VII: Inside The Circle

I was almost too tired to stand when we finally made it back to Jorvaskr. All the other Companions were gathered in the practice yard. They formed a semicircle around us and Farkas told them what had happened, then they started into some sort of ceremony. I remember them reciting some ritual lines, asking Farkas if he would raise his mug to me and fight by my side, but I was too exhausted to pay attention.

The shops were closed, so we went straight to Breezehome, where we found Lucia sleeping in one bed in the child's room and Lydia squeezed into the other. We went upstairs, where we had brought a pile of straw in until we could purchase beds, and I collapsed without taking my armor off.

We were awakened the next morning by someone knocking heavily on the door. Lydia was already up cooking, so she answered the door.

She let Farkas in. He watched me and Lokir stumble down the stairs, smirking at our disheveled appearance. "You two sure don't look like warriors right now."

I growled softly, while Lokir asked, "What are you here for?"

"Kodlak has one more thing he wants from you. You looked dead on your feet last night, or he would have brought it up then."

"When does he want to see us?" I asked. "I really need to go see the Greybeards, now that we've bought this house."

"He needs you to come at night."

I sighed. "Eh, I guess I could use a day to recuperate. We can go see the Greybeards tomorrow."

"Great. Meet him inside Jorvaskr after dark."

Lydia had made us potato soup for breakfast. We called Lucia out to the dining room and sat down on the floor to eat, not having any chairs yet.

"We should be able to finish furnishing this place once we sell our loot," Lokir said. "Those silver weapons should fetch a good price."

"Lucia, were you the only homeless child around here?" I asked.

"Yes, Mama," she said. "Everyone else in the city still has at least one of their parents."

"I'm sure you'll find other orphans in the other hold capitals," Lydia said. "Or there's always the orphanage in Riften, if you want to fill the spare bed."

"It's not filling the bed I'm concerned with, it's giving an orphan somewhere to live. And Lucia could use someone to keep her company when we're not around."

"What about you two?" Lucia asked. "Are you two going to have any kids?"

I almost choked on my soup. As an only child growing up on the road, I had never learned how tactless small children can be.

"Not together," Lokir said. "Even if I had my eye on a woman, I couldn't properly court her while I'm spending every other day running off to kill bandits."

"There aren't many Khajiit around, and none that have caught my eye," I said. "Besides, if a pregnant woman is struck in the belly, it can kill the baby. I can't risk having children until I've gotten myself settled and don't have to fight to support myself anymore. Someday I might have my own shop."

"Yeah, we both need to make our fortunes and settle down first."

"But for now, we have room to take in another orphan, so you'll have someone to play with soon."

"It's okay, Mama," Lucia said. "I like playing with Lars. But Braith is a big meanie. She likes telling us what to do."

"You need to learn how to stand up for yourself," Lokir observed. I had a feeling he'd be giving her a lesson in assertiveness soon.

"So, you're finally heading to the Greybeards tomorrow," Lydia said. "We need to figure out how we're doing that."

"Is the mountain too steep for the horses to climb?" I asked.

"Likely," Lydia said. "And the mountains surrounding it on the south and east are also too much for the horses. I think your best bet would be to follow the road. It goes east from here, past the Throat of the World a good ways, then swings south through a gap in the mountains and comes back west to a settlement called Ivarstead at the eastern foot of the mountain. The path up the mountain starts right outside Ivarstead. It's almost impossible to climb anywhere else."

"Would the cart take us there?"

"No, the carts only take you to the hold capitals," Lokir said. "Markarth, Solitude, Whiterun, Morthal, Winterhold, Windhelm, Falkreath, Dawnstar and Riften. I don't think any of them are any closer to Ivarstead than we are now." He pulled out his map and showed me the relevant sites.

"Do you need me to come along?" Lydia asked.

I looked from her to Lucia. "It would be nice to have you until I can determine how common dragon and bandit encounters are going to be, but…"

"It's okay, I've been on my own for months," Lucia interrupted. "I'll be fine until you get back."

"Okay," Lokir said. "We'll leave you some coins to buy food so you won't have to worry about cooking. Just remember to call the guards if you hear anything. They're always patrolling outside."

