Chapter 7 ~ Brinkley.

Jay stood in the living room staring at the view from his and Erin's apartment; it was getting quite late and Erin still hadn't returned home. It felt strange to be home without Erin, and a lump of guilt sat in the pit of his stomach because of what Candice had done. He dragged his feet to the kitchen counter and picked his phone up and dialled Erin's number again. Jay wasn't surprised when it went straight to voicemail.

He knew she would have gone to Burgess's, part of him wanted to go and talk to Erin. But he knew she needed space. So instead, Jay sat on the couch in the hopes Erin would eventually return his call. After waiting a few hours he eventually fell asleep with his phone held tight to his chest.

The next morning Erin woke up to the sound of car alarms, police sirens and cupboards slamming in the kitchen. She heaved herself up off the couch and walked to the entrance of the kitchen, rubbing her tired eyes she managed to smile.

"I honestly don't know how you sleep in this neighbourhood... it's so loud!" Erin exclaimed.

"I dunno... I like it. Knowing there's people around me and I'm not alone. You get used to all the noise." Burgess lived in a tiny apartment tucked away in the back streets of Oak lawn. It wasn't the greatest of neighbourhoods but Burgess seemed to love it.

"You feeling any better this morning?" Burgess asked. She had stayed up almost all night while Erin cried and vented about everything going on with Jay and Candice.

"Yeah, thank you." she sat down at the small round table in the corner of the tiny apartment "Sorry you had to see me like that. I don't usually cry in front of people. It's just ... Lately everything's been so hard, and it's all building up. And the Candice thing just pushed me over the edge, you know?"

"Yeah I get it. You should see me before that time of the month." Burgess laughed as she left to go have a shower.

Erin sat at the table staring aimlessly, before grabbing her phone to look at the calender. Her eyes widened and she inhaled deeply.

"Hey Kim..." Erin walked straight into her friend's bedroom "I'm late." she added.

"For what?" Kim looked confused, her hands fiddling with the hair tie in her bun.

"My period, I'm four days late ... I've never been late in my entire life." Erin started struggling to breathe scratching her collar bone, the beginning of a stress rash on her chest. She'd suffered from anxiety ever since she was a little girl, and she'd always break out in a rash when she was overwhelmed.

"Okay. Calm down" Burgess grabbed Erin's shoulders "You've been under alot of stress lately okay? It's completely normal to be late when you're stressed."

Erin ran her hands through her hair and sat on the bed with her hands covering her face.

"I can't be pregnant Kim! I can't have a baby. Not now" Erin said distressed.

Kim didn't know what to say, instead she sat on the bed beside Erin.

"Okay... how about before you have a panic attack we go to the chemist on the way to the district and buy a test? That way you won't have to freak out all day and then you'll know for sure."

"Oh my God. Jay. How do I tell Jay when we're not even talking?" Erin's mind was all over the place. She tried to convince herself it was just because of stress but too many things fell into place. It would explain why she's been so emotional and worked up over everything lately. And why she's been feeling bloated and eating more than usual. Maybe she was in fact pregnant.

"I need to call him" Erin got up frantically looking for her phone.


Jay stayed up all night waiting for Erin to call or text or better yet, come home but it didn't surprise him that she never did. Jay was getting ready for work when his phone buzzed on the table; without hesitation he rushed to the counter top and answered it immediately without even checking who it was.

"Hello?" He said sharply.

"Hey... it's me" Erin replies softly.

Jay sighed in relief "are you okay? Where are you?"

"We gotta talk um-" Jay cut her off before she could finish.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry about everything. I was coming home to tell you, not that it matters but I wasn't going to lie to you I promise"

"Jay-" Erin tried to get a word in but Jay continued to apologize. He stopped talking and the call went silent before Jay spoke again.

"Are you still there?"

"Yeah" Erin murmered

Jay knew something wasn't right and he knew there was more to it than him not telling Erin about the kiss right away. He felt pathetic for throwing apologies at her as if it would make her heart hurt any less.

"Talk to me" Jay said in a calm voice "tell me how mad you are. Scream, cry I don't care just talk to me" Jay assumed this was what she was bottling up. Maybe he'd hurt her so much she didn't have the ability to say anything. But something wasn't right and he could sense it.

On the other end of the line Erin was lost for words. Not because she didn't know what to say, she had a lot she could say about this situation. But her mind was going crazy thinking about the possibility of being pregnant. She loves kids, but she and Jay had never even talked about a family not to mention wanting to start one.

Almost instantly Erin started to feel sick, it happened so quickly she didn't have time to think.

"I'm sorry Jay. I shouldn't have called, I can't talk right now" Erin hung up abruptly and ran to Kim's bathroom and dropped in front of the toilet bowl, throwing up for what felt like hours.

Kim ran into the bathroom and was mortified by the state Erin was in. She was shaking and as pale as a ghost. "Erin you need to see a doctor. Why don't I call Maggie and get you an appointment for a blood test with Natalie. You need to know for sure"

Kim kept insisting Erin go to the hospital before work and much to Erin's dismay she finally agreed. But it had to stay between them. That was the deal.

"Okay so I'll drop you off and just give me a call when you want me to come pick you up" Kim said while locking the door to her apartment.

"It's just a blood test, It'll take 10 minutes." Erin said harshly, regretting her words immediately "Sorry."

It was complete silence on the way to the hospital. Erin just started out the window before Kim spoke.

"Look, I know you're scared and that's completely understandable. But you are the strongest person I know, you and Jay will figure it out. And for what it's worth, you would be an incredible mum." Kim rubbed Erin's shoulders as she gave her a small nudge to get out of the car.

Erin shut the door then leaned down to the window.

"Thank you Kim."

...

