Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or MySpace. -sadface-

Chapter 7 -- Self Inflicted

Remember when I dove into the crowd
And I got a bloody knee under my skin, a mark from wiping out
It brings back the memories
Every bone's been broken
And my heart is still wide open

I can't stop
Don't care if I lose
Baby you are the weapon I choose
These wounds are self inflicted
I'm going down in flames for you
Baby you are the weapon I choose
These wounds are self inflicted
One more thing I'm addicted too

With each scar there's a map that tells a story

what a souvenir of

Young love's like jumping out
An airplane riding a tidal wave on an ocean of emotion
My heart rips me wide open

I can't stop
Don't care if I lose
Baby you are the weapon I choose
These wounds are self inflicted
I'm going down in flames for you
Baby you are the weapon I choose
These wounds are self inflicted
One more thing I'm addicted too

And I cover up these scars
(We'll make it we'll make it but we break it)
And I can't stop seeing stars
(lets hope not die)
Whenever you're around
Around

I can't stop
Don't care if I lose
Baby you are the weapon I choose
These wounds are self inflicted
I'm going down in flames for you
oohhh you are the weapon I choose
These wounds are self inflicted
One more thing I'm addicted to

I can't stop no I can't stop
no I can't stop
Ohh I'm going out in flames
Ohh I'm going down in flames
Ohhhh
Baby you are the weapon I choose
Baby you are the weapon I choose...

EPOV

I sigh as I lay back uncomfortably in my bed, my laptop balanced on a pillow. Bella should be on in a few minutes and I would be able to talk to her. Late afternoons and evenings were becoming the highlight of my life. Some of my friends would come visit me, but they were few and far between. I mainly talked to people online. But no matter who messaged me, the only person I wanted to talk to was Bella. I threw me arm over my face, annoyed with myself. I can't believe one girl has me thinking this way, especially one who lives halfway across the country. It's not healthy. Just then, a new window poppedpops up from my friend Tanya. She's a nice enough girl, but she is one of the spoiled, selfish brats that live around here; she has bottle-blonde hair, dresses only in top-name designer clothing, and drives around a new car practically every week. For some unknown reason, she likes me and has been trying to go out with me since we met in middle school. I start a conversation with her, trying not to lead her on.

As she rambles on the screen, my thoughts drift to Bella. Over the past week, I've learned so much about her.Bella. I learned that she loves to cook. Her mom's kind of flighty and when they lived together, Bella almost acted like the mother. I learned that her favorite books are all classics, but she is starting to get into some teenage vampire series called Twilight. Her dream job is to write novels, but will probably end up being a journalist because it will give her a semi-steady income. She used to have a hamster, but it died because she forgot to feed it and doesn't want to put another poor innocent animal through that again. She basically amazes me and I can't help but smile whenever we chat, but I know that nothing will ever come out of it.

BPOV

Everyday for the next week, Edward and I talked after school on instant messenger. When we talked, the time flew. I would get home and totally just vegge out in front of the computer, chatting and laughing with him. I really got to know him, not just superficial things, but really random things too.

For example, he was a dog person, but he tolerated cats. He loves his mom's chocolate chip cookies. His favorite food is spaghetti. He has a "pet" cactus because his mom won't let him have a pet because it might back a mess and he kills just about every other plant by not watering it enough. His favorite cereal is Honey Nut Cheerios.

Every time I learned something new about him, I fell a little bit more. The only reason I allow myself to fall for him is because he will never like me back and I will never meet him. He is like a celebrity crush, just slightly out of reach.

It's currently Friday night. I just got off the computer and am working on homework. My thoughts keep drifting back to Edward, but I really am trying to focus on this. Really. I am. I sigh, pushing my math book away and rub my temples, trying to force the oncoming headache away. The phone downstairs pulls me out of my reverie and I walk out of my room and towards the stairs.

"Bella, it's for you! It's Jacob!" My dad yells up at me. I bound down the stairs, careful not to trip, and take the phone from my dad.

"Hey, Jake. How are you?" I say breathily into the phone.

He chuckles, "I'm okay. Someone's happy to hear from me."

I laugh back, "Of course, Jake, I'm always happy to hear from you!"

