Been getting over a bad ear infection. Thank god for antibiotics. Sorry about the late update.


"So Emiya...how is it that Lancer was able to keep Rider pinned down until I...dealt...with Shinji?" asked Rin.

"Ask my boarder. He might explain it to you. Or he might insult you. Fifty-fifty. Actually the only person I've ever seen him being immediately nice too was Sakura. And he was the one who told me about Shinji," said Shirou. He did everything in his power not to cast a glance backwards. He wasn't the only one wincing at the amount of damage Rin did to the bastard.

Gelding was the least of Shinji's punishments for daring to rape Sakura, even if it was under Zouken's orders.

Archer frowned. As far as he knew, there wasn't a boarder in the Emiya household. Just Shirou.

"I think I'd rather meet this boarder of yours and find out how much he knows."

What happened next would rate almost apocalyptic when it came to Rin's infamous Tsundere temper.

Truth only knows Shirou Elric would forever remember the incident before laughing his ass off.


In the Emiya household...

"YOU!"

Elric looked at the enraged Magus, and promptly grinned before waving. He then returned to his beer, which he had filched from the liquor cabinet.

"You've meet him before?" said Emiya.

"I was pretending to be Lancer while busting her Servant as a Counter Guardian. It doesn't help that it was really dark and I was pretending to be a Servant from the last war when we went to the Church, or that she never got a good look at my face last time," said Elric flippantly. Actually that part had been calculated to provide maximum amusement for this moment.

Besides, he planned to blindside most of them just to see their expressions. Lancer even had a camera on him at the moment.

"How did you do all that before? And how do you know Archer?"

"I'll tell you on one condition. Archer is not allowed to astralize the entire time I'm explaining this."

"Fine. How do you know who I am when I've never seen you once?" said Archer EMIYA.

Elric's grin was wide and evil.

"Perhaps this will demonstrate quite clearly how I know who you are," said Elric.

He held his hands like he was grasping a hilt before he said clearly "Trace... on."

To the shock of everyone, Archer most, Elric clearly projected a copy of Excalibur in his hands. It wasn't perfect, and would last more than a hit or two, but it was clearly Excalibur.

"Is that... a projection?!" said Rin in disbelief.

Archer took a good long look at Elric's eyes, before he started swearing.

"Who did you make a deal with?"

"Well it sure as hell wasn't that damn Zelretch, I can tell you that much," deadpanned Elric.

Archer looked pissed.

"Archer?"

"Your plan to cause a paradox wasn't working, and I said no. Next thing I knew, I was before this massive gate with a rather creepy gatekeeper. They offered me a deal, though I lost my original body in exchange. Or perhaps this was the form I was supposed to be in. Either way I'm ending these damn wars once and for all," said Elric flatly.

"And the name?"

"The man who surrendered a fragment of himself was originally named Edward Elric. Besides, having three of us would have been confusing."

"Having you around is confusing enough!" said Archer, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Do I at least get a name for the entity or being that's trying to fuck everything up?"

"It calls itself Truth, or it can be called Gatekeeper. Apparently there was a rather...large...disagreement in concern to a certain gift Truth imparted to humanity called alchemy, and Gaia kept sending Primate Murder in to kill any areas that got good at it enough to contact Truth directly," said Elric far too helpfully.

"Why would Gaia care about alchemy? I mean besides that one incident in Pompeii which resolved itself..." started Rin.

Elric helpfully took out a piece of chalk, and drew what appeared to be a rather intricate runic circle. He then proceeded to put a few rocks and other ingredients inside (he had bought them earlier for when he had to explain this to Rin). That done, he put one hand over the other and 'pushed' downwards.

There was a rather impressive light show, followed by a little smoke. What happened next nearly had Rin jumping him.

"Is that...a diamond?!"

"Check it yourself. This is just one of the applications of real alchemy, not the kind Atlas or the Einzbern use."

Rin had finished her inspection of the rock...now diamond.

"You are going to teach me the applications of this alchemy of yours and in exchange I won't skin you alive for that stunt you pulled at the school."

