Part VII
Regina made her way through the busy airport with only a carry-on bag for her brief trip down to Florida. Her return flight was for Wednesday night, but originally she had planned to stay until Friday until she learned that Emma would be in New York City during that time. It was a bit of a disappointment and she had to let it go because by the end of that month, she'd be back in Gainesville for school and Emma would permanently be living in Tallahassee again.
She grabbed a tall mocha from Starbucks and found her gate with about an hour to spare. She felt fidgety and found it hard to sit down in the rows of chairs by the gate, so she wandered past the shops, browsing aimlessly amongst the many items each shop had. She had brought Henry and Nathan souvenirs before, little trinkets or a t-shirt and that cute Boston Red Sox onesie for Nathan when he was about six months old.
She browsed through some more shops before heading back to her gate to wait for the call to board the plane. Throughout all the hustle and bustle, and the noise in the airport, she had barely heard her phone ringing before she fished it out of her purse and answered the call.
"Hello?"
"Regina?" A man said on the other line. "It's August. August Booth."
"Hello August, how are you?"
"I've been better. You?"
"I'm just at the airport. My flight is going to board in a short while," Regina replied and she scrunched her brow in confusion. "August, why are you calling me?"
"I got your number from Emma's phone," he replied and she strained to hear him over the noise. "I have something to tell you."
"What is it? Did something happen to Emma? Henry?"
She heard him take a deep breath and switched the phone from her left ear to the right while walking towards the washrooms along one wall. "Mary Margaret and David were in an accident last night," he said quietly, his voice strangled a little with emotion. "They were killed by a drunk driver."
"Oh no."
"I thought you would want to know," he continued. "Em isn't going to New York this morning. Uh, I'm taking her over to the funeral home later to make arrangements."
"Is there anything that I can do, August?"
"You're flying down to Gainesville, aren't you?"
"Yes, to look at some houses to rent, but I can absolutely make the trip to visit Emma."
"Would you?" August asked. "I—I think she needs that right now, to see you. I won't tell her you are coming, best keep it a surprise, a good surprise. She's in shock."
"Understandably so," Regina frowned and she could feel the tears prickling at her eyes, but she kept them at bay, not wanting to break down in the middle of a busy airport before her flight. "I'll see what I can do about getting up to Tallahassee by tonight. She'll be at the house?"
"I'll make sure."
"Thank you for letting me know, August."
They both hung up without another word and Regina headed over to the customer services desk to inquire about getting an open ended return ticket if they could provide her with one. Her quick trip down to Florida was about to become a lot longer than she had initially planned it to be. There was no way she could just return home, not without attending Mary Margaret and David's funeral and not without making sure that Emma was going to be okay.
She couldn't get an open return ticket, so she switched the one she had to Saturday evening instead. Five minutes before her flight was due to start boarding, she made a quick call to her mother to pass on the news of Emma's parents' tragic passing and to let her know not to expect her back in Storybrooke until Saturday evening.
Cora asked her to send along her condolences and didn't keep her on the phone for very much longer. Regina could barely hold back her tears by the time she boarded the plane. Her breaking point was when she couldn't fit her carry-on into the overhead compartment and she burst into tears until the flight attendant came over to help her.
"Is everything all right?" She asked in a soft voice as she took Regina's luggage from her.
"My—my girlfriend's parents just died," she sobbed and the flight attendant frowned and hoisted her luggage into the overhead compartment with ease. "Oh, I'm sorry, I—I don't meant to cause a scene."
"How about you take a seat and I'll bring you something to drink?"
"I—I—"
"What would you prefer? Something hard or something light?"
Regina sat down in her seat by the window and shook her head. "It doesn't matter," she muttered and the flight attendant just nodded, motioning that she would be right back. It hadn't hit her that she had referred to Emma as her girlfriend until she had been sitting in her seat for a good five minutes. "Oh."
The flight attendant returned with a small glass of rum and coke, not her favorite or something she'd willingly pick, but she thanked her and sipped it gingerly, waiting for the plane to taxi over to the runway and get ready for takeoff.
The plane was only half-full by the time it took off and Regina had the row to herself. She finished off her drink before the plane even took off and when the flight attendant offered her a second one, she politely declined.
The flight seemed much longer than three hours and when the plane landed, Regina could feel her emotions becoming highly unstable once again. She made her way through the small airport quickly, using her cell to call for a cab that was waiting for her by the time she made it outside. She had less than half an hour to get to the first house she was scheduled to view and she called the landlord to confirm that she was still lined up for a viewing.
She spent the cab ride going over the papers she'd need to apply for the rental if it was suitable enough for her needs. It was definitely well within her means when it came to price, but the location was a little far from campus. She would definitely need her car if she ended up renting that one. When the cab pulled up in front of the quaint little house with a white picket fence and gravel driveway, she immediately had gotten good vibes from the little grey house.
It took her mind off of Emma's parents for the short time that the landlord, a little old lady by the name of Eloise, showed her around the house. It had two bedrooms, a decent sized kitchen, and it came partially furnished, which was more than she expected and it hadn't been mentioned on the listing. The décor was a little too eccentric for her, but it wouldn't take much, she figured, to fix it up to suit her personal tastes.
"Well, dear?" The old woman asked as they stood by the front door. "Are you interested in renting the house?"
"It's nice," Regina smiled. "A little far from campus, but it's…perfect. This isn't a student rental, is it?"
"No it's not, dear, but when you mentioned you were studying medicine, I thought you'd be the acceptation. I don't normally rent to students. Bad experience many years ago."
"Um, do you have an application?" Regina asked and the woman nodded, bustling off towards the kitchen before she returned with a single page application. "Is anyone else looking at the house?"
"You are the first," Eloise responded as she clasped her hands in front of her. "You may fill it out now. I can wait."
"Do you happen to have a pen?"
