My airy, breezy feeling's gone, which sucks! The minute I reached the bottom of the stairs I wanted to run back to the Common Room and beg forgiveness.
I'm such a LOSER!
A first year glances at me nervously and I groan.
Now everyone's going to think I have insecurity issues.
Maybe I do. And I bet they'd be because of her.
I'm a complete sucker for her.
I think I'll go for a broomstick ride. It always clears my head.
And I will NOT fly by her window and apologize until I fall off.
And i will not fly through her window and try and seduce her ot forgive me.
And i will not draw cloud hearts with her name in them in the sky.
I will be resiliant!
The fresh air is always nice. It makes you feel alive but so free and empty at the same time. I can just hear the air and my breathing merging and it's like I'm listening to Beethoven's symphony.
Though from Lily said about that muggle composer, I don't think I'd like his music very much.
Lily.
Why is she in every stupid thought? Why can't I just think a whole series of thoughts and not have her in any one of them?
That'd be amazing! A Lily-free zone! Not even a mention of her existence.
Oh the wonderful simplicities.
But…me being the one and only stupid James Potter – who in actual fact is actually and truly fantastic – cannot achieve that.
This is due to the fact that I, the incredibly stupid James Potter am in love with Lily Evans. So much so that even when I'm in the right – I agree that I'm in the wrong.
Even though she's being a completely stupid and immature cow – I'm going to be the one to apologize. Not now. Not even tomorrow.
But I will.
There goes my Lily-free zone. I just spent five minutes thinking about her. I can't even remember the last time I haven't.
But lets see. Five minutes out of four years won't kill me.
Let's try five minutes of not thinking of Lily.
Eggs.
Butter.
Walnuts.
Cocoa.
Strawberries.
Lily's hair looks like strawberries. And she smells like them.
…AAAAARGH!
This is sooooooo stupid! I couldn't do it! I couldn't bloody do it!
What is wrong with me!
What is…
"JAMES!"
Ok now I need to see a shrink. I'm so obsessed with her that I actually though she flew across me on a broom.
That's how nuts I am.
Firstly, Lily never comes out after hours.
Secondly, she's terrified of heights.
Thirdly, she hates anything to do with quidditch…
"JAMES HELP!"
OH MY GOD SHE FELL!
I swerve my broom and zoom towards my imaginary falling Lily – and ultimately the ground.
Three seconds before we both hit the ground I grab her and try to haul her up – she feels pretty real and…
"WHAAOOMPHAAMUUPH!"
Ow.
Next time I'm going to concentrate on getting back into the air instead of whether or not she's real or not.
"What?" someone groans and I open my eyes and look straight up at a disorientated, but very real Lily.
Ironic, I get her to this position now – of all times.
She opens her eyes and looks at me and I suddenly realize exactly what position we are in.
I sit up abruptly and send her tumbling off of me and stand up, straightening myself.
With my back still to her I grab my broom.
Should I help her up or not?
"James!" her voice sounds urgently just behind me.
Looks like not.
"James," she calls again before I can answer and scuttles to stand in front of me.
I look at her and my jaw tightens automatically.
It's like half of me's angry the other half just wants to be near her.
"What?" I ask carelessly, my angry side clearly in the lead here.
She opens her mouth and then closes it, shaking her head.
"I don't know what to say," she says meekly and I want to just grab her and hold her.
"Well, now that's helpful," I say sarcastically, very surprised at this mean side. How come it never came out before?
"Because it never needed to?" she pipes in and I groan. Even my mean side can't control it.
"What are you doing here Evans?" I ask rudely, ignoring the hurt on her face as I spit out her last name.
"I came to look for you," she answers, trying hard to stand her ground.
"I'm Head Boy," I state, rolling my eyes, "I'm allowed out after curfew."
Her eyes mist over with insult and I feel guilty.
Don't be! She deserved it.
"Yes I did," she answers softly and looks at the floor, giving me time to mentally blow myself up.
"But I didn't come down here to give you a detention," she continues nervously.
"So what then?" I cut her off sharply, "you came down here to get up there," I point up at the sky, "and fall off your broom so that I had to come and throw myself on the floor to get you and we could be friends again?"
Her face actually contorted in hurt this time and I can't help but sigh and rub the back of my neck with guilt.
I shake my head and begin to apologize but she stops me.
"Well if it was such a problem to catch me then I'm sorry," she spits out defiantly, her eyes starting to rage, "I won't try and come and talk to you ever again!"
I look at her aghast for a second, "Fine!" I state back loudly, my frustration building even more and I walk away.
I hear her groan.
"No, James!" she calls and comes running after me and grabs my hand, "please stop."
I look at her rather small hand holding my large wrist and feel myself soften.
"What is it?" I ask tiredly, taking my hand away.
"Look," she says and forces herself to look away from the ground, "I've been an idiot! A really stupid and brain-dead idiot."
HOLD IT!
REEEEEEEEWIND!
Did Lily Evans just say the words stupid, brain-dead and idiot all in one sentence about herself.
She fixes me with a look.
"Yes she did," she states a small smile appearing on her face.
