There it is, the last chapter of this story – there's a small epilogue coming on next Monday but it's mostly done:)

thank you to you, reader, thank you for bearing with me through this difficult story. It hasn't been a fun ride for Peeta, but there's light at the end of the tunnel.

Trust me when I say it had been a very difficult story to write too.

My deepest respect goes to the every single person who suffers from PTSD, or panic attacks. Know you'll always find someone willing to listen to you if need be. Just reach out.

This story wouldn't have been out without the help of the incredible xerxia31 who took on the job of betaing this whole story.

This story wouldn't have been the same at all without the help of the amazing dandelion-sunset who insisted that I keep the PTSD scene when I wanted to delete it. She also beta-ed.

And to akai-echo – her art, her aesthetics echo (pun intended) the story – her images are a strong companion to my words. Her vision on my stories is a gift I cherish.

Well, let's do this, shall we ? Let's go see another animal … I hope you liked my little game with the names of the chapters :)


6. Panthera Leo.

It had been weeks since Peeta last went into the zoo. Three weeks and two days to be precise. Since the day he had spent walking around the park like any other visitor, taking the time to look at the animals, to watch their movements, his fingers itching to draw them on paper.

Which he did as soon as he got back to his flat, spending days trying to recreate the face of a monkey, the movement of a bear, or the cuteness of a baby giraffe galloping around the corral. Each stroke of the pen or the brush on the canvas unlocking ideas, colors, motions.

Suddenly, a whole new set of images were in front of him to paint. Or draw. Or film.

All that thanks to a show. In a zoo.

That night, though, he was coming back to the zoo after the park was closed. He was supposed to meet Cressida and Castor, as well as the other teams of journalists, to watch the first episode of the show airing on Capitol TV.

"Peeta! Good to see you again!" Castor's voice welcomed him as he got out of his car, being careful to place his leg on a stable spot, so he wouldn't fall.

"Good to see you too, guys!" he answered, before Castor hugged him.

"Been a while, right? I missed working with you, we make a good team!"

Peeta nodded at his friend's words. It had been a good shoot, indeed. Not only for work, but more importantly for himself. He had been able to do his job properly, without his fears getting in the way, without his PTSD interfering…

Only Katniss had seen him at his worst.

Twice.

Yet she hadn't run away.

He was still amazed by her reaction to him.

He had - barely - been able to keep away from her for three weeks and two days, wanting some distance to be able to think about her, about them.

He hadn't been able to keep her out of his mind for long. She was everywhere he looked. In the soft feathers on the pavement, in the grey of the sky, in the laughter of children. Almost everything he saw or heard, felt or tasted reminded him of Katniss.

He had no clue, though, if she felt the same way about him. Sure, he could have asked her out during those three weeks, but something had held him back.

They had exchanged texts, little everyday chats about their lives. Even if he had enjoyed seeing her name on his phone on a very regular basis, he never wanted to push his luck, just being glad to have any contact with her.

Maybe one day he would have enough courage and strength to tell her how he felt about her.

Because Peeta Mellark was pretty sure that along the line, he had fallen in love with Katniss Everdeen.

"Yeah, it was…." he finally answered Pollux, a smile on his face. "It truly was…."

"Man, I never imagined I could care about the life of a lion… and look at me now, I only want to go see all the animals and be sure they are well. Next job is going to be tough to top…." Pollux shook his head, as he started walking towards the gates of the park. "You know what you'll do next?"

"Na, not yet. I keep hoping the station will ask for more and we get to go back, you know?"

"Gotcha. It feels good to film something heartwarming for a change. To be part of something… good? I don't know, the rushes I saw were pretty good and so… different. I hope people will watch."

"Me too, really. The guys here, they all deserve it." Peeta pushed the door to the gift shop open, letting himself in.

The two men were immediately greeted by one of the vendors, a perky blonde who had caught the attention of almost all the men in the filming crews during the weeks they were there.

"Pollux! Peeta! So happy to see both of you! Effie's waiting for all of you to arrive! She's by the offices, if you remember the way?"

Peeta nodded before walking to the other door of the shop, shaking his head as he heard Castor's attempts at flirting with the blonde girl.

He knew the way. Past the flamingos, follow the river to the chimps, turn left in the middle of the monkey zone, then follow the brick road to the main building, where the offices were.

Music lead him to a wooden terrace, where keepers were already standing, talking to one another. A large screen had been put up at the back, with technicians working around, pulling cables, testing the sound for the projection that would take place later.

Peeta looked around, nodding or waving at the keepers or technicians he had met - which turned out to be almost everyone present - but keeping himself apart from the growing crowd.

He knew he was hoping to spot a dark braid or silver eyes in the crowd, but was instead met by Finnick's green eyes, a small smile on his lips.

