Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.
Grammatical errors and shifting verb tenses are all me. As before, the italicized portion of this chapter is a flashback.
I hate to have to say this, but if you are under the age of 18, please find another story to read.
Chapter Seven
I believe, this is what they call, being given keys to the kingdom.
-Will you still have me?
Now that I had been given this opportunity, I wondered if I should take it. What can we do, sneak around until everyone forgets I spent a year teaching at St. Jude's and Bella was my student? Is that fair to Bella to feel like some sort of concubine?
I want nothing more than to have her, there's no way I could deny it. Why even fight it?
I continue to sit, I don't know for what, waiting for a sign? If I move forward, I am doing some seriously bad stuff. And there's no turning back after this time, I know this much is true.
I don't care.
But I continue to sit on my couch, looking out at the blue of the evening.
Then, I feel the vibrate of my phone, pulling it out of my pocket, I look and answer.
"Hey guy, what's up?"
"Dude, why don't you roll out with us? I know Alice was, severe, but you know, that's how she is - get over it," Jasper says, as normal, not mincing his words.
I contemplate the offer. If I go out with them, it's only for distraction, kind of shitty of me to use them that way, and I can't even be honest with and say that's why I'm hanging with them.
"Yeah, where are you two?"
I get the info from Jasper and head out the door. But before I leave, I take half of the pill.
Fuck it, I'll see how the night takes me. I take a cab to meet them and I'm glad this is where they are, quiet, chill, booths, not much chance of me getting in too much trouble.
Alice is surprised to see me when I walk in, I understand since I barely have hung out with them since Bella entered my life.
"Well, look what the Beav dragged in, ol' Ward," Alice said, somewhere between nastiness and acceptance.
I lean over and give Alice a kiss on her cheek.
"Are you on something?"
"You two want drinks?" I don't want to explain shit to Alice. She's not distracted, but lets me have my way, this one time.
Jasper chews on a toothpick and tips his drink towards Alice's, then shakes his half empty glass at me, indicating refills. I go to the bar getting their drinks and drop them back at the table, I'm restless, again feeling, as Bella calls it, sixes and sevens. I don't know what I want to do, or what I need to do.
"Yeah, I'm gonna run across the street, get a pack of smokes, I'll be back."
My shit is all about the oral this evening. I cross the street to the gas station and pick up a pack of Parliaments, Bee thought these were funny, on the rare occasion she would have smoke, she'd ask for a Bootsy Collins.
I walk back and stand in front of the bar, it's surprising, there're no other degenerate smokers out with me. But then, it is still early for a Saturday. I stand, taking a pull on my smoke, watching the ceaseless traffic from the expressway above, creating a certain white noise and I enjoy the brief solitude and darkness while trying to decide what to do.
"Edward?" I hear a voice I know I've heard before. I turn and see the guy with the crepey skin. Tanya's daddy issue time filler. What the fuck was his name?
"Aro, we met at Tanya's party," he puts his hand out for me to shake, I oblige. He pulls out a cigarette of his own and stands next to me.
"How's Tanya?" I ask him.
"Oh, she's alright. I suppose. I only see her once in a while, when she wants something I can provide."
"Yeah, she's like that," I say to him, he won't mind me being honest about that, most anyone who's met Tanya knows she's a user of people. "What brings you around here?"
"Actually, I was arranging for a car, I had some troubles with mine."
I look across the street at the car dealership and wonder how he was hooked up with a dealership on a Saturday night at 11:00 PM.
"Aro, you mind if I ask you something, something personal?" I don't know what's prompting me to do this, but it's out there now.
He seems to think this over for a moment, assessing me in some way before he answers.
"I had to ask you if you wanted to participate in a three-way, I think I owe you to answer a question or two," he says, joking about the uncomfortable situation of how we met.
"True," I let out a dismissive puff of air before I take a breath and proceed. "Have you ever had a relationship that you shouldn't?" I ask this because this guy owned nightclubs, no doubt, somewhere along the way, he dabbled in something he shouldn't have. I don't want to ask this guy what to do for my own situation, but I'm curious how he handled one of his own.
He takes a deep breath. "You're asking if I was unfaithful?"
