So I've spent the majority of my day working on this story and go a chapter done. See what I'm working with people? This is quality lol. Just kidding but seriously I hope you're enjoying it thus far. Shout outs to the following awesome people: silent-ninja-twins, Lauren ( ;) ), girlreadsalot, dillydip248, Lleia Ride and ArmyOfWings!

Chapter 5 What Hurts The Most

I didn't bother to glance back as I headed across the field away from the smoke which billowed over the trees behind us. Instead I yelled, "Iggy, Dylan, you guys are in charge!"

I felt everyone's eyes on me, even Kate, Ratchet and Holden's, until I reached the woods and disappeared among the trees. Then I felt my muscles loosen and my shoulders pull in. My steady walk turned into a painful limp and I grasped at the gash above my knee; it was bleeding still. My arms and face burned but my head was the killer; it was pounding.

Strong arms wrapped around my shoulders and I leaned gratefully into Fang for support. We kept moving forward through the trees until we came to a small creek. I sank down tiredly on a log and patted the moss beside me. Fang sat down and for a moment we both looked out at the light shimmering off of the water.

"Do you love him?"

Fang's question caught me off guard and I tensed slightly. Fang's eyes didn't miss this but he kept his mouth shut, patiently awaiting my answer.

"I don't love him." I said, it sounded unconvincing even to my own ears. Fang raised his eyebrow and looked at me unbelievingly. I sighed and rested my head on my hands. "It's difficult," I hedged. Fang just looked at me.

"I've got time."

Of course you do, I thought but didn't say anything. Instead I thought about my relationship with Dylan.

It was strange, like I didn't know him but did. Like we were synched together, two watches ticking in rhythm, maintaining beat for beat. Dylan had really come through for me in the past few weeks. That kiss in Paris on the Arch de Triumph, well, it had seemed so perfect. Too perfect….

I tilted my head so that I could look up at Fang who was staring anywhere but at me.

I'd known Fang since I was trapped at the School. Our dog crates had been stacked next to each other by some miracle of God. I remembered pushing my fingers through the sides trying to just touch the tips of his fingers which wiggled always just beyond reach. Now he sat beside me.

I remembered Jeb breaking us free and how Fang had helped guide Nudge while Jeb carried Angel and I led Iggy who Gazzy had latched onto. I remembered waking up that morning Jeb had left and feeling like we were all doomed. But then Fang just looked at me like he always did and I got the courage to take charge.

I remembered Fang holding me in the subway under NYC when I had my brain attack. I remembered kissing him on the beach, him kissing me in the cave, him leaving and taking half my Flock with him.

I remembered meeting on that beach and him promising me he'd never leave again. I remembered reading the note that said he had….

"I don't love Dylan," I said, and Fang glanced down at me. "But right now…, I don't love you either." Fang's eyes widened slightly and he swallowed hard. He stood up, and walked a ways before rubbing the back of his neck. His hand still raised he looked at me with dark eyes. His hand fell to his side.

"Is it because I asked Maya to join my Flock?" It was a simple question but loaded with meaning. "That's a small part of it," I admitted. "Small?" Fang asked, his voice low but angry.

"Tell me, Fang," I said, straightening up and looking him square in the eye. "Did you invite her to replace me?" Fang's face flushed angrily. "No! Maya's a great fighter! She-."

"She's my clone."

"She's not you!"

"I know."

"She-," Fang started then paused, his head cocked to the side. "What?" I crossed my legs and put my hands in my lap looking down at my fingers and picking at the nail. "She's not me, so is that why you love her?"

It's a rare sight to see Fang shocked. But lately I'd seen that side of him a lot. And usually it was about things like this. But this time Fang wasn't able to shake his emotionless mask back in place. Instead his face took on the appearance of someone who'd just been told something devastating and unbelievable. But it was.

"I…, well I mean…, it's not like that. Um, we…., we are…, well we're just friends. She's a really good fighter. Smart too. She helps me look after the others. She…." Fang stumbled to a halt and ran his fingers through his still shorter than I was used to hair. I merely looked at him.

"Maya and I are just friends," Fang said, nodding as if trying to convince both me and himself. It didn't work on either end. "Fang, I see the way she looks at you. And I see the way you look at her. It's the same way you used to look at me. The exact same."

Fang opened his mouth to protest then closed it. He jerked his head away and stared off into the woods, not saying anything.

"Fang…you love her." This time my words were met with silence. A silence that rang with finality and made my heart seem to beat slower; because a part of it was breaking.

"I care about her." Fang said, turning back to me. His dark, obsidian eyes held what looked like moisture in the corners. I could have been imagining it though. "But not as much as I care about you."

This time it was Fang's words which greeted silence.

Fang walked over and knelt down in front of me taking my chin in his fingers. My eyes locked with his. "Max, I still love you. With all of my heart."

"I know," I said, pressing my forehead against his. Fang tilted his head and sighed. "But you still don't love me."

"No," I whispered, my heart breaking at the hint of pain that entered Fang's eyes.

But I was done with lying. Done with playing off my emotions for everyone else's benefits. Angel, had been right. I was a big boat. I made the waves. The others just got rocked around. And though I didn't ask to be a big boat, I was. Why, only God knew.

So, to the Fax lovers I know I've more than likely royally ticked you off at this point. I know I'd be like 'oh no she didn't!'. But don't worry, stick with it and I promise you'll see where it's going. The chapter I was working all day on deals with this but you've got a few chapters to go before you get to it. Just stick with it and me and you'll see.

Please R&R