AN: Fighting in relationships can cause many issues in a relationship. It could even damage the relationship so much that it would drive the couples apart. But in many circumstances fighting is very healthy... if it's done right. There's no such thing as a perfect couple and fighting will occur, but it depends on both parties whether or not they let it pull them apart.
Then:
Sam craddled his swollen belly as he drifted off to sleep. He begged Castiel to take him to Washington. He wanted to see Dean so bad. He remembered what Castiel had told him awhile ago. He thought about what he wanted to do.
Castiel drove the car down to Washington to see his brother in law. He didn't really want to see him, because he was afraid of what it might do to Sam if things didn't go the way Sam wanted. Looking at Sam, Castiel knew that no matter what he would do anything if it meant that Sam would be happy. Looking back at his life, Castiel never thought he would be this far gone for someone like Sam.
Sam was jerked awake when Castiel shook him. He wiped the sleep from his face and looked around. He recognized the area, because not too long ago he was there seeing Dean on his own. Castiel couldn't always be with him, because of what they do. Now that he was pregnant, Castiel did all the hunts they came across. Sam missed hunting very much, but he made up for it with doing most of the research.
When Sam had gotten so far into his pregnancy that he wouldn't be able to go on hunts until the baby was born, Castiel was adamant about hunting. He wanted to stay with Sam through the whole process, but Sam knew that Castiel wanted to hunt just as much. They agreed that Castiel would still hunt, but the length in between each one wasn't too small.
Castiel got out of the car, and went around to help Sam out. It wasn't possible for men to get pregnant. They just didn't have the parts that could do it, so from anyone else Sam just looked like an overweight man. Knowing this, Sam had no problem going out in public with his belly. Even though he was perfectly fine with displaying his stomach, that didn't mean he was going out of his way to show it off; which was why he had a very large sweater on.
Walking down the street with his husband, Sam felt very sad and disappointed. Why? Because as they were walking passed Dean's home Sam asked Dean, who was out getting his mail, for directions. What happened? Dean gave them a smile and the directions he asked for. What happened after? Dean made his way back into his home. So yeah, Sam was sad and disappointed that his big brother didn't recognize him. What was he expecting? Dean hasn't seen him in almost fifteen years. Sam had no one to blame but himself for getting his hopes up.
Sam and Castiel walked down the street, but they were still close enough to keep Dean's house in sight. Sam leaned into Castiel and sighed. Castiel wrapped his arm around Sam's waist. "What's wrong?"
"Should we be doing this? Should I?"
Castiel didn't have to ask to know what he was talking about. Sam had been questioning their actions since he had brought it up. Sam wanted to know if he should be getting Dean's attention the way they were instead of just going up to Dean in person. Castiel had told him that it would make things simple, but also said that Sam had to go with his instinct.
Sam thought that he just needed to go up to Dean's door, ring the bell and tell him exactly who he was. Then he wouldn't have to make himself known in their hunts to get Dean's team to notice him. It was bad enough that he's already on their list for the crimes he's committed. He looked at the house his brother owned and was proud of him. Dean did so much better than either him or their dad had ever though possible.
Sam pulled away from Castiel not thinking about what he was doing. Castiel didn't say anything, but Sam felt him following him. Was he wrong for possibly ruining his brother's happiness all because he wanted him back in his life? Was he being selfish for taking away his brother's new life just so he can be in Sam's? Was he a terrible husband that he couldn't just be happy with Castiel? Was it wrong of him that he was happy with Castiel, but wanted Dean to be apart of it?
He didn't know the answers to any of these questions which was why he was standing in front of Dean's door.
Sam wanted Dean in his life and to have the chance to be in his. He missed his brother more than anything. He cradled one hand around belly, and the other ready to knock. He took a deep breath, and just before he knocked, he realized something. He couldn't do it. His hand froze, and no matter how hard Sam wanted to knock, he couldn't. He couldn't make himself known to his brother. Maybe he would have if Dean recognized him by his mailbox, but now he couldn't.
Sam stepped away from the door. A single tear fell down his face, but he didn't bother wiping it away. He couldn't do this. He couldn't trade his brother's happiness for his own selfish wants. Sam loved his brother, and if that was true then there was no way he could knock and introduce himself. There was no way he could go in there and bring back the past that Dean wanted to leave behind. He loved his brother so much that he walked away.