WOW! She just called herself stupid.
I smile and her smile widens.
Oh wait…I'm not supposed to be smiling.
I pull my lip corners together and she rolls her eyes.
"Look James," she continues, "I'm sorry ok. I've been completely immature," my smile starts again but she cuts it off, "as you said, and very silly about this whole situation. I just didn't know what to do."
I don't say anything.
"I mean, I take back quite a lot of the unfair and untrue things about you," she continues, now looking at the floor, "and there are a lot, because you have matured and you have stopped pranking and you've done all those things I basically screamed at you for. So I take back anything that I've ever said that contradicts that and I'm sorry."
She looks up slightly nervously and I'm not sure what to say.
She must've taken my silence badly, as she begins her ramblings again.
"And to prove it to you," she continues, pulling a paper out of her robe pocket, "I'm here. I mean that's got to be something. I got on a bloody broomstick James! And I flew up to…to that height!" she points fearfully and I have to nod in agreement.
She got up pretty high before falling.
She huffs and pushes her hair out of her face, "that's not the point!"
I look back at her and shrug, "just saying."
She sighs and pushes the paper from her hand into mine.
I frown, "what's this?"
"Just look at it."
With one eyebrow raised I un-scrunch the ball of paper and begin reading.
The Giant Squid is a species in a league of it's own and…
Why is she making me read about a Giant Squid?
"Just read the last paragraph.
This creature, though very gentle and adapting and tolerant, finds humans to be, well to put it crudely, absolutely disgusting. They find our structure, our size our sounds and everything to do with our civilization completely abominable.
I look up, still completely clueless. She groans and snatches the paper back.
"I can't go out with the Giant Squid," she says, "it won't go out with me in fact. It finds me…" she looks at the paper, "disgusting and abominable."
I feel a smile starting from my stomach and bubbling to burst through my mouth and I hold back my laughter.
She sighs rather agitatedly.
"So if the Giant Squid won't go out with me then I'd have to choose you anyway. And seeing as you seem to be the only one interested really, which is rather sad because it's caused me to miss your relentless requests to date me, which have stopped, it really only is between you and the Giant Squid so I don't have a choice do I. So I guess I've been an idiot and completely ignoring fate so all I have to say is…"
I burst out laughing, unable to hold it back and she stops abruptly.
Her ranting has always made me laugh, because she doesn't even realize what she's saying.
"I do too!" she protests defiantly.
I shake my head, still laughing, "no you don't!"
She huffs, "are you laughing at me Potter?"
I laugh harder and nod, unable to speak.
She sighs and then stiffens before lifting her head, sticking her nose in the air and attempting to walk away.
"Oh no, Lily!" I call, pulling her back while my laughter subsides, "don't be like that."
"Like what?" she asks sounding slightly upset, "here I am pouring out my stupid stupid heart and trying to get you to forgive me and you start laughing. I don't know why I bother."
"Because I want you to," I say smiling, pulling her in front of me, but closer this time, "it's just that when you pour your heart out, you rant. And when you rant you just say the silliest things."
She laughs quietly and shakes her head, "I do don't I?"
"Absolutely stupidly adorable."
She rolls here eyes, "wonderful, there goes my big finale."
I laugh and pull her to me, wrapping my arms around her, "you're so…Lily sometimes," I state and she laughs into my chest.
"I really am sorry James," she says quietly after a while and looks up, "I just wasn't sure how to react."
I smile and shrug, "well you could try this," I state and kiss her cheek, making her laugh.
"Or this," I kiss her nose.
"Or this," I kiss her full on the lips and we both laugh into the kiss.
She pulls away and smiles, her cheeks flushed, "I'll remember for next time."
We both smile silently and just look at each other.
This is how it's supposed to be. All my anger and frustration evaporated away and just me and Lily.
"So what's this big finale thing you had planned?" I ask, pulling close to me.
She shrugs, trying to seem nonchalant, "oh it's nothing."
I raise an eyebrow, "yes it is. You planned it so I wanna see it. Especially if it's better than the Giant Squid thing."
She narrows her eyes at me and I grin.
"Come on, Lily," I whisper, tickling her sides momentarily.
She sighs, "oh alright."
My smile widens and I pull away slightly and she takes a step back.
"What I was going to say was…well I was going to ask really so…"
"Just say it Lils," I push, trying to avoid a rant.
She scowls at me and then takes a breath.
"Potter," she calls, "go out with me?"
I don't say anything for a while before taking her hand and pulling her to the floor with me. Bringing her close I whisper into her ear, "Fall off your broom, Evans."
She gasps humouredly at the memory and whacks me lightly before sticking her tongue out at me as she kneels, with her knees either side of my legs.
"Already did Potter," she states challengingly, "and you couldn't even catch me!"
"What?" I cry in mock aghast, pulling her down to lie beside me, "I caught you!"
"Just in time!" she retorts, "and you thought I was imaginary. Of all the stupid things!"
I look at her in disbelief. Once again, Lily Evans has rendered me speechless.
My turn.
"Shut up Evans," I growl and kiss her so she can't speak another word.