It didn't take Regina long to fill out the short application and the woman promised to get back to her by the very next day once everything checked out. Since the cab driver had long since left, Regina called for another and waited for it on the curb since there weren't any sidewalks in that particular neighborhood.
While she waited for the cab to come pick her up to check out the second house closer to campus—which coincidentally was going to cost enough extra a month that she'd need to pick up a part-time job, it gave her time to soak in the quiet neighborhood and for a moment, she imagined the sound of Emma and her son's laughter as they played in the small front yard with one another. It also made her start to think about what was going to happen with her baby brother now that their parents were dead.
Tears filled her eyes, tears she quickly wiped away as the little old lady walked down the front path and shut the gate behind her. She looked up and down the street, frowning before continuing the action.
"Are you waiting for someone, Eloise?" Regina asked.
"Yes, my husband Herb. He said he was going to wait while I showed the house."
"Oh?" Regina hadn't seen anyone waiting outside when she had arrived and she knew she had seen the woman walking down the street alone in those few minutes she'd waited for her on the front porch. "Is Herb walking?"
"No, dear," she said with a shake of her head. "He has our trusty sedan. He should be here."
"Would you like me to wait with you?"
"I'm sure he'll be right along," Eloise replied with a wave of her hand. "That husband of mine has a mind of his own. It wanders, you see."
Regina smiled politely at the woman and she shifted her carry-on from one hand to the other. She checked her small silver watch on her left wrist and looked up and down the street for the cab she'd called, but the street was quiet and empty save for a few young children riding around on their bikes.
It was the type of neighborhood Regina knew was the perfect place to raise a young family. It felt safe, it felt homey, and the laughter from the children that came from down the street filled her with a mix of thoughts and hundreds of different emotions all at once.
Regina was about to call the cab company again when she saw one turn the corner at the far end of the street and make its way down past the children on the bike's slowly. The elderly woman sighed loudly and fumbled with her little grey purse.
"Do you need a ride somewhere, Eloise?" Regina asked and she shook her head sharply and tucked her grey purse under her arm. "Herb is coming?"
"Yes he is, dear. There he is now," she said as she pointed in the opposite direction the cab was coming from to an old blue Ford sedan. "I will call you tomorrow about the house, yes?"
"That would be wonderful. Thank you," Regina smiled at her. "Thank you for taking the time to show me the house, Eloise."
"You are quite welcome, dear. Regina, isn't it?"
"Yes," she nodded. "Regina Mills."
"Ellie!" The man behind the wheel of the sedan shouted as he pulled up to the curb.
"Herb, you don't need to yell," she scolded him. "Have a wonderful day, Regina."
"You too, Eloise."
The cab pulled up just as the woman got into the car, bickering with her husband who looked no less than frazzled at his wife. Regina watched as they drove off and the cab driver cleared his throat to get her attention.
"Where to, ma'am?"
"Um," Regina paused before she got into the backseat and placed her carry-on on the floor by her feet. "I need to find someplace to rent a car."
"Any old place?"
"Yes," she nodded. "It doesn't matter where as long as I can get a car within the hour."
"Somewhere you need to be?"
Regina sighed. "I doubt you're willing to drive to Tallahassee," she said quietly and the driver tipped his colorful shades down and raised an eyebrow. "How much will that cost me?"
"Seeing as I was hoping to drive out there today myself anyway, call it fifty even. Tank of gas, no tip needed. You look like you need to catch a break today."
"I can't accept that," Regina said and he held up a hand. "No really, I cannot. It's almost a three hour drive."
"Honey, let me take you to Tallahassee. I was planning to drive out there anyway after this fare. Pay it forward, yeah?"
Regina smiled sincerely and nodded, settling back in the seat as the driver pulled away from the curb and followed the blue sedan out of the neighborhood. Regina felt tense until they were on the interstate and heading out of Gainesville, the route all too familiar as she had made the trip nearly a dozen times just before the summer began. Thinking of all the times she'd made that trip to Tallahassee in a cheap rental car set her thoughts in motion to thinking about the tragedy that had just happened, to thinking about Emma and what she was going through, to feeling a pang in her heart when she thought about Nathan being far too young to remember his parents and just how amazingly wonderful they truly were.
When the tears came again, she didn't hold them back. She let them flow freely as soft Spanish pop music filled the cab and the driver sang along quietly as they cruised down the interstate. She sighed and leaned against the door, cranking down the window to let the breeze in and watched the world go by.
[X]
Emma felt as if she were on autopilot, moving around the kitchen while making sure Nathan and Henry were both fed and satisfied with their lunch. Neither of the boys were aware of what was going on, neither aware of the sudden tragedy that had struck their family out of nowhere and so very suddenly.
"Mama!" Henry whined when he spilt his milk and his peanut butter and grape jelly sandwich had fallen apart, the grape side of the bread having fallen to the floor.
Nathan had taken to slamming his sippy-cup against the tray of his high chair, over and over and over again until the lid broke off and his milk went absolutely everywhere. His crying babble turned to shrieking and Emma picked up the sippy-cup lid from where it had fallen on the floor, nearly grasping and ripping at her hair after she had thrown the lid into the sink full of dishes.
Emma released a low growl that silenced both of the boys almost immediately. She ran from the kitchen, tears burning in her eyes, and she ran out to the back yard, the back door slamming loud and hard against the side of the house. Mere seconds later, Nathan started to cry at the top of his lungs and Emma could only just faintly hear Henry crying too.
"Hey," August said as he leaned on the fence that separated their yards. "Is everything okay?" He asked and Emma shook her head no. "Do you need me to do anything?"
"I don't know."
"Need someone to watch the boys for the afternoon?" August offered and she sighed heavily and wrapped her arms around herself. "Let me take them over to the park at least for an hour, give you a little break."
