The Author Supreme of this universe totally did not misplace her copy of the dreaded book of My Immortal and she would never experience hard drive failure as she is the strongest witch of them all (A/N: and the most literate).
...But if she had misplaced this book in Avalon, and her hard drive had failed her, and she had indeed erased all memory of her hard work from this plane of existence, then I would humbly say that she would have then spent many days and nights (which were years to mortals, but not to her, a pentgram of all the most creative minds of all time and the Birther of Worlds) mourning the missing three end chapters of My Immortal, alternating between tearing her hair out, laughing, and brushing her obligations aside in small fits of annoyance. Until finally...
...SHE RETURNS TO DROP THE PLOT ON THESE VIRILE MUTHAFUKKAS!1
"Hey Ebony," said the new girl in a surprisingly coherent way, "I know you have no idea what a self-insert is or how frowned upon it is, but in this instance I kinda just want to wrap things up, so here's the deal kiddo-"
"HOO R UU?!J H" Ebokneeeee crayed, "R u dat sloot asstorya?!KEKJB"
The new girl stared straight at the camera, just like in hit TV production, The Office.
"Yes, for the purposes of the task I require you to carry out, let us say that I am indeed Astoria. Totally not the blonde chick riding beloved Draco's Christmas cracker down in the dungeons rn, if you know what I mean," she replied. Ebola gasped (in an appropriately shreksy manner), "u sluytt! Wheres my SWUMP!"
The-new-girl-who-was-totally-Astoria-and-not-the-Goddess-Divine pointed outside, "Let's duel in the woods for the rights to Draco's firm hamburger buns, yeah?"
"FUKK U!" efuckyouihatethisjokeran streaming on twitch into the floating forest of forbidden-ness.
"Good," replied the Goddess-Divine-who-was-pretending-to-be-a-new-self-insert-character-named-Astoria. She walked after Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, because she was a normal human-ish being, Merlin dammit! That, and she was totally pissed that Oberon had been sleeping on her manuscript for the past 500 years, occasionally letting his children dribble on it, which had caused the world it had created to become corrupt and allow such abominations as Ebony to come into existence. Fuck, did he ever owe her a pint of the honeysuckle brew.
The fight was super cool, and would go down in history, but this is mystory, so fuck off. Ebony D'arkness Dementia Raven Way broke her neck, arms, legs, tits (they were fake), donkey, virility, the Sword of Gryffindor, and several other equally inconsequential objects on her way out of the world as she fell back onto the book of My Immortal, having been propelled by the force of a spell sent her way by the Creator of Worlds.
Not-Astoria then burnt the book whilst reciting tribal chants backwards on her vocorder, sending the demon inside Ellellelellkllby straight to Heaven, where she never had sex again because despite their beauty, angels don't have the anatomy or the will to go through that much crazy. Don't try to explain Nephilim. Just. Don't.
The Wizarding World felt a rush of power and all within it promptly experienced a minor case of dementia which was more like amnesia actually because it was history being unwritten...Ebbbbrry's last legacy in the world.
Dumbledore went back to being a master chess player.
Snape returned to his dungeon lair.
Draco and Astoria pushed each other away bc not gonna lie, the Creator of Worlds says that Harry and Draco are gay bois for each other so there you fucking go. Can't fight the Divine. Astoria found new love in Ginevra (and a better lay, too).
Harry did not get pregnant because that is fucking ridiculous you filthy heathen.
Cho Chang remained unimportant to this story.
Son Goku, Tim the Time Man, Marty, Tom Bombadil, and all other non-wizarding fictional characters returned to their own worlds with severe hangovers.
All was well.
The Goddess was pleased as punch.
She went to return to her eternal slumber, no longer feeling the disgrace of a shitty unpublishable manuscript and not really caring about rogue grammatical errors.
Moral of the story: don't leave your Sims on freewill. It's BAD. NO AUTONOMY ALLOWED.
Remus somehow retained everything documented on his cideo tap. He was scarred for life (A/N: HA! Geddit! Bcos he's got scars...)
THEEEEEEEENNNNNDNDDDDDDDDD