"You know there were easier ways of asking. Like you could have brought me Shinji alive and relatively un-maimed so I could have the fun of turning him into potion ingredient. Or as a human guineia pig for things best not mentioned. I mean I was planning to show Sakura how to contact Truth so she could rid herself of Zouken and those worms in a single move anyway, and it's not that hard to teach..."

Rin's eyes glared at him for a moment.

"Shinji might be a bit difficult. He's not going to be leaving the hospital any day soon. Or on his own recognizance."

Elric considered this, before giving Emiya a look.

"You had to ruin my fun by telling her what Shinji did to her little sister, didn't you?"

Emiya blinked.

"Sakura's her sister?"

"She was adopted because Shinji had no circuits. At all. Did you burn the book Shinji had on him?" asked Elric.

"After I beat the living shit out of him," said Rin. "Of course it was a bit odd that Rider gave her own piece of mind to the bastard once the book was burned. She did more damage to his lower regions than I did."

"Is he still alive enough to be considered a perfectly viable human test subject for anything and everything your devious mind could come up with, or as a scapegoat for the Wizard Marshal once you get into Clock Tower?" asked Elric.

"I believe so. How do you know I'm going into Clock Tower?"

"Simple. I'm teaching you alchemy, then using Shinji as the demonstration subject for all manner of vicious and horrible things that happen to those not prepared for it. Like Zelretch, who won't be expecting you to turn said teachings onto him for being a monumental asshole," said Elric flatly.

Archer's foul mood suddenly turned very happy indeed.

"I heard the words in monumental pain and Zelretch. I'm in!"

"And we can find out exactly how extensive a dead apostle ancestor's regeneration is once he angers you enough that you start targeting the groin area and master the Kaleidoscope enough that he won't be able to escape," continued Elric.

Archer was definitely in a happy place now.

"I take back every bad thing I've just been thinking of you and replacing it with you're a wonderful person and I will make the popcorn," said Archer eagerly.

Elric had a weird smile on his face.

"I was hoping you'd see it my way," he said, amused.

Both of them had some rather disturbing snickering. It was freaky how in sync they were.

"Who were you planning to use once Shinji's no longer viable? Please tell me it's..."

"Not Goldie. He's out of the running for reasons I'm not going to explain in front of witnesses (or Rin), and I have plans for Kotomine that should get rid of him in a way that he won't come back to haunt us for. I was thinking of pissing off the Einzberns and then using any idiots they send my way as test subjects," said Elric flatly.

Archer laughed in a way that made Rin's skin crawl.

"Good combat practice and it'll piss off Acht! I love it!"

"And it'll make Illya happy," agreed Elric.

"You two mesh far too easily for my sanity," deadpanned Emiya. Rin nodded whole-heartedly.

"Similar mindsets and experiences," deadpanned Elric, while not explaining what he meant by that. "So Rin, do you mind sharing lessons with Sakura and Emiya? I mostly just plan to show her how to get rid of a nightmare she's had since she became a Matou and letting her decided whether or not she continues."

"If it means I get into Clock Tower on a free ride and learn how to make my own jewels for a fraction of what they cost, you better believe it!" said Rin.

"Good. Here's your first lesson. You have to memorize the chemical composition of the rocks you use before we start practicing with it. Considering you're practically a prodigy as a Magus, I have high hopes you'll also become a first-rate alchemist by the time I send you to torment Zelretch," said Elric far too cheerfully.

"Wait, I thought the first lesson was about equivalent exchange and how 'all is one, one is all'?" said Emiya.

"That was to drum it into your thick head that there are some people you can't save, some people who shouldn't be saved, and some people who don't want to be saved. And how to tell the difference."

"He actually needed a lesson like that?"

"I've been having Saber beat it into him during their sword practices. And I've been trying to beat into her that either way her kingdom would have fallen, the only question would have been the level of the fall out," said Elric. He made a face. "That's still a work in progress."

"In the meantime... Sakura should be coming over with Taiga any time now."