"I got a call before I gave them lunch," Emma said quietly as she approached the fence.
"From who?"
"Someone at the coroner's office," she shook her head. "I—I need to—"
"Would you like me to help you with that?"
"August, I can't ask you to do that."
"You're not," he replied. "I'm offering."
"I—I don't even know where to start, August."
August came around to the gate and came into the backyard. He wrapped his arms around Emma tightly as she broke down into tears for the hundredth time that day. August took her back inside once the tears had mostly stopped flowing and he started to make some phone calls, promising her he'd help her take care of everything that would need to be done.
Emma tended to the boys and put them in the living room while she cleaned up the kitchen. She was on her knees, wiping up the tile where the grape stuck, when Ruby walked in after having been let into the house by August. Emma felt sick to her stomach as she looked up at Ruby, tears falling freely once again. Ruby sank to her knees and wrapped her arms around Emma, both of them rocking as they knelt on the kitchen floor.
"Em, tell me what I can do, please?"
"Is this even real?" Emma whimpered quietly. "I'm not having a really bad dream right now, am I?"
"Do you want me to tell the truth or lie to you?"
Emma shook her head and Ruby held on tighter. Emma sank into the comfort of Ruby's familiar embrace, but it wasn't what she needed in that very moment. She didn't even know what she needed, but she knew it wasn't that, but she didn't have the strength to push Ruby away from her.
"Hey," Ruby whispered as she leaned back and cupped Emma's face gently in her hands and she sniffed quietly, trying to stop the tears. "I'm so sorry, Em."
"I—"
"Gina!" Henry squealed from the living room and Emma looked at Ruby curiously.
"Did you call her?"
"No," she said with a soft shake of her head. "August called me. I'm guessing he called her too."
"I'm a mess."
"You look beautiful."
"I look terrible!" Emma said and she quickly tried to wipe at her tear stained cheeks before she picked herself up off the kitchen floor. When she heard Regina's voice, just faintly, as she spoke with a very excited Henry, Emma swallowed thickly. "She's really here, isn't she?"
Ruby nodded and tried to fix Emma's mess of hair. She moved her hands to Emma's shoulders and gave her a reassuring squeeze when they both heard August tell Regina that Emma was in the kitchen. Ruby stepped back and grabbed the jelly-stained cloth from Emma's tightly clutched hand, moving over to the sink to rinse it the very moment that Regina walked into the kitchen.
Emma felt like her breath was taken away the moment she looked at Regina for the first time that wasn't just a photograph of her. It felt like an eternity to be able to take the first step towards Regina and Emma smiled shyly as she ran a hand over her messy hair that was tied up into a loose bun. Regina returned the shy smile before she was the one to quickly close the distance between them.
The moment Regina's arms were around her, Emma let out the breath she hadn't realized she had been holding since she first laid her eyes on Regina. She sank into her embrace and it took mere seconds to realize that is what had been missing when Ruby had been holding her. She inhaled deeply, the familiar scent of Regina's perfume stronger than it was on all those paper flowers she had sent over the years, and then there was the sweet scent of just her.
"Hi," Regina whispered against her ear.
"Hi," Emma whispered back, holding on to her just a little tighter, not wanting to let go. She never wanted to let go. "What are you doing here?"
"Not happy to see me?"
"I am," Emma sighed when she felt Regina start to rub her back lightly. "I can't believe you're here."
Emma was grateful that Ruby quietly slipped out of the kitchen to give the two of them a moment alone. She relaxed against Regina, sinking more into their very first embrace. Despite all of her emotions in the wake of tragedy, she smiled. She had envisioned for years meeting Regina, seeing her for the very first time, imagining so many different scenarios and ways that they would finally come face to face for the first time, but as it was, she had never thought that her parents' tragic and sudden death would make that moment happen for them.
Tears slid down Emma's cheeks, falling to Regina's neck and shoulder, but still they did not part from their embrace. Regina continued to rub over her back soothingly as the tears continued to fall. It was Regina who leaned back just a little and Emma stared deep into her brown eyes and blinked past her tears to see her a little more clearly.
"Thank you for coming," Emma whispered and Regina smiled a small, tight smile before bringing up a hand to wipe delicately at the last lone tear that rolled down her cheek.
"August called me just before I boarded my flight," she replied. "I came as soon as I could. Is there anything I can do?"
Emma shook her head, her bottom lip trembling as she sunk back into Regina's warm embrace. "Just hold me?"
She felt Regina nod and tighten her hold around her once more. She closed her eyes and focused on taking deep, steady breaths. She focused on the way Regina felt in her arms, how warm her body was against her own, how soft her touch was as she rubbed soothingly over the middle of her back. She tried not to think about leaning back to look at her before leaning in for that first kiss. She tried not to think about how soft Regina's lips would be and how easily she knew she would become addicted to kissing her.
Now wasn't the time to be thinking about any of that. Emma exhaled shakily, her fingers grasping on to the back of Regina's crisp, white blouse. She pulled back when she felt a tug on the bottom of her grey sweatpants and she looked down at Henry with a wavering smile.
"Mama?" Henry whispered as he stretched his arms up and she stepped out of Regina's embrace to pick up her son. "Hi Gina."
"Hello Henry," Regina smiled at him as she pulled on her blouse, straightening it out.
"Why are you sad, Mama?" Henry asked as he placed a hand on her damp cheek. "Don't be sad. Gina is here now."
"Have you told him?" Regina asked in a hushed whisper and Emma shook her head no.
"No—not yet," she whispered back before kissing the side of Henry's head. "Hen, can you go back out and sit with Uncle August for a few minutes?"
"Okay," he said and he squirmed a little bit before she placed him on his feet and ruffled his hair.
Emma glanced down at herself, grimacing at the baby spit up on the sleeve of her ratty old t-shirt and noticing a few holes she hadn't noticed before at all. She frowned as she lifted her hands to her hair.
