In tribute to netherborn and loveisstrange-vn

Summary: Max and Chloe spend the day together while they try to figure out their feelings. That night, in the motel, Chloe and Rachel have a long talk while Max is "sleeping."Maybe there's room enough for the three of them.


I may be breathing easier, but I could still really use some guidance. Some advice. Some relationship experience.
Of course, Kate Marsh doesn't really have any of those things, but I text her anyway.

Max: Hey there, Kate. Could I talk to you about kind of a complicated situation? I need to talk to someone who isn't involved.

Once I put my phone back, though, it's mostly back to the uncomfortable quiet. At least Chloe drives more safely with awkwardness than grief.
Was grief the right word? Had Chloe been grieving what could have been between us?

Now that I finally have a chance to look, the streets of San Francisco are beautiful. The urban sprawl reminds me of Seattle, but the colors of the houses and shops alike here are vibrant, bright, often clashing as if to say, 'notice me.' Even as we make our way downtown, I get the impression that Chloe us driving as slowly as she can to let me look, sinking into the back of her seat and putting her elbow up against the window to relax.
We made it to San Francisco. Together.


It doesn't take long at the Exploratorium for us to forget, or at least effectively ignore the tension. Underneath it all, Chloe and I bring out the kid in each other, and the museum brings it out of us both. There's stuff we both get to play with, like growing marshmellows as big as you can or messing with the ChemCam, and some stuff that, admittedly, only Chloe can figure out. Chloe stops dead in her tracks when she finds their Vector Toys, those toys you pull over a table using a weight, only for them to stop at the very edge every time. She loves it. She starts telling me all about how the trigonometry works and how it's a vector calculation and it's just so cool!... but I mostly just like getting to see her play. I like seeing the Chloe I knew years ago, who loved physics games, loved the math of it, loved messing it all up. And then, yeah, there's some stuff that she loves that I hate, like looking at insects and worms in displays, but at least she humors me to pass by those quickly.

I never was very good at Biology. I think it's because half of it made me want to throw up.

Finally, we get to something I don't recognize at all.

"Wait, wait . . . I've heard of this," Chloe says, staring at the sign, then past it. It reads 'Tactile Dome'.

What?

"Oh my god, we have to. This is going to be so fucking cool." Chloe finally turns to me, stepping forward and reaching for my hand in the same motion. I stay still, not sure what to expect, and she stops, closing her hand a hair's breadth away from mine.

She shakes her head to dislodge a thought, and then nods towards the entrance. "Come on, we have to."

"What . . . is it?"

Chloe seems genuinely surprised I'm not familiar with the exhibit. "It's, uh, so it's a maze, yeah? Except it's dark enough that your eyes are totally useless, and you have to get through the whole thing just through feeling your way and memorizing the layout. It's so cool."

I shrug. "Well, if you insist."

I crack a smile at Chloe's delighted expression. I'm so glad she's having fun today.

Unfortunately, as we make our way inside, we notice another sign that reads: 'By Reservation Only.'
We stop in our tracks.

"Fuuuuuck," Chloe groans, looking up at the ceiling. I'm pretty sure she planned on flipping God off, but I jabbed her side and nodded my head at a group of two kids and their dad. Chloe just flashed an embarrassed, wide-eyed smile, and stepped away.

Chloe steps towards me and says more quietly, "Fuuuck."

I clap a hand to her back for a second and say, "That's rough, buddy. Maybe you could look up how to get a reservation? Like, we'll be heading back this way later, right?"

She perks up immediately. "Oh yeah," she says, and starts to look on her phone.

I take the break to check my messages from Kate again.

Kate: What's going on? Are you okay?

Max: oh yeah I'm totally okay
Max: I think

Kate: ?

Max: okay so just quick story: rachel and I are dating i guess. but like, 1) she is apparently just getting out of a relationship and 2) chloe kind of just told me she loves me
Max: and I'm at the SF exploratorium with just chloe right now and I don't want things to be weird

Kate: Wow. Um, okay. It totally makes sense that you're feeling confused! I don't think I can really help but here's some thoughts:
You like Rachel, obviously.
Chloe is your closest friend.
Chloe and Rachel are also best friends.
Even if Chloe's upset, I know she just wants what's best for you!
You're great, Rachel's great, and Chloe knows that better than anyone!
I think she'll be happy to see her two best friends happy as long as you're all still friends.

