Hey, who missed me!! I'm so sorry about the late update but school kicked my ass hardcore x-x I was slammed with four pages of chem work, a two page essay to write for english, a new website to build, a chapter of work in spanish, and another in history. Let me tell you, it took a long time to get my thoughts straight for this chapter and I'd like to thank DaniCullen426 this week for blasting my inbox with a review of every chapter and alerting this story. So I give you chapter 7, Bella's POV, thank you for waiting.


I felt the corners of my lips quirk and I stared, gaping at myself in the mirror of the car. A smile? How long had it been since I'd done that? But so easily the gesture returned while driving with Carlisle. Still, I didn't want to hope. Quickly, I schooled my face carefully blank again. I had expended far too many emotions already and I was exhausted by it. I felt that if I let myself be too happy, too safe, I might jinx it all and it could tumble away from me yet again. I would hold on to this fragile peace of mine carefully, gently; like a frail little butterfly. Lovingly, but just waiting for it to fly it away.

"How have you been?" I finally asked, breaking the warm silence in the car. Too many years since I'd spoken with any of them- I didn't want comfortable silence, I wanted to absorb as much of them as I could while I had the chance.

"We adopted Edward," he said morosely. I could hear the undertones of what he was saying though: 'We should have adopted you too.' But it was too late for apologies. Besides, I had gotten over that a long time ago when Edward told me in the two years that we did talk to each other.

"I know," I nodded. "It's all right you know," I added when I saw him cast me a sideways glance; gauging my cool response. I watched him as well, taking in every detail of him and committing it all to memory; something to cling to late at night. His brows furrowed in confusion and I traced the worried lines with my eyes before elaborating.

"Back then, all of us were young dad; innocent. No one saw it coming, we thought we had all the time in the world," I shrugged, "then it turned out we didn't and you guys realized you didn't want to lose Edward too, I understood, even then," I soothed. "So don't blame yourself. I'm just glad you guys got Edward before anyone else could," I smiled.

"Oh Bella, you don't understand how bad we felt when you were taken away from us," he said sadly. "It felt like a hole had been ripped in our hearts when you disappeared and I suppose sometimes late at night when everyone else is asleep, I can't help thinking that maybe if we'd adopted you sooner we wouldn't have tried to make it up so much," he shook his head. "I'm not saying I don't love them, I grew to of course, but I doubt I'd have ever gotten to know any of them if we'd kept you with us."

"What are you talking about?" I asked curiously, tilting my head as I looked at him, taking my turn now to look confused. Despite the two years of letters, there was still another seven I'd missed out on.

"We have four other children now," he sighed. "Two boys and two girls, all of them romantically involved with each other if you can believe that," he laughed mirthlessly.

"I can see that," I said, sinking back into my seat slowly, processing this new information. "You might not see it dad, but you and your wife; you inspire love in everybody. It's hard not to fall for whoever's around you."

Maybe, it was better that I'd been gone? They had built a whole new family after all and everyone loved one another it seemed. Where did a tainted girl like me fit into such a picture? I would suck away everybody's happiness again. I couldn't go there. Daddy was enough; did I have to ruin everyone else's lives as well?

"Bella, did you ever love Edward?" he asked rather abruptly after things had lapsed back into silence. I'd been staring out the window as we drove, watching the underestimated beauty of the outdoors pass by in a blur of colors; thinking.

"Yes," I answered numbly, nodding my head just a little.

It was better that I left.

"What happened between you two?" he asked, carefully prying.

I would run away.

"I made him hate me," I said stiffly.

I didn't want to hurt them.

"Why?" came the inevitable question.

"I didn't want to hurt him."

Seconds passed and the landscape blurred to nothing in my mind. My eyes were open, but nothing seemed to be processing in my brain. Tree, grass, flowers? Only a blank expanse of never ending white. We could have been driving over pure tundra for all that I could see.