"Oh, no, not really, I mean, I wasn't asking to pry into your personal life, I just thought, you know, you, being a man of the world, that you might have been in a similar situation as I am, currently."
He laughs. "Man of the world," he shakes his head. "That's rich; man of the world," he trails off, like I was some precocious eight year old boy, unwise to the way things really worked. Finally, he addressed my question.
"Have I ever had a relationship that I shouldn't have?" He repeats my question, then pulls another cigarette out and lights it, I do the same, taking a Bootsy Collins.
"Years ago, before I was a nightclub magnate, as people like to say, I was in liquor distribution, working for my wife's father."
I must have been looking at him a certain way because he clarifies.
"I drove a beer truck. I was young, had a couple of years of junior college under my belt, but got Sulpicia, that was my wife, I got her pregnant, so I dropped out of school and we got married. Her father hated me, hated me for believing that I took the virtue of his only daughter and having to give me a job to support the family we would be starting. He thought I was a failure before we even had a chance to do anything." I looked at Aro, he wasn't paying attention to me, I felt for the guy, what kind of incentive is it to build a life when you've already been told that you were a piece of shit?
"When the child was born, he was dead, stillborn. Sulpicia was angry. This wasn't the life she had envisioned. No one ever thinks that, but she didn't want to marry me, at least not the way she had, she wanted to go to school too, learn computers, get a job in her father's company, work her way up; but he wasn't having any of that. And after spending nine months, having to get married, and have her life set out for her, birthing a stillborn, it was devastating and she was so utterly defeated. Who could blame her, she didn't love me, or she hadn't fallen in love with me, we met on a dance floor, and had sex in the back of my car. No girl dreams of building a future after fucking some guy in the back of a 1977 Mercury Montego." I didn't know if this was supposed to be a joke or not, I kept my mouth shut.
"Sulpicia tried to make the best of the situation, cooking dinners, keep the house clean, all the things a good wife does. I instead, worked two routes. I learned about bars and night clubs, talked with owners and bartenders, learned what people were dancing to, the best DJs, the cool styles, the best drugs. A-listers and riffraff, I new all about it and what made the city tick after the lights of the Loop were turned down."
I chanced a glance at Aro. His eyes were trained to something else, far away. I was surprised he was laying his life's story out to me, I was embarrassed that he was, I hadn't meant for him to go into some heavy duty shit. I dropped my smoke watching the orange embers scatter, trying in vain to continue burning, then I stubbed it out with the toe of my shoe.
Aro continued.
"This when I realized Chicago was missing something, something that New York had, something that I knew Chicago should have. Clubs, you know, big discos. There wasn't anything in the downtown area that filled that need. It was around this time, mid-eighties, where house music in Chicago was just starting to make a real name for itself. I started going to the parties, parties that were probably illegal, but went on, regardless. People would show up, dressed like Elton John flamboyant, but cooler, hipper, more urban than anything seen in the regular bars and discos. God, it was a sight to behold. And the music, it was incredible. Disco, Euro-pop, gospel, electronic beats; all finely honed and meshed together, it was exciting. You gotta understand, this was so new, so different, it was unique, I mean, when was the last time you heard something different?"
I could hear in Aro's voice that he was reliving this through his retelling. I gave the guy credit, he was an after dark visionary.
"I went to Sulpicia's father and told him what I wanted to do. I asked him if he wanted to be a silent partner, to help me start this business. I knew it would be successful, one look at the crowds these parties had and there was no doubt, everything from queens to teens and then there was me, some unassuming 30 something year old guy, how could it fail? It still took several months but he agreed, not for me, but for his daughter, I guess. I had to promise, though, that I would continue to be a driver, Monday through Thursday, it was difficult, but I did it. I opened my first club, Gloaming, and it went from there. Within two years, I had bought out Sulpicia's father, giving him above his asking price, and that was purely out of spite. He still disliked me, but gave me respect for my hard work, I took pleasure in that he was now my vendor and I, his client.
"The club was a great success. I was never home and I left Sulpicia managing our personal finances; investments, property, and the personal payouts."
I again looked at him with question, personal payout could mean a lot of things.
