Chapter 7: MOMENT

o

o

Shinn let out a sigh as he walked out towards the balcony, and leaned over a railing. He glanced up. There's so much activity all around the administration complex. But then again, this is to be expected. They're on Aprillius 1 after all.

He sighed. it was still kind of hard to believe that he was here. To think that not long ago he was still a cadet in training, before being chosen to pilot Impulse, joining Minerva, being involved in the war... and now here being on guard duty to serve under Kira Yamato. Life... had a way of taking you into unexpected paths, right?

He thought of the things he saw and heard during the council meeting. Starting from Commander Kira Yamato's opening speech, followed by Chairwoman Clyne's words... and then Athrun's follow up afterwards, being present as a representative from Orb. He thought about the other things discussed by the other members of the Supreme Councils; of the issues that they still have to resolve, other challenges that were still present.

Ending the war was just the beginning, they're still a long way to actually re-establishing the peace between Earth and PLANT. Achieving... and keeping the peace was not something so easy to do like how he used to think. It was naive... and stupid, to recall back the him that he used to be back then.

"But deciding to take the path to end a war, not to fight... is much harder than deciding to go to war."

Shinn thought back on the words that the late Chairman Durandal used to say. His words had sounded so correct back then. So much... that he never realized the underlining meaning of it. That while the man said that ending the war was truly not easy, he was actually saying that it was far easier for him to start a war to 'end' the fighting rather than deciding not to fight at all. He never noticed it before, but looking back... it did appear that the chairman had given up on trying to take the peaceful approach. Just because the other side appeared to refuse to listen to reasons in order to stop all the fighting and hatred. But unlike him, Kira Yamato... and the Archangel, from the beginning they've been fighting the tougher battle. Even when neither side had been willing to listen to their reasonings.

Instead of fighting to end the war while not caring for the loss of lives from either side, Archangel and Freedom had been fighting to end the fight without taking any lives from either side... while risking their own. They never gave up to reach out towards both sides.

How unfortunate... that he only realized this fact only now?

He recalled how a few months ago; while still in Orb, he had gone asking about the whereabouts of the people that he used to know before the Battle of Onogoro Island. It was then when he found out about the fate of Captain Todaka—back then Officer Todaka—during the last war. How he unwittingly found out... that he had been the one that killed the very man who had taken care of him prior—back when he'd just lost every member of his family. Shinn flinched at the memory.

That man... what was his thoughts back then before his death on his hand? If he knew that the same boy that he comforted back then was the one that was about to kill him...

"What's with that painful expression... Shinn?"

Shinn turned around, as his eyes met with Athrun's.

"I'm just thinking about the past..." he retorted, before shrugging at him. "That said, Athrun... why are you by yourself? Where's Commander Yamato?"

Athrun just waved the concerns aside. "It's been a busy day, so he and Lacus went back to the new Clyne household to rest. We started working right after we arrived at the colony, after all, it must be tiring for him."

"What about you, Athrun?"

Athrun cocked his head at him. "Me? I'll be fine. I can always sleep on the shuttle back to Earth later. I've completed my mission after all; escorting our Admiral to his new post here in ZAFT, relaying to the Supreme Council of Orb's position, so I can get back to Orb now."

Shinn let out a gasp. "Then, are you not going to come back here after this?"

Athrun gave him a surprised look. "What're you talking about? Of course, I'll come back once a while if the situation allows. After all, Kira's here. Lacus too... as well as some of my friends and allies. And with the new peace treaty at work, there's surely a need for both sides to maintain communication so we'll definitely be able to see each other again. Why?"

Shinn hastily shook his head. "That's not it. It's just... listening to the things that were discussed during the meeting earlier, there were many thoughts that came to mind." he glanced up to Athrun. "There were many questions too."

"What was it?" Athrun asked gently.

Shinn sighed.

"... if someone kills because another is killed... then he's killed because he killed, how will that bring peace?"

"Back then, you told the late Chairman Durandal about something someone said to you in the past. About killing because someone was killed, and being killed because you had killed. Who was it that said that to you?" Shinn started asking as Athrun stared at him in surprise.

"Why are you asking me that now?"

Shinn just shook his head. "It's nothing. After all that I've heard before, I have to say I've been thinking a lot about the past." He glanced up. "Back then I used to think that your way of thinking was just too idealistic. Too naive. But perhaps, the one who had been naive... was me."

He cocked his head towards Athrun. "In the first war, you must have been through a lot to have the kind of thinking you had now, right?"

Athrun nodded. "Hmm. A lot... indeed have happened. In the earlier war, Kira... killed a friend of mine. He also killed a lot of my other comrades in arms before that, but with Nicol... I guess I just snapped," he sighed as Shinn just stared at him. "But on the other hand, I've also killed Kira's friend. Because of that, both of us ended up going at each other seriously. And I ended up killing Kira..."

Shinn gasped as Athrun continued. "Luckily, Kira didn't die. But back then, I really thought I did. To think that I even received an award for that. For killing a friend to avenge another friend."

He gave Athrun a wide-eyed stare. That...! No wonder Athrun was so angry at him back then. When he struck down Freedom.

Athrun let out a snort. "I self-destructed my Aegis unit on his Strike, never thinking that I'd survive. But I did. The person that lead the team that was searching for the survivors, found me... and scolded me badly after finding out what I did." He glanced back towards Shinn. "It's funny, looking back to those times. Even back then, while Cagalli was never aware that Kira was her twin brother... she really scolded me very harshly for trying to kill Kira. She scolded me and asked me why should Kira be killed for trying to protect the people he cared? Especially, by his own best friend. Her words back then... affected me until now."

It took him by surprise. He had imagined that it would be a senior officer that said those lines to Athrun. But it was Cagalli, whom he used to think had a shallow understanding of how the world worked.

"It was... Miss Cagalli that said those things to you?"

Athrun shrugged at him. "Cagalli also used to be like you, questioning Orb's beliefs and how it could fit in with the rest of the world that was at war with each other. Because of that—Kira told me—she ended up joining a local resistance group in order to try to make a difference." His eyes softened as he thought about Cagalli. "I guess from that point... until the second time I met her, she had grown so much to realize how the war was not completely black and white, and understanding why Orb had chosen to be a neutral nation."

"Miss Cagalli... there's still a lot of things I needed to apologize to her..." Shinn started to say as Athrun chuckled.

"Don't you already apologized to her enough times before?" he asked in amusement as Shinn felt his cheeks going red.

"B-but! I've done... and said so many foolish things to her in the past," said Shinn before feeling a hand placed on his head. He glanced up as Athrun ruffled his hair.

"Don't beat yourself too much over that. It's in the past anyway. Cagalli's not the type to keep grudges on people over things like that." Athrun turned to glance over the balcony.

"Besides, everyone makes mistakes. The more important thing that matters more would be to learn from those mistakes."

Shinn stared at him as he walked to his side.

"Athrun..."

"Hmm?"

"You said before... about the things that Miss Cagalli said, that you still can't find an answer to that. Did you... found the answer to it now?"

Athrun gave him an amused look. "Perhaps," he said before looking away. "The answer might have always been there ever since I piloted Justice for the first time, and never changing until now. It's probably even something that I've already found an answer to." He sighed again.

"Perhaps, in the past two years... I've lost sight of that answer, and only during the last battle that I've found it again."


It'll probably be a few more chapters before I can close this piece finally. So hopefully I can lay down the political stuff properly for this piece.

That aside, in Choices & Decisions before, which was an AU I've touched on Todaka. It was something I've always wanted to get Shinn to face but never managed to do it. So might as well put that in this chapter.