues tell them that we found Tex and O'malley."
"Got it sir." Rogers ran off and found the blue. "Hey guys we found Tex, and Sarge ordered me to inform you that we are leaving do want to come with?"
"Hell yeah." said Vulcan. The blue followed him to the jeep.
"What the hell it this!" yelled Tucker looking at the three seater.
"Sorry blues but you'll have to sit on each others lap." said Sarge.
"Shotgun." yelled Tucker. Tucker then raced in but Caboose then jumped on his lap. Grif was in driver so was Donut, Simmons and Sarge held on the gunner and Rogers jumped on the hood and then Vulcan sat in his lap. "What the hell why does the red get the chick on his lap."
"Shut up Tucker ih and if you make any jokes about lap dancing or something I will cut you." The jeep then began to trip as a whole was uneventful, Caboose need a bathroom break every hour, Grif and Simmons argued about the apocalypse, Rogers and Vulcan talked to each other not to mention Caboose's sing which kind of funny but the only real highlight was when Grif accidentally touch Donut cod piece. They soon came across the base Rogers and Vulcan jumped off and stretched their legs. Tex then came up to them and spoke.
"What took you guys so long to get here?" said Tex.
"There was eight of us and this is three seater jeep. Half of us had to sit on someone else's lap."
"Not to mention when he had to stop when ever me and Vulcan got flung out. Which kill my neck by the way."
"Shut up. At least you didn't never mind."
"What'cha you find Tex?"
"Well O'malley's hold up in this fortress, he's been fortifying his defences for days now and he's got some help one of those religious nuts you guys picked up."
"I remember those guys they acted like teenage gamers." said Vulcan.
"What's the plan Tex?"
"Well first first we have to breach the outer wall, then we have to get past another wall. The second wall has a guard tower and razor sharp spinning blades After that we have to get past a gun turret break into the building."
"And then we attack O'Malley." added Sarge.
"No that's where we plant this." Tex said pointing to a large bomb. "I've scouted a location inside the base and a found a location where we can set it off and take the whole place down. I marked it with a big X."
"You scouted it." said Tucker.
"If you got past the two walls the huge spinning blade, the gun turret and made it inside all the way in the fortress, why didn't you plant the bomb then, instead of putting an X on the floor." said Rogers.
"I can't carry it." Vulcan and Rogers began to laugh at what Tex had said.
"Honey it can't be that heavy." Vulcan said walking over to the bomb and trying to pick it up. She failed and Sarge tried and like before failed.
"Rogers come over here."
"Yes sir" Rogers said trying to pick up the bomb with Sarge but they failed. Rogers was left out of breath.
"I can carry it." Caboose said walking towards the bomb.
"Be my guest blue." Rogers jaw dropped when he saw Caboose picking it up as if it was a feather.
"Alright, Rogers you're on watch duty ,patrol the beach looking out for anything." said Sarge.
"Yes sir." Rogers said running off. Vulcan followed him. "What do you want V?"
"Well you were telling me about your first girlfriend during the trip and you never finished."
"Well where was, oh ya. I made the biggest mistake of my goddamn dating life. I took this girl from boot camp Liz, to a casino, now that might sound fun but it was just me and gambling and drinking the whole night we talked for maybe five whole minutes then I just ran back to the blackjack table. I was so bad when I got back to boot camp the next day all I could hear was Dan did that and he did this Dan threw up on a cocktail waitress for three whole weeks. But to my surprise she came back we did a couple more dates but we left on bad terms." After he was finished Vulcan was laughed until she was snorting she stopped and turned away.
"Sorry, when I laugh too hard I, sorry if it bothered you."
"It's doesn't bother me." smiled Rogers.
"Did you really throw up on a cocktail waitress?"
"Regratibe so." Chuckled Rogers.
"Ok we're ready to go." yelled Tex. Rogers and Vulcan then left to regroup. When they got there Sarge told the group his plan. First was a complete suicide mission, the next one was a Grif cannon.
"Man your friend is an idiot."Vulcan whispered to Rogers.