"You can't run a bar, restaurant or club in the city of Chicago without greasing the wheels along the way. Everyone from the Alderman to Precinct Captains, everyone has their hand out. Everyone has a price."
I nodded my head.
"Based on the success of my first club, I opened a second one. The girls were prettier; the music, hotter; the drinks, stronger. Violet asked me for a ride home, and Violet turned into Josephine and Josephine turned into Brigitte, and on it went."
I silently nodded my head.
"And of course, Sulpicia found out, I wasn't exactly being discreet, nothing stays a secret in Chicago. She begged me to give her another chance, she wanted this to work between us, regardless of how it started, she felt we could be together. I didn't even try, I saw pretty girls who wanted me for my name and reputation and connections and Sulpicia wanted me for what was here, and here," he put a hand over his heart, then moved his finger up to his head. "That wasn't sexy to me. I'd had Sulpicia and once she'd been part of my collection, I discarded her without a second thought."
I looked at him when he gave this admission, I didn't know if this was out of guilt or fact. Aro was still looking off in the distance.
"Everyone has their price, Edward, everyone. If I learned anything from owning night clubs, that was it. Everyone has their price. Whether it be a roof over their head, expensive dinners, designer clothing, most of the time it's easy to buy someone. But all Sulpicia wanted from me was my love. And I was too stupid, too hedonistic, to notice, I wanted excess and all of the time. I even had the impudence to ask Sulpicia what she wanted, what her price was. And do you know what she told me?"
I turned to him and shook my head.
"She told me all she wanted was my time, and I laughed at her," this time it was Aro shaking his head, looking down to the ground.
I let out a stream of air. I couldn't tell if Aro was contrite or dumbfounded by his wife's want.
"Who knows what would have happened, we could have still ended up divorced and her feeling like she failed at something else in her life, or hating me without question. But I broke her; soundly. It takes a mighty small man to do that to a woman. So no, Edward, I am not a man of the world, I am a man of his own tiny, little pittance of a world who now fills his time with people who just want me for what I can do for them."
Aro looks at me, searching my face, and wondering if his appalling narrative did anything to assuage my own current quandary. I am impassive, letting his cautionary tale settle into my psyche.
"I hope, for your sake at the very least, that your predicament is unlike mine."
"It is," I pause and think what I should tell Aro. Sometimes it's easier to share with a stranger than someone close, I mean what were my chances of hanging with Aro again? "I want to be with a woman who I can't be with right now," I state. It's the first time I've said anything like this and the moment it left my lips I wish I had kept quiet. What was between Bella and I, should be left between us.
"Hmm," Aro says, thoughtfully. "Is the feeling returned?"
"Yes, as best as I can tell, it is."
"I see," he says quietly, like he's a doctor looking at my chart. "Then I guess you have to decide if the risk is worth the payout."
I look down at the ground, weighing Aro's words. Risk on one side lying in the pan, the payout on the other side, Bella is not a payout, Bella is a reward. But at what cost hangs in the background.
My phone is vibrating against the nightstand, rolling away from Bee, I look to see who's calling at half past dead hour. 2:54 AM on a Wednesday. No phone calls were good at 2:54 on any morning. Carlisle. I grab it and head into the bathroom.
"Hey," my voice craggy.
"Eduh, how are you?" He is trying very hard not to sound wrecked as he is.
"Where are you?"
"Ime almose downstarshs, down-stairsz," he over-corrects himself.
"I'll be down in a minute," I hang up and put on a pair track shorts and a t-shirt that says, "It's the luck of the draw," with a picture of the Suicide King on it. This one gifted from Jasper after an unfortunate trip to Reno.
I make it down, greeting the night deskman before walking out to find Carlisle. He's sitting outside of the adjoining hotel, gripping the edge of an oversized planter, trying to remain upright.
I walk over, putting my hand on his shoulder. "Hey, Carlisle, you okay?" I ask him with as much respect as I can muster at 3: 00 AM.
"Edwurd, ssonn, howe are you?"
"Good, good, come on, I was just making a snack, come upstairs with me, yeah?"
Carlisle pushes himself up and I grab his shoulder, steering him to the door and up the elevator. He stands there with his head hung, awash in shame and ignobility.
