Chapter Seven: Decisions by Green Monsters


"Welcome to the wonderful world of jealousy, he thought. For the price of admission, you get a splitting headache, a nearly irresistable urge to commit murder, and an inferiority complex. Yippee."

J.R. Ward, Dark Lover

"Anger, resentment and jealousy doesn't change the heart of others- it only changes yours."

Shannon L. Alder, 300 Questions to Ask Your Parents Before It's Too Late


Monday came quickly and I was waiting for my team to be ready for practice. Being the girl, I was left outside of the clubroom next to the door. I didn't mind but was wondering if my package had come in yet. None of the boys seemed to be in a rush but then again, Daichi had yet to show up. Wait, speak of the devil and he shall appear.

"Daichi, check if there's a package for me in the room. Takeda-sensei said something about it coming in today," I tell the tall boy from my position on the floor.

"Package?" he asks with a suspicious look and I just merely roll my eyes and nod. The boy comes back a moment later with a medium sized box that has multiple shipping stamps. Daichi looks at the strange package and then pronounces terribly, "What does, mit viele liebe, mean?"

"Nothing," I mutter, knowing Erwin still has his stupid saying so I know it's him and not one of his workers. Daichi gives me a glare and I know I'm not going to get out of it. "It's a code. Translated literally as 'with much love'."

"Oh," Daichi says now slightly embarrassed that he asked. He probably thinks it's from my boyfriend or something. I take the package and Daichi makes his escape.

I open the package to see shredded paper hiding DVDs. They are marked 'incoming players', 'finals match from two years ago' and 'finals match from last year', all in German. I can feel my face turn into an angry scowl. He didn't send everything. I asked specifically for both finals and preliminaries. I get my phone out and dial the familiar number that is Erwin, but struggling with the international process of calling. I finally get it and it rings twice before someone picks up.

"Hello?" a rough voice asks in German and I roll my eyes at the ground.

"Give the phone to Erwin," I hiss in angry German and can hear the phone being juggled to someone else.

"Katrina, you've always been so rude," a silky voice tells me and I shake my head. "Did you get the package? Sorry but I couldn't find the preliminaries. Those were hard to come by. But what has been bothering me is why I sent the box to Japan."

"I'm staying here for a while. Now can you get me all the information you can about the top four teams in the Miyagi prefecture?" I ask and can see Hinata come out of the club room. The boy is clutching his stomach and I've noticed when he gets nervous he gets sick.

"Girls?"

"No the guys," I reply and I hear Erwin whine pathetically.

"Why are you not looking at the girls? Are you not playing anymore? I hear rumors about what might have happened to you," Erwin gushes and I watch Tsukki and Yamaguchi come up the stairs.

"You don't need to know what I'm doing. That's my business. All you need to know is what videos I need sent over and where you're shipping them to," I argue and feel beanstalk and company staring at me intently.

"Oh but Katrina, I thought we were friends," the voice coos and I rub my temple with my free hand.

"What?" I hiss and can feel the two boys next to me stiffen with my tone. "I'm just going to tell you and you're going to sell my answer to the highest bidder. I know people have been asking about me for years. Just get what I need and send me the bill, you always know that I pay."

I hang up after that and look back to my box in slight anger. I wanted to know everything about the Aoba Johsai team, from their first years to every formal play they've used. But now I'm only given half the information. On the bright side, I just ordered all the information I might need for the season. If not, I'll just have Erwin send the stuff in priority shipping.

"Who was that?" Tsukki asks, curiosity getting the better of him.

"An old colleague of mine. Best information gatherer in all of Germany, but he's also the most whiny person I've ever met," I tell them and can tell they're going to ask more questions.

"What information did you need?" Yamaguchi asks, his eyes shining in curiosity.

"Our opponents," I reply and then turn to Tsukki, looking at the headphones around his neck. "Tsukki, do your headphones work with a TV?"

"Yes," he replies in monotone and then waits for why I need them.

"Can you buy me a pair? I'll give you the money upfront," I offer and the boy looks at me with a confused frown.

"Why don't you just buy them yourself?" he asks and I shake my head.

"I don't get that stuff. You're lucky I know how to work the DVD machine. Just buy them for me, in red, and I'll pay you back," I tell him with a pleading voice. Tsukki has to help me.

