Eli

I walked to Clare's class, mine got out early and I figured I would surprise her and walk her to the library before I leave for work. I got to the door of the lecture hall and I saw her professor… stroking her arm in a really personal way. I don't like that.

"Clare. Hi."

"Oh... Eli! Hi!"

"Hi."

"Professor Witten, this is my boyfriend."

"Fiancé…."

"Eli Goldsworthy."

"Well Eli, nice to meet you. You certainly have an exceptional and… beautiful woman at your side."

"Thanks yeah I know."

The guy could probably sense my hostile tone and so could Clare. Once we were outside the classroom she snatched her hand away from mine. She started in with the questions of course.

"Why did you act so rude?"

"Clare the man had his hands all over you."

"Eli, what are you talking about?"

"Rubbing all over your arm, just swooning over you."

"Why are you getting so jealous Eli?"

"Because Clare… I don't know."

"Well I don't know either. When you come home tonight don't bother looking for me, little E and I are staying the weekend with Darcy, Peter is going out of town and she doesn't wanna be alone. Just thought I'd fill you in so you don't think I'm out cheating."

"Clare wait…"

"Why?"

"I'm sorry I just… That guy is creepy okay? Something's not right with him."

"Whatever Eli. I'm supposed to meet Eliza. See you around."

See you around? See you around? That's all I get is a see you around? Grrr! I'm so ticked right now that I could bite something, anyone… Ugghh! While I was walking to my car Adam spotted me and came running.

"Whoa dude, you seem mad."

"I am. Clare and I had a fight."

"What happened?"

"I think her professor has the hot for her."

"Whoa seriously."

"It's the way he rubbed her arm and he called her beautiful."

"Well she is."

"Hey!"

"She is!"

"I know but… I don't know, maybe I overreacted."

"Yeah maybe just a smidge."

"Well she has shut me out."

"Give it some time. What's going on Eli? You've never been the jealous type."

"Well now I am okay! Clare doesn't act the same anymore, she's distant, and I'm distant because she's distant. It's like she's separating herself from me or something but I don't know why."

"Then ask."

"Watch Little E Monday and I will."

"Sure, Fiona will be rested up and she loves him… We'll take him to see a movie."

"Thanks."

I went to work… I tried not to think about my over reaction or Clare, but I couldn't help it. The more the scene replayed in my head the more I felt like a total asshat. Why did I act that way? Why did I say those things? Why why why?

The weekend passed quickly because I took two extra shifts at the recording studio. That helped kill time, yet Monday when I was at work for my dad it seemed like the hands on the clock were ticking away at a snail's pace. When it finally hit five I clocked out, told my old man bye and I went upstairs. Little E had his back pack of fun; Adam and Fiona were holding both his hands. I ruffled his hair and he fussed before telling me goodbye. Clare told our friends goodbye and then silence took over.

"Clare."

"Eli… Over you jealous phase or am I not allowed to say goodbye to Adam?"

"Clare, I'm sorry I just… We've been distant. Why have we been distant?"

"Eli, I have something to tell you."

"Okay."

"Promise not to leave me?"

"How bad is it?"

"When…. Last month when I was staying after class… Professor Witten and I… We…"

"Clare no!"

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to it just happened Eli!"

"It just happened? It just happened!"

"Eli yes it just happened and I haven't done anything with him since but he…"

"Yeah, I get it!"

"Why are you yelling?"

"Because I'm mad! You cheated Clare! You… you broke us!"

"You promised you wouldn't leave!"

"I'm still here aren't I? Clare you broke us… We were great and you broke us."

"No Eli you thought we were great. Truth is I'm bored! I'm bored with all of this! Bored with having to tend to someone else every day of my life! Bored with cooking dinner every night! Bored with not being able to go out with my friends when they go out! I'm tired of being so grown up and that was my chance to do something reckless and irresponsible."

"You don't think I wish things were different Clare? I do okay! You don't think I want to go to all the concerts and readings and get drunk and high like other guys my age? Well I can't because I have to work to support this family! Our family, with our son!"

"You don't think I do my share?"

"I know you do your share, but I'm saying that we both have our roles Clare… Sometimes I wish I could have gone on tour with bands as a part of their entourage, god knows it's been offered to me but I had to sacrifice. I can't tell you how many times I could have stepped out with loose groupies… But I never did."

"Well maybe you should have."

"What would that have proved? Nothing! Because at the end of the day we still have a son! We still have bills and even though I'm only twenty one I have to pretend I'm thirty five every fucking day of my life Clare! You aren't the only one who had to grow up before their time. Yes, you had the baby but wasn't I there for you all nine months and every day since little E came into this world?"

"Yes… It's just… too much."

"Too much?"

"I can't take this anymore! I feel like I'm a dog on a chain."

"And I'm the chain?"

"…."

"You don't have to stay then Clare. Go on…live your life."

"I'm sorry…"

"Yeah me too."

She packed her bags and left. I don't know where she went to… I don't think I care. I guess I'm just like my dad now. I'm going to be a single dad. When little E came home from his night out with Adam he looked for me and Clare. I was sitting on the couch. He walked over, a new toy in hand. I knew Fiona would spoil him.