We exit and walk back to my place, I steer him to the kitchen table and go about making us grilled cheese sandwiches and some cut apple. Once complete, I sit across from him and wait until he speaks first, although I know what's coming.
He's finished his apple and most of his sandwich, I get up to get him Coke.
"It's almosh 13 yearz," he says.
"So it is," this is not something I would overlook.
"I see it, ev'ry nigh when I close my eyeses,"
"It's time you move past it, Carlisle," I set the drink down in front of him.
He lets out a long expelling of air. He's frustrated, I've watched this just gnaw the ever living shit out of him for years. I know he wants to say something that will give him permission to continue in his self loathing and blame but I don't allow it.
"Come on, Carlisle, you can take a rest in the guest room," he stands up and follows me to his bed for the night.
I take from the drawer, pajama bottoms, towels, bar of soap and a razor. He's fastidious in his appearance each morning after a quietly disconsolate night like tonight. In the morning, Carlisle will once again don his hair-shirt.
Making my way back to the bed, I climb in and nuzzle up along back of Bee.
"What happened?" Bee asks, rolling over onto her back looking up an me, bringing her hand along the stubble of my jaw.
"Nothing, babe," I say kissing her forehead lightly.
"Did I here someone?" She persists.
"Yeah, it was Carlisle, he needed a place to crash." Even in the moonlight, I see the wrinkling between her eyebrows.
"Is he okay?" She continues to probe.
"He just needs to sleep one off."
"Oh," her brow remains furrowed. We both turn to our sides and spoon into one another, I reach my hand over and place it on her breast.
"Gross, Edward, not while your Carlisle is here," I give a low chuckle, she makes it sound like it's male menstruation. I pull her back even closer to me and we rest. In the morning, Carlisle is gone, bed made and towel hanging neatly in the bathroom.
Thursday morning, 1:43, and my phone is vibrating again, only this time, Bee is making her way down my torso with wicked little nips and licks. I look at her and shake my head, equal parts frustration and exasperation.
"Yeah?"
"Mr. Cullen, this is, uh, Gustavo, uh, listen, we have, ah, your uh," Gustavo stammers, afraid by calling me at this hour and the disturbance in the lobby.
"Yeah, Gustavo, sorry, give me a minute, I'll come down stairs."
Bee looks up at me, she was circling her fingertips around and over my nipples, it was having the desired affect on my body.
"You're Carlisle is back," Bee climbs off of me, kissing my sternum, fluffs her pillows and settles herself under the covers. Somehow I went to bed with Mrs. Brady.
And that did it, my hardness begins to wane. Going to bed with someone's mom is decidedly gross.
"I'll be back," I say to Bee, finding a pair of pajama pants and the same t-shirt as last night.
"Eddwerd," Carlisle is worse tonight, slumped on a bench in the lobby, the wall supporting him.
"Come on, Carlisle, let's go upstairs," I put my arm around his waist discreetly and take him to the elevator once again.
Tonight, I set him on the couch in the living room, he's too far gone to sit at the kitchen table. I bring him a cold cut sandwich and sit with him, he doesn't speak.
"You gonna be okay, Carlisle?" I bring him a blanket and pillow and remove his shoes.
"Mmm? Ah, yesh, thanksz, Edword."
"Good enough, 'night," I dim the lights and leave him to his personal grief.
I make it back to Bee and the bed and find her turned to her side, facing my side of the bed, her eyes are closed. I strip away my clothes and crawl back in with her.
I lay on my back and wonder the same thing I do every year, should I talk with Esme about this? I feel Bee's hand intertwine and lace her fingers through mine.
"Are you okay?" Bee asks, and moves closer into my side.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I say with non committal pleasantness. Bee remains silent for a few beats.
"Why does Carlisle drink so much?" She leans down and kisses the top of my wrist.
It's come to this, I had wondered how long I could go without broaching this topic, but it was time my ticket was punched.
"He drinks because of my parents."
"How's that?" She asks, just so quietly because she knows this is the bad shit.
"It's coming up on the anniversary of the night that lead to my parent's death," Bee's grip tightens on my hand.