"He's not my friend, he just my Sargent." Both of them laughed at this and he heard Sarge say or maybe we use the Rogers cannon. This shut Rogers up but not Vulcan. Tex then stepped up and offered a better plan. After ten minutes of explaining the plan, everyone was ready for action. Rogers was with Grif,Simmons and Tucker while Vulcan was with Tex. Vulcan had an extra sniper rifle whiched pissed off Tucker a lot.
"Do you know how to use that?" asked Tex.
"Yes, I was one of the best five shots in my boot camp."
"Nice."
Back with Rogers. "Welp, I'm going to die." said Rogers.
"Why do you say that?" asked Simmons.
"Because I'm with Grif and Sarge help modify Tex's plan."
"I don't know about that." said Simmons.
"No he makes a good point." added Grif. They then got into position. After a minute the first shot were fired. Vulcan broke away and left Tex in her dust, she crept through the Rogers, Grif and Simmons went forward. While Vulcan went ahead to scout out head, after a minute she met up with Tex.
"Where's Tucker?" asked Vulcan.
"He fell down a hole."
"Um ok." They then move into position, but the red zealot pinned them down. Vulcan tried to take a shot at his head but the non stop bullets caused her to took careful aim and fired at the Red flagite, the bullets stopped for a sec before she watched him get back on his feet, seems like she barely grazed him. When the bullets truly stopped she poked her head up to see the Red dead. She and Tex then went over towards Tucker to see that he held some kind of Sword.
"Nice sword."
"Thanks V." Tex then came up and took a liking to it.
Back with Rogers they passed the spinning blades and made their way into the fortress. Where they met up with Sarge."Hey Sarge."
"I need you three to look for Lopez."
"I think I saw him up here." said Simmons.
"Alright then go look." When Rodgers got there he began to look around. He didn't find anything so he went down stairs and still didn't find anything. When Sarge came back he over heard Simmons tell Sarge that they found nothing. He then heard Sarge tell the the men to follow him, Rogers followed and found a computer. Then he heard a familiar voice.
"Caboose it that you, can you hear me."
"Well I'LL be damn." Rogers said watching the never ending looping message and Caboose trying to talk to it. Sarge then tried to fix it but Grif just pushed the play button and the message began to play.
"Caboose I know you're there, I'm leaving message from 2,000 years in the past. Whatever you do don't touch anything. Apparently you're this culture's version of the apocalypse, you're going to destroy this building and somehow bring about doom for their entire race." Rogers face had a grim expression, he knew Caboose was a walking disaster but not a walking apocalypse. "Whatever you do don't touch the glowing weapon thing they have stored there, and if you do, definitely don't bring it into the main building. Otherwise the whole place is going to lock down you're going to be trapped." Like clockwork the whole place locked down and Rogers began to freak out. His breath was heavy and fast.
"We're all going to die, we're all going to die." Rogers yelled. Rogers was usually calm for the most time but when it came to life or death he wasn't as good.
"Calm down," yelled Simmons.
"No you calm down we're trapped here till we die." Rogers said angrily.
"God I haven't seen him this bad since we took him to that slasher movie."
"Or that time we were on a rollercoaster 1000 feet tall." added Grif.
Back with Vulcan she heard that the bomb was about to explode and she began to yell. "The only thing I regret was making out with Tucker during the Christmas party." she said crying.
"I knew you remember." Tucker yelled.
"I was drunk you asshole." She then began to panic, she then went up to Caboose. "Caboose, I just want to say that I was glad I'm your friend."
"I like you too."said Caboose. She then went up to a panic Rogers. She pulled him away took off his helmet and kissed him, he suddenly calmed down with a smile.
"I like you and since we're going to die well what the hell." She then ran off and put on her helmet and was ready to die with her squad. She closed her eyes and teared up, but to her surprise she heard Church's voice.
"Hey everybody what's up." She opened her eyes and smiled. "Hey Gary how you doing." The computer came on and spoke. "Hey can you do us a favor and shut off the bomb."
"No problem." said Gary. The bomb shut off and the door opened, Vulcan ran up and hugged him and then spoke. He awkwardly patted her back.
