It took me a few seconds to register who it was that noise had come from, only realizing when I turned around and saw my brother holding his phone loosely in his hand, staring down at the floor. He looked broken, heart and soul, tears pooling in his eyes and leaking down his face and onto the tile. So obviously, he had found out what happened to Gilbert. He was shaking his head side to side slowly, as if the motion would wake him up from a horrible dream, his long hair brushing across his deeply reddened cheeks. Ever since our mom and his dad had gotten married, I'd spent every moment of my life with him, which meant I was there for the good and the suckish. So I knew when he cried it would last forever and he would collapse onto the ground exactly five minutes after the tears began.

Not wanting to feel like a jerk and just watch him cry his eyes out, I went over to him, putting my arms around his sobbing form just as Arthur walked out of the room, his hair adorably ratted and looking completely exhausted, almost like how I felt. He gave me an astonished grimace, like hugging your brother was treason or something, looked a teensy bit jealous, but then wiped it off his face as fast as he possibly could, strutting by me and Mattie like he was all that and a big bag of French fries. Though I was trying to comfort my baby brother, I couldn't help but glance down as he went by, swaying his hips like he had some, his butt very distracting in his crumpled formal clothes.

"Coffee?" he mumbled in dismay, turning to look at me. "I despise coffee. Don't you have any tea?"

I chuckled, a deep throated noise that made Mattie look up at me. "Nope, princess. We don't drink tea. This here is AMERICA! And we are AMERICANS! So we drink coffee! Actually we just don't have any because tea is more expensive than coffee, so… sorry, dude."

Matthew made a whimpering noise and shoved his face into my t-shirt, tears stains spreading like wildfire. If we're comparing fire to water, that is. Which we aren't. So, yeah, my shirt was getting soaked and the sobs were starting to rack his body so much, we were both shaking. I patted his back, kinda starting to wish he'd shut up and go somewhere else to cry about his obnoxious boyfriend. I mean, seriously, the guy had been so loud and talkative! Who would ever wanna date a guy like THAT? Anyway, I wanted to be alone with Arthur, while I still had the chance. Without the musical and him conveniently forgetting his satchel, I'd have absolutely no reason to get in contact with him again. Except, of course, the fact that I wanted him and all, which was most likely not a good reason in his mind.

I checked over my shoulder to make absolutely sure he was still there, getting the result I wanted. He had poured himself some coffee and was holding one of our mugs with a handkerchief, grimacing as he brought the cup to his mouth. He sipped from it delicately, shuddered and looked nauseated, then put the cup down hastily, reaching for some more sugar and piling half of what we had in his cup until I could have sworn I saw white in his cup. Then he started the whole process over again.

"Matthew," I murmured in my softest, most lovable big bro voice, "I think you should go lay down for a little bit, okay?"

His face the mask of pure melancholy, he nodded and I helped him back into the room, putting him in the bed and leaving, shutting the door quietly and feeling guilty and sick when I heard him sob louder, more willing to open up when he thought he was all alone. I shoved my hands in my pockets and cantered up to Arthur, sitting at the table with him in the chair across. Absently, I stared out the big window that was one of the only good things about the tiny place where I lived. I could see the hustle and bustle of the city from here, could feel it send adrenaline through my veins, as it always did. With a sigh, I leaned my head onto one hand and turned to the Brit across the table.

Carefully avoiding eye contact by staring down at his slightly dusty mug, he asked, "So, what was all that about there? With the tears, I mean." He squirmed, seeming a little anxious as he played with the spoon that had been in the sugar.

"Gilbert got killed last night. We don't know who or how, but somebody killed him in between the time I came and picked my brother up from his house and this morning when I woke up. It's got Mattie really upset… I think he actually might have loved Gilbert, which was totally stupid, but I guess you can't really control how you feel about someone…"

As I spoke, my hand, with a mind of its own, had drifted closer and closer to his, which was lying lazily across the table, looking so innocent and just… there. I didn't fully see what I was doing until our hands had joined, willingly on both our parts. Surprised, I tried to meet his eyes, to have him acknowledge what he had done, but he hid his face from my view, looking away quickly. Ah, so he was going to be shy, was he? When he spoke next, I could almost tangibly hear the embarrassment and insecurity in his voice.

"G-Gilbert's dead too? But I barely even knew him… strange that they would go after him next."

Mind stimulated, I couldn't help the speech and debate part of myself that overtook me and I stood up, wrenching our hands apart as I pointed a finger at him. He looked up, finally meeting my gaze, seemingly confused and disappointed at our sudden "break up."