"Find what you're looking for, man?" the keeper winked, before turning around, searching the crowd until he spotted Finnick near the buffet. "Care to join us? Effie says the food is amazing."

"I don't know, Finn, I-"

"And I know for sure Katniss will be onto the buffet first thing," Finnick interrupted him.

Peeta let out a sigh, before looking at the keeper. "Am I that obvious?"

"Na, don't worry. But the red pandas are in my sector, remember?"

Peeta did remember the first time Katniss took him to see the small animals - the cutest in the zoo as per the visitors opinion - it had been an almost magical moment to see those balls of fur in the sunset. He might or might not have drawn the scene several times already.

"Come on, Peeta, she'll be there. And they have cinnamon rolls… "

Peeta chuckled. "I hope they aren't industrially made…."

"You're not one of those food snobs, right?"

"No. I might come from a line of bakers though."

"You do? Why haven't you told us that before?" The rich, feminine voice took Peeta by surprise. He hadn't heard anyone approaching Finnick and him, or felt a shift in the air at the presence of the woman he'd been looking for. Guess real life wasn't like the movies, after all.

But Katniss was there, standing right next to him, looking at him as if she expected something - right, she had asked a question, if he could just remember what it was. He looked at the table in front of him.

"You never asked," he finally answered. "I thought nobody cared."

"That's where you're wrong, Peeta. We care. We always have," Katniss answered.

"You do?" He couldn't help the question coming out of his mouth. Did she care enough?

"More than you-"

"Attention, please!" Effie's voice broke the moment. Somehow, Finnick had disappeared in the crowd, but Peeta was completely unable to tell how and when. "If you would please gather and take a seat, we're going to show you the first episode of the show! It's called "At the Zoo!" Come, come!"

Effie's enthusiasm was a perfect match to her outfit - s, pink and glittery, reminding Peeta of a European song contest he had caught on the internet a few years ago. He had needed a few drinks to get over the craziness of it all.

"You must be eager to see the footage you shot, right?" Katniss asked him as she started walking towards the makeshift stage in front of them, before noticing Peeta wasn't following. "You don't want to come?"

He could almost hear the words he craved lingering in the quiet… with me.

"Sure," he answered instead, taking her lead, until she reached the rows of seats in front of the screen.

"Anywhere you want to sit?" Katniss asked him, again.

Wait - she was asking him where he wanted to sit?

"I thought we could be in the back?" she added, in a whisper, for his ears only.

"You want to sit together?"

"You don't?" Katniss turned to face him, a scowl now apparent, as if she had heard something she didn't like.

"Of course, but…. You're not…" Peeta was looking for the right word. Disgusted, afraid, anxious passed through his mind, a constant reminder of who he had become.

Warms skin on his hand tore him apart from his thoughts. He lowered his eyes, to see it was Katniss's hand, small and callused. He looked back at her, surprised by the intensity of her silver eyes.

"I'm not afraid of you, Peeta. Or whatever word crossed your mind right now. I want to sit with you, but only if you want to."

He watched as she tucked a lock of wild hair behind her ear, as she lowered her eyes, shifting on her feet, as if she were unsure of him, of herself.

Peeta felt his brain working a mile a minute. She wanted to be next to him, even after everything. After seeing him break down not once, but twice… she touched him, in the dark, doing what he hadn't dare initiate.

He felt something else surging through him. Something good, something he could name.

Hope.

They finally settled into two seats in the back, side by side. So close, but Peeta was itching to get even closer, to discover who Katniss was, to uncover every secret she had. She smelled like the wind, a mix of trees and flowers and something he couldn't place, something utterly… Katniss. He wanted to bottle her scent and keep it with him forever.

A man was standing on the platform, in front of the screen, explaining that the station was trying a new format, with no interruption for commercials, that the program was kid-oriented and that he hoped they would enjoy the show.

The lights went out, he only illumination came from the stars above them.

Silence fell.

On the screen, colorful images and happy music accompanied the main theme, introducing some of the keepers and their animals.

As the first few minutes passed, showing the different keepers, their everyday tasks as well as the main animals, Peeta found himself smiling slightly at the images he knew were his own, recognizing a cut here and there, happy to see his footage again on the screen.

He felt like he was able to express himself, after so long. As if he had found his voice again.

Even if it was only for a kids' zoo show.

His breathing became a bit deeper, a bit easier. As if a weight had been lifted from his chest. A weight he didn't even know he was bearing.

He almost jumped out of his chair when he felt something brushing the side of his pinky finger.

He was barely more prepared when it happened again.

He didn't dare move, in hopes he would feel it a third time.

He couldn't focus on the screen anymore. All his attention was in the skin of his little finger. He closed his eyes as he felt it again, skin on skin, heat on heat.

Three times the charm, they say.

Maybe it was time to take a chance on life.

The panthers were roaring on the screen when he let his finger brush along Katniss's for the first time. They were playing with an ice cube when he twined his fingers with hers.