"What happened?" Again she asks, her voice barely above a whisper. I take a deep breath and begin to share my history.
"My parents were leaving a political event, something on the near West Side. That was their project, their thing, to help economically depressed neighborhoods find their voice in City Council and state and national politics, vote and build pride in the community," I felt Bee continue to hold fast to my hand.
"They had finished up and were leaving, having parked around the corner, on the street. It was raining. Apparently all that could be seen were two figures in the darkness, the street lamps had been shot out and hadn't been repaired yet. A car came around the corner and fired two shots, one shot hitting my father and the other, my mother, the car thought my parents were rival gang members. The house where the event had been, called 911 and had to explain to them the situation, trying to ensure that their response was quick, you know, 911 is a joke in your town, kind of, uh, shit," Bee began running her thumb along top of my hand.
"They weren't far from Cook County Hospital, and yeah, if you're gonna be shot, that's where to go," I said this as wryly as my voice would permit. I continued on. "Carlisle was the Chief of Emergency Medicine and was there that night. All he heard on the radio was that there was a trauma coming, when Carlisle saw that it was my parents being wheeled in, he called in as much backup as he could, surgeons, trauma nurses, whoever he could muster, but it didn't matter in the end. He couldn't save my father, and had to pronounce him dead, my father was never conscious after the bullet hit him. The bullet my mother sustained was lodged in her spine, she was a quadriplegic, but she was pretty far gone, she died a few months later. My parents had it written in their will, I guess, that if anything ever happened to them, that Carlisle and Esme would become my guardians, but my mother still made Carlisle promise to take care of me," Bee still grips my hand but has turned on her side, leaning into me. She remains quiet, I guess taking in all that I just spewed out.
"Carlisle was friend's with your dad?" Bee asked.
"Um, yeah. The story goes, they met in grade school. Carlisle was totally straight laced, studied all the time, never caused any trouble, went to church almost every day, alter boy, planned to go to Quigley and entering into the priesthood."
"What happened?" I knew Bee was taking my mind off of all that I just shared with her, and I was okay with that.
"Carlisle always tells it that he was dissecting a frog in 8th grade science class and knew that God wanted him to become a doctor to help people; my dad told it that puberty hit and Carlisle wanted to see girl's boobs," I laughed. When my dad said stuff like this, I was young and couldn't understand why you would give up seeing the innards of a frog to look at boobs.
"So they remained friends for the rest of their lives?"
"Yeah, Carlisle always acts like he was the voice of reason and my dad was the wild one, but I know Carlisle tore it up too," I stopped and Bee looked up at me.
"Carlisle kind of went around the bend for a few months, quietly sitting in his library getting drunk. Esme didn't know whether to be pissed off at his self indulgence or worried about him being so withdrawn. She kind of settled on anger," I laughed a little bit at this, if for nothing else then to lighten the mood. "She essentially kicked his ass out of that room by threatening to redo it in nothing but pink chintz and kitten paintings."
Bella laid next to me for some time, absorbing my tale. "So Carlisle never got over it?" Bee asked.
"Oh, uh, no, he did, I guess. He left emergency medicine, went back to school and changed specialties; he's at Northwestern, a cardio-thoracic surgeon. Kind of cushy, he only operates two days a week, office hours two days a week," I trailed off.
"But, here he is drunk on a Thursday morning. He does this a lot?" Bee still questioning.
I don't want to get to this point, I don't want to keep answering questions or explaining my life's story, but I continue to talk. "It's usually worse around the anniversary."
"Oh."
The air is heavy between us, neither of us willing to realize how much more was just imparted outside of the words spoken.
Bee finally removes herself from my side and I am momentarily panicked she is getting up to leave, thinking I had crossed some boundary line in our seemingly casual relationship. But I was wrong. She climbs on top of me, straddling my sides and bends slightly to take my face with both her hands and leans to kiss me. And our kisses are sweet and pure and comforting.
I move my hands along the side of her thighs, gently stroking, feeling her securing me in her orbit. Bee stops suddenly and turns, standing there is Carlisle, listing back and forth.
"Fuck," I say quietly. Bee climbs off of me, pulling the sheets up around her even though she's somewhat clothed.