"Thank you, and sorry for interrupting."
"It's alright."Church said hugging back, after a minute he let go. "You won't believe the story I going to tell you but it's a good one." Church then told his story, on any other day she wouldn't have believed. After he finished his story, Church asked questions about Tucker's glowing sword and he began to explained all about it. Vulcan got bored and found Rogers.
"Hey, I just want to talk about the incident earlier." Vulcan rarely did things on impulse her dad taught better. But he say that it can save lives.
"What about it?"
"It's just that it was an impulse, and just don't want you to tell anyone so bye." Vulcan then ran as fast as she could. Rogers then went over to Sarge, while he was messing around on the radio.
"Hey Sarge why are you monkeying about on the radio?" asked Rogers.
"Yes." yelled Simmons.
"Where were you? We just finished a meeting. Never mind we heard a distress signal on the radio and I'm trying to find it ."
Meanwhile Vulcan was back with Tex spying on the Reds. She watched them but couldn't get anything special until Caboose came by telling them a story about the Reds. "They are probably trying to tune into the distress signal they heard on the radio."
"What makes you say that?"asked Church. Caboose then told the group what was happening with the reds. Vulcan wasn't too sure if this was a Caboose tall tell. "How do you know all this, Caboose?"
"Andy told me."
"Who's Andy?" asked Vulcan.
"Wait are you Andy?" Church asked Tucker.
"I'm not Andy I'm Tucker."
"No, I know what's your first name?" asked Church.
"Lavernius."
"Really, I made out with a guy named Lavernius." Vulcan said to herself.
"You made out with Tucker?" Said a disgusted Tex.
"I was drunk, too much eggnog. Not to mention you dated Church."
"Touche."
Back with the reds Rogers was listening to the vague distress call. "Is that it?" asked Rogers.
"Yeah it doesn't even say where or who." Simmons said aloud.
"We know who it is. It's on the Red army open channel. That means that the Reds have survived into the future."
"Or that this is just a endless loop or the Reds didn't survive and this is just another military frequency."
"None the less, it still might means we must've beaten the Blues otherwise there wouldn't be any Reds left."
"Or still endless loop." But to no one surprise Sarge kept going on.
"Finally victory is ours. Wait a minute this means I missed the entire war. Oh damnit."
Yeah, everything must be great. That's why they sent out a distress signal." said Grif.
"I should've never of sign up for this army." Rogers said sighing.
"Simmons have you tracked the source."
"Well Sir all I could tell is the direction. I have no Idea how far it is."
"Well Grif we are probably going to die chasing an endless loop, nice knowing yeah pal."
"You too buddy."
Back with the blues Caboose was showing the group who Andy was. To her surprise it was the bomb. "This is Andy. Andy this is Tex, Tucker and Vulcan. The black one is Tex and the other black one is Tucker. And the mean one is Vulcan. Caboose said whispering.
"So Andy is a bomb cool, cool." Said an uneasy Vulcan.
"Andy prefers the term explosive American. He told me what the reds are up to. Don't you Andy."
"Tex."
"Yeah, V."
"Distract Caboose, while I get a rock."
"Wait what?"
"Caboose has finally lost it. We have to take him out before he activates the bomb."
"Vulcan you're the crazy one and Caboose but he's less dangerous."
"Hey I'm not the jerk. You're the jerk, jerk."
"Church!" Vulcan yelled after hearing the bomb talk. After Church came down the blue surrounded the bomb. Vulcan was left speechless, at the talking bomb. But after it spoke she got tired of it, because the fact it was a jackass. She barely listen to it but when Caboose started a countdown that's when she got worried. "Hey, Andy hows about you do what my therapist says to me. Think of a calm river."
"Yeah right, I seen you, you an explosive temper greater than the fat man and little-boy combined."
"And that's why I fired my therapist." sighed Vulcan.
Back with the Reds, Simmons pointed the group in the direction of the frequency. "Rogers I'll assign you to take check of supplies." said Sarge. Rogers nodded looked around for a minute and came back. "Dagnabit, why are you still here didn't I-"
"I'm done."