I was floating in a sea of unconsciousness, thoughts unraveling all around me and I drifted lazily amidst the chaotic infinity stretched out around me. It was a sort of peaceful zen retreat as thoughts hummed everywhere, dulled by my own protective barrier lest I drown in it all.

I registered pictures, but not of the outside world. Were my eyes even still open? Was I sleeping; dreaming? Memories flickered by on a reel and I caught brief glimpses of my childhood stuck in a single frame. Why? Every time I looked, I was never alone. I had no memories of my life before Edward.

In every screenshot and movie, he was there beside me, grinning crookedly and as beautiful as always. I found when I thought of my parents that I saw Carlisle and Esme rather than my real parents. I had long since forgotten their faces, to me, they didn't even exist anymore.

Then came the white toothed grin and predator's eyes. Grasping hands, thin as paper, strong as steel. A regal body full of sin. I wanted to cover my eyes but I couldn't move. I wanted to scream, but practice had taught me that no one would hear.

I stood still and watched myself be defiled over and over again. A whirlpool of abuse spiraling all around me. Edward's smiling face seemed to spin and shrink all at once as I grasped for it before my hand was overcome by the reaching arm of another.

I snatched back the limb before I could touch the surface. I would not let this evil man have my Edward too. I would not contaminate his beauty with my dirty hands. I turned away from the painful image, sinking into the devil's chest, letting dark tendrils of his evil wrap around me with an intimate touch.

Edward's smiling face was obliterated with thick black strokes. My treasure, my love, I would protect him if it cost me everything.

"Bella!" A strong hand shook me free of the vines, pulling me loose from the writhing limbs of night. They tried desperately to cling to me but the force of the light made them retreat, hovering just out of reach.

"Bella, wake up!"

It was Carlisle. He sounded so worried. Why was he worried? I did this all for them; he was supposed to be happy. I forced my eyes open, prepared to confront whatever it was causing him trouble when his arms wrapped around me tightly, crushing me to his chest.

"Thank god you're alive," he breathed a sigh of relief, holding me back out but not releasing my shoulders as he looked over me concernedly.

Oh. Right.

I was what was causing trouble.

"What's wrong?" I asked, wondering what had sparked this sudden outburst.

"You," he heaved. "You stopped breathing for a few seconds there; I wasn't sure what I was going to do if I couldn't get you to start breathing again. Even your pulse slowed down drastically," he trembled.

How interesting. I'd come so close to death by simply willing it to be. How many problems that could have solved for me all at once. I wonder if it counted as suicide if you just, gave up. Even my body accepted my will to die. For what purpose did I exist in the first place?

But, I wasn't allowed to think like that, not with daddy sitting right there, watching, waiting for any signs that my body might remiss again. So clearly concerned it broke my shattered heart.

I was not born to or for myself, but rather for others. For Aro to touch, for Caius to hit, for Carlisle to learn to be a parent. What made me, me, was simply a collection of features that I had developed in order to please others. Even with Carlisle and Esme, I'd always done what I thought would make them love me. Always doing for someone else.

"Where are we going?" I asked, trying to divert his attention onto a safer topic, looking away from his face. I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eye.

"Esme's parents left her a house on the far end of Illinois in a little ranch town called Bellville. We've never actually visited after settling the estate matters, but I don't think that man would think to look for you in his own backyard. We'll get you checked out there and make some plans before we go. Shouldn't be more than two or three days."

I wondered if he understood the influence Aro had in the world, all of which would now be completely concentrated on the single task of finding me. Could we afford to try and assume his actions? It wasn't that I particularly was necessary to Aro, but he was not a man accustomed to losing, or more precisely, having something stolen from right under him.

"Is this okay?" I asked quietly, turning to look at him.

"What?" he asked, pretending to misunderstand me.

"You, being here. You've missed your anniversary and you're giving up your family," I said. "I just don't think this should be a we after we get to Belleville."

