Fanboy And Chum Chum: A New Hope
(A/N: Seems I'm going to be apologizing for the long waits for a long time to come… Everything's just been so busy lately I've hardly had time to do much on Fanfiction, and for that I'm sorry, but this chapter is up now. With luck I'll be able to post again soon, or I might post the rest of it today at cost of reviews, but then that's yet to be seen so no promises. Anyway, enjoy.)
Finding Poopatine
Kyle scanned the newspapers for a sign of Sigmund's show's next filming. He'd been actually relieved to see a DVD edition signalling said show was still in existence. He'd never thought he would be glad to see merchandise with Sigmund's face on it. His eyes lit up. There was the next location, not far from here in fact! Hopefully Sigmund had realized something was wrong as well. He instantly ran towards the filming.
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Kyle gaped at his brother who was just finishing up. "Danke schon, Danke," Sigmund said, bowing low. He began signing autographs and his other so dubbed 'merchandazzle.'
Kyle shook his head in order to get rid of the daze and ran towards him calling, "Sigmund! Oh you haven't a clue how happy I am to see you!"
Sigmund raised an eyebrow and asked, "Do I know you?"
Kyle slid to a stop with a gasp. "What?!" he exclaimed. Oh toadstools, this wasn't a good sign. Not at all. If even Sigmund didn't recognize him? "O-of course you know me! I'm your arch rival and enemy at Milkweed Academy! Kyle Bloodworth-Thomason? Kyle the Conjurer? Kyle ze Contipator? Ring a bell?"
Sigmund raised an eyebrow and replied, "Milkveed? I do not go to Milkveed. I am tutored by mein producer's hired tutor."
"You're what!?" Kyle exclaimed. "B-but you've known me practically all your life! I'm your arch enemy! We're… We're brothers!"
Sigmund started and stared at him in shock. After a moment he asked, "Brozher's? I have no brozher."
"Yes you do! I'm him! We just figured it out not even a day ago!" Kyle exclaimed, getting touchy.
"I do not know who you are. Take him avay," Sigmund ordered, clapping his hands twice. Instantly two guards grabbed him.
"But Sigmund…!" Kyle began.
"Off vith him," Sigmund pressed, not wanting to hear it.
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The two guards began to drag Kyle off. In a panic he cried, "Wait! Sigmund you must believe me!" Sigmund boredly examined his nails. Kyle had to think quickly now. Well, time to test whether the saying 'the truth shall set you free' had any truth in it. He had nothing to lose, after all. He gasped and exclaimed, "We have no parents! Mother died when you were five, murdered! You don't remember what happened to father!" Sigmund froze and slowly looked up at him. "I-I can answer some of your questions! I was four when mother died! I never knew because at age two I was kidnapped! You remember someone, don't you? You remember a brother. You paused long enough to prove that!"
Sigmund gestured for the bodyguards to stop. Kyle sighed in relief. Sigmund pursed his lips then said, "You say you can answer mein quvestions?"
"Yes!" Kyle exclaimed. "At least some of them!"
"How do you know so much?" Sigmund asked.
"Long story, really," Kyle answered.
For a moment Sigmund did nothing. Finally he ordered, "Release him. I have time," They let Kyle go and Sigmund walked towards his trailer.
Kyle hurried to follow. He'd gotten lucky this time. "Thank you," he thanked. Sigmund ignored.
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Sigmund shut the door behind them as they entered then sat, saying, "Now, speak."
Kyle took a seat and drew in a deep breath. "For starters, I believe our father is still alive and living in this very town. He's a school janitor, or rather was before the time stream got twisted around."
"Time stream?" Sigmund asked incredulously. Nonetheless he perked up. Kyle nodded then told the tale of all that had happened up to that point, including the game they'd been playing prior to the mess up and the protection spell he'd put around himself just in case.
Sigmund listened in shock, unsure whether or not to believe what he was hearing. Finally Kyle ended, saying, "And that's how I got here."
Sigmund was silent. Kyle swallowed. What if he still didn't believe? Finally Sigmund said, "If vat you say is true, vhat vas mein mozher's name?"
"Her name was Brenda. She was German. She had red hair and freckles like me, but a personality like you. Well, less arrogant and more innocent and naïve, but still arrogant and proud enough! And she did love attention and performing as well. Our father's name is Russ Poopatine. I got his personality, you your looks. Rather, most of them. Mother kept her maiden name, Bloodworth-Thomason, and that is the last name her children took."
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"I do not believe it," Sigmund mused in shock, looking uncertain.
"It's true!" Kyle insisted.
"I know zat! I just cannot believe it," Sigmund shot.
"I wish I could give you time to take it in, but I simply can't. Sigmund, I need your help. Have you ever heard of a Russ Poopatine? He may go by Bloodworth or Thomason, or even Bloodworth-Thomason," Kyle said.