"I look terrible," she muttered under her breath. "Shit."
"You look beautiful," Regina replied, sending the same sentiments that Ruby had, but it had an entirely different effect on her hearing it from Regina. "Truly you do."
"I haven't showered," Emma said and Regina just shook her head. "You smell good, really good, and I smell like…not good and baby puke."
"It's fine, Emma."
"No, not it's not, Regina," she frowned deeply. "This isn't how we were supposed to—I look like fucking shit and you walk in here looking like a million bucks, which you know it isn't a bad thing, but this isn't how we were supposed to see each other for the first time."
"Emma—"
"I'm a wreck," she continued and her hands were shaking as she fought back the tears. "My parents just died and all I can think about right now is how much I want to kiss you and when I think about that, I feel so fucking guilty because I'm not supposed to want to do that. Not right now."
"You are allowed to feel however you feel right now," Regina said quietly and she took a step towards her, closing the distance between them. "It's okay, Emma, to feel that way, to want the things you want, and it is even okay to feel guilty for wanting something that makes you happy, something that makes you smile."
"I shouldn't want to be happy right now. My parents are dead, Regina."
"I know, my love," she whispered and she wrapped her arms around Emma tightly. "I'm so sorry. So very sorry."
"They didn't deserve to die that way," she sobbed as she nearly collapsed in Regina's arms. "They deserved to live a long, happy life, to watch Nathan grow up healthy and strong. They were supposed to be here for him. They were supposed to be there when we get married one day. They weren't supposed to fucking die, Regina, not now."
She trembled at the press of Regina's lips to her temple and she felt weak at the feel of Regina's lips against her cheek. She whimpered ever so quietly when Regina's lips fell just shy of her own and she turned her head that last little bit and brought their lips together. It wasn't at all what she imagined their first kiss to be like, but Regina's lips were soft and warm against her own in the few seconds the kiss lingered.
Regina parted first with a sigh, her breath falling over Emma's lips before she pressed their foreheads together. Emma clasped her hands together at the small of Regina's back, holding her close and she felt a small smile curl over her lips. She nuzzled Regina's nose lightly and she brought their lips together once more for a soft, slow, and sweet kiss.
A harsh pang of guilt flooded through her and it caused her stomach to twist into knots before she parted from the kiss with an apologetic sigh. "I—we shouldn't be doing this." Emma whispered. "Not now. Not today, at least."
"I understand. It's quite all right, my love."
Emma's heart skipped a beat at the softness of Regina's voice when she called her "my love" for a second time in a handful of minutes. "I—I should probably go shower."
"All right."
It took all of Emma's willpower and strength to pull out of Regina's warm embrace without kissing her once more. Regina followed her out into the living room and after she managed to half-mumble her way through the words to inform August she was heading upstairs to have a shower, she bolted up the stairs and into the bathroom, breathing hard as she slid the lock into place.
Everything seemed to catch up to her all at once, from the moment she first laid her eyes on Regina, to that first hug, that first kiss, not to mention that she realized what she had said to Regina when she'd been in the midst of nearly losing it.
They were supposed to be there when we get married one day.
"Fuck," Emma groaned as she knocked her the back of her head against the locked door. She didn't even realize what she'd been saying at the time, not as the grief and the guilt had suddenly taken over her. "You're such an idiot."
She recalled one conversation they'd had almost a month ago, one that came shortly before Regina went to New Haven for the memorial service held in honor of her husband and the other man who had lost their lives during that fire. Regina expressed her thoughts on ever getting married again; she didn't want to, was a plainly as she had put it. Emma knew she had been entirely insensitive, but Regina hadn't recoiled or snapped at her, she made the first move, kissing her several times before Emma had turned to kiss her back.
Emma looked into the mirror just over the sink and frowned. She was a mess, beyond a mess, and her hair had never looked that way before, resembling something worse than a rat's nest. Emma pulled at the hair tie, her frown turning into a grimace as hair snagged on the elastic until she managed to work it out without pulling a chunk of hair with it. She ripped off her clothes and turned on the shower, and it wasn't until she stepped under the water did she remember she had left her bag with her clothes down in the living room and that there were no clean towels in the bathroom.
"Fuck," she groaned as she leaned back under the hot spray of water, tears sliding out from her tightly closed eyes slowly.
Emma wasn't sure that morning how she was going to get through the rest of the day, but when Regina showed up, that had all changed in an instant. While she had felt lost and alone and without hope, Regina had somehow changed that from the very moment their eyes met to the very moment they held each other for the first time. She just hoped that whatever it was, whether it truly was Regina or something else entirely, that it got her through the next handful of days.
She'd just have to worry about what would come next until after the funeral…
[X]
It was quiet in the house for the first time since Regina arrived that afternoon. August had left after he helped clean up the kitchen. They had Chinese take-out they had picked up after she accompanied Emma and August to the funeral home so that Emma could make the proper arrangements for her parents. Regina wasn't even sure when Ruby had left, but it had been somewhere in between the time she had arrived, during that intimate first moment between her and Emma, and the time that they had emerged from the kitchen before Emma had bolted upstairs to shower, locking herself in there for nearly two hours.
It had been Henry dancing at the door with his legs crossed, almost on the verge of tears because he couldn't hold it that made Emma finally step out of the bathroom, clutching the clothes she'd had on before against her naked and wet body. Regina had flushed deeply and upon Emma's insistent urging to grab her a towel from the linen closet down the hall, it took a hell of a lot of willpower not to shove Emma up against the wall and take her right there.
"Are you staying?" Emma asked from the other end of the couch where they'd been sitting in almost silence together since August had left. "Regina?"
"Do you want me to?"