"Carlisle, what's up," I try to keep my displeasure at bay.
"Chrise, Ime sorree, Edword, I didnent know you had summone in here."
"Here come on, you want to wash up?"
"Yess," he responds.
I take him back to his guestroom and get him situated for the second night in a row. I also entertain the idea of outfitting him with a bell. When I return to my bed, Bee is on her side, trying to go to sleep.
"I'm sorry, babe," I wrap my arm around her hip.
"You don't have to be sorry." She doesn't say anything for a few minutes, I figure she's gone to sleep.
"Edward," she says very softly, "I can be here for you," and she turns around and gently kisses my neck. "Even if your Carlisle is a total cock block."
I smile to myself.
I go back into the bar and get myself a glass of tonic. I wish I wouldn't have taken that Pill, I wish I had a clearer head. My mind and body are not synced up; my mind wanting to decide how much I want to risk being with Bella my body doing nothing more than carnally craving her. I go back and sit with Jasper and Alice.
"Well's run dry again, by friend," Jasper lifts his glass and shakes around the melting ice cubes indicating his lack of alcohol.
"Ali?" I ask.
"I'm fine, Edward," her words are clipped. I get Jasper another drink and sit back down.
To say that this is torturous would be like calling . I try to make the best of it, while continuously rubbing my hands on top of my thighs,
"So, Edward," Alice begins, still speaking icily towards me, "how has work been?"
She went right for the jugular.
"It's," I sigh, "good. I don't think I'm going to stay after this year though." Even if I loved the job, which I most certainly do not, I wouldn't stay there, it would be like the job would always be tainted.
"And why's that?" Alice pulls out my still beating heart and laughs maniacally, the mass dripping of red goo.
"It's not something I see myself doing for the rest of my life, teaching young women, it's a rather large responsibility," I'm astounded at my ability to converse somewhat competently.
Jasper laughs. "The problem, Edward, is that you're not looking at this for all the benefits, man, that spank bank can be dividing dividends well into a 401k for withdraws," Jasper smiles with self-satisfaction. Clueless fucker.
"Jasper, what the shit is your problem?" Alice stops and looks at him, disgusted, I start to quietly laugh at the scene unfolding in front of me. "I mean, shit, I want to register you as some freaky fetishist with your appalling fascination with uniform plaid," her stare is unwavering. While I am laughing, happy that the focus is off of me, the cool of Alice's wrath is to be feared by all surrounding her, I need to tread lightly and not draw undue attention to myself.
Alice chides, "You have forever ruined me of tartan," and that, right there, is the nail in the coffin. Alice will not be stifled, and Jasper is not long for this world.
Jasper looks at her, trying to choose his best defense. He goes with flattery. "Aw, baby doll, don't deprive me of your beauty adorned and adored in Highland dress, or runway chic or burlap sack."
I watch as Alice eyes him skeptically before softening and climbing into his lap and place her arms around him in an embrace. Alice's bitty body fits between Jasper and the table, her back is to me, Jasper's obvious smugness, hidden from Alice, looks at me and winks, like he just put something over on her. Alice is correct; he is a shit. Stupid fucker. Had I not had a head filled of drug and ill-fated lust, I would have called him out on it. I do the next best thing and see this as my cue to leave with little backlash.
"I'll see you two," I start to slide out of the booth.
"Wait," Alice whines, "where are you going," she sticks her arm out expecting me to be pulled back. Sexually playful Alice and Jasper are more than uncomfortable to be party to, and I want to bear no witness to it.
"I got stuff to do, I just wanted to hang out for a bit," I answer vaguely.
And now, Alice cannot be bothered by me. "Whatever. Drop me a line when you become a full Master Mason member to the lonely hearts club." She has climbed off of Jasper's lap now and turned her bored ire towards me.
"It's been a long day, Alice," I try, weakly.
"But not so long that you couldn't abstain from rolling tonight," she states accusingly, working herself up for some ridiculous and acidic outburst.
Tonight, I am wary of Alice's temper tantrums, my disconcerted mind not having enough space to placate Alice's demanding nature. "Fuck off, Alice," I say quiet enough not to make a scene, I turn to leave but not before I see her eyes darken and turn away from me.