Inside the hospital, Erin sat in the waiting room filling out forms for Maggie when Will saw her.

"Erin, hey... what are you doing here?" He asked in concern "are you okay?" He added.

"Will, hi!" Erin said startled trying to hide the paperwork to avoid him being suspicious "Um ... we have to get mandatory blood tests for work"

Will laughed "you had me worried for a second, how's that brother of mine?"

"Jay? Um yeah, he's good..." Erin replied awkwardly

"Are you sure you're okay? You don't look so flash?"

Erin laughed and shook her head "Yeah. Hospitals just make me nervous."

Will smiled, and hugged Erin "tell Jay we gotta catch up soon, I'll see ya around"

"Will do." she sat back down and continues to fill the form out before a nurse came into the waiting room.

"Erin Lindsay?"

Erin took a deep breath and followed the nurse to a small room where Nat was labelling the vials for Erin's blood.

"Hey Erin" she smiled hugely.

"Hey, how are you?"

"I'm good ... So just a blood test today?"

Erin nodded.

"Cool, I just gotta ask you a couple questions" Nat said while shutting the door.

She went through a lot of questions like when did she eat last, any medication and all of that jazz before asking the question Erin didn't want to hear... she didn't want to have to say it out loud.

"So why are you getting a blood test? There's no prescription ordered by your doctor" Nat looked up from her clipboard of questions to see Erin face.

"I'm late... My period it's late and I think I could be pregnant. I mean I'm on the pill but I was on antibiotics for a few days and I couldn't take the pill because my doctor said it would interfere with the antibiotics and now I'm freaking out because I can't be pregnant and-" Nat quickly stopped her.

"Erin. Take a breath... These things happen and that's okay. It could easily be stress or diet related."

Erin was breathing heavily and leant back in the chair.

"When will you have the results?" She asked while Nat pulled the needle out of the sealed plastic.

"Since we're a hospital and we have so many labs running in a day, it usually takes about 4 days to a week but since it's you I'll put a rush on it and you should have it by the end of the day." she clasped Erin's upper arm so her veins were more prominent and told her to squeeze her hand into a fist.

Erin closed her eyes and looked away.

"Okay now take a deep breath" Nat inserted the needle and took Erin's blood. She sealed it away in a tube and place it in a plastic bag.

"I'll call you later today with the results. Try not to stress out to much" she said while placing a small patch over the tiny incision hole.

"Thank you. And can we please keep this between you and me? I can't have anyone know, okay?"

Nat nodded in agreement "Of course Erin, all our information is both private and confidential."

At the district Jay was pestering Kim asking where Erin was and why she was late.

"Is it because of me? Because we talked this morning and she was acting so weird" Jay said in a panicked tone.

"For the last time no, she just had some stuff to do" Burgess growled. She was never good at keeping secrets and was worried she'd accidentally let the truth out to Jay.

Perfectly timed Erin texted Kim asking her to come pick her up.

"Hey sarge, can I go out for a minute. I just gotta pick Erin up"

Voight looked at her sternly "Where from?"

Burgess froze. She sucked at lying as it was, but to lie to her boss! Her palms started to get sweaty, she attempted to collect her thoughts. Or more like an excuse.

"Uh, She's at the bank." With that Burgess turned around swiftly and left immediately before anyone could ask more questions.

Ruzek laughed to himself as she left "she's so awkward when she lies. I love it." he mumbled with a smile.

Burgess had picked Erin up and they had just arrived back at the district.

"Oh by the way I told everyone you were at the bank." Erin just nodded, she hadn't said a word the entire drive.

They walked up stairs and Kim went straight to her desk meanwhile Erin and Jay sat across from each other, barely making eye contact. The tension was thick. Erin cocked her head towards the locker room signalling for Jay to meet her in there to talk.

They stood there in the locker room for a moment just staring at each other before Erin said something Jay wasn't expecting.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have hung up on you like that this morning. And I get that she kissed you, not the other way around. I overreacted"

Jay stood there startled for a moment "I was expecting you to yell at me or something."

Erin shook her head in disagreement "I have nothing to yell about. It's not your fault Candice is a man stealing bitch"

Jay laughed at Erin's comment, and just seeing him happy made her happy. She let out a smile and laughed too, the first real smile she'd had that day. Erin leaned in and give Jay a quick kiss just as her phone rang.

Her heart skipped a beat as she saw it was Nat calling.

"Could you give me a minute please?" Erin asked, and Jay nodded before heading out of the locker room to finish off his paperwork.

"Hey Nat." Erin said in an almost out of breath voice, since she was so anxious.

"Hi Erin, it's me. I got a rush put on your results and they just came in... I need you to come to the hospital immediately" Natalie's voice was so calm yet there was something off about it.

"... I'm pregnant aren't I?"

"I'd rather not discuss this over the phone. Please just come to the hospital. Now." Natalie said firmly.

Erin didn't tell anyone she was leaving, instead she took Jays keys from his locker and went out the back entry. On the way to the hospital she couldn't help but notice every mother walking their children, or pushing their prams along the sidewalk. Is this what she had to look forward to for the next eighteen years of her life? Did she even want to be a mother?

She walked into Chicago med's reception and asked a nurse to see Nat, they took her to a small office down the hall where Nat was waiting.

"Erin. Hi." Natalie was expecting Erin but she was also startled to see her this quickly.

"Was the test positive?" Erin said in a demanding voice.

"The test confirmed you weren't pregnant." Erin sighed in relief "But it did show something else."

"What do you mean?" Erin asked. Nat sighed and looked down at her page.

"Erin I think you should sit down." Natalie said, her voice slightly shaky.

Erin furrowed her brows "Nat ... what is it?"

Nat let out a loud and sad sigh "Erin I am so sorry to have to tell you this, but, you have cancer."