"Say what."
"Yeah we don't have a lot of supplies, just whatever weapons we have are on us, a day worth of beef jerky and two days worth of water and last but not least this flask of whisky."
"Well that's none the now this is the most important job I need you to put the supplies in Warthog"
"Got it." While Rogers was pack he heard Donut say he found a path out of the god forsaken place, then he heard Sarge tell Grif to distract the blues.
"Don't you remember the last time you sent him to distract command during a surprise inspection. He told them we were on the base doing last minute cleaning, because we all had cholera." said Simmons.
"Oh I remember that, they literally took a gallon of blood from me and I was out for a week, then when I woke up they gave me twenty shots."
"Wait a second, you guys better not just be sending me, so you can run off once I'm inside." said Grif.
"Of course not moron. Now hurry up."Once Grif went inside Sarge scooted everyone into the jeep. "Ok everybody in the jeep." Rogers jumped on the passager side of the hood. They were about to make their escape, but Grif came back.
"Hey Grif, what happen with the blues?" asked Rogers.
"You know, I can honestly say I have no idea what I just saw, can I quit the army now. Seriously I think I've seen everything at this point."
"Trust me, I've asked if can I quit." said Rogers.
"But I mean they were talking to a bomb, and I think trying to calm it down I think." said Grif.
"You're kidding right?" said Donut.
"They were talking to the bomb." said Simmons. What Grif was describing was odd but Rogers once saw the rare space cow.
"Dude, I don't know. They mention something about candles and a bubble bath and they were playing some kind of new age CD. Like a Yanni fan club." said Grif.
"Dude what are smoking?" asked Rogers.
"Hey Donut you speak that crap, what does it mean?" said Sarge.
"Well my best guess they're sweet talking it to do something for them." said Donut.
"And that will work on a bomb?"said Simmons.
"It would work for me."
"Don't you see what they're trying to do?"
"Not at all." said Rogers.
"The Blues are obviously trying to coax the bomb into rearming. They're about to launch an attack, on us."
"Why would they do that do that?" asked Grif.
"Yeah I mean they have Tex she can kill us all right now before we hit the ground."
"I don't know, because they're blues. Somebody give this this kid the manual."
"Oh dear god." Rogers said rolling his eyes.
Back with the blues Vulcan helped Andy finally calm down. "So Andy you are not angry anymore."
"I already told your friends, Emma I'm not mad or explosive any more."
"Yes, we are all better now. We are not mad, and we are definitely not thinking about exploding at all anymore." said Caboose.
"Hey, are you talking about me?" asked Andy.
"What! Never, we were talking about Tex." said Vulcan.
"Are you sure. Caboose was saying we a lot and I think he really meant me."
"No we meant Tex." Church said jumping into the conversation.
"Excuse me?"
"If you haven't notice she kind of a mega-bitch." smiled Vulcan.
"Oh. Yes, we're talking about me." said Tex
"It sound like you're patronizing me."
"No really, it's me. I'm a bitch and I need to be calmed all the time." she said in a monotone.
"Or what happens?" asked a gleeful Church.
"Or else, I get so mad I kill people on my own team."
"Tell him about the moodiness and the crankiness." said Caboose.
"Also, mention that you like to punch people in the head while they sleep."
"Thats was you! I thought the tooth fairy was mad at me." Caboose said almost crying.
"You got it lucky, she smothered me a few nights ago sleep." said Vulcan angrily.
"Wow she sounds like a real handful." laughed Andy.
"You have no idea." Vulcan said under her breath. Then gunfire and explosion happened."Son of a bitch."
Back with the red's Sarge was ranting on and on about how the the blues were trying to them. "Son of a bitch." Rogers said hearing the explosion. "Huh I guess you're right , but in some horrible twist of irony they blew themselves up."
"None the less we are going into battle." said Sarge.
"We're in battle." said Grif.
"Of course we are. Now get ready for your orders, Donut scream like a women."
"Can do. Aaaaaaaaah."