"It's getting late and it's a few hours to Gainesville and—and I'd offer to drive you, but I'd have to wake the boys up and I'm not exactly sober enough to drive."
Regina swallowed thickly and stared at the red wine that was left in her glass, barely a sip, and swirled it around slowly. "I have no idea where I am going to stay," she admitted quietly. "I missed the check-in at the hotel I booked for the night. I went straight from the airport to the house I'm hoping to call home for the next year and then when I called a cab, I came straight here."
"Then stay."
"I shouldn't—"
"I want you to," Emma replied, but she wasn't looking at her and instead she had her gaze fixated on the glass in her right hand. "Please?"
"Where will I sleep?" Regina asked, knowing full well that the house only had two bedrooms and one of which she also knew that Emma hadn't gone into at all; her parents' room. "Emma?"
"The couch pulls out," she said with a small shrug. "It's comfortable, actually. I'll just—I will figure out somewhere else for me to sleep tonight."
"No."
"No?"
Regina shook her head before drinking that last sip of her wine. "Surely we can share, can't we?"
"I'm not so sure that's a good idea."
"Why not? We're friends, aren't we?"
"I think you know as well as I do that we're more than just friends, Regina."
"Yes, I suppose we are," she replied shyly, feeling her cheeks flush hot. "Is there any wine left?"
"Don't know," Emma shrugged and she slouched down further on the couch, her eyes beginning to droop shut from the sheer exhaustion that took a hold of her. "You can check. If not, there's usually a bottle of tequila in the cupboard above the fridge."
"That is probably not a good idea."
"Probably not."
Regina stood up from the couch, taking a deep breath as a small wave of dizziness washed over her and the few glasses they had shared had hit her suddenly. She walked through the dimly lit living room and found her way to the dark kitchen with relative easiness, as if she'd done it a hundred times before. She found the switch on the wall and winced at the bright light that assaulted her vision viciously.
She found an unopened bottle of wine in the pantry on a top shelf. She stood on her tiptoes and reached for the bottle, noting right away that it was a vintage and a good one at that. The bottles they'd drank earlier were smaller and cheaper, and she had to wonder if that bottle had been kept for a special occasion, for a birthday or anniversary.
In the end, she put the bottle back up on the shelf and grabbed two cold bottles of water out of the refrigerator. When she walked back into the living room, Emma had pulled out the bed and was struggling with the sheets.
"Here, let me help," Regina said as she placed a hand on the small of Emma's back to get her to stop fighting with the sheets.
"I got this."
Regina just stepped back and crossed her arms over her chest, watching as Emma struggled and fought with the fitted sheet until she finally had it around one side of the thin mattress on the pullout. Regina stepped up behind her, placing her hand on the small of Emma's back once again and felt her relax after a second or two had passed.
"I think we should call it a night, Emma."
"Okay," Emma sighed and she turned a little to look back at her. "Are you sure this is okay? Us sharing a bed?"
"Why wouldn't it be?" Regina asked and she smiled a little coyly. "I'm sure I can manage to keep my hands to myself tonight, Emma."
"That's just the thing," she frowned. "I'm not so sure I'll be able to."
Regina exhaled shakily, not wanting to admit that she might not be able to either. Emma was in a place where she was vulnerable and Regina couldn't take advantage of that even if Emma initiated things. Besides, she thought as she moved to grab her carry on, they had only just met face-to-face for the very first time just over eight hours ago.
It felt like so much longer than that. Regina sighed as he opened up her luggage and found the pair of cotton shorts and matching tank top she'd brought along to wear to bed. There was only one more change of clothing, something she'd need to do something about the next day. She'd need something appropriate to wear to the funeral and some more clothes after that to last her until Saturday.
"I'm just going to go and check on the boys," Emma said quietly. "I'll be right back."
"Okay."
"Pick a side," she said as she waved flippantly at the small sofa bed. "It doesn't matter which. You're the guest, you pick your side and I'll sleep on the other."
Regina nodded and waited for Emma to get halfway up the stairs before she stripped out of her clothes and changed quickly. She grabbed her small travel kit that had her toothbrush, toothpaste, a comb, and makeup removal wipes and headed upstairs to the bathroom. She quickly got ready for bed, slightly unsteady on her feet because of the wine she had consumed, but once she ran the comb through her hair and left her little bag on the vanity by the sink, she opened the door and flipped off the light.
Regina wasn't picky on which side of the sofa bed she picked. With Daniel, they tended to switch sides randomly and it was an unspoken arrangement that worked for them. When she and Kathryn used to share a bed during their sleepovers in high school and even when they were much younger, it had been the same kind of unspoken arrangement. Yet, Emma wanted her to pick a side, so she sat down on the left side and waited for Emma to return downstairs.
For the first time since she arrived at the Swan house, Regina thought back to the times she'd come to visit Emma's parents. Mary Margaret had been so welcoming, so sweet and so very kind. She was the type of woman that would normally irritate her, but for some reason she never let that happen. A part of it, she knew, was because it was Emma's mother and at the time, it was as close to being near Emma as she could get. David had been the same as his wife, welcoming, sweet, and kind. She thought back to the way the two of them would look at one another, with so much love even when they were bickering about something that didn't truly matter in the end.
The house was quiet enough that if she listened, she could hear Mary Margaret singing to Nathan and David's laughter that followed. She frowned deeply and shifted on the thin mattress until she was laying down, her head on one of the soft pillows that smelled far too much like Emma.
Emma returned a short while later, dressed in checkered boxer shorts and a white tank top. Her hair was pulled up into a loose bun and her eyes were a little red, a clear indication that she had been crying mere moments before.
"Are the boys still asleep?"
"Yeah," Emma nodded and she sat down on the right side, sighing heavily before she laid down next to Regina.
