Title: Light Within

Author: Shannon – shannyfish

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the "Iron Man" movies, any other Marvel movie, or its characters; Marvel and other people do. This is merely for entertainment purposes only.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: An unknown foe has managed to grab Tony Stark's attention, enough so that he calls on the Avengers for help. With the one person that he loves most in the world in jeopardy, Tony must surrender himself…and in turn be rescued himself. Tony Stark/Pepper Potts

Warning: The POV will shift. Spoilers for all Marvel movies up to and including "The Avengers". Also, using creative license with a character from the Iron Man comics and Armored Adventures Cartoon.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is appreciated!

. . .

"I'm afraid her lung was punctured by the broken rib," the doctor reported.

"There wasn't a broken rib before," Steve said. "You said a fracture. You showed us the x-ray."

Tony sat there, feeling as if the world had stopped and that everyone was frozen and yet all the words seemed to come quickly. He could hear everything around him, but he didn't understand. Pepper had been fine. They'd said that things looked well, that they were confident about them going to Malibu in the morning. He'd already come up with plans… Tony had decided he'd go ring shopping the moment he got there and that later than night he was going to propose to Pepper again. He wasn't sure how exactly, but he'd make sure it was something to remember.

"I'm not sure when the break happened, but two of the previously fractured ribs did break and they punctured the lung. The lung collapsed and her blood pressure had dropped incredibly low by the time she was brought her. We lost her, brought her back, but I'm afraid our efforts were in vain," the doctor said with much sadness in his voice. "We did try…"

"Thank you, Doctor," Steve said quietly.

They were all looking at him. He knew they were. They wanted to know how badly this was hitting him. If they only knew. "I want to see her," Tony said suddenly. When he looked up at them all, he noticed the shocked looks on their faces.

"The nurses are in there cleaning her up," the doctor explained.

"I'll wait," Tony said. He needed to see her. He'd heard the doctor go on and explain the whole thing. He'd explained it in medical terms and he'd dumbed it down for him. Tony still didn't believe it. He needed to see her. To see Pepper. The thought still terrified him. On one hand, he really wanted to just pretend that he hadn't heard the doctor. He wanted to go back to Malibu and go ring shopping and just prepare to propose to Pepper.

She would never be Mrs. Stark. Not that Tony had expected her to change her name. She'd always be Pepper Potts to him. But now…none of that would happen. The future wouldn't come. His life wouldn't be better…it wouldn't be filled with her laughter, kisses, touches…it wouldn't be filled with children…

"She was fine," he found himself saying to Natasha and Clint. They just looked more worried. Clint put a hand on his shoulder. He was sure that it was supposed to be reassuring. Right now, though, he felt so numb.

Eventually, the doctor let him see her. The others had stayed with him the entire time and were still waiting out in the main infirmary area waiting for him. Here in their operation room Pepper lay. She looked like she was sleeping. They had cleaned Pepper up and cleared the operation equipment. She looked pale, but she looked like she was just sleeping. There was a light blue sheet that was pulled up, so that only Pepper's shoulders and her head were showing. He knew that was best. He knew that they had to operate, but he didn't need to see where they cut or what they did to her. None of that would change things.

Sobs exploded from him. He felt like he was going to collapse. Tony's head extended to brush Pepper's cheek. "I said I'd protect you," he barely managed to say between sobs. Finally, he allowed his legs to collapse under him and he just clung to the side of the operating table.

The world was going so dark… The color was being drained. And Tony knew that he wouldn't live. Life was over. Without Pepper, he knew that there wasn't a future. He might continue to exist, but it wouldn't be life. It would be empty and lonely. No other person would be able to touch his life like Pepper had. No one would bring the color back. The Stark line would end with him.

He didn't know how long he allowed himself to just grieve there in the operating room, his knees on the tiled floor and his hands still griping the side of the operating table. His chest and eyes ached. His face felt dried out and his throat was dry. He didn't think he had another cry or tear in his body. Fatigue was fighting to take over. Tony pushed himself back up to his feet. He looked down at Pepper again and he swore he was going to break down again.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice hoarse. Tony leaned down and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Forgive me, Pepper," he requested even though he knew she wouldn't be able to. Tony kissed her lips and somehow a sole tear had fallen from his achy eyes and fallen on Pepper's face.