Kate: Are you worried she wouldn't be comfortable around you anymore because she likes you?

Kate's messages pull a grin out of me. It's not really new information, but if she's confident of those things despite not being close to Chloe or Rachel, that helps. Maybe. A little. And all those exclamation points are just too cute.

Max: no, no I guess I'm not. even when I came back to AB she still wasn't uncomfortable around me.
Max: I'm not sure she can be, if that makes sense?
Max: she's just really upset and I don't know how to make it okay

I want to write more, but Chloe suddenly interrupts me with an excited, "Ah! Fuck yeah!" She basically shouts. Now it's more than one parent glaring at us, but Chloe just ignores them.

"Max, there's a weekend thing for adults. We can still make reservations and go tonight!"

I shrug. "But, Chloe, we still can't -" and then I pause.

"Oh god," I whisper under my breath. I cross my arm over my chest to try and warm up from the chill that just ran through my body. "We're adults."

Chloe just replies with finger guns.

I quirk my eyebrows, trying to punish the finger guns with a glance. "I can't believe you're excited to get all . . . touchy feely."

First there's confusion on her face. Then uncertainty. Then, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance.
"Tac-tile," she says slowly, carefully.

"Mhm."


By lunchtime I've all but forgotten about the weirdness this morning. Not 'forgotten' as in my heart has stopped racing anytime in the past four hours, but forgotten enough that Chloe and I can still joke around, talk about the Exploritorium, crack up at the goofy photo that I'd taped into my journal from Joyce. We get macaroni and cheese with bacon in bread bowls at some restaurant on the wharf, and play around at Musée Mécanique. There are moments where I tell myself: This is the happiest I've seen Chloe in a long time. But sometimes, when I'm playing pinball or staring off into space, and she thinks I'm not looking, I can see the smile drain away from her face.

Chloe wanted to escape. And I'd brought something she wanted to escape along for the ride.


Around 4:30 we're eating Ghiradelli's ice cream and sitting on a bench in front of the ocean. There's no beach to speak of, and with dozens of people passing by every minute, it doesn't have any of the peace that we had on the beach near Big Sur. It reminds me again of Seattle, but I know it's not what Chloe's used to: the bustle, the noise, the tourism. All it shares is the long strip of coast of California and, well, me.

My phone buzzes, and I do my best to avoid tilting my cone as I pull it from my pocket.
My heart sinks. It's Victoria.
I've been dreading a reply since this morning.

Victoria: We're not friends, Max.

Yeah. That's what I knew was coming. It's not like anything had ever told me we were . . . it just stings to hear. Or see, I guess.

I text a reply with numb fingers.

Max: then why are you trying to look out for me?

Chloe side-eyes me. "Kate sure likes your attention today. Looks like me and Rachel aren't the only ones who love you."
She elbows me in the side to remind me it's a joke, but I still manage to choke on my ice cream. Impressive, really, it's so creamy it's kind of hard to mess up eating it. She pats me on the back as if it'll do anything to keep me from just literally dying right here on this bench. Not from the choking, no, but the embarrassment.

"UM!?" I shout. "No!? Illegal."

She just smirks, leaning back as much as she reasonably can while still eating her ice cream. "Kate's got a cru-ush," she sing-songs.

I know this is her way of both calling attention to, and deflecting, the elephant in the room, but it also basically is making my heart explode. "First of all, it's not Kate, it's Victoria being specifically disinterested in me, and second of all - no! Third -"

She raises a hand to cut me off. "Wait, wait, wait. So Victoria Chase just texted you to tell you that she's not interested in you?" She grins devilishly, waggling her eyebrows. She sounds way too pleased with herself as she says, "Max, why didn't you tell me you'd become such a heart breaker? A Casanova. A ..." she paused. "King . . . Solomon? He had a harem, right? Or was it-"

"I WILL LITERALLY SMASH YOUR FACE WITH THIS ICE CREAM, SO HELP ME GOD." I hold it in front of her face as a warning, but she just scoots as far to the edge of the bench as possible.

She covers her mouth with her hand as if scandalized, adopting a high drawl that sounds absolutely nothing like Victoria: "Oh, Max. I just hate your guts. I look at your selfies every day so I can write about how shit they look. You'll never be as good an artist as moi - X O X O, Vicky C."

I'm quiet. Staring. Blank faced. I've got to hold still until she gets curious.

Luckily, it's never long until Chloe gets curious. She turns around to look me in the face.

