Chapter 7: Not Even if You Were the Last Woman on Mars

If anyone had told Cosima three months ago that she would be trapped on Mars, facing almost certain death, and yet possibly be the happiest she had ever been in her life, she would have asked if they were high, and could she possibly get some of whatever they were taking. But, even given their dire circumstances, Cosima found it hard to refute the statement.

Over the past months they had moved past the tentative friendship that had marked their first weeks together, and she would now count Delphine amongst her closest friends. Afterall, once their daily list of chores was completed there was little more to do than get to know each other. And they had. Cosima thought Delphine knew more about her than any of her other friends and family. Maybe even more than Sarah.

At first she had worried that they would grow tired of each other. That the forced confinement, and lack of other people would drive them to want to kill each other before too long. However, so far, that hadn't happened. On the rare occasions, when one of them needed space, the other seemed to sense it without being told, and would back off. Cosima had never had this type of easy comradery before, not even with any of her past girlfriends.

Not that Delphine was her girlfriend. Not even close. Cosima was still doing her best to ignore her feelings, but sometimes Delphine didn't make it easy. Cosima had discovered that Delphine was a toucher. Nothing inappropriate, but as their friendship had developed, Delphine would reach out for contact. A quick squeeze of her hand. A casual hand resting on her back. Playfully picking up one of her dreads to check their progress. All innocent enough, but the touches still sent Cosima's mind wandering to places better left unexplored.

Cosima wondered if it was just Delphine's nature, or if the effects of going months with almost no real human contact were taking their toll. She couldn't blame her if it were the latter. Cosima had never put much thought into how much she actually touched other people until she couldn't anymore. On more than one occasion she had to squelch the almost uncontrollable urge to walk up to Delphine and just….wrap her in a hug.

She missed the warmth, and the contact, and the ability to fully relax into someone and have them support you.

So far, she had contented herself with their nightly TV or movie time. After the Star Wars marathon, they had decided to make it a regular part of their daily routine. They had converted one of the empty bunks into a mini movie watching nest, which was much more comfortable than the small sofa, and every night they would settle in for a few hours before bed. With seven crew members, and hundreds of hours of video from each, they didn't lack for content.

Cosima had grown to crave those few hours when she could cuddle up against Delphine's side without self consciousness or guilt. If the way the Delphine pressed up against her in return was anything to go by, she figured the blonde enjoyed their time just as much as she did. Cosima had decided to just enjoy it for what it was, and not think too much about the fact that she wished there could be more.

"Cosima, how much longer do you plan to be out there?" Delphine's voice filled her helmet, the tone laced with excitement. Much to her eternal vindication she had finally managed to route the suit communications through the salvaged com array from the second rover. They now had hab to suit, and hab to rover communications.

Cosima finished brushing off the last solar panel. "Just finished up. I should be headed in shortly. Why?"

"Hurry. I have something to show you." Cosima detected impatience, but not anxiety, so she figured whatever it was, it couldn't be bad news. Nevertheless, she decided to call it quits for the day and head back to the hab.


Cosima barely had time to clear the airlock before Delphine pounced on her. She pulled impatiently on her arm, almost sending Cosima toppling to the ground.

"Hey, give me a sec," Cosima said with a laugh. Delphine, impatient, reached to unhook the air tank from the back of her suit. "If I knew you were going to be this eager to get me out of my clothes I would have come back sooner," Cosima joked.

As they had grown more comfortable, Cosima had eased her personal ban on flirty remarks. Delphine seemed to find them amusing, and it gave Cosima a much needed sense of normalcy. Plus, she wasn't entirely sure she could have avoided it forever. Delphine didn't seem to mind.

Getting in and out of the environmental suits had become second nature, and it wasn't long before Cosima was standing there in nothing more than her undershirt and pants.

"I'm all yours. Be gentle," she said, spreading her hands out wide to her sides. "Or not." Delphine didn't need to know that she wasn't entirely joking.

Delphine shook her head, but instead of leading her out of the equipment room, she circled around behind Cosima. "Cover your eyes." Before giving her a chance to comply, Delphine was placing her hands over Cosima's eyes. "On second thought. I don't trust you not to cheat."

"Blindfolded? Kinky. I like it." A hot puff of air blew against her neck when Delphine laughed.

"In your dreams, Niehaus." Oh, if only Delphine knew, she would probably run as fast as she could in the opposite direction.

"Lead the way." Cosima tried to turn her head, not entirely comfortable with the loss of one of her senses. She trusted Delphine, but it still left her feeling a bit unsettled. "I'm trusting you not to walk me into any walls."

"I promise, you will arrive without a scratch on you."