"That's just it, though!" I told him, excitedly pacing back and forth. "What if… well, what if it ISN'T your magicy friends? What if it really is… wait for it! Waaaaaaaaaiiiiittt… AN ACTUAL KILLER! DUN DUN DUN! That would throw of your ideas completely, but it would make more sense. I mean, why would your council go after someone you barely spoke to, if ever, and just murder him in cold blood? Something…. There's just something VERY suspicious about that! Hey, I'll even bet that it's somebody who was on the cast of the musical, somebody with a vendetta against us! It's a conundrum, it's blasphemy, it's…. it's…. A MYSTERY!"

For a minute, we just stared at each other, blinking.

After a few more seconds, the condescending man said, "You are a BLOODY IDIOT, Alfred."

"But come on! It could be true!" I whined, upset that after all that he just called me an idiot.

He looked a little reluctant to do it, but he nodded slightly in agreement. "Yes, it very well could be possible. After all, I don't look much like I did when I was a young lad. Maybe they don't recognize me… or they could have misjudged and killed someone who had "seemed" to know me well. Look, Alfred, they make mistakes too. Also, they could be subtly building their way up to killing my closest friends…" He froze, his face suddenly different. "I think I should be leaving now."

I froze in response to him. "Leave? Now? Why?"

"Every second I spend with you puts your life in danger, Alfred. I can't afford to let them see us together… especially so often!" He pulled his coat off the back of his chair, put it on, and started to chant something in a language I didn't know.

"But Arthur… Iggy… don't go yet!" I plead with him, struggling to get a positive reaction out of him. "Please! Hey, we could… um, we could try to solve the mystery together! Yeah, we could be just like REAL detectives, like how we were in the musical! Just don't go yet!" I reached out to pull on his sleeve, right as he began to dissipate into thin air.

The minute I touched him, the spell faded and he came back, no longer just an outline, but himself completely. The rebound of what he was doing kicked in when it failed, sending purple smoke everywhere and shooting us both backwards about three feet, slamming our unsuspecting bodies careening into the walls. I heard the Englishman cry out in pain through the fog that had coated the room and ran over to see if he was okay, not very hurt myself since I'd hit the couch. I found him painfully rubbing his back, still splayed on the floor, his formerly tucked in shirt shot out of his pants and the buttons opened, showing off his slim but well-built chest.

Wow, that magic was some good stuff!

I knelt down beside him, brushing off his hair, which was full of sparkling glitter that had come from, like, nowhere at all. His face was lightly flushed again and I almost couldn't take it anymore when he opened his eyes and tears of pain slid out, while he bit his lip to contain himself from screaming. That's when I realized something, as I gaze down into his effeminate expression that turned me on thoroughly. Something amazing.

You can't spell uke without UK. And, you can't spell seme without AMERICA! BOOYAH!

"Hey, you alright, dude?" I asked, getting really close to his face, not wanting to miss a singe thing about him while he was vulnerable.

For an answer, he coughed and looked slightly miserable, scowling as usual, but with more pain behind it. "Ugh…" he moaned, slipping down onto his back, his head somehow ending up right in my lap. "I can't see a bloody thing… damn it. And now it smells like vanilla…"

I blinked a couple of times before a broad grin stretched across my face. "What? My crotch smells like vanilla?"

"Yes… I like vanilla very much…" he muttered, his glance pupils dilated, and his irises darting back and forth, severely unfocused. He snuggled himself in closer to me, almost cuddling my lower half, his head rolling around where it was. "It's my favorite candle scent, actually!"

"By all means, smell that candle," I told him, running my hands through his hair.

"But I don't have enough money to buy it… if I smell it I'll want it!" he explained, frowning.

I gave him a poke on the nose. "Oh, you don't need money! It's a free sample, baby!"

His eyes widened and a huge smile crossed his face, making him look so adorable, I almost had a heart attack. "Really? It's free? Well, then I guess it doesn't hurt to have a little whiff." He pressed his head in deeper and inhaled deeply. Contentedly, he sighed, his eyes looking warm and his expression hospitable. I'd never seen him look so completely relaxed and off his guard…

Making a move would be the smartest thing ever right now.

"Y'know, I have plenty of other samples for you, actually. All free, I might add. And, because it's you, I'll throw in something to taste…" I leaned down, taking his head between my hands and drawing his face up to mine, pressing my lips hungrily against his, which had already been parted since he had been about to speak.

He moaned quietly as I let my tongue explore the inside of his mouth, until he broke off, gasping and muttering, "That tastes good…" and then shutting up again to let me give him some more of my little "sample."

He must've hit his head pretty hard to be letting me do this.

Feeling confident that he wouldn't object to it, I put my hand inside his shirt, rubbing his bare stomach, getting a feel for his body and making him shiver with pleasure. With another moan from him, I pressed on, eager to go as far as I could before something messed this up. Just as I pushed him down again and had been about to… I dunno, do something else, I heard a door crack open and looked up to see the smoke had cleared and a red-eyed, timid Canadian was staring at us, face the pinnacle of surprise. In his hand he was dragging along his teddy bear, who looked like he really needed to be cleaned.