"Alright, Chloe," I say as deadpan as possible (which I hear sounds basically the same as my regular voice). "It's icecream time."

As I scoot towards her, though, she leaps to her feet and darts a good ten feet away. A good deal of her own ice cream gets caught by inertia and just sloughs off onto her shirt, staining it brown.

She looks down at her shirt.
She looks at her ice cream cone.

She looks at my face.
She takes a deep breath.

"You asshole," she mutters, trotting back to the bench and then past it. "C'mon, let's go. I'll change on the way to the Tactile Dome."

I groan at the thought of another car trip, but follow a second later.

My phone buzzes. Victoria, again.

Victoria: I don't know.

I clutch my phone to my heart for a second, but then put it away. I don't reply.


"Wow this is really dark."

Even the sound of my voice seems wrong once we're inside the Tactile Dome, and I can see weird pulsations in the darkness. What are those, I wonder? What is that gray over your eyes when it's so dark you can no longer actually see anything?

"Uh, yeah Max, that's kind of the point."

I hadn't realized she'd stopped, but promptly crawl my way right into her chest. I think she topples over, because there's a quiet 'oof', a split second later.

"Oh, sorry! Crap, I just - it's hard to know where anything is."

I can hear the scratch of Chloe's socks as she gets back upright, and tapping along the wall as she fumbles around with her hand. "Yeah, you goof, that's what we're here for. You get to approach the world like you never would otherwise. Unless you go blind, I guess, but then this would probably become easy."

I pout. Not that Chloe can see it. "I don't know how we're supposed to get out like this."

Chloe snorts. "Okay, okay, so. You've got a hand on the wall, yeah?"

I nod. Then, "Um, yeah."

"Okay, now check to see if there's a wall on your other side."

After a second of groping the darkness, I confirm that there is in fact another wall.

"Okay, so, you can go back and forwards, there's a low ceiling and a floor. You're in a hallway. Up just a little bit, it's going to split, and it's going to start getting more complicated. The idea is to try and remember branching paths, so you know where to go back to if you reach a dead end. Just like a normal maze, but you work off mental images, not stuff you actually see."

"Okay," I reply. I sit criss-cross applesauce for the lecture. "So, we just do that until we get out? Or get lost and call for help?"

"Yep, basically."

"Okay, I can do that."

"Awesome." Chloe's voice turns conniving, "Want to make it even more fun?"

With a groan I ask the dreadful question: "What now?"

"Well, I told you it's about to split . . . so how about we race?"

Oh no. Chloe has always loved racing. Sprints, Mario Kart, you name it, and she wins every time. I'm not sure I could out-jog a drunk, chain-smoking Chloe, nevermind a sober, chain-smoking Chloe. And that was all when I can normally see!

Still. Chloe has always loved racing.

"Fine," I concede.

"Ready - go!" Chloe says, and just like that I can hear her scrambling away.

Oh god, I'm going to die in this labyrinth.

I keep my hand on the wall and begin my trepid journey through the Hell Box.


It can't be more than five or ten minutes later that I feel like giving up. By the time I'd found my first dead end, I wasn't sure which way at the most recent branch was the direction I'd come from, and quickly became lost. At least, once I started to move up the dome, I was pretty certain I was progressing towards the center of the dome, which was at least progress from where I started. But now, well, I'd gone down a little, and now I'm not sure if I'm level with the floor, which way was the entrance, and I don't think I ever saw where the exit is. Literally any direction might be right, but with a certainty I could say that most of them are wrong.

I know Chloe wants to play her game, but this would be a lot easier and a lot more fun with her here.

"Chloe!" I call. "Chloe, where are you?! You win, I suck at mazes."

Then, closer than I expected, just down the hall, I think, I hear, "Max? I'm here."

"What? Where is here?"

"I'm right - oh, don't worry about it. I'll come to you."

I can hear shuffling that goes on longer than it should considering how close she sounds, and then I feel a tap on my shoulder blade as Chloe gropes in the darkness. It's a good thing she came from behind, or this would have been an awkward reunion.

I turn to face her, using her hand and then the wall as a reference to orient myself. "How are you here? I'm so lost."

"Oh. Well, I just think I figured out the way to go, so I waited up ahead a bit. Just past the bend of the right path."

"You . . . waited up for me? I thought we were racing."

I can hear her crossing her arms. She's probably pouting, or giving me an indignant glare, or something like that. "I can still kick your ass without leaving you behind. I'm a good multi-tasker."

