Chapter Six

Wake Me From This Dream

The last few days have been mind-blowing. Literally! The mornings are lost, sleeping in. In the afternoons, we spend talking or riding in the meadow. The evenings and nights are filled with whispers and passionate lovemaking. I lost track of how long I'd been here, so I was surprised when I woke up one morning to an empty bed. I wrapped the sheet around my nude body and saw an elegant rose lying next to me. I grabbed it and inhaled, allowing the scent to fill my nostrils. I sat up and saw a note. It told me 'Happy Birthday' and that Tommy had gone to the store, but would be home soon. He also wrote for me to follow the rose petals on the floor. I wrapped the sheet around me like a dress and walked, following the rose petals. Their destination was the private studio. All this time being here and still Tommy had never shown it to me before. I sat down and turned a few knobs, remembering the feel of working at the soundboard. I stared out the thick glass, memories of Tommy and I recording flooding my mind.

A notebook lay on the soundboard. I opened it and there was another small note. Tommy wrote, saying that I should work on some new songs. I smiled and picked up the pen that had been lying next to the notebook. I just started working when I thought I heard a car pull up. I ran down the stairs, to the door, while draping the sheet tighter around me. The doorbell rang and I rushed to meet Tommy. I opened the door, a smile plastered on my face when I was brought face-to-face with none other than…my sister! My smile immediately fell off as I walked out and closed the door behind me. She moved to sit in one of the chairs, while I sat right next to her. She looked at me, and spoke; "I thought that I'd find you here." I averted my eyes. She wasn't yelling or even telling me off, YET! She continued in the same calm tone, "Jamie's on his way here." I shot my head in her direction. Her eyes were filled with sympathy. I opened my mouth, but was stumbling around my words now. "Look…I"- She cut me off. "Jude, don't! Okay? You came here; you knew what you were doing. You knew what would happen!" She stated. That made me angry, "Oh! So now I'm a tramp?" I shook my head, more out of frustration than anger. She paused, and an awkward silence filled the air. She reached into her bag and handed me a stack of letters. I realized they must have been the letters Tommy had told me that he'd written so long ago. She handed them to me, "I kept them, hoping you would move on. I hated seeing you miserable, but it was easier than a messy break, Jude. I hope one day you will understand why I did it." Another awkward silence fell as I took the letters and held them. I was only slightly angry, but I refused to show it.

"Jude?" She finally spoke, and I looked over to her, still at a complete loss. "I know you'll do what's right. I just thought I would warn you." She stood up and hugged me. "I love you, little sis!" And with that, she smiled grimly before turning and walking to her car. She drove away, and I ran inside to quickly get dressed. When I got back down stairs, I sat in my original chair, just as Tommy drove up. He recognized Sadie's car leaving and knew that I was in trouble. He walked up and sat next to me, where my sister had previously sat. He was holding a small bundle of flowers and turned to me. "Interesting morning?" I nodded, still completely lost. I had NO IDEA what to do now. I looked over at Tommy, and couldn't help but smile at him. He had that effect on people. Or maybe it was just me. "I see you got my letters…finally."

"Tommy? Jamie's coming." I stated simply. There were so many things that could mean, but it really was that simple to tell him, though there was nothing SIMPLE about the situation. He sighed and muttered a 'happy birthday' to me. I smile, halfway, before looking away. He sat back, his eyes avoiding me, afraid of my answers. "What are you gonna do, Jude?" He still refused to look, afraid that he shouldn't have asked that; afraid that I would leave him. I shook my head. "I don't know…" I whispered.

He leaned forward, laying his head into his hands. My knees started bobbing up and down. He spoke, his head still down. "So we're back to that?" He raised it and looked over at me, but I avoided his gaze. "Are we back there?" Before I could answer that, he continued. "You know, the past few days…they happened?" He was pleading now, begging me to stay with him. I sighed. "I know that they happened and they were wonderful. But they were also wrong and irresponsible." He jerked back, standing up, and kicking the chair back. The flowers scattering on the ground. I raised my voice to be heard over the noise he'd just made. "I have a fiancé waiting for me at my hotel room who is gonna be crushed when he finds out"- He cut me off, shouting somewhat. "So you sleep with me, and then you go back to your husband? Was that your plan, Jude? To mess with my feelings again? I shook my head again, and stood up. "No…I made a promise to a man; he gave me a ring, and I gave him my word." I shouted, getting angrier. I was more frustrated, especially now that it was time that I couldn't avoid this any longer. I didn't want to fight with Tommy, but he made it hard to just talk. I knew I would be breaking his heart. Again!