"How long do you think you'll be gone?" Lucia asked.

"No telling, but I'd estimate three days," Lokir said. "Depends on how long the Greybeards need to talk to Ra'wati and if they send her on a quest to prove herself."

"The Companions didn't say when they wanted to see us, just after dark," I said. "We could go there shortly before dawn and plan on leaving after that. They might have an errand they expect us to run."

"You want to travel in the dark?" Lydia asked.

"I can see in the dark," I said haughtily. Possibly the only advantage to being a Khajiit in Skyrim.

"Okay, I'll be sure the horses are ready. I'll wait with them while you're visiting the Companions."

"It should be about time for the shops to open," Lokir said. "Though I suppose there's no hurry. We don't have much to do today."

"We'll think of something to pass the time," I said.


I closed my eye briefly and took a few deep breaths, blocking out the noise of the city around me. I raised my bow, drew back an arrow, and nodded at Farkas. He tossed a red apple into the air.

It's a pheasant, I told myself, drawing on it and firing. I smiled and held my head up confidently as Farkas went to fetch the apple with my arrow impaling it.

It was a little off to one side, but I didn't care. "Well? Still doubt my vision?" I asked Aela the Huntress, a Nord woman who I had overheard expressing doubt about the wisdom of taking a one-eyed Khajiit into battle.

"All right, you've proven your point," she grumbled, kicking one of the half-dozen other apples I had shot out of the air.

I laughed. "That's nothing. I bet I can hit an apple twice that far away…"

"Tag! You're it!" Lucia shouted as she ran by, slapping me on the back.

I flinched and growled involuntarily. Couldn't she see I was busy showing off my archery skills?

Aela and Kodlak exchanged a glance and Aela nodded slightly. Kodlak cleared his throat. "You've done enough for now. Go attend to your familial duties."

I headed back around Jorvaskr and looked out over the city. The sun had only just reached its zenith. Once our loot was sold, we had enough to finish furnishing the house, but now that it was finished, we had nothing pressing to do. Playing tag seemed as good a way to kill time as any.

I saw Lucia's friend Lars dart out from behind the temple of Kynareth across from me. He was looking around warily for the other children, but I was betting he didn't know I had been recruited. I casually strolled down the stairs from Jorvaskr and acted like I didn't see him.

As I had hoped, he dismissed me, so it was easy to sneak up behind him. "Tag!" I said as I tapped him on the shoulder and took off running.

I darted up the stairs to Dragonsreach, wondering if the jarl would be unhappy about me tearing through the halls, or if his children might want to come outside and get some fresh air and socialization. At the top of the stairs I saw Eorland Greymane, who was a legendary blacksmith and worked an ancient magical forge called the Skyforge behind Jorvaskr. He seemed to be waving at me, so I slowed down as I approached.

"Good morning," I said politely.

"Good morning, Ra'wati," he responded. "You seem to have time on your hands."

I shrugged. "Just taking a break. I haven't had a break since I got here and I have a long journey planned for tomorrow."

He nodded. "I wonder if you might be willing to do a small errand for me? Retrieve something that was stolen from my family?"

"Depends on what you have in mind…"

"Tag!" Lars said, slapping me on the back before running back down the stairs.

"Hey, no fair!" I called, turning around and almost running after him before I remembered Eorland. I turned back and said sheepishly, "That boy is sneaky."

Eorland nodded. "Have you met my wife Fralia?"

"No, but I've seen her around."

He pointed to a house beside the temple of Kynareth. "That house with the cow in the yard is ours. Fralia tends a stall down the stairs, but she's taking a break right now. Go there and tell her I sent you. She'll tell you what to do."

I headed down the stairs, wondering why he hadn't told me what he wanted. This seemed shady…

Lydia and Lokir were casually walking up the stairs. I headed over to them. "Lydia, can you do me a favor?" I asked.

"Certainly, thane," she said in her moderately disrespectful tone.

I reached out and tapped her on the shoulder. "Tag. You're it. Go entertain the children."

She gave me a level stare. "You're the closest target. I could just tag you back."

"If you do, we'll be here all day."

