Tobi found better to dress the baby in a fluffy snugglesuit that had a hoodie; the others could arrive in the morning and they would take a look at the baby, and Tobi needed to hide baby Kakuzu's baldness. "It's a good thing Kaku-chan doesn't talk yet, ne?" He said, rocking the baby back and forth until Kakuzu started to fall asleep. He gently laid the baby in the crib and covered him with his blanket. "Nighty night, little Kaku-chaaaan..." Tobi prepared himself to go to bed too, and he had chosen to stay in Kakuzu's and Hidan's room just in case the baby needed him. The next morning would be a tough one...
Early in the morning, Tobi woke up and checked up on the baby; Kakuzu was awake, but lying quietly, concentrated in sucking on his pacifier and playing with his blanket. He gave a cute dimpled smile when he saw Tobi's masked face over the crib. "Hey Tobi..."
"You're a better boy than Uncle Tobi, little Kaku-chan!" Tobi gently patted the baby's hooded head and went to the kitchen to fix something to eat. He took Kakuzu's baby book with him, so he could write some more.
"Tobi should add some photos to the book..." Tobi said, absent-mindedly, while flipping an omelette. "Deidara-senpai would appreciate that and forgive Tobi..."
"Forgive Tobi for what? Un." A low voice ghosted behind Tobi, making the good boy send the concoction to the ceiling.
"AAAAAAAH! SENPAAAI!" Tobi put his gloved hand on his chest, panting. "T-Tobi is so glad to see you back! But Tobi almost d-died of a fright!" The blonde smirked and rolled his eyes.
"Too bad you 'almost' died, un. Now, you expected me to forgive you for what?" Deidara said, in a stern tone, crossing his arms above his chest.
"For... For..." Tobi fidgeted, Hinata-style. "For b-burning the food!" He pointed at the omelette stuck on the ceiling, like a messed up wallpaper. "Um, where's Sasori-san?"
"He's probably in Kakuzu's room, he wanted to greet the baby before anything, un." Sasori entered the kitchen cradling Kakuzu carefully.
"Kakuzu's wide awake, and he seems to be fine..." Deidara approached them, beaming as if Christmas had arrived.
"Hi there, little Kakuzu! Did Uncle Baka take good care of you, un? Um, Tobi, why is he wearing that silly hoodie? It's not that cold..." Sasori handed Kakuzu to the blonde and Tobi started to sweat and tremble, he could only think of the torture he had to endure. Meanwhile, Deidara cuddled the baby and kissed his plump cheek. "You little cutie, un! Let Uncle Dei take this hoodie off, I miss playing with your hair..." Kakuzu giggled, happy to see Deidara and Sasori again.
"Uh-oh, Tobi has to get some wood for the stove, jaa ne!" He tiptoed to the forest, just waiting for the worst to happen. And it happened.
A piercing screech echoed inside the whole Akatsuki base. "TOBIIIIIII, WHAT HAPPENED TO KAKUZU? UN!"
Sasori warned his partner, pointing at a terrified Kakuzu: "Deidara, don't shout, Kakuzu's going to..."
"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" The stitched baby wept pitifully, frightened by Deidara's anger. The blonde immediately snuggled him, shushing and soothing him while Sasori stroked Kakuzu's somewhat bald head.
"Shhh, there, there, Uncle Dei's not angry at you, Kakuzu... I'm sorry, un..." Kakuzu calmed down a little bit and both men stared at what was left of his hair. "Look, Danna, that idiot had the nerve of tying his hair, un..." Sasori couldn't help but chuckle, flicking the baby's tiny dark-haired lock that still had a cute little purple bow.
"Very typical of Tobi... I remember he wanted to do pigtails on his hair. Poor Kakuzu." And the puppet master turned to the baby. "Don't be scared of your Uncle Dei, little one..."