Regina turned on her side, watching as Emma reached over to switch off the lamp, encasing the living room in almost darkness. The only light came from the hall light upstairs that cast odd shadows around the living room. Emma turned on her side to face Regina and frowned slightly.
Regina reached over and slipped a hand into Emma's, intertwining their fingers with ease. Disappointment fluttered through her body as Emma pulled her hand back a moment later and reached for the sheets, draping it over both their bodies. Regina laid there and drank in the sight of Emma's features, shadowed by the dim light. She stared into her eyes, much darker without the light there to bring the mixture of blue and green out, and then over the curve of her nose and her full cheeks. Her eyes settled on Emma's lips and she felt a small surge of arousal course through her body when she remembered exactly how soft those lips had felt against her own earlier.
Against her better judgment, Regina slid closer to Emma, quickly closing the small distance between them and captured her lips in a soft, tender kiss. Emma moaned quietly and yet she didn't pull back as Regina had expected. They kissed slowly until Regina felt Emma's tongue tease over her lips and she parted willingly, her hand sliding around to the back of Emma's neck as the kiss deepened.
She had never felt her whole body spark with arousal from a single kiss as she had in that moment. She sighed contently when she felt Emma's hand slide over her hip, drawing her in closer as they continued to kiss deep and slow. Her skin tingled when Emma's fingers dipped between the space between the top of her shorts just under the hem of the t-shirt and she moaned into Emma's mouth before they parted a second later.
"Emma—"
Regina was cut off by Emma's lips on hers once again, but the kiss wasn't soft nor was it slow. It was full of burning, hungry passion that ignited Regina's arousal further. They grasped on to one another, Regina all but pulling Emma until she lay on top of her with a thigh falling between her legs. Regina's heart was racing hard and her panties grew damp as they kissed wantonly, desperately, and greedily.
Emma grasped on to her left thigh, pulling Regina's leg up around her hip as her short nails lightly scratched along the underside of her thigh. Regina moaned and raked her nails down Emma's back, arching her body into hers as their hips rolled. The strong thigh between her legs pressed harder and Regina moaned again, her hands moving to grasp at Emma's hips, not knowing if she wanted to push her away or pull her down on the thigh she had between Emma's legs.
Emma parted from the kiss and pressed their foreheads together, rocking her core against Regina's thigh. She panted softly, her breath spilling over Regina's kiss-swollen lips. Suddenly, Emma leaned back and stilled her body and she shook her head, snapping the hand she had on Regina's left thigh back quickly.
"Shit," Emma groaned quietly. "We need to stop."
Regina swallowed thickly, dropping her hands from Emma's hips as she moved to lay back down on the bed beside her. "Are you all right?" Regina asked when Emma hadn't said a word for a few lingering minutes. "Emma?"
"No," she said with a small shake of her head. "I'm not all right, Regina."
"Talk to me," she whispered. "Please?"
Emma shook her head again. "Not now. I—it's just too much. Maybe sharing a bed was a bad idea. Fuck."
"Are you feeling guilty?" Regina pressed and Emma just stared at her. "Emma, as I told you earlier, it's okay to feel all the things that you feel right now. You don't need to feel burdened by your guilt in wanting this. Us. Me."
"But I am burdened by it," she muttered quietly. "I shouldn't want to let go, to feel happy when right now that is the last thing I should be feeling. My parents are dead and all I can think about is how much I want you."
"Emma—"
"Do you remember what you said to me a few weeks ago?" Emma asked and Regina nodded her head hesitantly, her body and mind still clouded with arousal. "You wanted to take things slow between us. You don't want to rush this and neither do I. But I—"
"But?" Regina asked tentatively.
"You feel it too, don't you?" Emma whispered. "That…spark between us?"
"I do, yes."
Emma managed a small smile before she tucked a hand under her pillow and stared at her long and hard. Regina had always been so surprised at how open and honest she was with Emma. It was hard for her to be that way with anyone else in her life. It had even been hard for her with Daniel until he'd broken past those walls she always had up. With Emma, it was easy. It had always been easy since they'd first started to exchange letters through the pen pal program.
Regina reached out to brush a strand of hair that had fallen over Emma's eyes and she smiled at her affectionately. She knew she loved her, she knew for a long time that she loved Emma Swan, but to be there in her presence, to be able to touch her, it made it that much more real. And it made her feel like she was falling—and she was, she was falling hopelessly in love with Emma Swan with every passing second.
She wished it were under different circumstances that they had met for the first time. She wished those very circumstances that brought them together weren't the driving force that Emma was using to wedge between them, to keep from anything else from happening between them. Regina licked over her lips slowly and she mirrored Emma's position, tucking her right hand under the pillow and letting her left linger over the small space between them.
"I don't know what I'm going to do, Regina," Emma whispered softly. "I don't know what is going to happen next. I had all these plans, you know?"
"I know."
"I quit my job," Emma laughed dryly. "I quit my job to move back home and I—I was going to find a place for me and Henry to call home. It wasn't supposed to go this way."
"I know," Regina whispered and she reached out to stroke her hand along Emma's arm. "It doesn't seem like it now, but things will get better one day, and all those plans you had will come to fruition one way or another. Perhaps not how you wished for them to be, but everything you've ever wanted can still very much happen."
"It doesn't feel like it now."
"I know," Regina said and she leaned forward and placed a lingering kiss on her forehead, too afraid that if she kissed those soft, delectable lips that neither of them would be able to stop as they had before.
"How long are you staying for?" Emma asked. "Until Saturday, right?"
"Yes," Regina nodded. "I'll be back in a few weeks."
"It's going to feel a lot longer than that," Emma pouted and Regina just shook her head lightly. "I—I felt so broken before you came here today," Emma admitted. "I don't know how to explain it, but now that you're here, I don't feel as hopeless, as broken. I—I feel stronger with you here. Is that crazy?"