"Daddy… You're crying. What happened?"

"Nothing little E. How was the movie?"

"It was good. Where's mommy?"

"She's uh… On vacation."

"Oh… Daddy why is stuff broken? It's glass on the floor."

"I know, I'll clean it up, don't touch it. Take your bath and go to bed. You have school in the morning."

"Okay daddy."

Clare

I never pictured things going this far. It was only one night with professor Witten and it's been on my conscience since it happened. I never meant to hurt Eli, I just… I had to tell him, I had to tell him everything.

I thought about Little E. What will he tell him? Knowing Eli he'll say I'm visiting relatives or something but Little E is smart, he might accept the lie but he will know it isn't true. I can't just walk away from my baby but I can't continue on like I've been doing. It's just too… I want to feel like I'm twenty because I am. I'm tired of being needed and depended on. I'm tired of not being able to go out and dance until dawn with my friends. I want to be normal. I love my son but I wish I'd never had him. Then there wouldn't be such restlessness in my life. I would have gotten to live out my wild days and they wouldn't just be catching up with me.

I can't believe I hurt Eli this way. It's killing me to think that. The pain in his eyes, the tears streaming down his face… I guess I've never realized this before but he did grow up too fast too, maybe even more than me. He has been there the entire time. That's true but… he's stronger than I am. He'll be okay or so I hope. I told Darcy and Peter what happened.

"Clare, I don't know what to say. You're just going to give up seeing little E every day? You're just going to give up the little family you're created? I mean sure, you missed out on the wild days but… you chose to do that when you chose to have the baby."

"Darcy you wouldn't understand."

"But I do… You feel like you grew up too fast, and I get that but you have to but think about little E… if you leave he'll have to grow up too fast too. Do you honestly think he will still be able to be a real kid with Eli working two jobs and going to school while trying to keep everything balanced? He's going to have to fend for himself now… You should have thought things over Clare, you should think things over. Eli loves you and so does your son… Think about that."

I went upstairs to think things over. Just then there was a call on my cell phone. It was Professor Witten. He calls every night. I answered and he started in with the dirty talk he always does.

"Hi my sexy little teacher's pet."

"Hi."

"In the mood?"

"Not really."

"Look, you can't just keep putting me off. If you do… people will see what I have."

"What do you mean?"

"Let's just say… hidden cameras are handy in the classroom. You wouldn't want the entire campus to see you, slumped over the desk taking it or… do I even need to mention the other stuff."

"No… Can you meet me at Round About?"

"Sure, wear something sexy."

I slipped on a red dress and went to the bar. When I got there Professor Witten was waiting. He slide a whiskey my way. I don't drink but I downed it. He kissed my shoulder and then my neck.

"You need me, not some little punk. You liked me huh?"

"Yeah…"

He led me to a back room where we laid on a couch. He thrusted into me. I couldn't enjoy it. I could only think about… Well you know. I didn't orgasm but I was glad when he did. When he finished he slapped my face. I fell on the ground. He tossed me a DVD.

"That's for being such a slut about things… Be in class bright and early, there's a quiz and you need the grade. You're failing my class."

He left the room and I broke the DVD into pieces. How did things get so bad so quick? It happened just like a whirlwind. In addition to all the other bad things I can add failure to the list. Clare Edwards, slut, abandoner, heartbreaker and now… failure.

The next morning after class I went to the food court. I got a coffee and sat at a table. Eliza came and sat down. She didn't look happy, she looked serious. I guess I'm about to lose a friend too. It's understandable.

"Clare why did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"The video? Why did you do that with Professor Witten? Why did you cheat on Eli? That's not what bothers me most though, what about Little E?"

"I don't know! It just all started happening and I couldn't stop it. I felt pressured and crazy and trapped and I done bad things… The video? Who all saw it?"

"Everyone pretty much."

"I understand if you don't want to be friends with me."

"Clare I am mad at you… You hurt my brother and when my nephew finds out he will be hurt… but you need more friends than enemies right now. If this reaches the dean, you could get in real trouble. Professor Witten resigned today, I guess to avoid the backlash."

"Everything is gone."

Eli

"Thanks again Eliza for babysitting Little E, I know with Kelly and all they can be a handful."

"Don't mention it. You okay?"

"I saw a video of my… my ex doing a professor, I'm not okay but there are bills to be paid. How is Fitz?"

"He's doing better… He's healing but they aren't going to let him out of the hospital until his heart and lungs have gotten a bit stronger."

"That's good to hear that's he's progressing."

I went to work and I could hardly concentrate. Though I could only watch a few minutes of the video before I deleted it, the images stayed in my mind the rest of the day. One of the guitarists of a band recording, Acid G, came out to the front desk.

"Eli, what's up man?"

"Just… life Acid, just life."

"Man. I hear that. You coming to hear the Newbies play tomorrow night?"

"I wish I could but. I have to work and then I have to raise my son."

"Dude I hear that. I'll tape it for you."

"Thanks dude."

I'm too busy living life to live life…

Please leave a review. I want to know everyone's take on this...um catastrophe. Do you think Eclare will be able to come back strong after this? What about Little E? Hmmm...