She shrugged and turned away. I watched her take off after the nearest child, then turned to Lokir. "Eorland Greymane wants us to ask his wife about an errand."

He followed me over to the house Eorland had indicated. I heard conversation from within, but it became hushed when I knocked on the door. After a moment, an older Nord lady answered the door. "Yes?" she asked.

"Your husband said you had an errand for me," I said.

She looked around nervously. "Yes, come in," she said in a hushed voice.

Inside, she led us over to the dining table. "Please, have a seat," she said, then turned to a staircase leading down into the basement and called, "Avulstein, we have a visitor!"

"Mother, what are you doing?" an angry man called from behind a closed door. He kicked the door open and entered the room wielding a battleaxe. "How do you know they're not with the Imperials?"

"Avulstein, put that away!" she snapped. "Your father thinks they can be trusted!"

He growled, but lowered the axe.

I kept my hand on the hilt of my sword and noticed Lokir did the same with his axe. "What's going on here?" I asked warily. "Eorland said you wanted us to help with something that had been stolen from your family."

"Yes," Avulstein growled, "my brother Thorald."

"You brother was stolen?" I asked blankly.

"Maybe you've heard that we Grey-Manes support the Stormcloaks, while the Battle-Borns support the Imperials," Fralia said. "Thorald had been talking of joining up with the Stormcloaks, and the Imperials caught wind of it. He disappeared without a trace. They tell me he's dead, but I didn't believe them. I just… I just sensed it in my heart. If you had children, you'd understand."

"The Battle-Borns always acted like they knew he was still alive," Avulstein said. "Practically taunted us with it. So I broke into their house a couple nights ago and found a letter saying he had been captured by the Thalmor and taken to Northwatch Keep." He shook his head. "Sounded like Idolaf Battle-Born had been asking around about my brother and was being warned to drop the matter. He and my brother used to be best friends."

"Okay, so where do we come in?" Lokir asked.

"Someone needs to go to Northwatch Keep and see if he's still alive," Avulstein said. "I'd do it myself, but I don't want to do it alone. If Father leaves his post, people will notice and get suspicious. And I don't trust anyone else in town. I don't even want them to know I'm here, or they might tell the Thalmor."

But you're willing to tell complete strangers? I thought. "So you want us to go there for you?" I asked.

"Or take me with you," he said. "Either way, we need your help."

"How urgent is this?"

He shrugged. "Thorald's been gone for months. A few more days might not make a difference."

I nodded. "Maybe you've heard I'm the Dragonborn. I need to go talk to the Greybeards. That'll take a couple of days. But I'll be happy to go with you to Northwatch Keep after that."

"Oh, thank you! Divines bless you!" Fralia exclaimed.

"Thanks," Avulstein said gruffly. "Until then, I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone you saw me here."


"I still think you'd be better off carrying healing potions instead of cheese," Lokir grumbled as we went through our packs one last time.

"I like cheese," I repeated stubbornly. I slung my pack onto my back, then turned to Lucia. "We'll be home in a few days, but I'm not sure how many. Behave yourself when we're gone, and go to the guards immediately if there's anything wrong."

"Yes, Mama," she said.

We exchanged farewell hugs, then headed outside. Lokir and I turned right to make our way to Jorvaskr, while Lydia headed left, to get the horses ready.

Skjor was waiting for us at one of the tables inside, leaning back and reading a book. He led us back outside and to the stone wall beside Jorvaskr. There was a crude door carved into the rock wall that I hadn't noticed before. He slid the door open and motioned for us to follow him.

Inside was a rough cavern with a broad stone pillar in the center, topped with a large basin. Aela the Huntress was standing behind the one in the middle of the room. As we approached, she transformed into a werewolf.

"It's been a long time since we welcomed new members into the pack," Skjor said casually. "That ceremony outside Jorvaskr was just for show. This is the real initiation."

Good, I won't sleep through this one, I thought.

"So you're going to turn us into werewolves now?" Lokir asked. "Farkas said you wouldn't just yet."

"We discussed it and decided you were ready and worthy."

"And you think we can handle it?" I asked.

Skjor nodded. "I believe you are both strong enough to control yourselves as beasts."