"I was just checking to make sure you're still coming over tomorrow," his voice seemed to suddenly take on a nervous tone, as if he was unsure.

"Silly Jake, of course I still plan on coming over tomorrow. I plan on bringing the silliest chick-flick I can find and force it upon you!"

He laughs nervously, "Okay, I was just checking. I'll make sure to make plenty of popcorn and pick up some extra tissue," his voice returning to the teasing tone he usually uses with me. "So the game starts at two2, so I guess I'll see you a little before that."

"Of course. I'll see you then, Jake. Bye."

"Bye, Bella." He says softly as he hangs up the phone. I look at it a moment before hanging up, confused at his mood swings. I shrug it off and go back upstairs, and back to my homework.


The next morning, I wake up early. I pad to my computer and turn it on. As it boots up, I go downstairs to get some cereal. Charlie, the early riser that he is, is already in the living room watching TV, some pre-pre-game show, by the sound of it. I peak my head in to say good morning then go back upstairs. I log onto the computer and eat my cereal as my settings load. I automatically log into my instant messenger and IM Edward, hoping he is up.

:BellaNuit: Hey, Edward. You awake over there?

:EmoVampGuy08: Yeah, I am. My sleep schedule is sooo screwed up!

:BellaNuit: Well, you haven't really been doing much lately….

:EmoVampGuy08: True. This really sucks.

:BellaNuit: You've been saying that a lot lately.

:EmoVampGuy08: Well, that's because it does. I am so looking forward to leaving this damn house.

:BellaNuit: Yeah, being cooped up could really make you stir crazy.

:EmoVampGuy08: Yeah, well, it won't be too bad, I guess. Winters in Chicago tend to suck, anyways, we get a lot of snow. We don't go out much then.

:BellaNuit: Yeah, I bet. We don't get much snow around here. It usually turns into rain.

EPOV

Bella and I chat for another hour or so about random stuff, mainly about the weather where we live and how much we dislike it.

:BellaNuit: Hey, I gotta get going. I'm going over Jake's house in a bit. There's some game on and our dads watch them together. I still have to go shower and stuff.

My mind goes straight to the gutter as I think about Bella in the shower. I gulp, happy to be alone in my room.

:EmoVampGuy08: Okay, well, have fun. Will you be on later?

:BellaNuit: Yeah, probably. I have no idea when, though.

:EmoVampGuy08: Well, IM me anyways. I should be up.

:BellaNuit: Okay, cool. Talk to you later, then.

:EmoVampGuy08: Yepp, talk to you later. Bye.

:BellaNuit: Bai!

Bella signs off, leaving to my thoughts, which are currently drifting further and further into the gutter. Dammit. I lay back, forcing myself to think of things that are not Bella-centric, like the dead bodies on CSI, a show I have been watching since being home all the time. Thankfully, it works, and my heart slows down to its normal rhythm.

BPOV

I slip the DVD into Jake's player and sit on the floor in front of his bed. He's currently lounging on his bed, his legs dangling off the end. I press 'play' on the remote and flip through the previews to the DVD menu.

Jacob groans from on the bed behind me, "Jeeze, Bells. Not again! Haven't we watched this enough?"

I snicker at him, "You know that watching Ever After while the game's on is a tradition." I glance up at Jake in time to see him roll his eyes at me.

I go back to watching the movie, eating popcorn out of the bowl sitting behind me on the bed. About halfway through, I feel him shift behind me and his legs hang off the edge next to me and his fingers start play with my hair. I lean my head against his knee, smiling contentedly. We remain like this till the end of the movie. When the credits start to roll, I press stop and get up to take the DVD out. Jake catches my wrist and I turn around to look at him. He's looking at the floor nervously.

"What is it, Jake?" slightly confused.

"Can I ask you something?" He glances at my face then quickly back at the floor.

"Of course, what is it?" still confused.

"Uh… um… I… uh… was just… uh… wondering if… um… maybe you would… uh… like to go to the… uh… movies tomorrow with me?"

"Sure, Jake. That would be cool." Even more confused now. Why was he so nervous about asking me to the movies…? "What is it, Jake?"

"I meant as in, like, a date..?" He looks up at me hopefully.