"Uhm! I was just… I wanted some water…" he explained, reddening and turning to go back to the bedroom.

Unsure what to do, I stood up, pulling Arthur up along with me, who looked dazed and confused, his pupils still massive. "I'd like some water too, please…" he told me.

"Mattie, you can come back!" I called, and then added quietly, "Not like we could do anything interesting with you here anyways…"

My brother spun around quickly, hurrying into the kitchen, grabbing a glass and filling it up with the tap. I grabbed two more glasses and did the same, handing one to the swaying British man and keeping one for myself, chugging it as fast as I could, timing it with the clock on the wall. When it was gone, I slammed it onto the counter triumphantly.

"BOOYAH! 15 seconds BABY!" I hollered, making both other men flinch.

Arthur groaned in pain, holding his head, the enlarged pupils shrinking every second. "Oh God, my head is killing me… the spell must've backfired or something. Ugh, why do I have weird memories of the smell of vanilla?"

Dang it! He was back to normal! But he still remembered the vanilla!

"Why, I do not know!" I said conspicuously.

He narrowed his eyes at me, still rubbing his skull. "You bastard! You were the one who made my spell screw up! If you hadn't touched me, none of this would have happened! What the bloody hell did you DO to me while I was out of it?"

I put my hands up in defense. "Hey now, hey now! I didn't do ANYTHING! It was YOU who did something, Vanilla Boy!"

He looked utterly astonished at my statement, as if he actually believed me for once. "What did I DO?"

I chuckled, taking note of how my brother, who had been studiously ignoring us, leaned in to hear what I had to say to this question. "Well, you slid off the wall and your head ended up in my lap. You told me that my crotch smelled like vanilla and then sniffed it a couple times!"

"First of all, you bloody uphill gardener, it is SMELT not SMELLED! Second of all, you must be lying, since I would never do something so completely un-gentleman like, even if due to the aftereffects of failed magic spells!" He looked indignant and very faintly embarrassed.

"What the crap is an "uphill gardener?" I asked, more distracted by his Britishy words than by the fact he was insulting me.

With a roll of his eyes and a scoff, he explained, "It means gay! God, don't you know anything?"

"Not about British stuff, since I'm not!" I said cheerfully. "So uphill gardener? Where does that even come from? Like, what does it mean by "uphill?"

With a frustrated groan, he ran a hand through his hair, patience with me now nonexistent. "It means buttsex, you ignorant git! God, why are you so stupid?"

With a small frown, I asked, "How was I supposed to know what you meant when you started talking about hills and people who plant flowers? It's just confusing! I mean, why can't you just say what you mean instead of fluffing it up with other words?"

"Don't act like you never do that in America! I mean, you say things like "getting it on" and "doing the horizontal tango" in the place of the word sex! Everybody in every language does that exact same thing! So I don't want to hear that from you!" Angrily, he poked me in the stomach.

Surprising both of us, I giggled. I hadn't realized I was still ticklish. Or maybe it was the "horizontal tango" thing, I couldn't really tell. Either way, I burst into laughter, while he put his hands on his hips and glared menacingly.

"What?" he asked me indignantly, a dark scowl across his face.

Somehow, his reaction made me laugh harder, pointing at him while I had my uncontrollable fit of hilarity. I watched Matthew smirk out of the corner of my eye and laughed even more, losing it completely. Soon, both other men were laughing with me as my contagious chuckling spread to them like the plague, filling the empty room with the sounds of happiness. It was only when another person, one that hadn't been there before, started laughing with the three of us that I stopped, my insides leaping in terror as I turned, to see two smiling blue eyes right in my own.

"What is it that we laugh about?" asked Francis.

I couldn't help it, and apparently, neither could Matthew and Arthur. We all screamed in unison, panic tangible in the air.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?" Arthur shrieked as we all stumbled back a few steps.

"DUDE, WHY THE CRUD ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE?" I yelled, almost at the same time as Arthur spoke.

Matthew just cried out, pulling his bear closer into his lap and trembling in terror.

The Frenchman's face grimed and he pulled a delicate red rose out of air, saying, "Ah, I had heard the news about Gilbert's tragic death and I knew he was, how you say, very CLOSE to young Matthew! I just wanted to be there for him and let him know he had a very sexy shoulder to cry on, if he should ever need it." He dropped a wink in the blushing Canadian's direction and blew him a kiss, rose petals blowing in the breeze and making the world shimmer and sparkle.

Suddenly, I found myself wondering if this ninja pervert possibly could just been destroying the competition…