Peeta didn't want to leave the zoo.

The screening has been a success, the crowd cheering at the end, purely out of pride and joy of seeing the animals, the park and the keepers on screen.

He had spent the remainder of the screening holding Katniss's hand, letting his thumb caress her skin repeatedly, until they both had to stand and follow the others to celebrate at the buffet.

They had been separated by the crowd, by their own coworkers who wanted to talk to them about the show, to celebrate, to think of what they could feature for another season if the public wanted to see more.

Peeta only wanted a few more minutes with Katniss.

Alone.

He could see her, lingering on the edge of the makeshift stage, in a conversation with Gale and his girlfriend. He wanted to get closer to her, talk to her, hold her hand again.

He didn't dare hope for more.

In the blink of an eye, she was gone. He couldn't see her anywhere.

Regret fell on him, as he realized she had left the scene, maybe even the park. Him.

His phone buzzed.

Two words shone in the night.

Panthera Leo.

He smiled.

Peeta excused himself quickly, before heading into the night.

He wound his way through the labyrinth of the zoo, until he reached the familiar pen.

The lion was sleeping peacefully under the stars, his broad mane spread around him, the very picture of the king of animals.

"Took you long enough…" her voice whispered in the dark. She was somewhere around, in the shadows of the bamboos around him

"I thought you had left." He hoped his voice wasn't shaking.

"I thought you weren't coming…"

"Katniss…. Where are you?"

She didn't answer. He was looking around at the trees, squinting to try to find her.

He didn't need to.

He felt her hand on his shoulder, slowly sliding down his arm, until her palm met his, until her fingers linked with his, again. He felt the joy spreading in his body, as he turned, taking her all in. Eyes shining in the grey of the moon, hair glistening with the rays of the stars, her skin glowing.

He only wanted to get even closer to her.

He leaned into her, until his forehead touched hers.

He knew he should pull away, he really did try to step away from her embrace. Something was holding him into the now and then, into the moment. Maybe it was her hands on him, maybe it was his treacherous heart, maybe it was his mind, so much clearer now after his weeks at the zoo, after his weeks next to her.

She didn't let go of him, though, looking straight into his eyes.

"What are we doing?" Peeta whispered, to the night, to the stars, to her. "I'm… I'm damaged goods, Katniss… We shouldn't…" he stuttered, not sure what to say anymore. "I shouldn't be here, with you…"

She shut him up, putting her index fingers on his lips. She didn't break the connection they had, their foreheads still touching, as if she didn't want to break the bubble they were in.

"We're all damaged, Peeta. I was broken once too. Am I damaged goods?"

"No!"

"Then why do you call yourself damaged goods?"

"You don't know what I went through, Katniss…" he whispered. He could hear the pain in his voice.

"Then you'll tell me. Not today, when you're ready. You don't know what I went through either…. But someday, I'll tell you."

"Are you sure you will want to know?" he whispered.

"Yes." Katniss said, a definitive answer as he felt her hair, like a caress on his skin - her braid had shifted with the wind, whispers of hair touching his jaw.

"You really want to know?"

She didn't answer. He felt her hands, small, warm on his cheeks, anchoring him more to the moment.

He could see through the will in her grey eyes, the spark, and something more - he wasn't sure what it was… he did not dare… hope.

Hope.

To have a life back, starting there, in the zoo, with her.

He thought Afghanistan had burned all his hopes.

Turned out a dark-haired falconer could just restore them.

"I want to know, Peeta," she whispered. "But only when you're ready - and if-" she looked him straight in the eyes, "if you want to tell me. If... if you want me?"

Her voice was barely above a whisper - meant for his ears only. Not for the quiet of the night, or the animals nearby. Not for the birds in the trees, singing their laments to the sun, or for the moon, appearing in the shadows of the sun.

Just for him.

She asked if he wanted her.

Her.

There was nothing he wanted more.

He nodded - just a simple move of his chin.

She smiled.

She took the final breath of air between them, pressing her lips firmly to his.

Just a whisper of a kiss before she pulled away.

He knew he was selfish, wanting more. So much more. Peeta wanted her lips on him forever, wanted to live in her mouth - that's where he knew he belonged.

He lifted his hands to cup her face, using his thumbs to caress her cheeks, giving her plenty of time to move away from him, if she chose to. He let his eyes meet hers, let himself got lost in the grey that was shining, expectant.

This time, he was the one who pressed his lips to hers, who tasted the beer on her, who started mapping her mouth, taking his time exploring, tasting, teasing. He was drunk on her, she was becoming an addiction he never would be able to give up.

He let his tongue taste her too, surprised when she immediately opened her mouth to him, swallowing her moan, losing himself in her a bit more.

He kissed her until his lungs screamed for oxygen.

Then they kissed again.