Day 6

Things changed when I went to college, you think they didn't but they did. I was no longer living with my parents, and I was now a good hour and a half away. Well, the way you drive, an hour. But still, it was further than I've ever had to be from anyone. Why didn't I just stay in Toronto? I don't know. I went off to college, and you found a job at a garage. The job you have is great, but it doesn't nearly fit all that you can do. Not only are you a great mechanic, but you are amazing at business management, something you don't often own up to. We spent more time together than most couples who live on the same campus do. You come up to visit every single weekend, or you pick me up and I go home. Being a freshmen, it sucks that I cant have a car on campus, but it doesn't stop you. You waste all your money on gas to pick me up. Sometimes, you'll visit during the week, but it gets hard when I have homework and you have a steady job. My roommate swoons over you; she always complains how she wishes she could have a boyfriend like you. I just smile and nod, because words can't describe how thankful I am for you. But now, you're going to throw away your future, your career, your dream, just for me. It was about two weeks ago when you were offered the job, you weren't even going to tell me. I had been over at your apartment when the phone rang, and you didn't feel like talking so you made me answer it. As I was writing down the message the man on the other end told me, "It would be great If Jay were to take this job, this is a mechanic's dream." When I finished you were sitting on the couch, and I walked in casually, "So Jay, what about this job?" You groaned and ran your hands over your face, something you did often when you didn't want to talk about what was going to come up next. You told me all about the job, how the pay was great, the work was challenging enough, the benefits were amazing, but… it was four hours away. And that there was no way you were taking this job. We argued and fought for days over this, but you still refuse.

So here I am Jay, one day away from the decision and I have absolutely no idea what I am going to do. This week has gone by so, slow and so fast. Ahh, "how time can move both fast and slow amazes me", you always hated him, didn't you? You preferred your heavy metal or rap, and I deal with it because I love you. Tomorrow is the big day, huh? You're going to show up early in the morning, I know you. You probably have been through hell waiting for this decision. I would know, I've gotten more missed calls in one week than I thought I would ever get in my entire life. So what will I say to you? It's going to be so much harder to stand by my decision, if it is a no, with you there. You know I can't resist you. Biologically, Chemically, Physically, it's all there for you. I'm like high school sciences. I'm sure you won't let me just get away with it, if I dump you. I'm going to have give a long explanation. But wait! You won't be able to discuss this until you finish reading all my journals, so I've prolonged the speech. Actually, I still don't know what I'm going to do. My head is spinning, I need to dump you, for your own good. But what about for my own good? How can I live without you, Jay? Every minute I spend with you is amazing, and I've fallen head over heels in love with you. I've never said that aloud, but the writing is all the proof.

- Emma