"Ha." Despite her smug attitude, it's only too easy to feel a blush in my cheeks. Chloe tries to hide it most of the time, but she is kind. I tap my fingers along the floor until I find her leg, then jump up to her arm and give it a squeeze. "Thank you."

"Yeah, totally." It sounds a little higher than normal, I think. Then, she clears her throat, and says, "So. Follow me and try not to die."

She moves quickly, but every time the maze diverges from a straight line she waits, and I do my best to not ram into her again and again. Once we've turned a few corners and seem to be making progress, my anxiety withers, and I even begin to enjoy the heightened sensation, or the way that tiny pulses of color seem to appear in my vision despite the fact that there is nothing to see.

Sometimes, things are easier to handle when you don't have to see them.

"Chloe?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Rachel."

"It's not your fault, dude. Shit happens."

"I know but . . . can we talk for a second?"

"In - in The Dome?"

"In The Dome."

I can hear some padding as Chloe feels her way along the wall, and then she sighs.

"Well, it looks like we just found a dead end, so, it's as good a time as any."

She scoots along the floor, I think settling against a wall. I do the same, using her leg as a reference so that ours line up, and even in total darkness she doesn't have to look straight at me.

"Look, Chloe -"

"Sorry, I can't."

I pause.

"Too dark," she says.

"Uugghhh," I groan, the closest to an eye roll I think I can get across, given the circumstances.

"Sorry, nervous. Go on."

I take a breath and try again. "Chloe. I like Rachel, and she likes me. I need you to be okay with that. You're both of us's best friend. There's no way we can date if it makes you . . ." I'm not sure how to finish that sentence.

Luckily, Chloe has some ideas. "Sad?" She offers. "Jealous? Lonely? Scared, even?" She pauses. "Well, fuck, I don't know what to tell you, I already was all of those things. I'm a sad, jealous, lonely punk ass townie. You can't change that."

"You know that's not what I mean," I say, although that is, kind of, exactly what I mean. I know Chloe has these things inside her. But I don't want to be the person who brings them out anymore. She already paid four years for my mistakes.

"Listen Maxine. I love Rachel Amber. She's the girl I fell in love with at a rock show, y'know what I mean? I literally did."

"Are you Tom DeLonge?"

"Bitch I might be," she said, pushing my shoulder. "But like for real. She's been my best friend for three years, and I've been in love with her the whole time. It's honestly kudos to you that it took you this long to fall for her - I knew you were oblivious but like, wow."

"Stop it," I reply with a laugh, slapping her arm with the back of my hand.

We take a second to settle down, and she clears her throat. "But, yeah. I don't know. I spent so much time . . . being mad at you when you went away. Even before you stopped texting or anything, I was just so angry. But it was like the minute you were back I . . ." I can hear her voice cracking, but she trails off. To hide it, I think.

Then, she adds, "Look, I don't know if I was always in love with you, or I fell in love with you when you got back, or what, but somewhere along the line I just knew, and with graduation coming up I've been scared. At any moment it feels like it can just fall apart, you know? That either one of you could just move on at any time."

I don't feel that way. I've had ambitions, I've had things outside and beyond Arcadia Bay, but my friendship with Chloe, and now with Rachel, hasn't felt temporary. Even in Seattle, Chloe always felt like my best friend. Even if she hated me. Even if I didn't know who she was anymore.

Her voice is lower and raspy, but she's doing her best, and she's not yelling, so I just let her talk. "When Dad died, for years I'd dream about him. I'd talk to him and sometimes I'd hear him talk back to me. I felt like he was close, you know? I think that's how I survived those years. But . . ." she takes a deep breath, and continues, "but after I met Rachel, I stopped dreaming about him. I stopped hearing his voice. One of the last things I ever dreamed about was him telling me that, sometimes, people need me. And that I have to be there for them. So I've tried . . . I've tried to be who you and Rachel need me to be. Because I . . ."

I could hear her crying, and reached out. As soon as I felt the back of her hand, she flipped her hand over and squeezed my hand so tight.

"Because I love you guys so much. So I don't - I don't care if you fall in love. I want you to have what you need. And, fuck, if that's each other, that's the sweetest thing I've ever heard."

There are other people moving through the area in the Tactile Dome, but I think the sound of us talking and Chloe crying keep them away from this passage. I'm crying too, now, but silently. My heart hurts. Why does loving people hurt sometimes?