He walked over to Aela with a dagger in his hand, held her arm over the basin and slit her wrist. The basin filled with blood.

Lokir and I approached the basin. I glanced over at Lokir. He looked as uneasy as I felt, but not reluctant. Deep down, I realized I wanted this.

I put my hands on the edge of the basin and looked down at its contents. Part of me was repulsed by the realization that I was expected to drink it. But another part of me, that part that lusted for battle, was stirred by the smell of the blood. But this wasn't enough. That part of me wanted more blood, much more…

I winced and pulled back from the basin, equally repulsed by that alien bloodlust. Was that what excited me about battle so much? Was I craving blood? I almost backed away, but I glanced over at Lokir, who nodded reassuringly, so I leaned back over the basin.

I took a deep, quivering breath. No going back, I thought as I cupped my hands and reached down into the basin.


"Can you hear me?" I heard Aela calling, sounding distant.

I slowly realized I was very cold. I felt like I was coming up from a deep sleep. I shook my head vigorously, and came fully awake.

I was kneeling on the ground in the snow, wearing nothing but my underwear. My armor and weapons were strewn around me. We seemed to be outside Whiterun, out in the woods, but I didn't recognize anything. The sun had risen very recently.

With a startled cry, I grabbed my cuirass and pulled it on as quickly as I could. "What just happened?" I asked weakly, pulling on my boots next.

"The first transformation is always the most intense," she said. "I barely remember my own. The next time won't be as bad."

I tried to remember what had happened after we drank from the basin. I remembered feeling free in a way I had never experienced before, and excited, and hungry. I remembered the transformation, highly unpleasant but not really painful, and then the sudden desire to run, to stalk prey, to hunt and bring it down and feed. I felt a faint breeze from a side tunnel I had not noticed before. I took a step forward, and heard Lokir following. Skjor called to us, telling us to wait, but I couldn't. I wanted to hunt. I heard him turning into a werewolf as well, but Lokir and I were already running down the tunnel.

We emerged from the tunnel on a high ledge built under one of the battlements on the city wall. I jumped down and walked out into the open, seeing Battle-Born Farm up ahead. I scanned the area, but saw nothing to hunt. Then I saw a group of elk off in the distance, and took off after them, with Lokir close behind. Lokir and I had chosen different targets, so we split up. I could hear Aela following me, and glanced back to see Skjor chasing after Lokir.

After that, everything got fuzzy, as my senses were overridden with the excitement of the hunt, more intense than what I felt at the prospect of battle. The chase blurred together, until I felt the beast retreating from my mind, felt myself getting weaker…

I shook my head. "That was too intense."

"Each time you change, it will be easier to control," she assured me. She waved at my gear still lying on the ground. "By next year, you'll learn how to shift back without dropping everything like that."

"I had been wondering why this didn't happen to Farkas," I admitted. I rose and surveyed the area. "Where is Lokir?"

"Nearby. Let's go."

She led me through the woods. Soon I heard two men talking in the distance, and saw Lokir and Skjor approaching.

"Is that all you wanted from us?" Lokir asked once we had regrouped.

"For now," Skjor said. "I've heard rumors a group of the Silver Hand has holed up in an old fort called Gallows Rock nearby. We could use your help clearing it out, but we'll have to scout it out first. I know you need to journey to the Greybeards tomorrow, so we'll wait until you get back."

"Where's Lydia?" I asked. "For that matter, where are we?"

"Farkas was to instruct her to fetch your horses and come after us if you two made it out of Whiterun," Skjor said. He pointed to a mountain southwest of us. "That there's the Throat of the World. We ran quite a ways last night."

I looked at the mountain dumbly. It had been east of us back in Whiterun. "How far out of the way are we?"

"This is actually the way you would have gone anyway," Aela said. "The pass south through the mountains is just over there to the southeast. Just keep heading that way and Lydia will catch up soon enough."

SOUNDTRACK: "Somewhere" by Within Temptation, "Hymn for the Missing" by Red, "The Animal" by Disturbed.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I hate how this chapter flowed, but I needed this stuff out of the way before Ra'wati left to see the Greybeards. The pacing from now on should be better.