"Fine, but you won't have them until next week," he replies with a disgusted face. I smile up at him and then stand. Tanaka bursts out of the club room a second later.

"Hinata! You're wearing my pants," he yells at the ginger. This is when I notice Tanaka is indeed in his pink underwear and the poor girl's tennis captain is forced to see him.

"Tanaka you pervert!" she exclaims and I pull the boy by the collar and throw him back into the club room. I go to her and start to bow.

"Sorry. They're a little nervous about tomorrow. It won't happen again," I apologize and the girl just blanches at me and walks away. I turn to the club room and yell through the open door. "If you have time to embarrass yourselves, you have time to march your asses to the gym! Get a move on it."

Hinata came running back up the stairs, pants falling down as he throws himself into the club room. I sigh and then make my way to the gym, my box in hand and satchel at my side. I had yet to change into my gym clothes but that's because I can't exhaust myself in practice. Lord only knows how many hours I'm going to spend watching these tapes and taking notes. When I get to the gym, I open it up with my keys and stand at the door.

Every day is a battle to throw myself into the gym. Most of the time, I just let the boys come and push me in, but today I have to do it myself. How am I going to be able to walk into Aoba Johsai's gym if I can't even walk into my own gym?

Though I have gotten better at walking into the gym. Playing still turns my stomach but I think I can handle being on the sidelines as a coach. I mean, I feel like I'm alive all the same. I'm closest to being the old me when I receive the boy's spikes and I don't need to play in tournaments. For now, this is fine.

Taking the first step, I hear my converse squeak on the newly scrubbed floor. I asked for it to be made tournament ready and Takeda-sensei took care of it this weekend. Of course the budget was stretched thin but when Takeda-sensei took it to the board and mentioned the 'legendary' Katrina Hitz, they threw money at us. I think they think I'm a miracle worker.

Holding my breath, I walk further into the gym and lay my bag on the floor and move my box next to it. When I breathe again, I have to admit that the air doesn't smell like salonpas like Hinata likes it, but it has that gym smell. The smell of countless falls and millions of footsteps. I smile a small smile as I remember this is the smell of home to me. It's not cookies or my mother's perfume or my dad's cigarettes that reminds me of childhood. No, it's the smell of sweat and perseverance.

"Katrina?" Hinata asks me shakily from behind.

I turn around and can see that the boy is going to be sick. I quickly grab him and pull him to the trash can I moved outside the gym for these situations. He hurls and I rub his back soothingly. After almost three minutes of now stop throwing up, he coughs and wipes his mouth. I rub his back a little more as he stands tall, white as a sheet.

"Are you done?" I ask quietly and the ginger nods his head. "I have some stomach medicine for you. Don't push yourself so hard today and whatever you do, do not throw up on the gym floor."

"Alright," he says and I awkwardly pat his head that is taller than me. We go inside and I give him some stomach medicine I keep in my bag. He drinks some of it and his pale face gets some color.

"Eww, did he throw up?" I hear a voice snicker and I glare at Tsukki. Yamaguchi snickers with him and I point to the storage room.

"Go and set up the net," I command and both boys groan but heed my words nonetheless. I look back at Hinata and he stares up at me with a stressed smile. I go to my bag and take out some white pills in a plastic bag. "Take two before bed. It'll help you sleep and settle your stomach."

"Okay," he replies and I rub his arm.

Poor baby can't handle stress at all. I hope he won't do this before every game. But then again, he has never played before so it's the stress of playing in his first official match with a real team, so I can understand him. I walk away and find Daichi watching me carefully. He gives me a look and I take him to the side, Sugawara following us.

"What did you give him? What if he's allergic to it? Where did you get those? Are thos-"

I put a finger up and Daichi halts his attack. The silver-haired boy looks at me concerned. I smile at them and shake my head. Looking back at Hinata, he has gotten up and is slowly returning to normal and is arguing with Tsukki. Turning back to the captain, I can see he doesn't trust me yet. He probably thinks that I'm a child and not experienced in these things.

"The placebo affect. They're very low sugar placebo pills. Literally like a very terribly tasting, nearly sugar free, lifesaver. My coach gave me one my first tournament and then I used to give them to the new girls on the team. They mentally overcome whatever it is by just thinking that the pill will work. He is also not allergic to it, I have looked at all your medical charts and know what all of you guys are allergic to," I reply and the older boy is surprised at me. Sugawara merely smiles a relieved smile at me.

