Sarah could only hear and barely move her arms. Her body was slowly loosing feeling and she was lying in darkness. Tom had managed to drag her to sickbay, quite literally since she couldn't get her legs to work, the Doctor had to sedate her and it was bothering her how quiet he had become since they had entered. Despite not being able to see or move her body, she could still hear. A hand gently stroked her cheek in assurance and she knew it was Tom. She suddenly was extremely grateful that she wasn't alone.
"What's going on?" Kathryn Janeway's voice demanded as she entered sickbay. "You told me that she was physically fit."
The hologram was close to her bed, his voice was booming when he spoke. "Apparently I was mistaken, Captain, I know that it is hard for you to imagine that a superior program such as myself could make a mistake," the Doctor answered, arrogantly, "but I am has humble as the next hologram. It appears that Lieutenant Barrett's pregnancy has had an unforseen complication. One I probably would have detected earlier if I had proper access to Gerroan medical records."
Sarah tired turning her head to the sound of Janeway's voice but now her neck wasn't even responding to simple commands from her brain. Her mouth was dry from the lack of the ability to swallow and she could barely use her voice. Everything was falling apart.
"What kind of complications?" Janeway asked, firmly.
"It appears that her genets are just not compatiable with Gerroan genes."
"Meaning?"
"Meaning that the fetus is releasing an enzyme that would have no affect on a female Gerroan, but is a neural toxin to Lieutenant Barrett," the Doctor replied. "It's a slow moving toxin, but it has attacked most of her nervous system, with the exception of her brain, rendering her blind and paralyzed. If it continues to spread my only guess is that it will attack her brain and move onto her vital organs. If we don't abort the fetus, she'll die."
Sarah closed her eyes, not that it mattered she couldn't see a thing anyways, it was more of an instinctive response. "There's no way to save the fetus?"
The Doctor shook his head. "I'm afraid not, Lieutenant."
She bit her lip. It was no secret that she didn't want to have this baby in the first place, but now that the Doctor had to abort the pregnancy just so she could live made her heart broken. Tears gathered into her unseeing eyes. Do you want to see again? Walk again? Will I be able to walk again? For a moment she was terrified that this condition was her permanent one. "Doctor...will I be able to see?"
"Yes, with the proper treatment you will be able to see again," the Doctor replied.
"And walk?"
"There's no knowing what the toxin did permanently until we abort the pregnancy, Lieutenant."
Uncertainty, Sarah wasn't sure she had heard that in the Doctor before. He had told her that she would see again in the hopes she would shut up and move on. But he couldn't tell her she'd walk again. She felt like crying, but wasn't sure her brain could even command tears to fall. Trying her best to steady herself she took a deep breath. "Just get it over with," she said, bitterly.
The Doctor shuffled some instruments about. "It should only take a few moments, I won't have to sedate you anymore than you already are." He asked Kes to extract a sample of the enzyme that was slowly killing their counselor and informed the others that he would prepare for the abortion. Sarah wouldn't notice him cringe at the use of the word, but it wasn't lost on Tom or Janeway as the hologram left the room for a few moments.
Janeway felt terrible. For a day that had started out rather promising it was taking a turn for the worst. "I'm sorry, Sarah," she finally said.
"It's not your fault," Sarah responded hoarsely. "We both know how I feel about this anyways."
"You may not have wanted this baby but it still hurts to have to terminate it like this," Janeway replied. "You can act as hateful and as bitter as you'd like, the truth is when the time came you were going to be ready to accept this child, weren't you?"
A tear finally escaped and made it's way down her cheek. "I'm...not sure."
Janeway reached out and patted her hand even though the young woman couldn't feel it. "Someday, you'll make a great mother, maybe...you just weren't ready for this yet."
Some things just aren't meant to be, Cosette Barrett had uttered those words years ago when Sarah's first boyfriend had broken up with her. It had been one of the only fond memories she had of her mother. Sniffling she gave her head a small nod as the Doctor came back into the room. He informed her that the procedure would be painless and quick and that Kes was already working on an antidote to combat the toxin. Sarah wished that she could press her arm over her eyes and just block everything out. It was impossible because she couldn't even move. She wasn't even aware that Tom was holding her hand or that Kathryn Janeway was gently stroking the other one while the Doctor performed the abortion. In a matter of moments the child that she hadn't even had the chance to accept was gone, in order to save the mother. Perhaps one day she would have the courage to ask the Doctor what the sex of the baby had been. But not today.