I think it's my turn, now.

"Chloe, y'know that you were my first girl-crush, right?"

She lets out of a laugh, a little choked from crying. "I thought that was Sailor Mars."

I roll my eyes. "Well, fine, first real-life-girl crush. I thought you were so cool. Tough, tomboy Chloe, who would skip out on playing kickball to play Pirates, or Lord of the Rings, or Pokemon with me. You'd play pretend, and I'd almost always be your first mate, or your princess, or something else so you wouldn't have to play the girl. You'd be surprised at what that kind of flirting can do to a fourth grader."

She laughs again. Her thumb works small circles into the meat of my palm, and it is warm and nice. If we were outside, and I could see, I'd probably pull away. But not in The Dome, I guess.

"After your dad died, I stopped knowing how to pretend. We always lived in fantasy worlds together, but after that, I just wanted to live in the past. I didn't want to go somewhere spectacular anymore, I just wanted to . . . get away."

"You didn't want to be around the things that made you remember why you were sad."

I nod. She can't see it, but I think she recognizes my affirmation.

She sighs and says, "I feel that way every damn day. I think it's why I left. It's not like there's anything to find in California, really."

I'm still not done, but the words for this part are harder to find. "When I came back . . . you weren't the same anymore. And I wasn't either, I guess. I still felt a pitter-patter in my heart around you, let's be honest, but you weren't my hero, my captain anymore. You were just my best friend. And for the longest time, I think I wanted that stuff back."

I'm not sure what's in Chloe's tone - it's distressed, but much quieter than normal for her distress; "What are you saying, Max?"

"I'm saying I have to move on from the girl you were when you were a kid. I have to get over my childhood best friend, Captain Chloe Bluebeard, adventurer extraordinaire and lover of booty."

We both snort at that, just like we always would when we were kids.

I continue, "I still love you, Chloe. But we're never going to get to be those kids again, are we?"

Chloe hesitates. She shifts along the wall - she's facing towards me now, I think. "We absolutely, never ever, will get to be those kids again."

That makes me feel like something sharp is being pushed through my chest. I don't want to let go. I don't want to lose those days. Even now, I still want things to go back to how they used to be.
But between dreams of the past and Chloe right now, in front of me, I'll choose her. Every time.

"I love you, Chloe Price. My lonely, jealous best-"

And then, she's kissing me. If we were outside, I'd probably pull away. But not in The Dome. I find her cheek with my hand and kiss her back, and it's the easiest thing in the world in this dark.

When we stop, and she pulls away, I try to get the first word out, before she can say 'sorry' or something incredibly stupid like that.

"Was that a goodbye kiss?"

There's a few seconds before her reply.

"I think so, Max."

There's a few seconds where I do my best to get on my feet, to get ready to crawl away. The moment is over. It has to be over.

"And, Max?"

I pause a second longer.

"I love you, too."


Our time on Haight street is easy, or at least easier than I thought it would be. Chloe humors me in the novelty book store for over an hour, but the place we spend the most time in and adore the most is a vintage formal wear store. It doesn't take long to push her out of her punk rock comfort zone and start trying on suits. She's too thin for a lot of them, so she tries on dress shirts and starts holding different suits over her shoulder like some cool fashion model. Surprisingly enough, some of the smaller suits fit me just fine. After that, I start to seriously consider purchasing one.

"I think I want one with elbow pads," I tell her as we look through the central rack, for me this time.

She quirks an eyebrow at me, discouraging. "Elbow pads, really? That's dorky, even for you."

I scrunch my face up in protest, glaring. "Elbow pads are cool."

She laughs, but then pauses. Then glances at me suspiciously. Then, "This isn't some Doctor Who bullshit, is it?"

I raise my eyebrows as high as they'll go. There's no way to hide my nervous smile. "This may very possibly be some Doctor Who bullshit."

Chloe sticks out her tongue and gags. "Max, please. You've got to get some better taste in Sci-fi. Just some basic, low-level stuff, like Star Wars."

I wave her away. "There's no reason I can't do both."

After a moment of silence passes, Chloe picks a suit off of the rack. "How about this?"

It's nice - it's got the right dusty librarian look, and it might be small enough to fit me, and it has elbow pads. Still, the shoulders look a little big and I don't really like the pinstripes, so . . .

I wave a hand in front of her face. "This is not the suit you're looking for. Move along."