I have no intention of making a scene, I walk out, not in a huff but with a normal gait and after I step outside and pull out another cigarette, Jasper is beside me. I don't need him part of this familial melee. Jasper doesn't pick up on my temperament.
"What the fuck was that shit, you fucking douche?" What the fuck? I've never seen this side of Jasper before.
"I could ask the same of your girl in there." I steadily reply.
Jasper's look goes from fury to confusion. His ability to compartmentalize his reactions being a talent. He pauses for a moment or two, assessing something.
"You need to work some shit out with Alice."
"While I appreciate your concern for my sister, I really don't need you interfering in this, it doesn't involve you."
"I don't even know what I'm not supposed to be involved in. What the fuck is going on with you? We never see you and when we do, you're a fucking griping prick," this is a pure statement.
I sigh. "Jasper, I'm really not in the state of mind to do this tonight," I say, warily.
Jasper remains quiet for a bit before speaking again. "You and Alice need to get back on track."
I can't argue with him, he's absolutely correct. I like being with Alice. Even if she weren't my sister, or maybe, despite the fact that she's my sister, I like hanging out with her.
"Yeah, thanks." I turn and go back into the bar.
"Alice," I'm sitting on the bench seating, next to her, "I'm sorry."
She won't look at me, preferring to play with the stir stick in the cocktail. I wait for her to work out if she wants to respond to me or not. Jasper has remained away.
"You're keeping something from me, Edward, I know this. I don't feel connected to you at all anymore," she pauses before adding, "and I miss you." She says this without looking at me, preferring to focus on her drink. Gone is her sass and childish temperament replaced with the seldom witnessed timidity of being a forgotten adolescent.
"Ali," shit, I don't know what to say, I avoid the part where I'm keeping something from her. "I miss you too," I try to think of something else to say but am at a loss. I know Alice is manipulating me but let her do it. "You know, next weekend's Halloween, we could do something then, if you want? Do you wanna go up North? We could leave after school on Friday and drive up, come back Sunday?"
She sits, considering my offer. "Yeah, let's do that, we haven't been up there for forever. Leaves will have all changed though, we missed it this year."
"Yeah, I know, Esme said it wasn't that pretty anyway, we didn't miss anything. We'll have fun, though, yeah?" Alice takes my hand and squeezes it, hard.
"Yeah, we'll go. You mind if I ask Jasper?" I shake my head. "You know, you could bring someone too, " I don't think bringing Bella would be greeted with any amount of enthusiasm. And I shudder at the thought of Jasper having someone else to add to his rich fantasy life.
"No, it'll just be the three of us," I bump my shoulder to hers.
"Okay," Alice says and after another minute of sitting there, I stand up, getting ready to leave. "Edward," she says, looking at me fully for the first time since I sat down next to her, "if you ever tell me to fuck off, again, we're done," and she speaks no lies. I am suddenly overcome by – everything, and need to leave, lest I embarrass myself.
"I'll see ya, Alice, I'll call you Thursday," I bend down to give her a kiss and tell her I love her, she tells me the same and it gives me an aching warmth in my chest. I beat feet out of there, passing Jasper outside, he raising his chin at me and I do the same.
I walk down and turn into the alley, tears threatening my eyes. I take some time and calm myself down, I don't know if it's the E or the past couple of months that have left me feeling beleaguered. Everything has been so overwhelming lately. Knowing I should move on from Bella but not wanting to, or having the heart to, and here I am now, avoiding the invitation she put forth tonight, afraid of consequences and future.
I stand there, pulling another cigarette out from that pack, the strike of the match offering a brief warmth and glow before I flick my wrist and drop the burned out stub of cardboard. Pulling out my phone I reply to her text.
-May I see you?
I type each word out as I know Bella hates text talk.
And I wait for some sort of reply. My phone vibrates a couple minutes later with a call.
"Hey."
"Hey," she says back. "I miss you. Can you climb?"
That was unexpected. "Can I what?"
"Did you take the pill? Can you climb? Where are you?" She seductively rifles these question at me.
"I'm at Riptide. Has everyone left?" The party would have probably still been going on, it was barely midnight.