"Doctor I've isolated the enyzme," Kes said.
"Excellent, I'm just about done," the Doctor said, happily. "I'll be there in a moment."
At the moment she was glad she couldn't feel a thing; it accompanied the emotional numbness. Sarah could have been crying, she wasn't sure, there was just nothing but numbness and darkness. She would happy when she could see again. If she would ever see again.
"Chakotay to Janeway."
"Go ahead, Commander," Janeway's firm command voice echoed in the room.
"We're approaching the planet. Ensign Kim informs me that they have a medical emergency. I'm picking up four human lifesigns and a Bajoran along with Kim and Torres. Should I beam them all to sickbay?"
Janeway looked stunned, as did Tom Paris. "Have a security detail join me before transport, Janeway out." She spun about looking for the Doctor who was entering the room with a hypospray. "Doctor, is Lieutenant Barrett in any danger at the present time?"
"I won't know until I test this antidote on her."
"Is she ready for it now?"
"Yes. Why do you ask Captain?"
"Because, the away team is coming back to the ship with a medical emergency," Janeway answered. "Your top priority is going to be them."
"Aye Captain."
Sarah heard the soft hiss of a hypospray and then the hurried frenzy of the crew getting ready for medical emergencies. Janeway contacted the bridge when Tuvok arrived with security and had the away team along with the mysterious strangers beamed to sickbay. She suddenly felt very tired despite the fact that there was a lot of noise around her as people were yelling and shouting over the Doctor. She thought she heard children's voices in there but she couldn't be sure. The newcomers were quickly ushered out by security so the Doctor could work on the injured. It became quiet then, the exception being the Doctor ordering Kes about. As she drifted off to sleep she could have sworn the world around her got a little bit brighter.
Lainey Phillips was fascinated by some of the artifacts that Captain Janeway had in her ready room, but she was most intrigued by the ginger haired toddler. Who at the moment was trying to coax Val Cargen into getting her some apple juice. Val looked completely out of place around the baby, in fact the baby of the ship's captain, and inched away from her. She didn't scream or shout, instead she glared at him intensely. Lainey bit her lip wondering if she had inherited that look.
"I'm sorry we kept you waiting," a woman's voice said.
"Val Cargen," the Bajoran introduced himself while Lainey turned around to see a petite woman enter the room followed by a tall, board shouldered man, who was devilishly handsome. "Lainey Phillips. Thanks for taking us on board, Captain."
Lainey, whose eyes had been fixated on the male officer, snapped her head up to look at the woman. She was beautiful, in a piercing kind of way. Slender shoulders, long hair pulled back tautly, and curves that a Starfleet uniform barely concealed. All these years and the Federation still had not come up with a uniform that was truly unisex.
"It appears that there was very little choice in the matter," Janeway said, coldly. "Your runabout is nonsalvagable and one of your crewmen is dying."
Val winced at the cool tone. "We're lucky you came along. Noah wasn't going to survive much longer on our lackluster medical skills. Our doctor was killed when the Caretaker pulled us into the quadrant. We're lucky that any of us survived really." He paused for a moment, waiting for a reaction out of the Captain, but got nothing. Shuffling his feet about he looked at the floor. "Er, what do you plan on doing with us now?"
Janeway's demeanor didn't change. Lainey found she disliked the woman with a passion all of a sudden. "I can offer you passage on Voyager but you're going to have to earn my trust if you want the same privileges as my crew. Lieutenant Torres informed me of your dislike of the Federation Mister Cargen, Miss Phillips. I have to say I'm disturbed by it as well. Never the less, I can't just leave you here, that would be cruel and writing your death sentence. You'll be assigned positions according to your areas of expertise and we'll see what happens from there."
Val mutely nodded his head. Lainey was disgusted. "What do we have to do, Captain Janeway to make you trust us? We're thousands of light years from the Federation, we'll probably never see it again, and you're worried about a little insignificant matter?"
"The way I see it Miss Phillips, it isn't insignificant. I've already been betrayed once, it nearly cost me the life of my daughter," Janeway responded heatedly. "I'm not about to put my ship that close to peril again if I can avoid it."
"Oh, because three scientists and two children without a ship are so dangerous."
"I could always change my mind and leave you here, Miss Phillips," Janeway countered, firmly, silencing the young woman.