"You what?" Daichi asks but continues. "You know what we're allergic to?"

"Yes, I also know that Narita broke his arm in primary school. Ennoshita has allergies to pollen and dirt that flare up in fall. You sprained your ankle in seventh grade. Tanaka had to get his stomach pumped once because he ate too many Legos. Now, I take my job very seriously and I know everyone's injuries because I don't want them to happen again, though I hope Tanaka is over his Lego eating phase. I assure you, I am not a novice at this, even though I may be a bit rusty."

"Were you a coach?" Sugawara asks, looking at me in wonder.

"No, I was a captain. Now you two go start your warm up," I instruct and the boys take off.

Daichi looks back at me with newfound pride and I can tell that even though I creepily know everything about the boys, he understands that it makes me feel better when I'm coaching them. I just want to make sure that none of them get hurt. Or worse yet, I hurt any of them unknowingly. So, I learn everything I can. Just like how I'm going to be up until the crack of dawn watching matches from years ago.

"Hitz-chan?" a soft voice calls and I turn to find Kiyoko holding a large box. I quickly take it from her and place it on the floor. "I believe I got your size right. Sorry for the wait though."

"What wait? I didn't even know I was expecting something," I reply to the quiet girl.

She merely opens the box and holds in front of me a jacket like the rest of the team. Except mine has red lettering on the black cloth. I smile widely at it as she hands it to me; I pet the fabric with my thumbs to find it's the nice soft material, softer than I remember them being. I put it on slowly, reveling in the fact that it fits like a glove with my vest on, making it a little big if worn with a regular t-shirt.

"I'm glad it fits," Kiyoko says quietly and I turn to her and offer my brightest smile. The girl stiffens but I can see the smallest of smiles come to her lips.

"Now, you're really one of us," Tanaka yells from across the gym. I rub my hands on the sleeves and can see him give me a proud smile. "Does it feel familiar?"

"No," I yell across the court, heart beating with excitement. "It feels new."


I yawn as I make my way from the club room to the bus, today being match day. I have my trusty satchel at my side, mostly empty of books, and a large bucket in my other hand. I continue to wear the skirt and tights but have replaced my vest and button down shirt with a white long sleeve under armour I found in one of my boxes. My club jacket finishes the outfit with my trusty black converse. I'll have to buy another pair, these ones are getting dirty very quickly.

Takeda-sensei stands in front of the bus and I watch as the players follow behind me, talking with excitement. Takeda is wearing a green tracksuit and I can't tell if I like the color or not. Nodding to the teacher, I can tell I look tired when the glasses wearing teacher does a double take to look at me. I wave my free hand for him not to ask about it and I wait for all the boys to get here.

"Line up!" I yell as the boys straggle to the bus. They finally get in a line and then bow lowly to Takeda-sensei and I.

"Let's play!" they yell and I wave my hand at them and yawn once more.

"Get in the bus," I say as we all pile into the bus.

Sitting in the front, I watch the small ginger child walk to the back. He looks as tired as I am and more sick than yesterday. The pills didn't work. Stretching out on the first double seat, I watch Takeda-sensei get himself into the driver's seat. I hope he's a good driver, my voice comments. And I can only hope he is.

"Hitz-chan?" I hear Sugawara ask me and I turn to him. "Why do you have a bucket?"

"You'll see," I reply and he just looks confused. The last person to get on is Tanaka, whom I stop and hand the bucket to. "Sit with Hinata and give him this. He'll need it."

"Why?" the bald boy exclaims as he looks at the bucket. I look at him and push him in the back with my foot, watching him go to the back of the bus.

"Just trust me," I sigh quietly and then drop my satchel to the ground. "Sugawara, wake me up when we get there, but for no other reasons."

"What other reasons would there be?" I hear from the other side of the seat and shake my head in slight anger. Why does no one trust me?

"Just don't wake me up."

I close my eyes and let myself get the hour sleep that would total two and half that I had slept that night. It was surprising but I dreamt. Actually more of a memory than a dream with pink elephants and Alice in Wonderland themes. No, I remembered something that would have happened years ago. Something that I thought I had forgotten.

I was in the car, my mother was driving but I didn't really see her face or anything about her. I just knew that I was being driven to my game by my mother. She was excited and I was worried. The radio blasted Brahms—or was it Handel?—and I counted the number of holes I had in my club jacket. Twelve was the record.

