It was late when Devin finally conceded to let Gibbs help her. Too late to look for the notebooks so they all retired. Jackson's house was a little crowded that night, but Devin and Eddie remained in their rooms, Gibbs adamant he could sleep on the couch.
Devin had fallen asleep almost as soon as her head landed on the pillow, but she was up before the sun in the morning. So much for a good night's sleep she mumbled to herself as she rose. Quietly she made her way to the kitchen and found some orange juice, poured herself a glass and sat at the table in the dark sipping the acidic liquid.
It wasn't very long before she heard shuffling feet in the living room. She remained still at the table in the dark, hoping whoever was moving about was simply going to the bathroom. But her luck wouldn't hold as the light in the kitchen snapped on, she blinked her eyes rapidly trying to adjust to the brightness.
He didn't see her right away; the only thing moving was her eyes. He was at the cupboard opening it before he looked at the table and stared. She could see the slight surprise in his eyes, but he hid it well, his face next to impossible for her to read. He grabbed the coffee and proceeded to fill the automatic coffee pot before he settled in the chair across from her.
"Morning," he said lightly, studying her face. She held his gaze, letting him know she was still angry.
"Morning to you too."
"I don't know what to say to you to mend the fence…"
"Then don't say anything at all," Devin replied coldly.
"I was not in a place in my life where I could take care of you…I was…drinking all the time, I was contemplating suicide," Gibbs said quietly, his gaze fixed on the table. Devin felt she had just been let in on the biggest second in the world. She had no idea how badly Shannon and Kelly's deaths had affected him because he had not been around afterwards. He had shut her out completely. "I've never told anyone that, not even Dad."
"I knew you took it hard, but don't you think I did too?"
"You were young, you had time to bounce back and rebuild. I…"
"You still haven't dealt with it; I can see it in your eyes."
"Yeah," Gibbs huffed. He toyed with the edge of the table cloth. "I tried…I even married three times since then."
"Three times?"
"Three divorces too," he said with a smile. Devin laughed.
"Really made a mess of things."
"Yeah, but you have to understand I couldn't provide stability when you needed it most. Nick…he provided that for you. I knew he would, and when I called him later, you were so settled and on the rebound that…I couldn't bring my pain back to you. I didn't want to drag you down under my pain."
"Wait…you called Nick?"
"I knew he would be able to care for you," Gibbs replied with a nod.
"You set that up? You sent him to get me?"
"Yes. He was very close to your father in the Corps. I knew he would…"
"I never knew that," she whispered. Gibbs simply nodded then got up as the coffee machine beeped. He poured himself a cup and then sat down again. Both were quiet for a while.
"You tried to kill yourself?" Devin asked suddenly. She watched as his eyes shifted to her, then ducked to the table top. His fingers toyed with the handle of his cup, and his eyes seemed to shift back and forth as if trying to come up with a worthy answer. She was sure he wasn't going to respond when he surprised her.
"Yes. When I finally got home they were already buried, gone. I thought about it and in my drunken haze there were a few times I contemplated eating my gun."
His voice was so soft and sincere that Devin knew he was serious. She had never considered that of him. She had always seen him as tough and tumble. He was a hardened Marine, a warrior that could stand up to anything, yet he had just admitted to wanting to eat a bullet. But he hadn't, and probably most of what she had seen in him was true, keeping him from eating that bullet. The thought was still there though, he had thought about it. That thought had never crossed her mind, though she was much younger, and it was different circumstances.
"By the time I got my act together Nick had you well on the way to recovery and I was still…trapped. I still am I'm afraid," he continued. His sigh made her look up at him. "I know how it must of felt, to lose everything, but I couldn't…you understand that right?"
Devin could feel the desperation in his voice; this meant a lot to him, that she understood why he abandoned her. She had always thought that had never given her a second thought, but it was obvious now that was not true, Nick simply hid it from her, at his request.
She nodded slowly, swallowing hard, trying to keep the tears at bay. Things were never as you saw them as a kid, there was always something else going on. He had simply done what he thought was best for her, even if she did think otherwise. Maybe he was right, maybe being with Nick, getting her head together, and getting an education was the best thing for her. Something suddenly dawned on her, he had known about her life. There were things that had happened over the course of her schooling that she didn't understand, and Nick would never elaborate. Most notably was when she was a junior at Maryland and Nick was strapped for cash, and her scholarship money was running out. She looked across the table at her uncle.
"Were you the one that gave Nick money for my schooling?"
He hesitated briefly before a grin crossed his face. "Yeah. He insisted on paying for it, since he had adopted you, but I knew he couldn't keep going, so…yeah, I gave him money."