"That won't be necessary Capatin," Val interjected, glaring hotly at Lainey. "We'll gladly except your terms." He eyed the precocious toddler behind Janeway for a moment. He knew what female animals could do to protect their young; he had studied enough creatures in his life time to observe such behaviors. If Janeway felt that her child was threatened, Val wouldn't put it past the woman to throw them out the nearest airlock. Perhaps I should have gotten the kid some juice. "I'm sorry that we've come off as hostile, Captain, it's been a long tenure here in the Delta Quadrant, as I'm sure you are aware."
Janeway's eyes softened for a moment. "I'm well aware the hardships this quadrant has to offer."
And you willing put yourself here, Lainey thought with spite, thinking back to the array that could have gotten them all home. The rest of them had very little choice. Leave it to a Starfleet captain to think she knows best. How could she condemn her child to a life like this? Noelle Cook, Noah's late wife, who had died when they were pulled into the quadrant, would have been fuming at this. She always used to preach that a woman's top priority was her family, it was the reason why she and the kids had come on the trip with them. She had wanted them to stay together. Lainey gave her head a little shake. Noelle would have given Janeway a piece of her mind and no one would have been able to stop her.
"Then you must understand perfectly clear why we're a little...skeptical, Captain."
"The feeling is mutual, believe me," Janeway replied. She gestured towards the man standing next to her. "Commander Chakotay will escort you both to your new quarters. If you need anything combadges will be provided for you."
"And we'll get a visit from the local counselor I'm sure," Lainey snapped.
Janeway looked crestfallen for a few seconds, but it was certainly brief. "Our counselor is unavailable at the moment due to health issues."
The young woman in sickbay? God she was gorgeous, Val will be drooling over her once we do have to sit and chat, Lainey thought mentally rolling her eyes. If Val had one weakness it was women, especially beautiful women. And it had been a long time since Val had been with a woman. She wondered if she should mention that he was a bit of a womanizer to Janeway before she sent them on their merry way. Deciding against it, Janeway would find out soon enough on her own, Lainey followed mutely behind Commander Chakotay and Val. She had to admit the view of the Commander from where she was wasn't that bad.
"You'll have to forgive the Captain," Chakotay was saying as they entered the lift. "It's been no joy ride the last month and a half."
"Problems with the Kazon?" Val asked.
"The Gerroan."
"Haven't heard of them."
"Consider yourself lucky."
Lainey hadn't thought herself lucky in a long time. And, as Chakotay led them to their new living spaces, she was pretty sure she wasn't going to consider herself lucky for a while either.
"Mère ."
She pushed the old oak door to their colonial home open and stepped inside. A mixture of the centuries was the best way to describe the Barrett household. Her father loved antiques of any kind but her mother was into the latest technology that came out. It was no surprise to anyone who knew Jason and Cosette Barrett that their vidscreen was hanging next to an antique Monet painting.
It was almost summer. Her mother had worked countless hours that spring in her garden. Luke was constantly playing baseball out in the backyard with his buddies and wanted little do with his baby sister, who was seven. He was thirteen now, he was too cool to be seen with her. Sometimes if she welded enough tears in her eyes he would break down and take her to the ice cream shop down the street of their small Massachusetts oceanfront town. But lately it was taking water works. Daddy had told her that it was because Luke was getting older and would rather hang with his friends; it didn't mean Luke didn't love her, he just didn't know how to show anymore. Mère had tried scolding Luke about it, nothing had really changed because of it.
School would be out in two days. Mère and Daddy were supposed to come by for the first grade picnic that afternoon. Daddy had been called away to the office last minute; Admiral Hayes had contacted him over the vidscreen, Sarah had been playing in the next room when it came in. Daddy had kissed her cheek and promised he would take her for lots of ice cream all summer for missing her special day. She had told him it didn't matter, Mère was still coming. Or at least Sarah thought Mère was coming.
They had all gone outside to meet their parents, blankets under their arms, lunch boxes in their hands. The fields behind their school were lush and green and the sun was bright, but it wasn't too hot for a mid June day. The teachers had set up tables and parents had put out an assortment of food for the adults to pick at. The kids were allowed to run once they hit the playground. Pictures were snapped on holocameras as sixty something first graders ran screaming happily towards their families. It was chaos trying to sort out who was who in the crowd, but Sarah was certain that Mère was there, probably with Baxter on his leash. Mrs. Boyes had said dogs were allowed if they could behave.