"Why... Why were you yelling? Did I do something wrong? I was in bed all the time..." Kakuzu sniffled and whimpered softly and leaned on Deidara's chest. The blonde patted the baby's back, while Sasori prepared Kakuzu's bottle. "And I'm hungry... I'm... I'm..." And cried again. "Nyeeeeeeeeeeeh!"
Meanwhile, Kisame and Itachi were on their way to the Akatsuki base, and they eventually saw Tobi passing by and climbing a tree.
"Hey Tobi, what's the hurry? Don't tell me Deidara is home already." The blue swordsman laughed.
"Something like that, Kisame-san! Please help Tobi, senpai is going to kill Tobi!" He screamed from the tree branch where he was sitting on.
"But what have you done, Tobi? Did you mess with Deidara's clay?" Itachi, with his usual tranquility, wanted to know what was going on. Tobi shook his masked head and started to tell them what happened.
At the Akatsuki headquarters, everyone seemed to have calmed down; Kakuzu was nestled in Deidara's arms, having his bottle and clutching his blanket. His big eyes were gazing up on the bomber's, as Deidara smiled at him and pecked him on the forehead. "You're too cute for your own good, un." As soon as Tobi timidly got into the room (followed by Kisame and Itachi), though, the blonde frowned, sitting the empty baby bottle on the table. "Well, baka, better have a good explanation for this, un." And he handed the stitched baby to Kisame. "Want to burp him, Kisame no Danna?"
"Sure! Come over here, Kakuzu-kun..." Kisame gave a toothy grin while putting a towel on his shoulder before placing Kakuzu on it and patting his back. "Deidara, Tobi didn't mean to harm the kid, just listen to him."
"Senpai, Tobi wanted to turn Kaku-chan back to normal, you all seemed to miss the old Kakuzu-san around! So Tobi remembered the hand seals, but the sequence must be wrong, Tobi is so sorry!" The good boy pleaded on his knees, comically, of course, because this is Tobi. But he was being sincere, he really didn't want to hurt Kakuzu.
After burping the baby, Kisame handed him to Itachi, laughing softy. "Kakuzu-kun isn't hurt, his baldness made him even more babyish." Deidara's angry look softened a little bit, as he sighed.
"Old Kakuzu sure is missed, Tobi, but that doesn't mean we're not fond of the baby, un... Even Hidan sort of likes him. I'm not going to punish you, mostly because there's a baby in here and I don't want to expose him to violence, un..." Tobi let out a sigh of relief, but gasped when he met his senpai's stare. "But don't you try my patience! Un!"
"Hai! Tobi will be a good boy as always, Deidara-senpaaaai! Arigatou!" The orange-masked man saluted, then waved at the baby and proceeded to prepare lunch.
Itachi held Kakuzu at his eye's level. "Come on, Kakuzu, it's time for you to learn to talk... Why don't you try talking a little to Uncle Itachi?" He cooed and babbled to the baby. "Goo-goo-da-da... Gaa-gaa... Ma-ma..." Kisame cackled, amused.
"But, Itachi-san, you're teaching a baby how to baby talk!" Everyone laughed. Kakuzu, as always, grunted, spitted bubbles and made funny raspberry sounds while flailing his arms. Itachi cradled the baby and kept talking gibberish to him, in the hopes Kakuzu could imitate him. Suddenly...
"A-goo..." Kakuzu uttered, shyly. What do you know? Itachi's method worked! Tobi clapped hands, while Kisame and Deidara were surprised. Sasori smirked, along with Itachi.
"Awwww, how kawaii is that? Little Kaku-chan can talk!" Tobi jumped up and down, while Itachi bounced the chubby baby on his lap.
"What's wrong with me? I can't just talk like this..." Kakuzu was disappointed; he still couldn't voice his thoughts the way he wanted. But he smiled and babbled again when everyone started to coo at him. "A-goo, hee-hee... A-goo!" Suddenly, he yawned, he seemed tired.
"I guess Kakuzu needs a nice nap after lunch." Sasori said, patting the baby's head gently. Itachi nuzzled Kakuzu while heading to where his crib was. Kisame smiled at the baby in the crib and gave him the pacifier.