Especially since Elric's presence discouraged Rin's own, thus sparing Sakura from the issue of her sister telling her to get lost to 'protect' her.

"Alright, here's how we're going to play it. Saber, you're Rin's chaperon since we know that Taiga won't argue about the idea. She knows something about magic, but not the specifics or details."

"Wait...she knows about magic?!" said Rin horrified.

"Well yeah. Raiga knew Kiritsugu and even bought weapons. Not to mention he did investigation after Taiga ran into Rider in the last war. He found out by accident and Kiritsugu only confirmed it before warning him about Magi. She knows, but she doesn't really believe it. She might act like a black hole, but she knows when to keep her mouth shut," said Elric.

"I don't believe this..." muttered Rin.

"To be fair, Caster wasn't exactly subtle in the last war. I think the last priest claimed it was a monster movie that got out of hand as the cover-up, and Truth only knows how he hid the mass abduction and murders of those children."

Rin made a face. She had seen the devastation first hand, and knew it had been bad.

Once Rin got settled in to read (the cover story was that Saber was there to insure no funny business occurred around her charge while Rin's house was repaired) while Archer was an associate of Kiritsugu's from abroad, and had decided to take the man up on the offer to stay in one of the many spare bedrooms, and had been unaware of the man's passing until after the fact. And Elric had been around long enough that he didn't need to explain Enkidu or himself in the house.

Fortunately Archer didn't mind going grocery shopping to accommodate the extra mouths.

Taiga came in, spotted the extra girls (as did Sakura, who stiffened when she saw Rin) and almost went into a Tiger-fueled fury.

"Hey Fuji-nee. I see you've noticed the three new temporary boarders," said Emiya nervously.

"How temporary and why are they here?" demanded Taiga.

"My roof suffered a rather unfortunate and unforeseen collapse in one of the rooms. I'm having someone come and inspect the rest of it and repair the damaged parts, and Emiya helpfully offered the use of his guest house until the repairs are done. Saber-san happened to be visiting for a month or so, and agreed to act as the chaperon to insure nothing untoward happens until the roof is fixed. She'll be sharing a room with me," said Rin calmly, her face perfectly innocent despite the fact she was bullshitting a teacher.

The best part was that it wasn't a complete lie...part of her roof had collapsed when she summoned Archer, and she had already made arrangements to insure that the rest of it was still in good shape.

"And whitey?" demanded Taiga.

"I'm an old associate of Kiritsugu Emiya-san. He offered to let me borrow one of the spare rooms next time I was in town for business...I was unaware of his demise until after I had already arrived, and making month-long plans in a hotel on such short notice would have proved too expensive for my limited budget. Shirou-san kindly offered the room after I explained my situation," said Archer smoothly.

That was enough to pacify Taiga, for now.

"Before I forget, my condolences for your brother, Sakura," said Shirou (Emiya) with an innocent expression.

"Condolences?" repeated Taiga. Sakura looked equally confused.

"I saw him get hit by a car earlier and an ambulance transferred him to Fuyuki hospital. It looked like he was hit particularly hard in the lower regions, considering the car was lower to the ground," said Emiya with a straight face. His quick flickering of the eyes to Rin told Sakura everything she needed to know.

Sakura winced. Her 'grandfather' was certainly going to be furious finding that out.

"Ah, Sempai, do you mind if I borrow the room with Saber-san and Tohsaka-sempai for the night? Your house is closer to the hospital," said Sakura.

"I don't mind. It's not like we don't have the room, and I'm sure we can find something to talk about. Besides, I think someone bought booze while grocery shopping earlier," said Emiya.

"Booze!"

"And Emiya has several helpers, which means we might as well make this into a real party for the hell of it," added Elric.

Taiga sufficiently distracted, Sakura went to the kitchen to help her beloved Sempai. Shirou quietly told her what really happened to Shinji, and that he didn't hold it against her for what Shinji did to her on Zouken's orders. You could practically see her sag with relief knowing Shirou knew and didn't think less of her. Especially since he offered her a chance to avoid Zouken's wrath for the night once he found out.