"Hitz-chan?" a voice calls and I know that I shouldn't open my eyes. I want to be here for a little more, listening to my mother hum to an orchestra. The car shook and I knew that the memory would fade. But right before I left, my mother turned around and I saw her mouth mutter, 'I love you'. She hasn't told me that in a long time. "Time to wake up."

"I'm up," I reply as I open my eyes, misted with tears. I wipe them away quickly as the comforting eyes of Sugawara worry about me. "Go with the others, I'll be right there."

"You were right," he says as he walks away.

"About what?" I ask as I stretch on the seat. The boy turns his head and gives me a comforting smile.

"Hinata did need the bucket," he replies and I smile a tired smile at him.

He turns away a moment later and I sit on the seat, mentally preparing myself to enter the gym and deal with all this. After a couple of minutes, I grab my bag and jump out of the bus. I stretch as I take my first steps and can see that the campus to the school is large. We're in the third gym and I look to the directory to find it on the other side of campus.

Walking around, I find the campus empty and I bring my braid forward and pick at the end as I wander. I turn down a way and find my own team standing off against two strangers in white jerseys. As I walk from behind the group, I can see my boys stiffen when they notice me. Looks like Tanaka, Kageyama and beanstalk and company are trying some intimidation technique.

"What are you guys doing?" I ask and see the two tall Aoba Johsai boys turn around, startled with my presence. "I would have hoped you would be warming up by now. But here you are, messing around. I can't leave you guys for a second."

Daichi shows up a heartbeat later and looks at me while heaving a relieved sigh. I mess with my braid more as I walk through the two boys—one that looks like a turnip and another with brownish hair. Looking more closely at the boys, I recognize them from my research. One of them is Kindaichi who was a middle blocker for Kageyama. The other is their secondary setter, Yahaba.

Standing in front of my boys, they glare at the two behind me. Fixing my bag, I step one more step towards them and then I wave them to lead the way to the gym. But I stop for a moment and turn to the two boys they were intimidating. I bow at them, my braid almost hitting the floor with the action.

"Pardon them. They talk a lot," I apologize and then stand upright. The two boys don't know what to think.

"Oh, it's all right," Yahaba replies and I give them a smile as I turn around and follow my team.

"Why did you apologize to them?" Tanaka scoffs as I catch up to the group. I throw my braid behind me and roll my eyes at him.

"Because I don't want to be known as the coach of rude little punks," I reply. Tanaka looks surprised that I called him rude. Tsukki and Yamaguchi snicker softly at this and I can see Kageyama worried about something.

The boys lead the way to the gym and I watch the sky, trying to distract myself from the fear of entering the gym. We finally arrive at the gym and I watch the others go in before me. The gym from the outside is huge and the smell of salonpas does waft through the open door. I take a deep breath through my nose and let the feeling of familiarity fall over me. Go in, my voice says and I take the steps into the gym, freezing when I see the nets set up.

"Katrina!" Hinata calls from inside and I see the whole team and Takeda-sensei waiting for me.

For a second, I just stand and look at the picture. They look like a team but I can feel some things are missing. We aren't complete yet. Though when we are, I'll feel the feeling I always get with my team. The feeling of euphoria, beyond the feeling of living. When I feel that, I'll know that I've done all that I can.

"I'm coming," I yell back and will my feet to move towards my team. Just the feeling of thinking they're my team, fills me with joy. When I meet them, I look at the space and turn into a coach. "Go stretch and do some warmup passing. I'm going to talk to the other coaches. Takeda-sensei, you come with me."

I walk away with the glasses teacher and see the other two coaches. One is the head coach Irihata, been around forever and is going to stay for a while too. The second is a relative newcomer but he is more hotheaded; his name is Mizoguchi. They're both well-rounded coaches and I know that if they have all their starting players, we'll be in trouble.

"Excuse me," Takeda-sensei interrupts when we are in front of the two coaches. They turn and look at us with interest. We both bow at the coaches. "Thank you for allowing us to have this match against you."

"It's no problem at all," the older man says and we both raise. "I'm Nobuteru Irihata, the head coach. This is Sadayki Mizoguchi, our secondary coach."