"Mostly. They all wanted to go with Lauren and watch her get her labia pierced or some Glee sing-along, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
That was most certainly the last thing I ever wanted to hear. "Bella, honey," I said this more that the slightest bit of sarcasm, "I will never get hard again if you mention things like Lauren and labia in the same sentence."
She laughed, a throaty, closed mouth sound.
"I miss you," she says to me, no joking, no apprehension, just pure and honest.
"May I come see you, tonight?"
I think I heard her say, "guh."
"Yes, I want you here."
"I'm walking to get a cab."
"Stay on the line with me, please?"
I get a cab, give the driver Bella's address and ask him to stop around the corner from her house. I see him look at me from the rear view mirror and I know he's thinking I'm fucking around on someone. It's sort of funny actually, considering I have Bella on the phone telling me she's touching herself in naughty ways, and calling me, Sir, and laughing at the triteness of her words.
"Babe, I'm here, you wanna come downstairs and let me in?"
"I'm serious, I can't let you in the front door, you gotta climb."
"I'm not fuckin' monkey here, how do you want me to get in?"
"Here, go in the side gate," she gives me the code to enter.
"Over on the side of the house is the fire escape, pull it down and climb up to the second floor, the window opens to the hallway."
"Why can't we just go to my place?"
"I can't, I told you, Emmett and Rosalie are still here, I told Emmett to try and get the hangers on out of here, he thinks Jake is coming up here."
I bristle at the sound of another guy.
"Who's Jake?"
"No on, come on."
"You know how loud this is going to be when I try and pull it down?"
"Come on, Cullen, man up."
"Whatever. I'm going radio silent now." And I turn the phone off. What the fuck? who still has fire escapes? I don't even know how to work one of these things, it's all pulled up and about 6 feet above me. And then I hear her giggling above me. Cripes, it goes straight to my dick, it's like that first drop of a roller coaster excitement overriding any fear, ignorant bliss.
"You're not helping," I say.
"Quit being such a pussy," the whip cracks.
"How the fuck does this work?" I feel stupid, it always looks so easy in the movies.
"Jump up and pull the ladder down, then climb up it, just pull the ladder back up so it doesn't look like someone used it." Oh sure, easy.
I jump and on my second try am able to grab the first rung and pull it down. It's loud enough to wake dead cats. But I complete my task and make it up to the open window and climb in. And Bella's standing there, and all the wrongness of this situation ebbs away from me.
"Come on," she takes my hand and walks quickly, taking me to her bedroom, she closes the door behind her, but does not lock it, I look at her, then the keyhole, then back to her.
"This house is older than the last time the Cubs won a World Series, it's a wonder this door even closes all the way, she says, shrugging her shoulder. She leans against it like she can keep any invaders away by simple will and her delicate frame.
We stop our banter and look at one another. I speak first.
"We can't be like a normal couple."
"I don't care."
"This could end very badly, for both of us," I begin to move closer to her.
"It doesn't matter to me."
"I can't stop and start this again, this is it, if we stop again, then, that's it."
"Of course."
"You can't keep secrets from me," I move closer to her.
"I'll tell you anything you ask."
"What do you want from me, Isabella?" I can't dictate everything.
"I don't want you to feel guilty for this," fair enough, she knows me better than I thought, I nod my head.
"Do you want to be with me, Isabella," I ask, letting her name spill from my mouth, sticky and sweet. I'm now standing in front of her.
"Desperately so," and without another word, she reaches up and laces her arms around my neck and I bend to kiss her, the near last two months, slipping away without another thought.
A/N Thank you to the sundae spoon sized amount of people who have read and favorited and review this, honestly, it makes my whole day when I see something in my email, and I write chatty thank you notes in reply to my reviews, whether you want them or not!
I posted an outtake from Chapter One, Bella's point of view, you can link on it through my profile if you're interested.
A special thank you to PinkIndeed, who has become a lovely ffn friend, with her sweet emails and LMAO's and bringing me into the 1990's with IMing, has been a nice benefit to the debauched little story I'm writing! Check out, Beautiful Girl 'Cailin Alainn' on ffn!