"No, not at all," Regina replied. "But you are strong, Emma. With or without me. Right now, I am not going anywhere for the next three days, okay?"
"Okay."
"Let's just try and get some sleep," she continued and she barely managed to stifle her yawn, the long day coupled with the wine was beginning to take its toll. "Goodnight Emma."
"Goodnight Regina."
[X]
It rained the next day, all day, hard at times with booming claps of thunder that shook and rattled the house, scaring Nathan into wailing tears and made Henry tremble in fear. He took solace in Regina's arms, sitting on the couch with the blinds open and drapes drawn to watch the storm, her soothing voice calming him down as Emma rocked Nathan in her arms in an attempt to calm him as well.
When the worst of the storm had passed and both boys were put down for a nap late in the afternoon, Emma curled up on the couch with Regina and they sat in comfortable silence as they listened to the rain hit the windows. Nothing more happened between them aside from the occasional caress or lingering gaze, but Emma knew things had gone too far the night before and that it couldn't happen again, at least not within the coming days.
August came around just before dinnertime to join them for the lasagna Regina had prepared. Even then, nobody spoke much at all aside from August commenting on how deliciously good Regina's lasagna had turned out. August didn't stay too long after dinner, his hug with Emma lingering as he whispered in her ear that she could get through tomorrow, that she was strong enough to do so.
Emma found herself pacing in her old room, now her baby brother's room, while Henry fidgeted on her old bed with his pajama's that were too big on him. Nathan had been fussy for hours and Emma knew why. She knew he wanted his mother, not his big sister, and her absence was definitely noticed by the nearly one-year-old boy.
"Where is Gammy, Mama?" Henry asked quietly and it wasn't the first time he'd asked that throughout the day, but Emma had yet to tell him why his grandparents hadn't come home yet. "Mama?"
Emma sighed heavily and glanced over at the door when she heard the floorboards creak as Regina appeared in the doorway. "There's something I need to tell you, Henry, and it's very important that you understand, okay?"
"Okay Mama."
Regina walked into the room and sat on the bed next to Henry as Emma carried Nathan over and they all sat on the bed together, Henry squished between both women. Regina reached out to give Emma's shoulder a soft squeeze and Emma took a deep breath and felt the tears start to well up in her eyes.
"A few days ago," she began, her voice cracking with emotion. "They were in a car crash when they were on their way home. Henry, they—they died."
"They did?" Henry asked, looking up at her in confusion. "They aren't coming home?"
"No, no they're not."
"Where did they go?"
Emma swallowed thickly. She wasn't sure how to answer that, but Regina gave her shoulder another gentle squeeze before she wrapped her arm around Henry's shoulders.
"They went to Heaven, Henry. Do you know what that is?"
"Yes," he said quietly. "It's where you go when you die of old age," he said and he pouted as he looked back up at Emma. "They weren't old, Mama."
"I know."
"Why did they have to go?" Henry asked, his voice even tinier.
Emma's tears slid down her cheeks as she watched Regina scoop Henry up into her lap and held him tightly as he too began to cry. Regina tried to sooth his tears, explaining to him that sometimes accidents happen and people don't always survive. It was an emotional moment for all of them, aside from Nathan who had taken to sucking on his fingers as he sat in Emma's lap, oblivious to what was going on and what had happened to his parents.
It took them both a while to get both boys settled down and into bed for the night. Emma could barely walk down the stairs, the exhaustion, both emotional and physical weighing her down. She and Regina settled down on the sofa bed shortly before midnight and Regina held her until she stopped crying and she didn't let go, not even after Emma had finally fallen asleep.
The following morning, the day of her parents' funeral, Emma woke up in Regina's warm embrace, her head on her chest and their legs intertwined. For a lingering moment, Emma had forgotten what the day was, she had forgotten everything aside from how content she felt to be wrapped up around Regina. Nathan's cries from upstairs were what pulled her out of her little content bubble and she rushed upstairs to tend to him while Regina started the coffee.
After breakfast and after finding something suitable for the boys to wear to the funeral that afternoon, Emma sat on her old bed, on the verge of tears because she had nothing to wear. It was how Regina found her, clad in only her panties and a mismatched bra, her hair still damp from the shower. She barely managed to get dressed and after August came around to watch after the boys, she and Regina headed to one of the stores a few blocks away in her Bug and bought almost matching black dresses to wear to the funeral.
The rain clouds from the day before lingered in the sky above, but they didn't break open, not until they were back at the house and getting ready to leave for the funeral home on the other side of the city. Thunder crashed suddenly, shaking the house and caused the lights to flicker, but Regina was quick to tend to Neal as Emma struggled to get the diamond-studded earring into her left lobe.
They were late to the funeral home, supposed to have shown up half an hour before the service would take place to have a private moment as a family before others came to pass on their condolences. Regina held on to Emma's right hand while August carried Neal and Henry held on to Regina's other hand. Regina barely left her side, becoming her anchor, her strength throughout the emotionally moving service.
The rain stopped, ironically enough just as they left for the cemetery a few blocks away. Even when they were in the car that August had rented for them that day, Regina still did not let go of Emma's hand, her thumb rubbing over Emma's in a soothing, circular pattern. When they arrived at the cemetery and the car came to a stop, Emma took a few deep breaths, allowing a few tears to roll down her cheeks before she forced them to stop.
They shared a light, brief kiss, the first since the other night, and they only let go of one another's hands to get out of the back of the car. Just beyond the gravel path where everyone parked their vehicles, a tent had been set up around the site, which would become her parents' final resting place. Regina led her over to the open tent with Henry in tow. They took a seat in the chairs at the front and August placed Nathan on Emma's lap before he joined the other pallbearers by the two hearses, ready to carry each casket to its place in front of the open graves.
