I know, it's wishful thinking having Jack and Kate open up to each other so early in their relationship (although it was on about the third day that Kate tried to tell Jack what she did), but it's necessary to the development of the love triangle (as you pointed out mcanj). I can also justify it by saying that since neither of them believes it can ever go beyond friendship, the stakes aren't as high as they are with Kevin, or Jack on the show. Plus, I think not having the marshal around helps, since Jack doesn't know she's keeping secrets, and he certainly doesn't think she's dangerous, so she has the luxury of telling him in her own time, without incurring his wrath for not being more forthcoming... ;)


Chapter 7. Damaged

"So what about you, Jack?" Kate asked a few hours later when they stopped by a stream to rest and refill their water bottles. "What deep dark secrets are you hiding? It seems like all we ever talk about is me."

It was a pretty overt attempt at directing the conversation away from herself now that he was getting closer to the truth, but at the same time, she couldn't help being curious about him, and whether or not he was really as perfect as he seemed. One of the things she loved most about Kevin was that he was completely uncomplicated: there was nothing about him that wasn't visible at surface level; something she sensed was not the case with Jack. She'd known him almost three days, and so far, he'd been even less forthcoming than she had: other than his name and occupation, she knew almost nothing about him.

He let out a self-deprecating laugh as he dipped his own bottle into the stream, watching the current rather than meet her eyes. "I'm a pretty boring guy, Kate – I go to work, I come home. There's not much to talk about, secret or otherwise."

"Why don't you start with those tattoos?" she pressed with a pointed look at his bicep, unwilling to let him off the hook that easily when he was contradicting himself with his reticence. "There must be a story behind those." She grinned, trying to lighten the atmosphere between them as she added, "You weren't in a gang, were you? Because then I might have to rethink my entire position on spinal surgeons."

"And what is your position?" he deadpanned as he screwed on the cap, but she could tell by the twinkle in his eyes that he was intrigued and amused.

"That they really are boring," she told him innocently, taking a swig from her own bottle to cover her laughter before shoving it back into her pack. "So where'd you get the ink, Jack? It just doesn't seem very you."

She was goading him, but while he joined in her laughter, he didn't seem to want to play when he said, "It's personal," straightening up and replacing his own pack. "We should get moving. I want to cover a few more miles before dark."

He started back into the jungle, but she ignored him, staying put, more wounded by his comment than she knew she had reason to be. He was just some guy she met in a plane crash; it wasn't like they were married. "What?" he asked when he realised that she wasn't following, coming back over with a bemused frown.

"You think what I told you about Tom wasn't personal?" she snapped before she could stop herself, not sure why she was making it into such a big deal, other than because it didn't seem fair that she was the only one being forced to spill her secrets. "My husband hasn't even heard that story."

He looked surprised at this, his frown deepening as he said, "So why did you tell me, Kate? I know I asked about the plane, but he probably did too."

He hadn't, because like so many other things from her past, from Kate's past, she hadn't shared it with him; she didn't know how to answer, what it meant, so she said, "Because it was better than you thinking I had a dead kid," but she knew as soon as the words left her mouth that this couldn't be further from the truth. She loved Kevin because he was stable and good and not screwed up like her, but from the moment they'd met, she'd sensed in Jack a kindred spirit, someone as damaged as herself. He hid it well, better than she did, but he lacked the innocence that had drawn her to Kevin, that complete and unwavering trust.

It wasn't something that she wanted to give too much thought, not while Kevin might still be alive, so she said, "Sun's gonna set in a couple of hours. We should get going unless you want to lose the light."

Jack nodded, leading the way out of the clearing, but didn't say anything until they were back on the path. "You're right, told me about Tom," he agreed as they trudged in the direction they thought was northwest, pushing vines and low growing branches out of the way, "I was in a pretty dark place when I got those tattoos, so I'm not gonna tell you what they mean, but if you want to ask something else…"

"Can I ask why you were in a dark place?" she checked, unable to keep the hint of spite from her voice as she added, "Or is that personal too?"

He glanced over at her with a tiny smile, as if to say he deserved that, before explaining, "My marriage had just broken up, and let's just say I didn't handle it as well as I could have."

It was her turn to be surprised then. "You were married?" she repeated, though what she wanted to ask was, "You're divorced?". He was smart, sweet, heroic, and painfully attractive; it was hard to believe that any woman would let a guy like him go.

He let out another self-deprecating laugh. "For about eight months, so I'm not sure if it really counted."

"What happened?" she prompted, his expression darkening to one of sardonic amusement.

"She cheated on me. Wouldn't even tell me the guy's name."

Kate felt a pang of guilt, remembering her earlier thoughts. It was the worst thing you could ever do to someone you loved or were supposed to love; she shouldn't even be having feelings for him, no matter how alike they were, not while she was still married to Kevin. "You never found out who he was?" she asked, wondering if it was worse if the other party was a stranger, someone who was part of a whole other life, one your partner didn't know about.

"No. I went a little crazy," he confessed, staring at the ground sheepishly, "I was so paranoid, I blamed my own father. Turns out he was sneaking off to AA meetings."

She knew it was wrong to make light of someone else's pain, but she couldn't help letting out an incredulous laugh. "You didn't."

"I did," he agreed, laughing too, though the sound was harsh and bitter, his eyes sad, "and now he's dead, so believe me when I say I know what you meant about hurting people. If I hadn't given him a reason to hate himself, then maybe those meetings would've stuck…" He looked away from her then, tearing up as he mentally berated himself, so she put a hand on his arm to get his attention, over his tattoos.

"If I can't blame myself for Tom, then you sure as hell can't blame yourself for the decision your dad made. Sounds like he had a problem long before you got involved."

He flashed her a weak, watery smile, nudging her gently with his shoulder as he tried to lighten the mood. "Still think spinal surgeons are boring?"

She pretended to think about it for a moment before bumping him back playfully, returning his grin. "Depends on whether you're the exception or the rule."


Next chapter: Setting up camp, and sleeping arrangements... ;)