Soon, she found herself standing around, alone. Mère hadn't come. She was crushed, Mrs. Boyes had offered to sit with her. Sarah knew that the other parents were looking at her, muttering under their breaths about Starfleet parents. Mère must have had a good reason not to show up. Perhaps she had been called to San Fransisco as well.
"Mère, where are you?"
Baxter the family dog came bounding around the kitchen island, tail wagging wildly. He was a mutt, a blend of black German Shepard and Black Lab. Sarah hated it when he licked her face with his oversized tongue. Baxter didn't same to really care. She gave him a little pat. Well, he wasn't tied up, and Gram wasn't there. Mère had to be home. Biting her lip to stop from crying she began to run from room to room screaming angrily for her mother. She even slammed doors for good measure to make sure that if her mother had slept through her picnic she was going to be woken up. She found Mère in the last room she stormed into yelling at the top of her lungs, her voice all but gone, the master bathroom. Mère was sitting with her back to the sink, she'd been crying because her make up was smudged.
"Mère! You promised you'd be there!" Sarah yelled stamping her foot onto the tile.
Cosette had looked at her with hallow eyes. "I'm sorry, minette." She wiped at her tears, her black eyes liquid. A hand wove through the already tangled masses of raven hair. "I just couldn't be seen like this. I...I tired to call your père; he must not haven't gotten my message in time. Je suis désolé."
She was using a lot of French, she never spoke her native tongue unless she was angry or upset. "Mère, what's wrong?"
"It's nothing, minette."
Sarah wasn't a stupid child, on the contary, Mrs. Boyes constantly told her parents that she was the brightest in her class. She knew that something was bothering her mother. Mère wasn't an emotional person, she very rarely smiled and she very rarely said 'I love you'. Baxter came panting up behind her, investigating the scene, he too seemed to realize that something was wrong because he whimpered the moment he saw Mère.
"Cosette!" Daddy pushed his way into the bathroom. "Sarah, leave now, take Baxter outside and play!"
"But Daddy!"
"Don't argue with me Sarah Cosette!" Jason grabbed a hold of her arm and pulled her out of the bathroom, slamming it shut in her face.
Behind it she could hear Mère sobbing. "I lost the baby, Jason! Doctor Tisdale doesn't believe I can carry another child to term! My last pregnancy was too difficult, it did a lot of damage!" Sarah heard something smash against the wall. Mère had thrown something. "I...I can't...I can't have anymore babies." Her father mumbled something, Sarah tired to press against the door to listen. She hadn't even been aware that her mother was pregnant. She felt bad that she had been so angry about the picnic. Mère had lost her baby and she was upset that she had to sit with the teacher at a silly end of the year picnic. Baxter nuzzled her, but she still felt terrible. Mère's make up smudged face would be the only thing she would remember about this day.
"Mère..."
Tom Paris heard her raspy voice and glanced up from his chair. Sarah was stirring, moving her limbs slightly with a troubled expression on her face. Since she had fallen asleep over three hours ago she hadn't made a sound. Exhaustion had been evident in her demeanor before she had even had the complications from the pregnancy. Getting up off his chair he inched his way closer to her bed and took her hand firmly in his. He hoped the simple touch would calm and help her sleep peacefully, lord knew she needed it. However, it did not.
She thrashed again, and cried out in a whimper, "Mère..." before her eyes snapped open. A lone tear leaked out of her eye and down her pale cheek.
He gave her hand a squeeze. "Sarah, it's okay, you're in sickbay."
"I completely forgot."
"Forgot what?" Tom questioned, concerned.
Sarah shook her head. Did it really matter now? Twenty years later? Especially since her mother was dead. And even if she was still alive it wasn't like she had the opportunity to call her up and inform that she now knew what it felt like to lose your unborn child. Her parents never talked about that loss again. After her father had managed to calm her mother down they had tried to make it up to her for missing the picnic by taking her out to dinner while Luke slept over a friend's house. She had still felt horrible for yelling at her mother and her parents had believed her to still be angry. Jason had taken her to work the next day. She'd met most of his colleagues, including Owen Paris. "I...I met your father once."
Tom was surprised since he had never met hers. "You did? When?"
"I was seven," she answered. "Daddy took me to work with him. We were eating lunch outside on the grounds when your father came to give him a report." She remembered clear as day now, Owen had taken her father aside and spoken to him in hushed voices so the little girl couldn't hear. When they were done, he had come back over to meet her. She recalled him now as a warm person, sparkling eyes. "He told me I was pretty."