As Sam made his way back to Castiel, Sam knew right then and there that their plan to bring back Dean was over. It was no longer needed. Sam was going to be the good brother and leave Dean alone. He was going to accept that this was what his brother wanted. As long as one of them were happy, that was enough for Sam.
Castiel steered Sam to the car and guided him in. He needed to get them back to their motel. He felt that he was in his right to be angry at this whole situation. He didn't want to take it out on Sam, but he was getting to the point where he didn't care. They both knew that he got angry just like everyone else. Closing the door behind him, Castiel took over doing the salt lines. He wanted to make sure that even though he was angry he wasn't going to let that stop him from protecting Sam and their baby.
Sam struggled to take of his shoes to get relaxed. He didn't like constantly asking Castiel to do it for him. He would be lying if he didn't feel the tension from the car. A part of him knew why Castiel was angry, but another part didn't want to see it. That part figured that if he didn't see it, it wasn't there.
Sam was well aware that regardless if he was gentle and caring to him, Castiel did have his moments. If Sam were honest, he would hate to be in a relationship with someone who was always happy. It just meant that they were hiding their struggles from him. He wanted his partner to scream and yell if it meant they weren't holding it in. Castiel had handled his moments in the past and there were many, so Sam was perfectly fine dealing with Castiel's.
He sighed. Sam wasn't going to just sit there and pretend not to notice his partner's inner struggles. When Castiel got angry, he didn't hold back. So, Sam figured that now would be the best time to get whatever he's angry with out in the open. Even when Castiel got angry Sam wasn't afraid of him, but that didn't mean he liked it.
"Cas, what's wrong?"
Castiel didn't answer right away, but instead tried to calm himself down. He hardly ever got angry, and he didn't want to risk hurting Sam. He was calming down, but when he looked back at Sam and saw the pain in his eyes from Dean it all came back. He kept his distance from Sam just to be on the safe side.
"What's wrong?!" Castiel laughed with no hint of humor. "What's wrong is the fact that you still want to see Dean even though he left you for 'normal.' What's wrong is the fact that you don't seem too upset by it. You just accept it!"
Sam knew it was better to let Castiel get it all out with no interruptions, but sometimes he needed Castiel to know that he was just as angry with this whole situation as he was. He struggled to his feet but stayed away from Castiel.
"Screw you!" Sam yelled. "I'm beyond pissed off by this whole thing. Don't you dare say that I've accepted this. I hate that Dean left me alone to deal with John, but I hate it more that my own fucking brother didn't even recognize me when I've spent the last ten years watching him."
Castiel rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "What about the fact that you spend so much fucking time trying to get Dean back, that you forget that I'm here! What about me?" Castiel stepped closer to Sam with fury written all over his face.
Sam stepped back not because he was afraid, but to protect his belly. He knew that Castiel would never intentionally hurt him or their daughter, but Castiel was too unpredictable when he was angry. He knew that after this fight, Castiel would apologize nonstop for risking their child's life. So it was best to limit how much Castiel would have to apologize for.
"Don't come any closer, Cas." Sam ordered putting his hand out. "You want to yell at me, fine, but don't you dare come closer to me."
Castiel smirked. Sam gulped. It was the same smirk that he gave the monsters that they hunted. Sam had seen it enough to know what the meaning behind it was.
"What's wrong, Sammy? You afraid? You afraid I'm going to hurt you?" Castiel was just all the more closer. "What about me? What about all the hurt you've caused me with your desperate attempt at getting Dean back? I know for a fact that if Dean wasn't your brother, there would be no need for me. Have you ever thought about what this all doing to me?!" He yelled.
Sam stopped when his back hit the wall. "Of course I've thought it. I've told you as much as we've talked about this that you're enough for me. You know damn well why I want Dean in my life. I love you, Castiel. When will you believe that?"
Castiel shook his head. "You don't love me, Sam. Stop lying! If I was enough for you... if you loved me, we wouldn't be going through so much trouble trying to get your damn brother back. Do you realize what I've gone through for you because I love you? Do you realize that I've given up everything that I know because I love you? I helped you stop the end of the world. I saved you from the pit damn all the consequences from both sides. I married you even though you're not like me. I've killed to protect you."
Castiel was now standing right in front of Sam. Sam could see the tears behind his anger. He wanted to speak but his voice wouldn't obey. He couldn't even look away. "I would die for you, Sam, and you know that. In fact, I have. I betrayed my family because I love you. I killed them for you. Why aren't I enough for you? Dean's your brother and you love him. I understand that, but what about me? What happens if Dean comes with us? Am I going to be pushed aside? Am I going to be thrown out because you finally got your brother back? What happens if he doesn't come with us? Am I going to have a husband that won't be happy unless their brother is there?"
