Author's Note: Well, here's the 7th chapter. I'm surprised at how many people have read my fic already; I didn't think it was going to be this popular! Special thanks to dragonscale876 for the questions. And I'd also like to thank those who have checked out my poll already; if you haven't yet, then please visit my profile page, it'll only take a second! =)
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Ratchet and Clank. All rights to the series are reserved to Insomniac Games.
Interview of Chaos
Chapter 7: Lawrence's Master Plan
(The room seems fairly calm, for once; though it is most likely due to the absence of Qwark and Nefarious. Ratchet, Clank, and Lawrence are sitting peacefully in their chairs. All of them have a bored look on their faces.)
Ratchet: So, is it like this with Nefarious a lot?
Lawrence: Oh, yes. I can't even count how many times we've been banned from public places because of his insolence. We are now forbidden from entering 32 coffee shops, 12 convenience stores, 68 mechanic shops, and 41 musician superstores.
Clank: (Looking curious but reluctant to talk) What did he do at the musician superstores?
Lawrence: Let's just say that he's smashed enough guitars to the point that it is considered a crime punishable by jail time.
(Darla, Nefarious, and Qwark enter from stage right. Darla looks furious while Nefarious and Qwark follow behind her with half bewildered, half terrified looks.)
Qwark: (Whispers to Nefarious) Did you know she could get that scary?
Nefarious: No. I never even thought it would be possible to be that angry about anything.
Darla: (Turns to nearest cameraman) Alright, everything's settled. You can start rolling.
(All the cameras come to life as the three take their seats.)
Darla: (Looking oddly cheerful) Good day, viewers! First off, I apologize for our guests' rude behavior; I have corrected their attitudes, so they will now be on their best behavior. (She shoots a glare at Nefarious and Qwark, who both sit a little straighter than usual while wearing looks of horror.) So, now that that's out of the way, we're ready to take our first call.
dragonscale876: Clank, were you happy to see Ratchet again after being seperated for so long?
Clank: Of course I was happy. Actually, ecstatic might be a better word.
Ratchet: (Looking touched) Aw, you really care about me that much?
Clank: (Looking mischeivious) Oh yes. You see, losing Ratchet was like losing the TV controller; you feel desperate without it and when you finally find it, you become so excited because now you have a device to work for you rather than having to work yourself. TV controllers and Ratchet are both so convenient. (insert Clank's signature laugh)
Ratchet: (Looking unamused) Oh, thanks. I feel so special now that I've been compared to a remote... (Crosses arms)
dragonscale876: Okay this one is for both Ratchet and Clank. First off, you guys are awesome! What is your favorite memory from your adventures?
Clank: Well, for me it was when we beat Chairman Drek. There's nothing quite like the feeling of accomplishing your first goal.
Ratchet: My favorite memories are any of the times that we've beaten or made fun of Qwark. (Grins)
Qwark: (Looking both hurt and slightly mad) Hey! Why do you always pick on me? I'm not that bad of a guy, you know!
Ratchet: (Holding back laughter) Maybe it's because you always leave yourself open to negative criticism. And besides, there are so many jokes that not telling them would be a waste.
dragonscale876: Ratchet, what was going through your mind when Clank was taken by the Zoni?
Ratchet: Well, when they first appeared, I was astounded. I thought Clank was just making them up! But once they started taking him away, then I felt intensely angry; I mean, they had no right to just snatch him like that! When he was actually gone, I felt so empty and helpless. I kept blaming myself by saying, 'Great, now you'll never get him back'...
Clank: (Looking sad as he pats Ratchet's arm) It was never your fault, you know. (Smiles at Ratchet)
Ratchet: (Smiles back) Thanks Clank.
Nefarious: (Makes a gagging noise) Ugh, if I were a squishie, I'd be vomiting right now.
(Ratchet and Clank both throw looks of hatred at Nefarious.)
dragonscale876: Nefarious, why didn't you stand up to Qwark? I know he's bigger but there was no way he was smarter than you. Outwit him, its easy!
Nefarious: Oh, I'm fully aware of the size and intelligence difference. It's just that I'd rather not waste my time by spending it trying to insult that miserable oaf. Outwitting idiots doesn't really prove anything, now does it? (Chuckles)
dragonscale876: Lawrence, first off, dude you are hilarious. Smart allek attitude is epic win! Now how do you put up with Nefarious, seriously!
Lawrence: Well, it's usually difficult to put up with him, but I do recommend using earmuffs, or some other device to muffle sound, when you're within hearing distance of him. If you don't have anything like that, then try not to listen to closely. Trust me, you'll thank me later for being the savior of your intelligence.
dragonscale876: If you could be anything, what would you be? Other than a rocker, which is so cool by the way.
Lawrence: Well, now that's a tough question. (Thinks for a long moment) I guess I'd like to be a super villian, rather than the butler of a mediocre villian. (His eyes seem to brighten a bit) I'd be called 'Professor Chemical Tragedy'. (Speaks in an excited tone) Did you know that if you mix certain household cleaning solutions, you can actually create a massive explosion? Here's what you do-
Darla: Hold it! No, no, no, you can't be giving out instructions on how to make bombs on live television! Are you crazy?!
Lawrence: Only slightly, miss. But not as insane as the robot sitting beside me. (Points to Nefarious)
Nefarious: What did you just say?! LAAAWWWRRR-
(Nefarious' head, yet again, picks up a strange radio signal.)
Janice: Lance! I'm sorry for breaking up with you! Please, let's get back together!
Lance: What happened to that Thyrranoid?
Janice: Oh, he broke up with me, so I pushed him off a cliff.
Lance: ...Ok then...
(While everyone stares in awe at Nefarious' head, Lawrence pulls out several bottles of chemicals. He begins dumping each into a seperate bottle. Once he finishes mixing the fatal solution, he throws the bottle at Nefarious. The bottle explodes into a cloud of multi-colored bubbles, which begin to float across the room.)
Nefarious: -REEENNNCCCEE! (He blinks several times, as if confused) Lawrence? Why am I surrounded by pink and purple bubbles?
Lawrence: Oh, I'm not entirely sure, sir. Do you require assistance in escaping from the rabid pack of metal-eating bubbles?
(Nefarious doesn't realize that Lawrence was joking. A look of pure terror appears on his face.)
Nefarious: Metal-eating?! (His voice raises to a squeak) Lawrence! Help me! (He begins to jump around, trying his best to avoid the soapy villians.)
(Darla, Ratchet, and Clank all have on mixed looks of confusion and amusement as they watch Nefarious dance through the cloud of bubbles. Meanwhile, Qwark and Skrunch run around the room, giggling as they pop every bubble they happen to see.)
Clank: (Looking slightly disturbed) I am not even sure whether I should be laughing or running away.
Ratchet: I empathize with you, pal.
Darla: (Looking disappointed and a little depressed) Alright, I think this is a good opportunity to take a commercial break... Join us next time for another thrilling installment of our interview...
lol Poor Darla, I kinda feel bad for picking on her so much. xD
So, just to remind everyone, I'm still accepting questions. Just leave the question along with the character you'd like to ask in a review, or you could PM me if you prefer that. And also, don't forget to check out that poll on my profile; it concerns the characters that I will include in this fic. Just pick your two favs. =)
Thanks for reading! Review please!