Now, it's my turn to stutter. I never really thought about Jake that way, but now looking at him, I don't know why. I push my feelings for Edward away, knowing that nothing will ever come out of it. Maybe this would take my mind off him "Uhm…"

He drops my wrist and stares dejectedly at the floor "It's okay, Bella. You don't have to spare me."

"No, Jake, that's not it. You kind of caught me by surprise." I laugh nervously. "It would be cool, Jake. I'll go with you… as your date."

He looks up at me, smiling and looking slightly surprised. "Thanks, Bells."

"What movie did you have in mind?" I ask timidly.

He runs his fingers through his shoulder-length hair and laughs nervously "Well, you see, I hadn't really thought that far ahead… I was kind of hoping maybe you would maybe pick the movie…?"

I giggle "Of course, Jake. I was thinking about maybe that one chick flick... the one with Meg Ryan… what's it called… oh, The Women!" I tease.

Jake groans and rolls his eyes. "Anything but that…"

I laugh at him, "I know, I was just teasing. How about Tropic Thunder? I heard it's supposed to be pretty funny."

He smiles at me, "Sounds good, Bells. I'll pick you up at 2?"

"Sounds good. See you then." I walk out of his room, knowing that the game is most likely done.

"Hey, Bella, The game's just finishing. We can leave in a couple minutes." My dad calls absentmindedly from the couch.

"Okay, dad. I'll be outside." I walk out onto the porch and sit on the top step, trying to sort out my racing thoughts and conflicting emotions.

EPOV

Tanya just can't leave me alone! Jeeze! Can't she take a hint?! I sigh as I lean back on my pillows, my laptop sitting on my lap. Tanya has been flirting shamelessly with me for the past hour, and it's mostly a one-sided conversation. A new window pops up, signaling someone new has just IMed me. Thank God. At least it's someone other than Tanya. I click on it and my heart starts to beat a little faster.

:BellaNuit: Hey, what's new?

:EmoVampGuy08: Not much, just sitting here.

:BellaNuit: That's cool.

There's a long pause. Something seems odd. Normally our conversations flow effortlessly.

:EmoVampGuy08: So… how was the game?

:BellaNuit: Oh, I didn't watch the game. Jake and I usually watch a movie while our dads watch the game.

:EmoVampGuy08: Oh, well, that's cool. What movie?

:BellaNuit: Ever After. It's kind of a tradition since I always pick the movie.

:EmoVampGuy08: Well, that's cool. I haven't seen that movie in forever.

:BellaNuit: Yeah, I only watch it when Jake and I hang out like that.

Wow. He must like her. No guy would willingly sit through that movie without some girl he likes making him.

:BellaNuit: Hey, have you seen Tropic Thunder?

:EmoVampGuy08: NahNaw, but I've heard that it's funny. Why do you ask?

:BellaNuit: Jake and I are going to see it tomorrow.

:EmoVampGuy08: Well, that's cool.

Suddenly, anger flares in me and I have to restrain myself from punching the wall. What's wrong with me?!

:BellaNuit: Yeah.

There's a long pause and suddenly, I'm very worried… and slightly jealous.

:EmoVampGuy08: Is something wrong?

:BellaNuit: No, everything's fine. Great, actually. Actually, he asked me to the movie as a date.


A/N: Song is "Self Inflicted" by Katy Perry.

Please don't hurt me! -hides behind chair- Sorry about the cliffhanger, though. But… I am an Edward-lover, so y'all know they will end up together in the end. It's kind of funny because I did date someone else when Jer-bear and I were talking because I thought he didn't like me… and he was going to ask out another chick because he thought I didn't like him.

So… what's with all the acid-trippy Hershey's commercials, anyways? Like seriously… chocolate bunnies running along a chocolate field with a chocolate car driving by?? Dood.

LoVeElle: I'm from "the northern most suburb of Chicago" and I know a lot of people who went to Florida for spring break, so I figured it'd work in the story. And I kind of picture him living in the North Shore, so I figured they would do something lavish for spring break… lol. And you'll see what happens when it happens! Lol.

Sparklemesun00: Thanks so much! I was waiting to write a FanFic till I could think of something mildly original.

Aubrinaa: Thanks! I actually made a playlist for Twilight and most of these songs are on there. :)

Arykianna Cullen: Dork.