"Pfft, nerd."

When I finally do find a suit, the suit, the one that I look at in the mirror and look nothing like myself but have no complaints, I leave the dressing room to give Chloe a chance to look it over and make some snide remarks. She's there, waiting, looking up from her phone when I exit. I put on my best sophisticated face, squinting a little, folding my arms while holding my chin in the crease between my elbow and thumb, doing my best to look like I'm contemplating a very important, deep idea. Like, I wonder what I missed in lab today, and what would it actually be like to have sex with Rachel?
Luckily, Chloe's not a jedi.

She looks me up and down for a few seconds, holding a bemused smile. "Nerd," she concludes.

I roll my eyes, and turn back towards the dressing room. "But kind of in hot way?"

I don't reply to that, just close the dressing room door after me. After maybe a minute of indecision and mental screaming, I decide to buy the suit.

From just outside, Chloe calls, "Yo, let's go get Rachel. She's ready."


I'm getting sleepy by the time we finally pick up Rachel from the University of San Francisco, the only road to which we could find is so obscenely slanted that I'm confused as to why they ever chose to build a school there. When I see her coming down the steps, I pop the door open for her and scooch into the middle, and she hops right in.

"Hey there you two - miss me?"

"Nah," replies Chloe.

"Yeah," I reply at the same time.

Rachel looks amused but doesn't question it. She just buckles up and we're out of there faster than I feel is probably safe in this city.

"So, where are we staying?" she asks. Chloe seems to have an idea where she's going, but neither of us do.

Chloe just waves a hand without looking over (thankfully). "I made a reservation at the Super 8 a few days ago. Cheap, easy to go to, free breakfast. Seemed like a good chance to take a shower."

"Oh, cool." I would absolutely love to take a shower. I've been making out with Rachel Amber for three days now without a shower. It's not quite as bad as the time I fell asleep without brushing my teeth, but it's pretty bad.

I don't pick up on the other problem, but Rachel does. "Wait, if you made the reservation before-"

"There's only one bed," Chloe cuts in, and Rachel drops off immediately. I think my heart nearly breaks out of my chest and into my lap.
The two of us just stare at her until she expands on that. She finally catches our looks and adds, "What? I didn't know you were coming."

"But now it just sounds like tropey fan fiction," I whine.

She rolls her eyes. She's just loving living life on the edge with her eyes on the road today. "You two can take it. I'll get a cot or something."

Rachel glances at me, then Chloe, back to me, then Chloe again. Her face looks frozen as she works something out. "We could all share if-"

Chloe just shakes her head, but she's smiling, just a little. "No thanks. I'll take the cot."

Rachel and I look at each other, and she just shrugs.


We're barely inside the room before Chloe drops her backpack on the floor, throws her beanie after it, and calls "Dibs on shower I've been gross for days bye!" Within a second or two, the bathroom door locks behind her.

"Uuugghhh," I groan loudly. "I have to pee! Hurry!"

"No promises!" and then I can hear the water start.

Rachel and I sigh in unison, then shoot each other looks for it.

"How was your-"

"Did you have a good-"

She holds back a grin, shaking her head as she drops her duffle bag on the near side of the bed. "Try two," she announces, and then, "How was your day?"

I toss my bag next to hers and plop down on the - our - bed. "Good. It was good. It started out kind of rough, but Chloe and I had a good time. I ruined one of her shirts, it was great."

Rachel sits next to me. Right next to me - close enough that I immediately feel a tingle of excitement and remember that I can, in fact, kiss Rachel basically any time I want.

"Oh?" she asks. "Why rough?" The concern sounds casual, but when I look at her, she's got a soft look with genuine concern, like when she held me when Victoria was acting like a jerk (Tuesday evening, specifically - I know she's kind of a jerk all the time).

I play the early hours of the day through my mind: ruminating on the scene between Rachel and I in the bed of Chloe's truck, having an emotionally charged drive with Chloe, a panic attack, the realization that I might love my best friend as more than a best friend and having absolutely no idea what to do about it. Nevermind the kiss and the crying.

I shrug. "I . . . don't really want to get into it right now. It's been a long day and I'm just . . . wiped. Can we talk tomorrow?"

She looks surprised, but not really displeased. "Oh. Okay. Sure." She looks straight for a second, then back to me. "Is there anything I can do?"

Another shrug. "I'm not sure. But I swear, it's not really anything bad, just . . . kind of complicated." I fall back onto the bed. It's so nice to be in a bed again.