"I'm the faculty advisor, Ittetsu Takeda and this is Katrina Hitz, our coach," Takeda-sensei says and I can feel both men's eyes widen. I look up at them with a small smirk and piercing eyes. The two men don't know whether to flinch with my gaze or to laugh at me for being a small girl. I look around the gym and don't notice their star setter, Oikawa. He was going to be the major problem for us.

"Is Oikawa-san injured? I hoped he would be here to play," I coo as I turn back to the men. This time they do flinch and I increase my smirk.

"He had to get his ankle checked," the younger coach answers quickly and I can see the head coach narrow his eyes at me. I just nod in understanding and then quirk my head slightly.

"Well, that's a shame. I looked forward to seeing his serve, a great learning experience for the boys," I tell them and then bow once again. "Thank you again for having us and I wish you luck."

"You too," the younger coach says and I walk away, pulling Takeda-sensei by the sleeve with me.

"Hitz-chan, don't you think you were a little rude?" Takeda says when we're out of ear's range. I look up at the small man and shake my head with a devious smile. Let the games begin, my voice screams. That is until I still see my team hanging around the entrance.

"What the hell are you guys doing still standing around? What did I tell you? I already fulfilled my duties, now I expect you to get to work," I yell at them angrily and they all shift into gear, dropping their bags and changing into their shorts. "Thank you, some initiative! Finally I don't have to baby you!"

I watch the boys as they start to stretch and notice one missing. The ginger is probably in the bathroom and I sigh. Walking to the bench I sit down. I finally drop my bag and watch the other team's boys warm up. They have a nice rounded team but without Oikawa, they are lacking. I can already see it. Their ace won't be up to skill and their middle blockers aren't used to the setter.

If Hinata is up to standards, this should be an easy game. But when I see the boy enter the gym, I doubt we'll be winning the first set. That's okay, because if we don't have Oikawa to deal with, the others should pick up the slack. I watch as Daichi tries to reassure Hinata but it only freaks him out more. The final blow is when Kiyoko approaches him, probably saying something helpful but not in Hinata's mind.

With the boys in their red jerseys, I stand knowing we're going to start the match soon. I don't want to give them that much of a pep talk right now, rather I want to see how Daichi will handle his teammates. How could they get by if I'm not coach? Maybe if they see how they do on their own and then see how I can coach, they'll finally trust me. The boys line up at the end line and I find Takeda-sensei and Kiyoko at my side.

"We will now begin the practice match of Karasuno High school versus Aoba Johsai High School," someone announces and all the boys in the gym chant "Let's play".

The game begins. I watch as their third year Matsukawa serves and Hinata takes a ball that was clearly Daichi's. We lose the first point and already I know I'm going to have to whip Hinata into shape. A few more times Hinata fucks up royally and even throws the kid officiating off his ladder. I laugh at that and then turn to Hinata. He shakes in fear in front of me but I wave him back to the court. Daichi can't get rid of his nerves.

I know the other coaches are staring at me. They're probably thinking I'm some crazy girl that doesn't know a thing about volleyball. But it's quite the opposite. I know Hinata has to get through with his nerves. If he couldn't bring himself out of it with my placebo pills, he has to mess up so badly nothing else will be terrible. When the score finally hits 24-13, I think the problem is solved.

Of course that problem is solved because he serves the ball into Kageyama's head. I chuckle as the black haired boy looks like he's going to kill the ginger. But knowing Kageyama, he'll just ask why he's scared and tell him that he shouldn't be afraid. We huddle and I can see Hinata is better and know that Daichi couldn't take having to lead the team by himself.

"Alright, now that we messed up as badly as we could, let's get to work," I announce as I clap my hands together. Every player blanches at me and I raise an eyebrow. "Do you really think if I was coaching seriously I would have stayed so silent? I just wanted to see how you would do on your own. Let's just say, you need me."

"Well, thanks coach," Tsukki says with his trademark frown and I roll my eyes at him.

"Kageyama start our first point with a quick from Hinata. Then do it every fifth volley, regardless of what's happening. With the rest of them, I trust you will get them where they need to go. I just don't want to show them the quick too often but often enough to make them wonder. Daichi, you're going to have cover a lot of the holes. Tanaka and Ennoshita, I expect you guys to keep up with the pace. Tsukki, bend your knees more when you receive. I'll call a time out if I want to switch some things, okay?"

"Yes," the boys chant and I smile.