This time he wasn't acting and his whole body seemed to freeze. "You are apart of my family Bella, I'm not giving up anything. It's going to be us the whole way through."

"And it's going to end up only being us the whole way through," I shook my head. "Aro will do everything in his power to track me down. There's no going back if you stick with me. You don't know how long we might have to run. Are you ready to give up everyone else to be a little girl you knew for three years?" I asked.

I wanted him to say no.

I wanted him to say yes.

I wanted him to be safe but I didn't want to let go.

"We'll stop off for groceries first and then go to the house. We should be there soon," he answered, ending the conversation and giving his own form of approval. He looked as if he was in pain though and I wondered if maybe he hadn't thought about this more than I thought.

"Alright," I nodded. "Grocery shopping sounds nice," I smiled at him. I would enjoy this light feeling growing inside for as long as I could. "I haven't been outside in a long time," I sighed, "I'd like to do something even as mundane as shopping for groceries for once."

"Wait, what do you mean you haven't been outside?" he asked, glancing at me.

"Other than doctor's appointments and flying to and from different houses I wasn't allowed to leave the manor much," I shrugged.

"That's insane, you're not a prisoner," Carlisle argued.

"You don't say no to the devil," I cast a glance at him. "You just duck your head and hope he doesn't burn you. And it wasn't all bad," I cut him off from protesting. "I did really have everything I wrote about in my letters. I even learned how to play the piano a little and he has a massive library to read from."

"Don't try to make it sound nice Bella, even I have my limits," he growled, his knuckles white on the steering wheel.

"What should we eat tonight?" I asked, taking a note from his book and changing the topic again.

"Maybe pasta? Or take out, I don't know if all of the utilities are working or not," Carlisle shrugged. "What would you like?"

I found myself dumbstruck by the question. Just four simple words and I was speechless. What did I like? I hadn't been asked for my own preference in a very long time. I looked outside and checked the billboards, waiting for inspiration to strike me. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd had fast food.

"Umm, Del Taco?" I said, naming the first place I saw.

It was only just late afternoon and we stopped for lunch. The taco tasted like a bite of heaven in my mouth so much so that I ended up ordering four of them and a large cup of raspberry iced tea. It was probably the best meal I've ever had. People were giving me strange looks as I ate because of the sounds I wound up making and Carlisle could only laugh and run a hand through his hair, looking almost embarrassed, but happy.

I was downright bubbly when we went shopping. I felt like some wild foreigner as I explored the carefully stocked shelves, running my hands down the aisles and variety of products. Daddy towed me around like a rambunctious child. It wasn't that I was skipping around singing show tunes, but I couldn't help but want to explore the world I had not been apart of in so long.

Here, in this little random grocery store, on the run from Satan himself with only daddy, my stomach full of good food, I felt so light. Here, I was free. No one knew of my foul body, my sins, my lies. I was just another girl shopping for groceries with her beloved daddy.

We found the spare key in the trellis when we got to the house and all of the utilities were surprisingly already on. We had electricity, water, and gas. The sprawling acres were also nicely secluded and beautifully full of plants. It reminded me of the Washington house only sunnier.

For once the weather reflected my mood even I cleaned up the house, airing it out and opening windows. I unpacked our small trove of groceries and stocked the cabinets, dusting everything out as I went. I lost myself in the tedium of regular life.

Still, cleaning wasn't as much fun as exploring the outside. The grass grew wildly and weeds and flowers grew together in bunches. The ranch house had a homey, almost overgrown cottage feel to it. It was like some fantastic fairy tale.

I lay outside for the longest time in the grass just breathing in the air and staring up at the sky. The grass itched and I swept at bugs, but I couldn't get over the euphoria of it all.

I fell asleep in peace with everything for the first time in a long time.


So this is sort of a transitional chapter, expect things to pick up in the next two but don't expect an update tonight because I've been neglecting my other one and have been getting these ideas nagging my brain for it. I will try to update tomorrow though ^^