The hab wasn't very big, so within 50 steps they had reached their destination. When Delphine removed her hands, Cosima fought the urge to grab them and put them back. She was surprised, but not unhappily so, when Delphine rested her hands gently on her shoulders. Delphine may be a toucher, but even for her, this amount of contact wasn't typical.

"Open your eyes and take a look." Delphine's breath was hot on her ear, and Cosima did her best not to shiver. Opening her eyes she blinked, getting her bearings. Delphine had led them to converted science bay.

Cosima glanced over the patch of dirt, but didn't see what had so excited her friend. When she turned to look back at Delphine, she found herself almost nose to nose with the doctor. "What am I supposed to be seeing?"

Delphine placed her finger along Cosima's jaw and nudged her head to face forward. Resting her chin on Cosima's shoulder she extended her arm, directing Cosima where to train her gaze. "Look."

It took her a moment, but Cosima refocused, following the line of Delphine's arm. Delphine's warmth and scent in such close proximity was affecting her ability to concentrate. She missed it on the first pass, but there, like a tiny beacon of hope, was the smallest speck of green. It looked wonderfully out of place in a sea of red sand. "Holy shit...is that…No fucking way."

Delphine nodded excitedly, wrapping her arms around Cosima's midsection and placing a quick kiss on her cheek. "Oui! We did it!"

Though she wanted nothing more than to stand here like this forever, Cosima spun around, and engulfed Delphine in a crushing hug. "No. You did it. This was all you, Delphine."

Delphine shook her head, wrapping her arms around Cosima's back and lifting her a few inches off the ground. "Non. It was a team effort. I could not have done this without you."

Reluctantly, Cosima relaxed her grip, and Delphine followed suit, setting her firmly back on the ground. Cosima grasped Delphine's hand, squeezing it tightly, and spun around to marvel at the tiny, green sprout. "I can't believe it worked. This is like...fucking history. Dude, we're gonna be famous!"

Delphine laughed, delighted.

"We should totally celebrate," Cosima insisted, spinning back around to face Delphine.

"And what do you suggest?" Delphine asked with an indulgent smile.

"I say we live it up. Dinner, one for each of us, dessert, maybe a little dancing. The works." There was a nagging little voice in the back of her head, which sounded uncannily like her cousin Sarah, telling her that seemed suspiciously like a date. Much like she usually did with her cousin, Cosima decided to ignore it.

Delphine looked torn. "We don't know if the potatoes will survive. Even if they do, we will still need to conserve our food," Delphine said, ever the pragmatist. Cosima wasn't in the mood to be pragmatic. They had so little to celebrate, and to miss this chance seemed almost criminal. Besides, if she didn't find a way to burn off some of this excess energy, she was afraid she might explode.

"Delphiiine, c'mon. How often are you the first woman to successfully grow potatoes on Mars? On Mars, Delphine!" Delphine still looked undecided. "Please?" she asked, with what she hoped was her most endearing smile.

Delphine seemed to consider for a moment, before nodding. "Okay. You've convinced me. Let's celebrate."

Cosima smiled. She had been expecting Delphine to put up much more of a fight, but she wasn't about to question her good fortune.


"What'll it be?" Cosima asked, turning back to look at Delphine who was sitting at the small dining table. "Apple Crisp, Creme Brulee, or a brownie?"

"Brownie," Delphine said, without a moment of hesitation.

Cosima nodded, and grabbed the packet with a small smirk. Cosima had learned the blonde was a total chocoholic. It wasn't the fine french chocolates that the Delphine had confessed to missing more than just about anything from Earth, but it would do in a pinch.

"Anything for the best botanist on the planet," Cosima said with exaggerated deference. To her delight, a faint blush stained Delphine's cheeks. "Don't be embarrassed. You rocked this! Own it."

"I'll try. I'm not used to such gushing."

"Well, get used to it. Because I am now the official president of the Dr. Delphine Cormier fan club."

"My own fanclub? How flattering." Delphine propped her chin on her hand and looked at Cosima with a fond smile. "How's membership?"

"Well, it's still pretty low at the moment, but, never fear, that will change. The first item on my presidential agenda is to spread the word far and wide about how brilliant and amazing you are." Cosima sat down, prying open the dessert packet. Breaking the brownie in half she handed Delphine her share. "Trust me, it's gonna be huge. All we need is a planet with a population bigger than two."

Delphine shook her head, accepting the dessert with a smile. "You're silly."

"I only speak the truth." She held out her brownie towards Delphine. "Cheers."

Delphine looked at her for a moment, confused, before she realized Cosima's intent. She tapped her brownie against Cosima's. "Cheers."

Delphine bit into her brownie and let out a sound that Cosima had only dreamed about. Often. "Oh, mon Dieu," Delphine moaned, around a mouthful of brownie. "This is so good." Delphine's eyes slid shut in pure bliss, and all thoughts of her own brownie fled. Still chewing, Delphine opened her eyes and looked at Cosima. "Are you not going to eat yours?"