"Look to at each other," I command and they look around the huddle. "These are the people you can rely on. These are the people who will be there when the last ball drops. This is your team. Congratulations boys, this is your first match of the season, please make it a win."

"Yes," they chant even louder and the whistle sounds to get them back out there.

I stand this time, watching my boys as they face off against one of the top four. The other coaches can see the change in my demeanor and I look at them and smirk. They turn away with clenched jaws. They realized that I wasn't coaching before.

Ennoshita serves and I watch the volley from their side. The first year Kunimi spikes and it hits Tsukki who didn't bend his knees to receive. The ball goes wayward and Kageyama tries to make up for the cover with Hinata's quick. I watch as the ball is slightly too high and I sigh as it hits the floor.

"Tsukki?" I yell out and I can see the blonde glare at me. "I told you so!"

I can hear the tsk from my place at the bench and I laugh at him, making him glare even harder. The whistle blows and I watch as they serve the ball, being received by Ennoshita. A perfect toss and I watch Kageyama send it to Hinata who is at the middle of the net in a flash. The ball hits the ground with a loud thump and I can see the other team trying to discern what just happened.

"There it is, the freak toss and spike," I hear Tsukki say in a monotone voice. He has no passion whatsoever.

The two boys jump up and down and when they turn to me, I give them a thumbs up. Daichi takes them into a huddle and I can hear their loud cheers. The people in the gym are surprised and I smile at the crowd. The feeling is so familiar and yet, it's so new. I think I like this feeling a little more but I can't tell if I'm sure or not.

"Now that we're up and running, show them what Karasuno can really do," I yell to the boys and even the players on the bench cheer. I can feel the other coaches surprised by my words and I can only think about how good they'll be when I get them to my standard and we hire a blocking and attack coach.

I walk back and forth from the sidelines as I watch the plays the boys make. They are running more smoothly and with what little receiving training I've given them, they're excelling. Plus with Hinata's main use as a decoy, Tanaka can pummel the ball into the floor. We pull away and soon enough the score is at 15-9. Having lost myself for a moment, I find that I have a hand on Yamaguchi's shoulder.

"Katrina?" he asks shakily and I watch Ennoshita move to the back row.

"Do you feel good enough to try being the back row?" I ask the brown haired boy. He looks at me with scared eyes but nods nonetheless. I lead him to the official. "I'm going to switch someone out."

"Okay," he replies and I wait for us to pick up the point. The official blows the whistle while I push Yamaguchi onto the court.

"Ennoshita, come here for a bit," I call out and when Yamaguchi doesn't move I get angry and revert to my mother language. "For the love of all that is good, don't be such a wuss!"

Yamaguchi looks back at me and I widen my eyes as I am ready to kick him in the butt. Luckily I don't have to do that because he is met by a bouncing Hinata who pulls him into position. I look at the ginger and he nods, knowing he has to help his teammate. Ennoshita comes in and I give him a high five.

"You did really well. When you're in the back row, you're a little slow getting into position but when we practice a bit more, I think we can really utilize you to get a steady lead," I praise the boy and he looks down slightly embarrassed.

"I'm glad you are happy," he replies and I can feel my face frown slightly.

"I'm proud," I tell him firmly and the boy's head comes straight up. "I'm not just happy; I'm proud of how you performed. You should be proud of yourself too. You're a good all-around player."

"Thank you," he says as he blushes slightly and goes to stand next to Sugawara. The silver-haired boy was watching us and gives me a gentle smile. The smile that my mother used to give me when I talked to my teammates and calmed them down. I smile slightly back and shake my head, watching the match.

The first ball was the hardest for Yamaguchi. He missed the serve and it turned into a chance ball which failed to make us a point. After that, he got the hang of things. I watched as we kept our lead and it was soon 24-18. It was Yamaguchi's last time before I switched him back out. He wasn't equipped to spike yet and I didn't think I could put that much pressure on him. But I knew we would get the point and it would just be a break between sets.

They were serving and I watched as the new ace Iwaizumi served to Yamaguchi. The boy nearly froze but moved his feet underneath the ball and gave a perfect pass to Kageyama. It was time Kageyama would give it to Hinata and I watched as the players again flocked to Tanaka. Hinata was free to spike and the godly play was accomplished as the ball hit the floor.

