Chapter 06
Adventure gnome

The sun was rising as he marched out of town, a pair of baskets hanging from each arm. The cheerily ascending orb perfectly matched his mood and he welcomed it. He had a long day ahead of him and it never hurt to start out on a positive note.

Not that Harry would know much about that, but he'd heard stories.

Ron had still been lying in bed, occasionally groaning when he'd slipped out, and Hermione had already invaded the wizard's library. Strangely, the access to vast quantities of literature had not improved her disposition. Perhaps she was still hung up on the three of them being there, it would be like her to cling to something like that.

Mules were less stubborn.

Perhaps he'd say something to her when he returned from his great forage. Perhaps not. He let it drift from his mind as he turned his attention to the task at hand. Simon had sent him on this not so little errand after they'd finished their last potion and realized his stores were now empty. They'd been brewing almost nonstop for days, so it really shouldn't have been a surprise.

Harry didn't mind. A chance to be out of doors was a nice change after being hunched over a steaming cauldron for hours. Though that's not to say that he minded the brewing. Without Snape there to snipe it wasn't so bad. He was even pretty good at it. Who knew?

That aside, he was glad to be out. If given the choice it was usually where he preferred to be. Handy since he was supposed to be a druid, a wizard of nature as he was coming to understand. It would have been very awkward if he were a homebody, or agoraphobic, can you imagine.

He found his owl at the edge of the woods sitting in an old maple waiting for him.

"Good morning girl. Ready to work?"

Her response was to perch on his shoulder and start in on his hair.

"That's not what I meant" but she paid him no mind, she knew best after all.

Leaving his owl to preen her owner, Harry pulled a small book from his pocket. A tome of herbs, or so Simon had called it, written in the common tongue. Thankfully this turned out to be what he understood as English.

Not that it really mattered, Harry didn't need it for the text, just the pictures. He knew little of what he was looking for, had much to find, and was eager to begin.

His owl seemed to sense this and left her work unfinished that he might begin his, winging through the trees as her human ambled along while skimming the marked pages.

His many days cultivating the gardens on Privet Drive at last paid off as he spent hours kneeling, crawling and picking his way through the forest. So many things going into his baskets, bark and roots, leaves and stems, Hemlock and Clover and all manner of things that grow.

He had just finished plucking a patch of poison toadstools when he was confronted with a familiar face, a long pale horse like face.

"Well look who it is" said Harry, stroking the unicorn at its insistence, "If you're here that must mean…"

"Morning Druid."

The dark-skinned dwarf seemed to appear out of nowhere, directly behind him. That didn't surprise Harry so much as finding Hedwig perched on his arm.

"Are we trading familiars then" Harry quipped.

The dwarf chuckled but Hedwig was not amused and shooed off the unicorn before reclaiming her proper perch on Harry's shoulder.

"I guess not" said the dwarf.

"Just as well, I don't think that one would fit on my shoulder."

The two men laughed till Harry held out his baskets and offered his Dungeon Master some mushrooms. Then it was just Harry who laughed.

"That wasn't funny you know."

"To you, probably not, but my godfather would have been proud."

It wasn't a good reason for doing it, but then again it wasn't a not good reason either.

"So, how was your trip?" the dwarf asked through a scowl.

"Twice as long as it should have been" said Harry, his mirth now tinted with shame.

"Oh, got a little lost?"

"Yeah, well there was a bear, and a cave tried to eat us, river tried to drown us…" Harry petered off as the dwarfs snickering grew louder.

"And… *snicker*, how did you find Daggerhold?"

"On fire."

The dwarf nodded sagely as if this was to be expected.

"Did you see who started the fire?"

Harry nodded, "Pack a goblins. Bit different than the ones from my world."

"Part of a well-balanced horde" the dwarf quipped.

"Should we be expecting more?" Harry asked.

The dwarf shrugged, "Goblins are the quintessential minion. They're not very smart, they're easily led, and they breed like rabbits so there's never a shortage to draw from."

"Wonderful."

"I wouldn't be too concerned. Without solid leadership to keep them organized their discipline falls apart very quickly. Most roving bands pose little danger to even moderately skilled fighters."

Harry pondered the dwarf's words for a moment before coming to the obvious conclusion, "Someone else sent that bunch to attack Daggerhold."