"Yeah, that sounds like him," Tom said with a sad smile.
"I never met the rest of your family, Daddy never brought work home, ever."
"I wish that was the same about my father. We dined with almost every admiral under the sun."
"But not Daddy."
Tom shook his head. He wondered if she was hurt by this. Of course if Owen Paris knew that Jason Barrett didn't like to bring work home, he wouldn't have invited him over to the Paris' for dinner out of respect. He brushed the hair out of Sarah's eyes. "Just think, when we get home, my dad can tell you how pretty you are for a second time."
Sarah blinked back her tears. "I don't feel pretty, Tom." Did her mother feel this way when she had lost her baby? Damnit, how she wished she had the opportunity to speak to her mother. But it wasn't possible. She cried harder. She felt him brush the tears away, shushing her while the pain consumed her. She didn't deserve his affection or his attention. She certainly had done nothing to earn it. In fact she had repulsed it since the very beginning because she was scared. It wasn't fair to him and he deserved better. "You should go, I'm wasting your time."
"I want to be here, Sarah, it's alright," Tom assured her.
"You deserve better," she whined.
"Stop talking nonsense. You're exhausted, go back to sleep, you'll feel better after a good rest."
"I don't feel pretty Tom; you deserve someone who is pretty."
He kissed her cheek softly and whispered in her ear, "I don't want someone pretty, I want you. Now, go back to sleep. You're not getting rid of me as easily as you'd like." Rubbing the spot where he kissed her, he smiled. "I'll be here when you wake up, that's a promise."
A sudden sense of calm washed over her at this prospect and soon her exhaustion won out. Tom watched as she drifted back to sleep. With a heavy sigh he plopped his body down into the chair and picked his book back up again. The Doctor eyed him across the room. He shifted trying to ignore the hologram but it was no use, their Chief Medical Officer was moving towards him.
"I told you I can give her something to keep her asleep the whole night," the hologram said with a frown.
"She's taken enough stimulants, no more drugs," Tom argued. "I don't mind staying here in case she wakes up."
"This isn't good for your recovery process, Lieutenant, in case you have forgotten you were stabbed almost two weeks ago."
Tom winced at the memory. How could he forget the burning that the blade had made as it had cut through his flesh? "No, I haven't forgotten, Doc. I'm fine, the pain relievers you gave me earlier did the trick. Besides, her recovery is more important."
The Doctor would probably never understand the human capacity to put others before their own health and safety. Captain Janeway was notorious for doing this he'd noticed over the past six months. Lieutenant Paris had sat in the same chair for over three hours and the Doctor wanted Lieutenant Barrett to sleep at least another eight before allowing her to get up and try to move her limbs. Paris would probably sit in that chair the whole time which was going to make his still healing injuries sore. Grumbling, the hologram turned away and went to work on his newest patient. Thankfully Captain Janeway had managed to keep Noah Cook's colleagues and children out of sickbay. It made the Doctor's job a lot easier.
Tom Paris and Sarah Barrett were the least of the Doctor's worries. Since removing the fetus from her womb and thus stopping the production of the enzyme that was killing her, Sarah's condition had improved. Her eyesight was slowly returning and she had been able to move her limbs, even if they were just short, jerky movements. Tom's wounds were healing nicely and would have been completely healed if he didn't insist on taking care of Sarah. But, everything else pushed aside, the Doctor wasn't worried about losing them. His new patient on the other hand, didn't have much time if the Doctor didn't figure out a way to repair all the damage the runabout crash had caused without causing more. He had pretty much given into the fact that Noah Cook wasn't going to make it when the doors to sickbay swished open.
"Miss Phillips wants a report," Crewman Andrews stated moving swiftly towards the Doctor.
"Is Miss Phillips in charge now?" the Doctor snapped back, running an instrument over his patient.
Andrews blushed slightly. "No, it's just...she wants to know how Mister Cook is doing and since she is not allowed to roam the ship yet she asked if someone could bring her an update."
The Doctor was about to remind him that it wasn't his business to be giving out medical reports to just anybody who wanted one when the biocomputer behind him started to scream at him. It jostled Sarah Barrett awake from her slumber and caused Tom Paris to stumble out of his chair and run around the corner to see what was happening. The Doctor quickly propelled into action as Kes came running from the other room. But even as he grabbed his medical tricorder he knew that there was nothing more he could do for the man lying on the surgical biobed.
In just a few moments the biocomputer flat lined and Noah Cook was dead.