"There you go, little guy, now go to sleep like a good boy." He spoke softly and headed to the kitchen. Kakuzu grunted and played with his blanket for a while before drifting into Slumberland.
After an hour, lunchtime was over; Kisame and Itachi went to the training grounds, Sasori was fixing his puppets and Deidara was sculpting in their shared room. Tobi, after doing the dishes, found better to check up on the baby. "If Kaku-chan is snoring, that means he's fine..." The good boy giggled and left Kakuzu's and Hidan's bedroom. It was TV time, and he didn't want to miss the cartoons... but he missed them anyway, because he fell asleep on the couch.
About an hour an a half later, Hidan arrives, all covered in dried blood and dirt and holding his scythe. "Fuck, I seriously need a bath... I HOPE THE FUCKING BATHROOM'S NOT BUSY RIGHT NOW!" He shouted, so everyone could hear. Tobi woke up and jumped from the couch.
"Eek! Hidan-san, is that you? You look like you came back from the dead!" The albino rolled his purple eyes and huffed, placing the scythe on a corner.
"I can't die, you idiot, have you forgotten that?" Hidan spatted and headed to the bedroom, where the baby was, to get some clean clothes. He heard Kakuzu's snores and chuckled, but didn't want to wake him up. The baby was totally covered by his fleece blanket, and stirred a little.
After the shower, the Jashinist went to the kitchen, he was starving. Meanwhile, Kakuzu woke up and started worming around inside the crib, until he found something interesting to play with. As soon as he found his rattle, he lied on his back and shook the rattle happily, flailing his chubby legs and grunting. "I like this sound. Reminds of coins. Lots of them..."
From the kitchen, Hidan could hear the mad rattling noise. "I guess the little bastard is up." The albino laughed, with his mouth full of food. Tobi nodded.
"Hai! And little Kaku-chan is learning to talk, Hidan-san! He's a clever cute baby!" Hidan snorted.
"I'm fucking sure his grunts are more understandable now..." Hidan finished his meal and put the plate in the sink before Tobi handed him his necklace. "So Kakuzu found the fucking thing on the ground, right?"
"And he gave it to Tobi... No offense, Hidan-san, but Tobi thinks Kaku-chan dislikes your rosary." The silver-haired man frowned, as he fixed the necklace's clasp; he knew Kakuzu was like that because of that damn smack on the baby's hand and the scold. But the little asshole was asking for it... Wasn't he?
Kakuzu kept playing with the rattle until he heard footsteps and felt a familiar chakra. "It's Hidan!" And the baby quickly covered himself with the blanket. As Hidan entered the room, he noticed the baby was giggling under the blanket and smirked.
"Oi, Kaaakuzuuuuu... Where the fuck are you?" Hidan pulled the blanket from Kakuzu's face, grinning. "There you are!" But his grinning face was replaced by a flabbergasted expression. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?"
Tobi ran to the bedroom, only to find the angry zealot pointing at the bald baby in the crib. "Did you have something to do with this, Tobi? What happened to the little fucker's hair?" The orange-masked man gave a comically high-pitched whimper and explained the whole thing to Hidan. Meanwhile, Kisame and Itachi were back from the training grounds.
"I should sacrifice you for doing that, Tobi." Hidan said, clenching his teeth. "You orange heathen... Thanks to you, he looks like a fucking stitched Kewpie doll!" At that, Kisame burst out laughing.
"It's not that bad, Hidan, Kewpie dolls are sickeningly cute..." Kisame asked, getting a small round mirror and putting it in front of the baby's eyes. "Look at the cute baby, Kakuzu-kun!"
"Little Kaku-chan laughs like a chipmunk when he stares at his own image in the mirror, Kisame-san!" Tobi chirped happily.
"Funny hair..." Kakuzu pointed at his own reflection, giggling. "Hee-hee... A-goo..." He laughed even more when Kisame shaked the mirror from left to right. "A-goo!" The albino cackled and poked the baby's nose, amused.