"Nein, I 'ave no clue," Sigmund replied, thinking. "Vhy vould ve need to find him vhen ve could just change back ze time stream?"
"Because we can't just change it back. There's more to it. The spell was complex. It was one father warned us not to try because there was no easy fix. It was more curse than spell. We need to get the timeline as close to the original as possible. Oh I knew we should have listened to him, but you just had to push," Kyle answered. "Besides, I seem to be short my wand. Courtesy of the time stream twisting."
"Zurely it iz not hard," Sigmund remarked. "Ve already 'ave some constants. Ze Frosty Freezy Freeze still exists, ve know ve are brozher's, you 'ave brought up your grades vithin ze span uf one day."
"True, but the only reason we're still brothers is because of genetics. I learned it in class. Genetics cannot change. Just because we've crossed time streams doesn't mean that the genetics altered. Fanboy and Chum Chum are popular. That must be fixed. They need to be brought willingly down into the place of being labelled weirdos and ninnies, costumes and all. You're tutored and not in Milkweed. I was probably never there, but that can't be remedied now. Father doesn't even know we exist and doesn't work as a janitor, therefore probably doesn't have either Brenda or the Dump Star. Actually, since mother is dead here as well, he may have Brenda. But who knows how his personality's changed. Lenny doesn't work at Frosty Mart, Boog's in jail, Oz's comics is now a yogurt store. I'm not best friends with Fanboy and Chum Chum, you're not best friends with Michael and Duke. Need I go on?" Kyle asked.
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Sigmund twitched. Oh they had a lot of work to do, and the more help the better. They needed this elusive father of theirs. He thought a moment. Wait! Something was coming to mind. "Kyle, I zink I know vhere fazher might be!"
"What?" Kyle quickly asked.
"I do not know his name, but Galaxy Hills has a legend uf a gnarled old man who lives by ze cemetery. No vun dares mess vith him as zere 'ave been stories told. Unforgiving, cruel, creepy, intimidating, powerful, und odd. A recluse. Ring ein bell?"
"That's him!" Kyle exclaimed. Sigmund started. "Oh don't look so panicked. He's fine with us, and Mr. Mufflin can take him. Mr. Mufflin knows what's going on now that I've told him."
"Take him?! Kyle, he iz vun step avay from evil overlord uf ze entire galaxy!" Sigmund exclaimed.
"We have to try," Kyle replied. "Overlord or not, he's still our father, and we must convince him of it."
Sigmund thought a moment then said. "Perhaps ve should fix Fanboy und Chum Chum first?"
"I'm not sure how. They drink Frosty Freezy Freeze yet they're not themselves," Kyle remarked.
"Kyle, zere iz ein diet Frosty Freezy Freeze," Sigmund stated. "I drink it often."
Kyle straightened up and looked at him. "You don't mean…" Kyle began.
"Zey need ze real sing, perhaps, to become vhat you know und love," Sigmund replied.
"Sigmund, coming to you was the smartest decision I've ever made!" Kyle exclaimed.
"Ja, vell, zat iz not hard to believe," Sigmund replied.
"I beg your pardon?!" Kyle shot. He supposed he wasn't surprised, though. This was Sigmund, after all. He thought it out then said, "But before we can get them there I need to work my way up in their eyes. It may take a while. We don't have a while. Bring me to father." Sigmund hesitated, looking towards the graveyard, then nodded. He waved his hand making both him and Kyle disappear, transporting them to the location of the cemetery.
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Lightning boomed and wind blew through the creepy trees as the duo stared up at the cemetery feeling suddenly very small. They swallowed. "Vell, here ve are," Sigmund said. A wolf howled in the distance and a crow cawed.
"Oh, um, wonderful. Now, uh, wh-where's this house?" Kyle questioned.
Sigmund tapped his shoulder and pointed at a stone house. Kyle swallowed. "In zis time line, if he iz our fazher, he iz ze Galaxy Hills Undertaker."
"Undertaker?" Kyle squeaked. He swallowed and exchanged nervous looks with Sigmund. "W-well, here goes nothing." Sigmund nodded.
The thunder boomed again and the wind picked up. Cautiously the two made their way up the path towards the house. They could swear they heard spirits wail, but they knew it was just the wind through the trees. Soon they stood in front of the door. Thunder clapped along with lighting, and Kyle asked, "Sh-shall you do the honors?"
"You are ze crazy vun," Sigmund answered.
"You're the big brother!" Kyle shot.
"Ve go together," Sigmund said. "On ze count uf three. Vun, two, three!"
Kyle knocked, but Sigmund held back. Kyle gasped and retreated, shooting, "You tricked me!"
"You are zurprised?" Sigmund asked, examining his nails. Kyle twitched. Honestly he wasn't. He harrumphed. Just then, though, the door began to creak open and the two gasped, pulling back. "Zis could be ein bad idea," Sigmund said quietly.