Snapped out of her trance, Cosima nodded, taking a bite. "You're right, this is really good," Cosima mumbled, barely tasting the dessert, since her brain was a bit short circuited.

Delphine hummed, licking the remaining crumbs from her fingers. Cosima almost offered the rest of her brownie to Delphine, knowing she would derive far more pleasure from watching the other woman eat it, than consuming it herself, but she knew that would look suspicious. Plus, she needed the calories.

Swallowing her final bite, Cosima stood up from the table, and walked over to her bunk to retrieve her computer. She need to put some distance between them before she did something she might later regret. She queued up her go to playlist for when she wanted to dance and completely lose herself in the music. The thumping beat of the house music filled the hab. She smiled, holding out her hand.

Delphine grasped her offered hand and allowed herself to be pulled to her feet. Cosima walked backwards, dragging Delphine into the center of the hab's living area. It wasn't a lot of room, but it would have to do.

Somewhere around the middle of the first song, Cosima realized that dancing with Delphine had probably been a terrible idea. If suppressing her attraction for Delphine was difficult on a normal day, it was almost impossible when the blonde was bumping up against her, her skin flushed from exertion.

She really needed to figure out how to get some more "quality" alone time pretty soon. You would think it would be easy, since there were only two of them, but it had proved frustratingly, in every sense of the word, difficult.

Delphine grabbed her by the hand, and spun Cosima in toward her, causing them to collide, chest to chest. Cosima braced her hands on Delphine's shoulders, attempting to steady herself and catch her breath. She had lost track of how long they had been dancing, but she was winded, and more than a little sweaty. Then again, that could just be due to her proximity to Delphine, and the blonde's hands that would occasionally find themselves on Cosima's hips.

Pushing away slightly, she looked up at Delphine, and was greeted by a grin as big as her own. Cosima didn't think she had ever seen the blonde look quite this happy. Not even when she had shown her the tiny green shoot earlier. Her eyes were positively sparkling, and the cutest little dimples were creasing her cheeks.

Looking back, Cosima wasn't sure if it was adrenaline, or endorphins, or just the fact that every day could quite literally be their last.

Her resolve finally cracked, and, unable to resist, she slid the hand resting on Delphine's shoulder up to cup her jaw lightly. Delphine stilled, but didn't pull away. Cosima took that as a tacit signal to move in, so she did.

When their lips connected, Cosima's eyes slid shut. Though she wanted to press forward, she kept the pressure gentle, not wanting to spook Delphine. Lost though she was in the contact, it didn't take long for Cosima to realize that Delphine wasn't kissing her back. Instead, she was standing rigid, her muscles tense under Cosima's hands.

Breaking the kiss, Cosima backed away with a frown. She had been sure she had read the situation correctly. All evening, the blonde's normally casual touches had seemed to escalate. An occasional hand on her back was normal. A full body hug was not. Neither was a kiss, even if only on the cheek. The way she had trailed her hands over her when they danced. Cosima had been so sure.

Apparently she had been wrong. Her own feelings clouding her judgement and making her see things that weren't there.

Cosima felt a sinking sensation in her stomach, realizing that she had read Delphine's excitement over the success in the greenhouse all wrong. Walking backward, she bumped into the table. Thankful for a distraction, Cosima turned and switched off the music. The sudden silence in the hab was deafening.

Much though she wanted to run, Cosima knew they would have to deal with this. Turning back, she offered Delphine an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry. I got a bit caught up in the moment. It won't happen again."

Delphine walked forward a few steps, but stopped well short of Cosima. Cosima tried not to read too much in to the action, but it was difficult. "It's okay. You don't have to apologize it's just...I'm not…"

"You're not gay," Cosima finished for her. She wasn't sure why the words were so difficult for her to say. It wasn't something she didn't already know. Her loneliness and wishful thinking had led her to read too much into Delphine's friendly gestures. Cosima had been down this road before, but it had never felt quite like this.

Delphine nodded, looking relieved. "I really like you, Cosima, but I'm not…" Delphine shook her head. She smiled at Cosima awkwardly. "If I were, you would be-"

Cosima held up her hands. "Stop. Please. You don't need to explain. I get it. Really. I never should have done that, and I hope we can just forget it ever happened."

Delphine looked like she had more she wanted to say, but instead, she nodded. "Consider it forgotten."

Cosima smiled tightly. "Great." She turned, snapping the lid of her laptop closed and picking it up, holding it protectively over her chest like a shield. "Well, I'm gonna call it a night. It's been a long day."

Without waiting for a response, Cosima did what her instincts had been urging her to do from the moment she realized Delphine wasn't kissing her back. She ran.