Devin only nodded. Her view on things was shifting. She still had a lot of pent up anger, but she was beginning to understand why things had gone the way they had gone. In the only way he knew how, he had saved her. That made being mad at him difficult and she thought maybe over time they could rebuild their relationship. But then he changed the subject.
"Are you sure it's really a good idea to chase down this voice?" His voice was laced with concern and she could feel his eyes probing her. Her mouth twitched and she picked at the table top.
"You're not going to talk me out of this," she replied quietly.
"How do you plan to go about this?"
"I'm gonna work it like a case, like I do every day of my life with BPD," she replied a little harshly. Gibbs smiled softly and held up his hands.
"Easy, tiger. Not trying to knock your detective skills. Just want to know if you have a plan or if you're cowboying it."
"Eddie and I are quite capable of handling a murder investigation."
"Of course you are. Just remember the witnesses, the evidence, the case, all are twenty years old."
"Yeah," she said softly. "What do you expect me to do? You wanted to help so badly last night, so help."
"I plan on it. But first I have to check in with my team. The director left a message on my phone last night. He didn't leave much info, so I got to call in and see what's going on."
"If you have work I can work this on my own."
"Don't worry even if I have a case at NCIS I can hand it off to DiNozzo."
"I knew a DiNozzo once," Eddie's voice piped in as he came into the kitchen yawning. "Went to the academy together."
Devin watched Gibbs looked up at Eddie and the look in his eyes told her he knew something. Gibbs replied after a moment. "Anthony DiNozzo?"
"Yeah, that's the guy. Or at least I knew someone by that name. Guy loved movies."
"That sounds like Tony."
"You're man, he work homicide out of Baltimore?"
"As a matter of fact he did."
"Probably the same guy then."
Gibbs nodded. "You still haven't told me your plan."
"What plan?" Eddie asked.
"For the investigation. Where do you plan to start?"
"With the notebooks," Devin said with a hint of frustration. Gibbs nodded, but they were suddenly interrupted when his phone began to sing in his pocket. He palmed it out, glanced at the ID screen and frowned. Then he excused himself and left the kitchen to take the call. Eddie got himself a cup of coffee and sat down next to Devin.
"You doing ok?"
"Yes. I just want to find those notebooks and get started, all this sitting around, talking, its not helping find out who killed my family."
"Your uncle seems like he really wants to help, give him a chance?"
"If he doesn't get in my way," she replied lowly. Eddie gripped her shoulder lightly before he returned to his coffee cup. They both looked up when Gibbs came back in the room, and Devin noticed immediately that his demeanor had changed. He looked…grumpy.
"Somethin the matter?" She asked softly. He avoided looking at her as he downed the rest of his coffee and turned towards the door.
"Problem at HQ, I got to head back. Give me a number to reach you at and I'll call you when I get the chance."
"You don't have to; I can work this on my own."
"Not a chance. I'm not letting this get away again. I couldn't do it once, but I sure as hell am not giving up a second time. Number?"
Devin recited her cell number to him and he apologized once again for having to leave. He seemed genuinely pissed off that he had to hurry back to Washington. Devin and Eddie sat at the table for a few more minutes before Jackson came in for breakfast. After a quick meal, Devin and Eddie headed for the basement where Jackson told them her father's things were stored. They searched through boxes for almost two hours, Devin having to stop a few times as she was overcome with emotion, before they found what they were looking for.
Devin opened the lid to a box and stopped. Jackpot she thought as she saw the stacks of notebooks. She set the top down and ran her hand over the cardboard covers. There was a secret in those notebooks, something would tell her where to look first, she just knew it. Now she just had to find it.
"Eddie," she said to gain his attention. He came over and sat down next to her on the floor. His arm wrapped around her shoulders briefly, giving her the silent support she needed to continue. She knew now, no matter what happened, Eddie would always be there for her, and she felt warmed by that.
She picked up the first one and blew the dust off it. Flipping the cardboard cover open she saw her father's scribbles covering the entire sheet. His penmanship was small and concise, writing strictly in block lettering, all capitals, the first letter of each sentence just slightly larger than the rest. She stared for a moment, feeling a connection to her father she did not expect. He had written these words twenty years ago, notes on cases, thoughts about interviews, people he knew connected to the case, informants, everything that he was involved with. Those notebooks held it all; she just had to find what she was looking for.
She began to read, and Eddie picked up another notebook. She had no idea what order they went in, so they would just have to start from the top and work their way down. Something would jump out at them sooner or later, it just had too. The silence surrounding them in the basement took on an eerie feel to it, but she was so engrossed in her father's words she barely felt it.