She still looks worried. Worried about me, which shouldn't surprise me because we've been friends for a year now, but everything just feels special from her now. But I really don't want to worry her, so I figure a spoiler can't hurt.

I close my eyes as if drifting off to sleep. After a moment, though, I say, "Y'know, I'm going to ask you out tomorrow for real."

I open one eye just to take a peek. A smile creeps on her face slowly, and she looks soft and beautiful. Wonder, that's the word.

I don't know how much of what I'm seeing is her mask and how much is real, but the way she's looking at me is just like that night under the stars, and I believe in it all. Even the façade is Rachel, isn't it?

I close my eye again, lacing my fingers together to form a pillow. "I hope you'll say 'yes.'"

There's a moment of quiet that is warm and nice. She reaches out and places a hand on my stomach. It tickles a little just being there, but it's also comforting.

Her reply is just a whisper; "I think I will."

I keep my eyes closed and just breathe in, trying to savor the moment. It's the closest I've come to feeling like we're at the light house again, the anticipation and giddiness that comes from being close to Rachel, but it's more reserved now.

At least until Rachel straddles me and sits in my lap, at which point it jumps straight to electric and I can just feel my heart start beating double time.

I open my eyes to find Rachel staring down at me, as if inspecting me. "What are you feeling - right now?"

"Sad," I reply.

She cocks her head to the side.

"Because you're going to move to LA."

That earns me a smile again.

"But like things are going to be okay, for real. Like we'll work it all out."

Her thighs press in on my hips, and my ability to breathe takes a sharp decline.

"And now . . . a little turned on I guess?"

Now the glances down my body feel a little more mischievous, and a smirk crops up on her face.

"Oh? Maybe we should work out what we're going to do about that, like we will the other stuff."

"Yeah, maybe we should."

Yes!, alright Max, you're getting the hang of this flirting thing. It's just all about being noncommittal and sarcastic when someone thinks you're cute!

She reaches a hand out, making a grabby motion in the air like a child who can't reach. I unlace my fingers and reach out a hand to hold hers instead, and she gives a satisfied wiggle on top of me in response.

"Now - come here!" I say, and tug her forward. She gives a delighted shriek for a second as she falls on top of me, unable to stop giggling through all our kisses.


When Chloe comes out of the shower, we're both checking our phones, sitting several feet apart and pretending, unconvincingly, that nothing happened. Chloe takes one look at me and quirks an eyebrow. She doesn't buy it for a second.


As much as I'd like to stay up to talk or tease Rachel, I'm exhausted, and promptly drop straightaway to sleep with Rachel spooning me. And it's probably for that exact reason that I don't stay asleep, because when I wake up, I can't feel her anymore. It's the very first thing I realize, and the second is that Rachel and Chloe are talking in low voices near the opposite end of the room.

It's Rachel's voice that I hear, once I can actually make out words. "That's probably what she wanted to talk to me about," she says.

The room is dark, or at least as dark as a motel ever is, and it reminds me just a little of the Tactile Dome.

"Well, how do you feel about that?" Chloe asks.

"Feel about it? I have no idea what I'm supposed to feel about it - I don't really know what you want from me."

"I don't want anything. And I have no idea how you're supposed to feel either - I want to know what you do feel. I want you to trust me, not pacify me."

There's a pause. I think I hear Rachel click her tongue. And then, "Okay, fine. I feel annoyed. I feel like, just when I'm getting things right for once, Max is going to get scared and confused and not want to hurt anybody. I'm not saying you shouldn't have been honest with her, just . . . did it have to be now?"

Chloe's frustrated. "When would have been a good time, exactly? It's not easy for me to be real with people all the time - I'm just kind of riding the wave and seeing where it takes me."

Rachel sighs, but it sounds mad. I hate it when they fight. Should I do something? Would it be better if I intervened, or would I only make things worse?

"Chloe, we're not sixteen anymore. We have to think things through. And I need you to consider my feelings before doing something like this. You could have done this before I realized I had feelings for Max, or you could have waited more than ten hours after I asked her to be my girlfriend!"

Chloe's voice starts to get louder, slipping in and out of the whisper she's trying to maintain. "How was I supposed to know any of that? It feels a little hypocritical of you to ask me to do that when you didn't say anything about how you felt about Max, you just happened to fall in love one week and BAM, I just have to be okay with it."