That cut Sam so deep, he didn't ever think it would heal. "I know exactly what you've done for me. I was there you asshole! I tell you all the time... I even show you that you're it for me. I want you... I need you. When will you understand that I need Dean in ways that a husband can't give me? But my needs for you are just as greater and more important than my needs for him."
Castiel looked down and closed his eyes fighting back the tears. He wanted to desperately to be enough for Sam, but he knew that he never would be. It will always be Dean that Sam needs. Castiel would always come second to a man that ran out on his family. He looked up Sam and still pissed he slammed his hands on each side of Sam head. He ignored the slight fear in Sam's eyes, and the way that Sam covered his belly.
"When I am going to be enough for you?" Without waiting for an answer, Castiel walked away. He made his way to the door.
Sam jumped back when Castiel hit the wall. He was scared, but not of what Castiel did. No. He was scared of how much hurt Castiel was feeling all because of wanting Dean. He was scared as he watched Castiel made his way to the door. His heart skipped a beat. He couldn't let this happen.
"Castiel, don't leave." Sam followed Castiel and tried to reach out to him, but Castiel pulled away.
"Why? It's not like you ever wanted me here anyway. I was just here until you got Dean back." Castiel opened the door.
Sam fell to his knees holding his pregnant belly. He looked up at Castiel and felt tears falling down his face. It was happening all over again. "Don't leave me. You promised we would always be together! You can't leave me here alone."
Castiel didn't move, but he didn't say anything either.
"You can't break your promise to me," Sam said softly.
With his back still to Sam, he said with as little emotion as he could. "I can't leave someone alone who never wanted me to begin with." Sam didn't hear anything else but the terrible sound of the door slamming shut. Sam shut his eyes tight and cried.
Sam didn't know how, but he found himself on the bed. He looked at the clock on the wall, and saw that it was three in the morning. He frowned. Castiel had been gone for ten hours. He buried his face in the pillow and sobbed. He had been hoping that after an hour or two that Castiel would come back. After four hours, Sam thought that Castiel was caught up in something that needed his attention. Maybe that something was preventing him from coming back. After seven hours, Sam was getting a little angry that Castiel was focusing on whatever it was that was getting his attention instead of coming back. After ten hours, Sam gave into the belief that Castiel wasn't coming back.
His daughter decided to make herself known and gave a small kick. Sam smiled sadly, and touched his stomach. "I miss him, too." Sam had expressed his missing Dean very much to Castiel, but right now he wasn't even thinking about Dean. Right now he was missing Castiel so much more than he ever did Dean.
Around five in the morning, Sam felt himself being woken up. He didn't move to notice who it was. He didn't have to open his eyes to confirm who he knew it was. Sam just needed to feel to recognize who it was that was wrapping their arm around him pulling him into their chest. Breathing in the man's cologne, Sam cried once again.
"I'm sorry," Sam said breaking the silence between the two. "I'm sorry for making you think you weren't enough for me. I love you so much, and you're everything that I could ever hope to have in my life. I'm sorry that you've given up everything you know for me. I'm sorry that I want Dean back in my life. I'm sorry that I-"
Sam was silenced when Castiel pressed his lips against his. They went on like that for a short time until Castiel pulled back. "You don't have to be sorry. I know you love me. I guess I let my jealousy get in the way of that. I know how much I mean to you, because you get the same look on your face when you see me as I do when I look at you."
Sam pulled Castiel in closer and buried his face in Castiel's chest. "Why did you come back?"
Castiel chuckled softly. He put his cheek against Sam's head. "For someone as smart as you, you sure are dumb." He whispered, "I came back, because I love you with all my heart and soul. I've been outside the whole time. I'm so sorry for leaving at all. I know how much that reminded you of Dean leaving."
"Please, don't ever leave me again." Sam pratically begged. He didn't know if he could go through something like this again. He could handle their fighting. Sam knew it was healthy for couples to fight, but watching Castiel leave the way he did Sam didn't know if he could go through that again.