"That's probably a safe assumption" the dwarf hedged.

Harry scowled, "Would it kill you to just say yes?"

"Maybe."

"Prik!"

"Right. What she said" said Harry.

"What did she say?"

"No idea. But I know she was right."

The dwarf had no retort for that, so he just laughed, "I bow to an intelligence far greater than my own."

Never one to decline a compliment the regal owl puffed up proudly, much to her human's amusement, "Should I be expecting an attack in the near future?" Harry asked, doubting he'd get a straight answer.

"You should always be expecting an attack" said the dwarf, "worlds a dangerous place."

All true, but not what he meant. The dwarf well knew this and decided to throw him a bone, "To my knowledge, most of the goblins in the area were part of that attack. I wouldn't expect to see more, certainly not in force."

"What about minotaur?"

"Oh goodness no. Minotaur aren't natural creatures. Men who became like bulls or bulls who became like men through the power of Typhon, that's what they are."

"Typhon" not a name he was familiar with.

"God of monsters" the dwarf clarified.

"Sounds like a fun guy" said Harry, "should I be worried?"

The dwarf shook his head, "He's not the reason you're here."

"I see" check one off the list, that just left, how many?

As if sensing what was about to come, the unicorn chose that moment to canter off.

"Now where are you going?" the dwarf shouted, chasing after his ride.

Harry watched the odd couple till they were out of sight before letting out a sigh. It's not like he was expecting it, but would it really kill them to just come out and say what they wanted. He was sure they could get whatever it was done much faster if they just knew what it was.

Though perhaps that was the whole point, not for them to achieve some objective but to run around doing things, like clowns at a circus. Harry didn't like that idea and he struggled to clear it from his mind.

He had almost succeeded, some hours later, as he surveyed his heaping baskets and began to consider heading back to town. He'd found everything he needed and in considerable quantities, yet still he hesitated. Lunch had already come and gone, and Hedwig had disappeared some time ago. He didn't know why he was still dawdling.

Taking up his baskets he began the trek back to town. A trek that was suddenly interrupted when a bush began to shake.

"Grrrr!" said the bush.

Harry paused before the growling bush. The bush, sensing it was under observation growled and shook even more. It might have been concerning if the growling didn't sound so off.

"What the bloody hell?"

"Grrrrr! Drop the baskets. Grrrr!"

"Oh really" Harry said, giving the bush an incredulous look.

"Your money too. Grrrrr!"

"I don't have any money" he hated to admit, even while being robbed.

The bush seemed taken aback, "I… I don't believe you. And grrrr."

Staring at the bush, the very silly bush, he wasn't sure how he should feel. Scared? No. Annoyed? Maybe. Curious? Hmm.

"Correct me if I'm wrong but, are you trying to rob me?"

"That's right" the bush replied.

Harry couldn't help but snicker at the earnest response, "Such vicious shrubs in this forest."

"I'm not a shrub" the offended shrub insisted.

"You look like a shrub" Harry countered.

There was a brief pause before the bush began to shake again. This was followed by much grunting, a bit of cursing and then a butt. The butt led the rest of a three-foot humanoid out of the bush, dragging some manner of animal with him.

"There, see, I'm not, a shrub" he panted.

"What are you then?" because Harry had no idea.

"I'm a gnome" he declared.

"Really?" he nodded excitedly, "and what's that?"

The gnome looked down, "Oh that's my minion" he said crouching to pick the beast, "his names Francis, he's a badger. Say hello Francis."

Badger, that was what he'd been looking for, though the rest was, interesting. "Minion huh?"

"Mm hm, he's very ferocious."

Harry wasn't sure he believed the odd little humanoid. The glassy-eyed look he was getting from the badger made him wonder if it was even alive. Then it snorted, so he stopped worrying.

"And you still think you're going to rob me?" Harry asked.

The gnome nodded while giving the biggest grin, "We're bandits."

Looking him up and down Harry tried not to laugh, "I'm sorry, but I found you more intimidating when I thought you were a bush."

"Whaaaat!" the gnome exclaimed, "what is intimidating?"

"Scary."

"Whaaaat! I'm very scary, aren't I Francis?" the plush badger snorted, "There, see."

Harry did see, and he chuckled.