"I'm not saying you have to be okay with it, I just-" Rachel cuts off, taking an unsteady breath. Is she okay? Is she crying, or just holding in her anger? What's going on?

She continues, "I just really don't want to fuck everything up, okay? I don't want to lose you, and I don't want to lose Max, and I don't want to lose our future together. It just feels . . . so fragile."

"Babe," Chloe whispers, so quiet I can barely make it out. "Max isn't a scared little kid any more. She's not going to run and hide because feelings are hard and confusing, I promise. And just because . . ." her voice drops again, "I love her . . . doesn't mean I'm out if she doesn't feel the same way. I'm in this - the three of us. Whatever it takes. I would do anything for you . . . both of you."

"But that's -" Rachel's definitely crying - I can hear her wipe away tears with her arm. "Dammit, Chloe, I want you to be happy, not sacrifice yourself. I don't. Need. A knight. I just need you."

Chloe shuffles around in her cot, sighing. "You know what would make me happy?"

"What, Chloe?"

She takes a deep breath. "If me loving someone didn't always end up a mistake. If I could just stop hurting the people I care about most."

"Stop it, Chloe."

"Why?"

"Us - our relationship? It didn't end because you loved me. I loved you. I always loved you since - since you got on that fucking stage as Ariel. You've always been such a ride-or-die bitch no matter how ugly or fucked up things got."

They both laugh unsteadily. Then Rachel's voice returns somber; "But things changed. And I knew, I knew if we were going to stay together, we had to play it smart. I didn't want to end up poor, out of gas and money in some motel like this as we tried to run away again, or stuck in that fucking town. But I felt like, if I wanted a future, a good future, if I wanted my life to be what I wanted it to be . . . I couldn't be with you in the present. I would just get lost. I feel like I've come so close, over and over, to losing everything. I can't be that stupid kid anymore. Not if I'm going to look out for us."

It's quiet for a long time. I consider pretending to wake up, slowly, without having heard anything. There is some part of this that I'm missing, stories that don't add up. Whatever relationship they used to have, I've never heard anything about it. This was definitely not what Rachel had suggested things had been like. There were still parts of her, deep down, that couldn't bring herself to tell me the truth, the whole truth. Maybe I would never see Rachel as perfectly as I want to.

Finally, Chloe speaks up. "You know, Max said basically the same thing."

"Hm?"

"She told me today that she had to get over the relationship we used to have. She said she had to if she was going to love me for who I am now."

Rachel chuckles quietly. "What a damn poet Max Caulfield is."

Chloe laughs, too. "She can be like that sometimes, yeah. But I think she's right. We've got to let that go if we're going to move on."

Another silence, this time brief. Chloe continues, back to a whisper. "Do you think you could love me for who I am now?"

Rachel's sigh sounds stressed. "Of course I love you, Chloe."

"No, I mean . . . Do you think you could ever fall in love with me again? Not for the adventures and the freedom and all the stuff we had before. I just mean me, your . . . in-it-for-the-long-haul, star-crossed best friend." Chloe laughs again under her breath. "Max really is a fucking poet."

"I think that one was Shakespeare, actually. Like, pretty sure."

"Yeah? Well, I wouldn't know. Can't say I read another one after The Tempest."

Rachel sounds exasperated. "It's - it's literally Romeo and Juliet."

Chloe doesn't reply - at least not to that. After a pause, she asks, "Could you?"

The seconds drag on, each one more painful than the last. I can't imagine what their faces look like. I can't imagine what it's like to have to answer that question. I can't imagine what it's like to cut your heart out and offer it to someone like that, either. Chloe's a romantic unlike anything I'll ever be.

Finally, Rachel answers, "I don't know. This is all too much. I need to think."

"Okay." Chloe sounds defeated.

Rachel crawls back into bed, and a second later, I can feel her fingers in my hair, brushing it as gently as she can. I do my best to look asleep.

"Whatever else happens," Rachel says, "Promise me you'll take care of her when I'm gone. And stop trying to be a hero or a martyr. Maybe that . . . is a Chloe Price I can fall in love with again."

Chloe doesn't say anything. She just goes back to bed while Rachel props herself up on her side, petting my hair again. I want to find the words to talk to them about all of this, but before I know it, I fall back asleep, with Rachel lying right beside me.

It's official. I'm in love with my two best friends, and I'm terrified. But we're going to make it out of this okay. Love always wins in the end, doesn't it?