We win the set and soon enough, the boys have come in for water. I assess each of them, finding Yamaguchi still a little nervous after being in for the ten points until our win. Daichi isn't as tired as I expected him to be but it's easier on him because I drilled the boys with lots of receive training. The others seem to be fine and I can see Kageyama looking at me intensely. He must think something is wrong.

"I don't think that's their regular setter," Kageyama tells the group in a hushed voice and I snort.

"Of course not. It's their secondary. If we were playing their regular setter we would be in trouble," I tell him and the dark-haired boy looks at me with wide eyes. I snort again. "Don't tell me you thought you could beat a top four team with only the training I've done with you."

"Well," Tanaka says as he drinks from his bottle. I look at them like they're crazy. They thought they were really good.

"Hate to burst your guys' bubble but I'm not anywhere near done training you. When I'm done, we'll be able to finish these guys off even if they were the best players in the country. But for now, you guys have to work hard to win the final set," I tell them and I can see the wonder in their eyes. They actually thought they had enough training, my voice laughs out. I know, they're so simple.

"Are we going to do the same routine next game?" Daichi asks and I consider it.

"Start out the same way we had it. Ennoshita is going to go back in and I'll sub Yamaguchi in the back row after we establish a lead I'm comfortable with. Have Hinata hit the quick only when necessary but I want to have him doing regular spikes more often now. They think that most of it is a fluke anyway." I tell the boys and then hear girls screaming. "Ah, the pretty boy must be here."

"What?" Hinata asks and I turn to see our opponent's captain talking to their head coach. The head coach glances at me and I flash him a bright smile. The coach's eyes widen with my excitement of seeing the pinch-server. I really am excited about his serves.

"Get back out there, no need to stare at him," I tell the boys and they begin to go back. I look at the tall blonde and hope he's not the one receiving Oikawa's serve when the time comes. "Bend your goddamn knees or I'll break them."

"Why so angry coach?" Tsukki snickers and I glare at him.

"Don't make me tell you 'I told you so' a second time today," I warn and hear the tsk as he walks away.

Turning back to Oikawa, I can see him wanting to talk to Kageyama but the boy is too engrossed in whatever Hinata is telling him. The pretty boy then turns to me and offers me a bright smile that would make some girl's heart swoon. Mine merely pumps hard with the expectation of his serves. He quirks his head as I don't react and then I turn away and bring my braid forward.

"What was in the box you had sent to the school?" Takeda-sensei asks me from his place on the bench. I look back and yawn slightly, not bothering to cover my mouth.

"Research. I had it shipped to you because I don't want Erwin to know where I live. He'll just watch me from a satellite or something. He's does all the techy stuff along with information gathering," I reply and Takeda-sensei raises his eyebrows above his glasses. He finally figured out why I was dozing off in his class.

"Then if you're really looking forward to this boy's serves, they must be something special," Takeda-sensei whispers to me, trying not to alert the bench players.

I give him a manic smile and then turn back to the brown haired boy on the other side of the court. Oikawa sees me and I can tell that he is somewhat startled by smile. I used to be told that my jealous smile was the scariest thing next to my betrayed face—both things happened more often than you would expect. Looking to my boys, I can feel alive. It is the same as if I was out there waiting for the serve.

"He is the player that I have learned to hate. Trains too hard, isn't a genius or prodigy but has worked for everything that he has accomplished, and is trusted by his team with utmost confidence. He was the player I used to be. Down to the damn serve," I say to the open air in front of me, venom entering the court.

My tone shows just how angry I am at the voices and for every scar on my body. That boy represents all of what could have been for me. I could have been an Olympic athlete. I still could if I would gain some courage but knowing I could and actually doing it are two different things. I cannot understand how I'm still scared but I am.

But my fear, the anger that comes with the fear and makes me hate myself for being a coward, my resentment at not being the person I should be but being a scarred freak, and the jealousy that I house for wishing I could have that boy's skills, fuels my heart. I will overcome this. This is my decision.

I will one day be on that grand stage again. I don't have to stand where the boys stand but I can remain at the sidelines, making them the best they could ever be. They will carry on my legacy. With watching this match and coaching these boys, I think I could continue to coach for the rest of my life, chasing that life that I have lost but accomplishing it through others.

The green-eyed monster just figured out what I wanted.

But how reliable is he, my voice asks.

That I do not know, I reply.


Yay? I don't know anymore. I just keep writing and writing. Comment if you like it, I'm at a loss if you guys like it or not.

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