"Grif, prepare to sacrifice yourself to save me. Rogers be grenadier, Simmons kissass at will."
"You're both an excellent leader, and a handsome man sir."
"Excellent work, incoming. Now everyone get out there specifically Rogers and Grif and remember because your bones are broken you still can stop bullets. If all of you survive medal for everyone, purple heart for Grif,Fireball for Rogers, Pink heart for Donut and Brown nose for Simmons. "
"Hey look look they stopped." Rogers said pointing to a group of Lopez looking bots.
"Hey um, let's use this to slip away." said Sarge.
"Great Idea sir." said Rogers. It was probably for the best to not fight an army of robots.
"Shotgun." said Simmons.
"Shotgun." Rogers and Grif said in unison. "Fuck."
"Shotguns lap." said Donut.
"Fuck."
"There's no room for five people. Someone or two people are going to have to jog alongside." added Sarge.
"I can sit on the passanger side of the hood. Just don't stop and go like you did last time." Rogers said angrily.
"I can jog along side." said Donut. "I just have to put on my jogging shorts." Everyone then loaded up in the warthog and made their way to the beach.
Back with the blues Vulcan was on guard shooting at the robots, She got hit in the shoulder and came back inside. "God that hurts." She said holding the wound. "At least it just plasma." Vulcan said taking off her left armor shoulder plate to reveal a first degree burn. Out in the distance she could see the reds escape in the warthog. Just then a robot came up taking it by surprise, before it could reached for its gun a creature came up and torn off its head and punched Vulcan in the face knocking her out cold.
Rogers held on for dear life as they raced passed plasma fire and rockets. Just they thought they were home free one of the robots began to follow them they had to slow down for Donut but stopped at the beach. "We're going too slow we have to leave someone behind." said Sarge.
"Not it." said Grif
"Not it." said Simons.
"Not it." said Rogers.
"What no way, You're leaving me behind!"
"Sorry Donut military law is very clear in regard in the 'not it' methodology of making designs."
"So yeah sorry Donut we'll remember you." said Rogers.
"Donut you hide here and when he passes shoot him in the face." said Sarge while he got back in the driver seat.
"How I'm I going to find you guys?"
"Follow the distress signal." added Simmons.
"But I don't have a way to track it." Everyone looked at each other and Sarge spoke up.
"Excellent point Donut." said Sarge, then he drove off.
"Do think Donut going to be alright?"asked Rogers.
"Probably." said Sarge turning on the radio.
"Hey guys we got something chasing us." said Grif. In the distance Rogers could see a moving purple
"Never mind." Just then the vehicle pulled up alongside the racing warthog.
"Donut you're alive!" yelled Rogers. "Where did you get that?"
"I'll tell you guys later." After an hour of driving they made their way to a the signal. They pulled up into a large cave. Rogers got up and stretched his legs then went over to Donut and listen to the story. Then he heard Grif screaming, Rogers ran to him and saw they were back in Blood Gulch.
"MOTHERFUCKER!" Rogers yelled at the top of his lungs. He rather be in the scorching desert at least it feel like he was home at Vegas just less gambling.
Back with the blues Vulcan woke up with a massive headache but her burn patched up, she got up and found Church and Tucker surveying the destruction. "Vulcan where were you?" asked Church.
"At first I was fighting some of the robots and one of the dickweeds hit me. I took off my shoulder and a first degree burn, but then a robot caught me off guard, then something torn off its head then everything went best guees it was Tex"
"At least she on our side and only knocks us out." said Tucker.
"Who's on our side, wow who kill the robots." Tex said all surprised. Vulcan had a surprised look
"You did." said Tucker.
"No I didn't I've been down stairs trying to turn on this sword."
"Bow chicka bow wow."
"Tucker!" yelled Tex.
"Sorry. Just push the power button"
"I did."said Tex. "The sword won't turn on." Just then they heard Church scream. Vulcan dropped a robot part he was looking at and pulled out her tomahawk and gun.
A/N Thanks for reading and if you want to ask Vulcan or Rogers a question just do so in the reviews. At the end of part one I will do the full Q&A scene. Peace!