"Never," Castiel choked out. Leaving Sam was the hardest thing he's ever done. Even though he was only outside, he still heard Sam's crying. It hurt him more than being killed by Lucifer. He swore to Sam that no one would ever harm Sam as long as Castiel was there. He just didn't realize that his leaving would cause Sam more hurt than he could ever get from someone else. Even from Dean...
"I will never leave you, and I'm so sorry for hurting you. I promise that I will stay by your side." He could feel Sam drifting off to sleep. Castiel promised that in the morning, Sam would eat the food that he had brought. He was about to drift off as well, when he heard Sam speak.
"How long will you stay with me?" Sam mumbled tiredly. All that crying and worrying made him tired, and now that Castiel was back Sam could give into the darkness knowing that he won't wake up alone.
Castiel said softly, but no doubt lovingly, his usual response. No matter how many times he would need to say it to Sam, the words would never mean anything less than the first time he said it. If anything, after what they've gone through to get here, it meant so much more. "Until the world stops spinning."
Castiel was awoken by the scream of his name and a pillow to the face. He sat up and looked to the source of the screams. He jumped to his feet when he saw that it was Sam yelling for him. Sam was hunched over holding his belly.
"What's wrong?" asked Castiel in full panic mode.
"The baby," Sam said through clenched teeth. "The baby's coming."
Castiel's eyes widened. He went to grab the keys to the Impala. He pulled out his phone and called the doctor that they've been seeing for the passed nine months.
"Castiel? What's wrong?" Castiel could tell by the sound of her voice that she was asleep. He rolled his eyes when he thought how stupid he was. It was six-thirty in the morning.
"The baby's coming!" Castiel screamed into the phone. He was already getting Sam into the back of the car. This was his first child, so he was obviously going to freak out.
"Okay. First of all, calm down. Until that baby is born, right now Sam doesn't need you to be freaking out with him. He needs you to stay calm for him."
"I'm as calm as I'm going to be!"
"Second, you two need to get your asses here quickly. How far are you guys out?" By his silence the doctor knew the answer. "Okay. I need you to-"
"Hello?" Castiel said when he didn't hear anything else. He looked at the phone and cursed when he realized his battery had died out. "Fucking phone." He threw it to the seat next to him and floored the gas pedal.
This was the only time Sam wished he was a woman. Because if he was a woman, then he could just go to the nearest hospital, but no! He had to have been a man and could only see a doctor that knew of the supernatural and of their situation. If he would've known that he was going to give birth, he would've skipped seeing Dean and gone straight to the doctor. He was about two weeks early, so he would obviously not think about giving birth. Now they were fucked.
"Cas," Sam said through his deep breaths.
Castiel didn't want to turn away from the road. He was going so fast, he was breaking every traffic law there was. He even managed to lose a police car. "What?"
"How far out are we?"
Castiel didn't want to frighten Sam, but this wasn't something he should lie to Sam about. He rubbed his face in frustration. "Too far."
There was silence in the back for a few moments. Until, "Pull over."
Castiel looked around. They were in the middle of nowhere. There was nowhere to pull over to. He expressed this to Sam, but only got an evil glare in return. So, he did as he was told. He got out and went to the back to check on Sam. He got Sam's phone, and cursed once again when he saw that Sam's phone was dead. Of all the time for their phones to die it had to be right when they needed them most. Seeing the state Sam was in, Castiel knew that their daughter was coming. So if they were going to go through with the birthing process, Castiel needed to get what they needed... now.
Castiel helped Sam up to lean against the door. He wished that they had a third person to help, because he wanted to hold Sam's hand so bad. He looked up and down the road and knew that they were on their own. He was going to have to deliver their baby girl himself. Then again even if someone was there, he didn't trust anyone enough to be anywhere near Sam. He didn't even trust the doctor they were going to go see, but he knew that Sam needed her.
He ripped off Sam's pants and got out the spell that they had planned to use to change Sam's body so he could deliver naturally. And right now that included going through it all without any medication. Medication that would've helped Sam through this. Saying the spell, Castiel had to wait for it to do what it needed to. Castiel was too busy trying to calm down Sam to see his parts changing.
Castiel was in the trunk getting a blanket and some water when he heard Sam.
"Cas!" Sam yelled. It was then that Castiel realized that their daughter was coming. He positioned himself in front of Sam, and coached him through it. Sam was in so much pain, and he didn't think he would ever have to give birth to their daughter with no medication to help. He loved her so much, but right now he just wanted her out.
"Castiel," Sam said through his tears and pushing, "I don't want to be pregnant anymore."