The sun barely poked out after both caskets were in place and the people gathered there quieted down. Emma turned to look at all who had come, some familiar faces, some not. A few rows back she spotted Ruby and her girlfriend seated beside the neighbors from across the street. She spotted Neal sitting near the back and she couldn't recall if she'd seen him at the funeral home or not as everything started to blur together.
August came over to Emma and gave her a small nod. "We're ready when you are," he said and he pulled out the paper that Emma had written her eulogy for her parents on the day before. "Just breathe."
"You'll be fine," Regina said, whispering it into her ear as she took Nathan out of her lap and placed him on hers.
Emma took a few deep breaths and walked over to the podium. She blinked past the blur of tears and looked at all the people gathered there for her parents. There were teachers from her mother's school and friends. Her father's coworkers were there along with some of his friends. There were a lot of people huddled under the tent and just beyond it. It was all so very overwhelming but as she blinked past her tears and her eyes landed on Regina, she felt the anchored feeling coming back tenfold. She smiled at her, smiled at her son and her baby brother and cleared her throat.
"Thank you everyone for being here today," she began, her voice cracking with emotion before she took another deep, steading breath. "I honestly don't know where to start, what to say, so I'll share with you a memory of my parents, Mary Margaret and David Swan, one that I will forever cherish just as I know you all will cherish the memories you have of them yourselves…"
Emma shared the simple memory of a day from the summer before, one so simple it seemed so insignificant at the time, but now it mattered. It meant the world. Her mother was in her sixth month, before the drama of having Nathan too early had happened. They had been hanging out in the backyard, her father at the grill cooking hamburgers and hot dogs, drinking beer with August and a few of their friends. She and her mother were talking, about what Emma couldn't remember now, but she did remember the laughter from that day and how she had realized just how close she and her mother had grown over the years.
It was a simple memory, of a simple time, a happier time. Emma gripped the edge of the podium tightly and let her gaze linger on Regina for a long moment before she looked around at the familiar and unfamiliar faces before her. She swallowed past the rising lump in her throat and kept the tears at bay as best as she could before delivering the end of her eulogy.
"The world lost two very kind, loving souls, ones that can never be replaced, and ones we will always remember for who they were," she said quietly and she had to look away from a few of her mother's colleagues as they began to cry audibly. "Mom, Dad, I am going to miss you, we are all going to miss you. You were taken far too soon from this life. I love you both so very much."
Emma returned to her seat, a little surprised when Regina leaned over and placed a soft kiss on her cheek before whispering how proud she was of her for getting through one of the hardest moments of her life flawlessly. She slipped a hand into Regina's after Nathan squirmed and scrambled into August's lap. Her only surviving grandmother, Ruth, walked up to the podium and while Emma tried to listen to her eulogy, her mind was only focused on the feel of Regina's hand in her own and the soft, tender way that Regina stroked a thumb over hers.
After her grandmother finished, August moved to the podium, and being the writer that he was, his eulogy was long and not only touching, but heartbreaking as well. Emma felt like she had no tears left to cry and Regina let go of her hand only to drape her arm around her shoulders, holding her as sobs wracked through her tired body by the time August wrapped things up.
As far as funerals went, her parents hadn't wanted anything in the traditional sense, and their wishes were held as people stood around their open graves, bagpipes playing as each casket were lowered into the earth slowly. Everyone that had gathered under the tent had moved to stand around their final resting place and when the last notes of the bagpipe played, a moment of silence followed and the sunbeams that had broken through the angry grey clouds suddenly disappeared.
When the skies opened up and the rain started to fall, everyone made a run towards their vehicles parked along the gravel path, some running for cover under the tent. Emma scooped up her baby brother while Regina ran with Henry tailing behind her and clutching tightly on to her hand. Their car was close, but even as close as it was; they were still soaked before they got into the backseat.
The day was far from over yet as a wake was being held at the Swan house for family and close friends only. The boys were both tired and cranky and in need of a nap and Emma wanted nothing more than to curl up on the sofa bed with Regina and nap the rest of the afternoon away too. In a perfect world, it could happen, but the world was far from perfect and the day was far from over yet.
The very first thing that Emma did once they returned to the house was change both of the boys out of their clothes and into their pajamas. She got them settled into their beds, and after reading Henry a story while she held Nathan in her arms, it didn't take much to get them both to fall asleep. Emma returned downstairs, with ten minutes before anyone else was due to arrive for the wake, and she found Regina standing in front of the collage of framed pictures by the bottom of the stairs.
"You didn't have much trouble getting the boys down, did you?" Regina asked, her gaze not moving from the picture she was looking at, one that was taken just before Christmas of Emma, her parents, and the two boys enjoying a day at the beach. "Emma?"
"No," she sighed. "No problem. They were exhausted."
"How are you feeling?"
"Not so good," Emma frowned. She sighed as she turned to her and they both just fell into an embrace with ease. "Thank you for being here, Regina. Especially today. I—I don't think that I could've gotten through today without you."
Though the perfume Regina normally wore was absent that day, the scent of her and purely her calmed Emma in ways she couldn't quite describe. A part of her still felt wholly guilty for wanting to let go with Regina completely, but it wasn't time yet. She settled on a sweet, passionate kiss instead, one that was broken by the sound of car doors slamming just outside.
As she had been since that very morning, Regina didn't leave her side for the next handful of hours nor did she let got of Emma's hand for more than a very few short minutes at a time. Those who had come for the wake brought dishes of food, too many dishes, and too much food. Regina had, albeit flawlessly, stepping into a role Emma couldn't take upon herself, and for that she was grateful.
Regina was her anchor in more ways than one. Despite the heavy grief that surrounded them all, it was Regina who gave her that semblance of hope that beyond that day, beyond the grief and the loss, there was and would be happiness one day, happiness that came in the form of a love that Emma didn't know at the time that would be her greatest love, and one that would last a lifetime and beyond.