"Perhaps we can run?" Kyle asked.
"If you can change zis time stream into ze vun you love," Sigmund agreed. Kyle groaned, knowing full well he couldn't.
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"May I help you?" a cold voice questioned.
"Um, M-Mr. Poopatine?" Kyle questioned.
"It's Undertaker Poopatine to you," the man replied, opening the door. Kyle sighed in relief, glad to see his appearance hadn't changed.
"Yes, vell, ve need to speak to you," Sigmund said uncaringly.
"Oh do you?" Poopatine questioned coldly.
"Do you have children?" Kyle questioned.
"No. Good day, boys," Poopatine replied.
"Zomehow I very much doubt zat, hmm," Sigmund suavely said.
"Um, Sigmund, what are you doing?" Kyle asked.
"I have vaited too long to figure out zis past to let it slip!" Sigmund shot. "You had children, two boys."
Poopatine was silent. Finally he replied, "Come in." The two entered, Kyle's mouth dropped in shock.
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"I say, what an eerie décor. Early Dracula? Gothic Era perhaps?" Kyle remarked as the three sat around a coffee table by the fireplace.
"Yes," Poopatine answered. "As for children… I had two sons, true, but one was kidnapped, probably killed, the other was murdered along with his mother, Brenda," Poopatine said. Just then the chair he was sitting on began to boop.
"Brenda," Kyle said in awe.
"Oh, how unexpectedly creepy," Sigmund remarked, looking suddenly unsure of himself as he gazed at the chair.
"Why are you here?" Poopatine questioned.
"Did you ever find your kidnapped son?" Kyle questioned.
Thunder clapped outside and there was silence. "No," Poopatine finally answered.
"Did you see ze body uf your older vun?" Sigmund asked.
Poopatine was silent again then answered, "No."
"Vell, so far you are batting vun thousand today, Kyle," Sigmund remarked.
"Kyle?" Poopatine sharply questioned, sitting up straight.
Kyle took a deep breath then said, "Your sons are still alive, Undertaker Poopatine. My name is Kyle Bloodworth-Thomason, and this is my older brother, Sigmund the Sorcerer."
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Poopatine's mouth dropped. Swiftly he rose and began pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace. "Too soon," Sigmund warned.
"We are your children," Kyle said, ignoring.
"Impossible," Poopatine muttered. They exchanged uncertain looks. What if he didn't believe them?
"Search your feelings, you know it to be true," Sigmund lamely said.
"No! My children are dead!" Poopatine shouted, whirling viciously on them.
"Then who are we?" Kyle demanded.
"Annoying brats!" Poopatine retorted. "Get out!"
"Nein! I have vaited too long to find mein fazher und learn mein past. I am not leaving here!" Sigmund shouted back, leaping to his feet and facing down the man.
"Brenda, destroy," Poopatine ordered, pointing. Brenda didn't move, just beeped and whirred quietly, 'looking' at them. "No? What do you mean no?" Poopatine demanded. Brenda beeped more. "They're telling the truth? Oh how would you know?" Poopatine asked. She booped again. "Oh you're their mother, are you?" Poopatine asked. He tried to laugh, but the sound died in his throat. He looked back at the two boys ponderously. Finally he began, cautiously, "If what you say is true…" He sighed. Looking at them again he asked, "Where was I when all this happened?"
"At the fair I was kidnapped. Mother got sick and depressed. You vowed you'd find me. You never came back. Not until it was too late to save mother. Sigmund had been hidden away by mother, supposedly enrolled in Milkweed Academy, but he insists he's never been there," Kyle answered.
"Nein, I said I vas not zere now. I did start off zere," Sigmund answered. "Until mein show got underway."
"There," Kyle declared proudly to Poopatine.
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Poopatine stared at them silently. Their proud smirks fell. Didn't he believe them? How could he not anymore? "If you need more, Kyle can explain how ve came to be here," Sigmund offered.
Kyle blinked then grinned, saying, "Oh, yes, of course. It all started when…" With that he launched into the story over again.
Poopatine stared at them in shock, mouth dropped. "This-this is impossible," he said.
"Improbable," Sigmund corrected.
Poopatine frowned. "Just like your mother," he said to the boy.
"Vait, you believe?" Sigmund asked in shock.
"Well I don't very well have a choice now, do I?" Poopatine questioned.
"I suppose not," Kyle remarked. "What, no tearful reunion?"
"Would you think much of me if I dissolved into tears in front of you?" he questioned.
"Vell, it vould certainly be out uf character…" Sigmund admitted. "But I suppose ve could overlook zat."
"Oh good, because I'm not sure how much longer I can contain myself," he replied. Before the boys could blink he'd fallen to his knees next to them and pulled them close, clinging onto them like they were lifelines and sobbing. They hadn't known they could dissolve into tears so easily, but before they knew it they were weeping as well.