He shouted back, never lessoning. "And your word is shot to hell now, don't cha think?" I shook my head, faster. "I…I don't know, I'll find out when I meet him…" He cut me off again. He was no longer shouting, but he definitely put feeling into the next words. "This has nothing to do with keeping your promise and it has nothing to do with following your heart. If you followed your heart, you would have come with me three years ago!" I was speechless, but still found it possible to yell back at him. "Oh, really?" He nodded. "Well…I…I" I screamed, "Oh, I hate you, you smug bastard!" He matched his voice with mine, raising it again, "If you leave here now, I hate you!"

And with that I walked down the steps, towards my car. He followed me and yelled again. "You're bored! You wouldn't be here if there wasn't something missing!" I turned on him and shouted. "How dare you, you arrogant son-of-a-bitch!" He stopped and pleaded while I opened the car door. I threw the notebook and the letters in, realizing that I'd been holding the damn things the entire time. All my other things were still inside, seeing as I never came back to my car. "Will you just stay with me?" I turned and walked towards him. "Stay with you? What for? We're already fighting!" I shot at him, pissed beyond reason. He tried again, hoping to calm me down. "That's what we do. We fight! You tell me when I'm being an arrogant son-of-a-bitch, and I tell you when you're being a pain in the ass! Which you are; ninety-nine percent of the time! I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings, Jude! You have like a two-second rebound and you're in doing the next pain in the ass thing!" He walked over, shut my car door, and stood in front of it, blocking it from me. I stood right in front of him. "So what?" I shot back at him. I was beginning to feel annoyed at him always being right.

He looked at me and inhaled before speaking again. "So…?" I'm not saying it's gonna be easy. It's not! It's gonna be really hard; and we're gonna have to work at it everyday. But I wanna do that, 'cause I want you!" I started to cry, pleading for him to stop. It was hard enough without knowing that he loved me just as strong as before. "I want all of you, forever, you and me, everyday! Would you do something for me? Just…just picture your life, thirty years from now, forty. How do you see your life? If it's with Jamie then go. GO! I lost you once; I think I could do it again. If I thought it's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out"- I interrupted, finally able to speak. My voice broke from my tears, "What easy way? There is no easy way, no matter what I do, somebody gets hurt." He stopped me, frustrated that I was making this so hard, maybe harder than it had to be. "Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Don't think about what I want, what he wants, what your friends and family want…what do you want?" He asked me. It was that simple, but still not. "What do you want?" I shook my head and bit my bottom lip. "It's not that simple"- He cut me off, ignoring me completely. "What do you want? God, damn it, Jude! What do you want?" He grew desperate and frustrated, but I couldn't answer that. I sniffed, "I have to go." His pleading eyes never left, but I swore they threatened to spill tears. He moved, as I wished, and moved away. I walked over and opened my door again before sliding in. I started the car, and pulled out. I threw one last look and saw that he hadn't moved. At least not until after I was gone.

I let the tears fall freely while pulling to the side of the road. I let my head fall and the fresh tears pour. Why? Why was I being put through this? Again! And on my birthday, too! My birthday! I'm twenty-one today. Great! Just great! My song echoes through my mind. It tells of how I'd wanted to be Tommy's only one. I was too young, and he'd told Kwest that he'd be with me in a split-second if I was twenty-one. Now I'm finally twenty-one and I have no idea what to do. I lay my head back against the seat and let my tears stay on my face. They seem frozen, stained, there. I think about what's all happened. I reach over and grab a letter. By the date, it looks like the most recent, probably the last one he wrote. I tore it open and unfolded the piece of paper. I looked down, and though my tears made it blurry, I read the following…

My dearest Jude,

I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore because I know what we had was real; and if in some distant place in the future we see each other and our new lives, I will smile at you with joy and remember how we spent our time together, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more; that plants a fire in our hearts, and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me, and what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you.

Tommy…

The tears were falling harder, and my hands were shaking, but I started the car to drive back, slowly to my hotel room. I parked and looked in the rearview mirror. I'm a mess! I reach over and grab a tissue. I wipe away the tears and my smeared makeup. I apply some light makeup, in case of more crying. I grab a hair tie and bring my hair back; brushing through it with the tips of my fingers. My mind is racing, but I gather up the last of my dignity and walk into my room.

Author's Note: I'm really sorry, guys. I did rewrite this to fit the letters into it. I completely forgot about it before, but I've had a few reminders, thank you. So here it is, rewritten Chapter Six. I'll be posting Chapter Seven soon. I'm really thankful that so many of you like this story. It is my first and I'm really thankful for the readers and especially the reviewers...Thanks guys...please be patient...Chapter Seven is coming...and then all that's left is the Epilogue...YAY!

!!!!!N!!!!!!!