"Morning." Cade smiled as Brody entered the kitchen. "Chris has gone to work. He told me to ensure you ate and had your pain pills. He said if you resisted I was to phone Loretta. So eggs?"

"Sure, but I don't need the pain meds."

"Yeah, you do." Cade replied, breaking some eggs into a pan. "I can see the pain in your eyes." He added causing Brody to look down. Eventually Brody said.

"About last night, I'm sorry."

"For what? You can't control nightmares. I wish you could but you can't." He said dishing up the eggs and passing the plate to Brody. He then let her eat in silence before watching her take her pain meds. Finally he asked.

"You want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

"I know, I know, you like to keep personal and professional separate. Chris told me. However, I'd like to view our relationship as personal not professional."

"I appreciate the offer, but I'm fine. I don't need to talk."

"You know denial is the biggest cause of self destruction?" Cade asked. Seeing the sceptical look Brody was giving him he explained. "I have had my fair share of therapy. Learnt all the phrases."

"You think I am self destructing?"

"No. Not yet. But you could and if you did you'd take out my baby brother with you. It doesn't matter who you talk to but you should talk to someone." Noticing Brody's wry smile he asked. "What's that look for?"

"It is just LaSalle is worried you don't talk."

"Yeah well, talking to Chris can be difficult."

"Because of the guilt you see in him?" Brody guessed.

"Very good Agent Brody." Cade replied. "I've put him through so much and when I open up to him I can see he blames himself. That's the problem with confiding in people who really care about you."

"You can say that again." Brody agreed.

"It seems to me Agent Brody that we are both in a similar position. We both care about Chris and don't want to hurt him, so we don't confide in him, but we both need help. So I am going to make a proposal. You and I are going to confide in each other. Anything we say to each other has to remain completely confidential."

"I appreciate the sentiment, but how can we possibly help each other. Our problems are completely different."

"Really?" Cade challenged. "You resist taking you pain killers because they mess with your mind. In your case they make you remember things. In my case, I don't like my drugs as I feel that they mess with my mind, they make me feel like I ain't living. But the point is neither of us want to take the drugs, but at the end of the day taking them is the right thing to do."

"What makes you think my pills make me remember things?" Brody asked.

"You talk in your sleep and your words didn't tie in with what Chris said happened to you. My guess is your nightmare last night had nothing to do with the last couple of days." He explained before falling silent and waiting for Brody to make the next move. After several minutes she said.

"No offence but you have enough problems of your own, you don't need mine as well."

"Whilst I agree I have my fair share of problems learning about yours would be a good distraction. Everyone has tried to protect me since I came back, they all hide their issues from me and it is frustrating. It is like they view me as damaged. And I know I am, but just sometimes I would like to be treated normally."

"What you are suggesting, it is not that simple."

"How so?"

"The things in my past, I can't talk about them."

"Sure you can, it may take time, but you can get there."

"No, I mean I can't talk about it. I am not allowed to. The things happened on an assignment. It is classified."

"You're are searching for excuses. Trust me I know, I am the master of doing it." Cade said. "All the classified bit means is you can't be specific. You can still confess to being tortured, just not by who or where." Noticing Brody's questioning look he added. "As I said you talk in your sleep."

Again he waited allowing Brody to go at her own pace. Finally she said.

"You are right, my nightmares are not connected to the last couple of days. But there is nothing to talk about."

"Sure, I see that. Waking up sweating and hysterical is completely normal." Cade threw back.

"What I meant was, it happened along time ago and talking about it isn't going to change it. In fact in my experience, talking about it makes life worse."

"How so?"

"Last time I opened up it cost me my relationship with my confidant."

"Well you and me don't exactly have a relationship so nothing to lose." Cade pointed out. "Look I'm not going to push. But I am here when you are ready."

"Thanks, but I am okay."

"Uh huh."

"You are as annoying as LaSalle." Brody complained. The comment causing a wide grin to cross Cade's face. "That's not a compliment."

"Felt like one." Cade continued to grin. "How about I start?"

"Start what?"

"I am going to share something with you Agent Brody. Something that is to remain between us."

"How do you know you can trust me?" Brody asked.

"Easy. Chris trusts you and I trust Chris."

"Ok, but I have one condition."

"What's that?"

"Stop calling me Agent Brody. My name is Merri."

"Fair enough." Cade said pulling what looked like a poker chip from his pocket, which he handed to Brody.

"As I said, I don't like taking my drugs, they dull my senses and make me feel imprisoned in my own mind. Thing is though, if I stop I think I am okay and throw the drugs away. Only I'm not, okay that is. I spiral out of control and don't even realise I'm doing it. I think I am more alive and feel more, yet I am blinded to fact I am hurting those closest to me. The only way to look after the people I care about is to take the drugs, the drugs I hate taking. So that," He nodded to the chip Brody was holding, "is a reminder of what I have to do. You see I won that chip from Chris in a slightly illegal poker game when I was sixteen. It reminds me of my family and why I should take my meds."

"Why does it rattle?" Brody asked.

"Good question." He smiled taking the chip from Brody. He then flicked his nail under the top edge and the chip opened up. "I modified it slightly so I could store a day's worth of pills. Just in case. I like to think it keeps me grounded. Reminds me of what I need to do and gives me a safety net."

"Does it work?"

"Since Chris found me and I started taking my meds I have not missed a dose, despite significant temptation." Cade explained before the two fell into another silence. After ten minutes Brody finally spoke.

"I'm the opposite I have spent years trying to forget."

"Why?"

"Easier than remembering."

"Really?" Cade questioned. "Seems to me you remembered pretty easy last night."

"You going to question everything I tell you?" Brody asked.

"If it is a lie."

"Fine, I don't want to be defined by what happened. It's like if I remember, he wins."

"He?"

"I can't tell you that."

"But he hurt you?" Cade asked.

"Not just me."

"You survived."

"I did."

"So you won." Cade said.

"Not really. He's out there somewhere." Brody said, momentarily losing herself in her thoughts. Then suddenly as if remembering something her eyes became focused and she said. "Anyway, I think I'm going to have a shower."

"Hey Merri, you know I'm here anytime you want to finish this conversation." Cade said as he watched Brody retreat, wondering what exactly Chris's partner had been through.


TBC

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing. Next chapter up tomorrow.