"Ah! I'll show you" the gnome squawked indignantly.

Setting down the badger, he dove back into the bush and came out with a large double-bladed axe. After a brief struggle he managed to raise it above his head.

"There, now what, you think?" the gnome said as he fought to keep the axe aloft.

Chortling inwardly, "Nope. Sorry."

"Wah! I'll show you."

What he was going to be shown Harry didn't know, but he watched anyway as the gnome leaned back slightly throwing the axe off balance. Struggling mightily, his face puffed out and turned bright red, looking like it might explode.

It didn't, mores the pity, and all that struggling finally paid off when he lurched forward and released the axe. The tool performed one full turn before flopping to the ground two feet from Harry's own.

"Ha… now, what do you… think" the gnome wheezed like he was about to pass out.

Harry looked at the axe, then at the gnome, again at the axe, once more at the gnome, "I think I now have your axe Mr. Gnome."

"Huh!" looking at his discarded axe, then at the bush, he quickly reenacted his attempted assault, "Oh. Ehehe, uh oops."

"Idiot!"

"Now he's done it."

"Right! Plan B."

Stumbling out of the bushes, A half-dozen gnomes rushed Harry with a 'fearsome' battle cry. Each carried some small weapon and clearly intended to do him harm. With that understood, Harry did not hesitate to reply in kind.

The sudden flash of the summoning circle halted their advance and eyes went wide when they saw what came out. Two days practice and a full tank of gas made all the difference as two large timber wolves flanked the druid, staring down the gnomes who gaped like pantomime fish.

For one long moment no one moved. The tension stretched taut as a bow string, seconds feeling like minutes. Glinting wolf teeth shown in bulging gnome eyes while perspiration flowed like waterfalls. It couldn't hold, something had to give.

"I think I pooped" right into that guys pants.

With that done, the tension broke and the gnomes fled screaming into the woods. The two wolves followed along, just for fun, and then it was just Harry and the gnome, the first one.

"So, what else ya got?"

The gnome looked around frantically, spotting the badger, "Minion attack" he cried, hurling the cushy mammalian at the unprepared druid.

"Prek!" declared Hedwig, appearing out of nowhere and snatching the badger out of the air.

"Francis!" but it was too late, and the two animals disappeared into the foliage.

"Guess my minion beats your minion. Anything else you'd like to throw at me?" Harry queried.

A small stone bounced of his chest a moment later.

"Really?"

Seeing he was out of options, and ammunition, the gnome decided on the logical course of action, "Yipe!" turning, he ran screaming like a dying old woman. This lasted for about ten seconds before a wooden boom cut him off.

Following the trail Harry found the unconscious gnome lying at the foot of a tree with a gnome shaped indentation in it. Laying like a piece of old road kill with his limbs in the air, Harry could only shake his head at the gnome.

"This has got to be the weirdest encounter I've had all day" he said.

… that evening, at the inn

The sun was setting as Harry strode into the inn and placed his cargo in the open chair before plopping down in his own seat.

"Evening all."

"Harry, is that a badger?" Hermione grumped.

"His name is Francis" said Harry.

"Prek" added Hedwig, hopping off Harrys' shoulder and onto the back of the badger's chair.

"Why do you have a badger?"

"I don't. He belongs to Hedwig."

"The badger belongs to your owl?"

Harry nodded.

While Hermione looked for words, Harry turned to the corpse of Ron Weasley.

"How was your day Ron?"

"Guh."

Harry snickered, "That good huh."

Ron attempted to lift his head several times but, lacking the strength, only managed to bang it against the table. Harry shook his own before turning back to Hermione.

"Don't even ask" she snapped.

"Oooookay" Harry stared at the female like one might stare at a rabid wolverine, preparing to run.

"It's ridiculous. He has an entire library, full of magical books, and I can't read a single one."

"Uh, I'm sure if you just ask…"

"No Harry! I can't read them. Can't. They're written in some absurdly obtuse dialect that I cannot decipher."

"A language you don't know?" Harry asked to clarify.

"That's what I just said isn't it!"

Harry wasn't sure but at least he understood why library time hadn't mellowed her out like he thought it should have, "You could always come forage with me."

"Out in the forest. Are you crazy? Do you know what's out there?"

Harry nodded solemnly, "Gnomes."