He heard a chuckle. "After she comes out, you won't be."
Sam pushed a few more times crying out in pain. He struggle out, "I'm never getting pregnant again."
"I promise never to knock you up again. Let's hope that God only meant for you to have one child."
It went on like this for awhile. Sam would push and yell, and Castiel would take it and coach him through the pain.
"Is she out yet?" Sam asked leaning back against the door with tears falling down his face.
"I think you would know that better than anyone," Castiel said. But the annoyed look on Sam's face, Castiel cleared his throat. "Not yet."
Sam was in so much pain, and wanted this to be over. He even thought about giving up. He was regretting so much for deciding to do this naturally. It would've been so much easier with a C-section. He didn't know why he thought he wanted this.
"I don't want to do this anymore. I can't." He shook his head feeling so many tears fall down. He was still pushing when he needed to, but he wanted to stop. Then something convinced him otherwise.
"Don't you give up, Sam!" Sam looked around. He knew that wasn't Castiel's voice, but it sounded familiar. "Don't you dare think about giving up! You can do this. I need you to do this. Do it for her." And that's what he did.
Castiel watched as slowly but surely their baby girl was coming out. Castiel readied himself to help her. Sam gave several more pushes and he fell back in relief when she finally came out. Castiel held her, and with the scissors that they had kept in the trunk he cut the cord.
Sam fell back in relief and exhaustion when he felt her come out. He even felt relief when he heard her cry. He tried to keep his eyes open long enough to see Castiel take care of her. He couldn't really get a good look at her, but he trusted Castiel knew what he was doing. When Castiel was done with everything he needed to do, he got in and placed her in Sam's arms. He closed the door, and got in on the passenger side and looked down at the two people he loved more than himself... more than life itself.
Sam looked down at his baby. The same baby that he had carried for nine months. The same baby that was a gift from God. The same baby that both he and Castiel helped make. He loved her. He didn't care about the pain he had felt and was still feeling. Looking at their daughter, he knew he would go through it all again if it meant to have what he was now holding.
Sam looked up at Castiel and smiled. "I love you."
Castiel leaned over and kissed the top of Sam's head. He touched her head and knew that this was just another reason to add to his list on why he loved Sam. She was beautiful. She had chubby cheeks, and her eyes were bright blue with a hint of green in them.
"Sam, I want you to get Dean back." It came out of nowhere but as soon as those words left Castiel's mouth, he knew they were true.
Sam shook his head. "No. You're enough for me. I only need you."
"And you have me, but you need him to. I'm okay with that. I understand that there are things only a brother could give. I was selfish to think that I can have you all to myself. Besides, I can't have all of you when there's a part of you that is only meant for Dean. Just as I know that a part of him is only meant for you and you alone."
Hearing Castiel say that, Sam knew recognized that voice. Maybe it was all in his head, but it didn't matter. Sam knew without a doubt that that voice was Dean's. "I'm sorry for making you think I didn't want you."
Castiel sighed. "I was wrong to make you think that I was the only one that has given up so much in this relationship. If anything, you've given up just as much." Sam was about to speak, but Castiel cut him off. "No. Hear me out. You gave up all you knew about the supernatural to be with me. You knew what I was, but you didn't let that get in the way of loving and accepting me. Everything you've ever learned from your dad and what you've hunted told you to kill me, but you gave me the chance to prove to you that I do love you. Even when it was me and you against many of our enemies, you still trusted me to protect you. Regardless of everything I did for you, you did just as much for simply loving me. So if you want Dean with us, I'm with you... until the world stops spinning."
Sam and Castiel stood where they were for quite some time. She had latched onto Sam's nipple and began to drink. Sam felt wonderful at the feeling, and he would be sad when the day would come for her to be too old for this.
"Now, what do you want to name her?" asked Castiel. It came time for them to make their way to Sam's doctor. Castiel drove and waited for Sam's answer. They didn't spend as much time thinking about names as they should have. Sam thought of potential names for their child, but looking at her sleeping in his arms he knew.
"I love you, Sam." Sam smiled at the voice. He didn't know how he was hearing his brother, but he loved it. It was like Dean was whispering it in his ear behind him.
"Deanna." She opened her eyes and it like she looking into his soul. "Deanna Cassie Winchester."
AN: So no relationship, not even Sam and Castiel's, are perfect. Next chapter will pick from the last. I hope you liked it. Until next time. -Kauri510