"Yeah, yeah, 'a-goo' yourself, Kakuzu." Kakuzu was astonished, as he reached out a chubby hand to touch the cold looking glass in front of him. "Oi, oi, oi, don't grab the fucking mirror!"
The somewhat angered voice of Hidan made the baby pout and look at him with big, teary eyes. The Jashinist sighed and leaned over the crib to start a silly conversation with his partner, maybe that would make Kakuzu forgive and forget. "Um, Kakuzu... Tobi said you found my fucking necklace." He grinned, clutching the silver pendant. "I thought you didn't give a shit to this!" Kakuzu, who was lying on his back, looked away, embarrassed.
"Be glad I didn't break it. If I could walk, I'd throw that stupid object in the toilet and flush it!" The baby mumbled some gibberish; after all, he couldn't still talk properly. Hidan arched an eyebrow and smirked.
"What was that, Fatso? You want me to tickle you? Okay then..." The zealot gave a genuine smile to the baby and reached out a hand to tickle Kakuzu's side, sending him into baby hysterics. "Kuzu, Kuzu, Kuzu..."
"I'm neither F-Fatso nor Kuzu, and I don't w-want to laugh, H-Hidan!" Too late. Kakuzu erupted in giggles and snorts, while worming away from his partner's fingers. "I mean it! S-Stop!"
"Oh, Jashin, it's fun teasing you, Kakuzu!" Hidan grinned, while tickling the helpless stitched baby. Soon he had to stop, he knew very well Kakuzu would get mad; he gave the pacifier to the baby.
"Alright, you asshole, I can see you're gonna cry if I keep going. Come here..." The albino scooped up the baby into his arms and awkwardly snuggled him. "Happy, now?" What Hidan didn't notice was everyone still in the bedroom, wearing funny smiles.
"Aw, Hidan, you do have a soft spot. And you look so ridiculous right now!" Zetsu appeared from the ground and laughed at the scene. Kakuzu rested his head on Hidan's chest, right next to a gash. He firmly stared at the wound, with a concerned look. The albino growled, annoyed. He was about to spit a whole round of swearing when he felt a strange itch on his chest.
"What the fuck? K-Kakuzu?" He gazed down at the baby; from the stitch on his chubby arm, a delicate, silky tendril came out and started to sew the wound up. Kakuzu's big emerald eyes were concentrating on the whole process while he still sucked his pacifier noisily and rested his head on his partner's bosom.
"Isn't he amazing? He's trying to heal your wound, Hidan." Itachi was really impressed. Tobi took Kakuzu's baby book and happily started to write about the baby's achievements.
"Kakuzu-kun does care about his partner, ne?" Kisame said, with a satisfied smile on his face, while stroking Kakuzu's head. Deidara and Sasori entered the room to see what was going on.
"Aw, look, Sasori no Danna, Kakuzu's learning how to sew before learning to walk, un..." And the blonde turned to Hidan. "Aren't you proud of him, mommy?"
"Will you all stop annoying the fuck out of me?" Hidan sneered, but he was interrupted by Sasori.
"Kakuzu finished his work, Hidan. And I must say, what a nice work... The kid's got skills." The redhead smiled at the baby, who gave a shy dimpled smile that was hardly hidden by his pacifier. Hidan's wound has been perfectly sewn up, and now the baby was looking at it with serene eyes.
"Well, don't you have something to say to the baby, Hidan? You ungrateful bastard." Zetsu asked. The Jashinist gazed upon Kakuzu cradled in his arms and smirked, rocking him back and forth.
"Kaakuzuuuu... Why are you so fucking quiet? Oh, wait, he's getting red in the face... Oi! He's peeing on me!" Everyone laughed; Hidan made a disgusted face, while Kakuzu was a little bit embarrassed. Just a little bit.
"It's fun teasing you, Hidan..." The baby let out a grunt of relief; soon Pein and Konan would be back and Kakuzu would enjoy having his "family" around him again.
