Not In Portland
Disclaimer: I don't own LOST.
A/N: Am I really writing this? Did LOST really come back? It did! Yay! I love writing this so I'm so happy that it's back. This chapter is just about Jack. He's contemplating his life on the island basically.
Jack watched Juliet leave and he turned back to the window. He hadn't expected her to help him free Kate and Sawyer. But he realized that if she hadn't helped, it probably wouldn't have happened. He was grateful for her help. Now he wondered what was going to happen to him. Would he die? Would they just keep him in the cell? He wasn't sure if he could stand spending another night in that cell.
His thoughts turned to the people on the main island. His friends. At least, he hoped they were his friends. Would they miss him? He closed his eyes. He didn't realize how much they all meant to him until now. Even though Locke had irritated him, he was a good man, and he had only been doing what was best. Sayid was always prepared to go on the latest mission, and he was always willing to help. Sun was also always willing to help. She had helped him with Boone, and if she hadn't done that, Jack wasn't sure if he could have done what he did. Hurley. Jack smiled. Hurley was such a great guy, always there for everyone, ready with a joke, and a dude stuck at the end of it. Charlie had his problems, but he was also a great guy. Jack imagined Claire and Charlie finally getting through their problems and getting together. Desmond was the only one that knew of his failed marriage, and because of that, there was a special bond between them, even though Jack had only known him for a short time. He hoped that the other survivors would let him in with their family.
Then of course, his thoughts turned to Sawyer, and Jack pursed his lips. He had hated him from the beginning. He was disgusted with him, and at first, Kate had been too. Then all of the sudden, something had changed, and Jack felt like Kate was slipping from him, and she had been. As time went on, Sawyer showed Jack his other side of him, and Jack started to slowly accept him for who he was. When he had left on the raft, Jack couldn't help but feel relieved. He didn't like rivaling over Kate with Sawyer. He knew that Kate had feelings for Sawyer, but he hadn't ever known how strong they were until later on.
After Sawyer had gotten back, the rivalry was even worse. But Sawyer was a good man, and when he had confided in Jack about sleeping with Ana, it had made Jack feel like he finally had a real friend on this island, just like Sawyer. Of course he couldn't help but tell him that he got caught in a net with Kate. Jack wondered if Sawyer still thought that they had. A smile passed through Jack's lips at the thought of it.
After thinking about all these people that had become his family, Jack realized that he hadn't ever built strong relationships with them. He had been too busy trying to help everyone. And that's where he realized he had messed up with Kate. He hadn't let himself have time for her, and Sawyer did.
He closed his eyes as he thought of Kate. He wished they could have gone back, where he could have been able to tell her how he felt, and no one would have interrupted them. Now all he had was their story. Their story. Hearing her relay it to him was painful. Hearing her choke up made him want to drop the surgical tools and run after her. But he resisted. He knew that if he didn't turn the radio off that he would say something that he would regret. If he had told Kate that he loved her, Kate would have never left. She was already trying to figure out where he was. But he knew it was better this way. He would miss her. He would miss her understanding eyes that could tell him everything he needed to know. He would miss the way she made him feel. He wished that they could go back. He didn't care what day, all he wanted to do was feel her again. Touch her. He fought back the tears as he finally realized that he would never see her again. All he had were memories.
He turned to see Tom walking up the stairs toward him. Jack blinked rapidly and breathed deeply, trying to compose himself.
"You okay?" Tom asked, unsure.
Jack grinned. He found it funny that Tom thought they were friends now. "Yeah."
"Well uh, we gotta take you back to your cell now. I'm sorry. If I had it my way I would take you home with us."
Jack slowly nodded. "Okay."
"I'm going to have to handcuff you."
Jack willingly put his hands out, and as the cold metal touched his wrists, he shivered.
"Do you know what's going to happen to me?" Jack whispered.
Tom looked into Jack's eyes and hesitated. He slowly shook his head and at that point, Jack started to prepare for the worst.