Tony stayed for only a moment longer before finally exiting. He was happy that he was able to say goodbye. He didn't think he'd be able to go to any of the funeral arrangements that he knew would follow. He just didn't think he could do it. Tony didn't want to do anything stupid, either. He wanted to say goodbye and he had. Right now all he wanted to do was go home and hide in his workshop…for the rest of his life. He was fine with just 'You', 'Dummy', and JARVIS as his companions for the remainder of his so called life. After all, JARVIS was the only one that could talk back, so it should be fine.

"Tony—"

He stopped and turned to see that he had just walked past the trio of concerned Avengers. Natasha looked the most worried, which he found surprising. Maybe it was because she'd gotten close to him when she was infiltrated Stark Industries and knew how close he and Pepper had been. He wasn't sure, but he could tell it was different with her. "I want to go home."

"The carrier—"

"I want to go home now," he said to Clint. He looked back to Natasha. "Tell Fury… Make it happen or I'll just put on my suit and fly home."

"You shouldn't be alone," Steve told him.

Tony shook his head. "I don't need anyone to sit around and pity me. I just want my space," he told them. "I mean if you feel the need out of some misguided friendship code, that's fine. You can get yourselves smashed and collapse on the couch, but I'll be locked downstairs in the workshop."

He turned and didn't wait to see what their response was. He didn't care. They'd do what they wanted anyways. Tony was pretty sure that Natasha would be the ringleader and that she'd eventually break into his workshop, but he'd ignore her anyways.

. . .

"You keeping an eye on the house, JARVIS?" Tony asked.

"I am indeed, Sir," JARVIS responded. "Would you like a report on the house?"

Tony had been home for a couple of days. He'd gone straight down to the workshop and locked everyone out. Not only that, but he'd had JARVIS darken the glass wall near the door in order to give him some privacy. Steve would call once a day via the intercom and ask him to just say one word to let them know that he was still alive. Someone would also leave food outside of the door. He'd collect it, but would hardly touch of any of it. He figured that it helped them know that he wasn't dead.

He wished he were dead.

"Sir, Colonel Rhodes wishes to be admitted to the workshop," JARVIS announced.

"Tell him, I'm busy," Tony said. It was more of an answer than he'd given anyone else.

"He insists that I make sure that you are aware that today is Ms. Potts' funeral, Sir."

Tony felt as if his legs were going to give out. He gripped the worktable, letting it hold him up. He wanted it all to be some horrific nightmare and he was just waiting up. Tony hadn't even touched any of his liquor since he'd been home. He'd poured a glass here or there, but he hadn't even taken a sip.

"I can't," Tony blurted out. He screwed his eyes shut and tried to hold back the tears.

"He is insisting he sees you with his own eyes," JARVIS reported.

Tony crumpled onto the floor. He dropped his head into his hands. Everyone had given him his space, but this was the first time Rhodey had come to the house and wanted to see him…he for some reason felt obligated to let him in. "Let him in, JARVIS." He just sat there. He knew that Rhodey would find him.

Tony wasn't going to the funeral. He couldn't. He just couldn't bear it. The reminder that she was gone was far too much for him. It wasn't just that though. He knew that since the world knew of their relationship that it would be a media circus. People that didn't know her would be there. It wasn't right. She wouldn't want that. Pepper would want the people who knew her and loved her. Even when she was thrown into the spotlight, she'd always been humble. It had never been her world, even though she'd dressed for it and tried her best to make the world see that she could fit into it.

"Tony?" Rhodey called. "Tony?!"

"Here," Tony said quietly. He didn't move from his spot. He didn't need to. Rhodey's shiny black dress shoes came into view and he knew that Rhodey had found him. Tony didn't look up. He didn't want to see the pity, concern, or the worry on his face.

"I thought you would want to go," Rhodey said.

He stared at his shoes. He could tell that he was crouching down by the way his heels lifted up and the weight was distributed differently. "I don't," he told him quietly.

"Don't you want to have closure? Say goodbye?" he asked.

Tony shook his head. "I said goodbye," Tony explained. "They let me see her…after they cleaned her up…on the carrier… I said goodbye then."

"I know how much you loved her—"

"I had asked her to run away and elope with me… I promised her that I'd buy the ring and propose right when we got back. I was going to go ring shopping… I was ready to do it," Tony told him. He couldn't stop it now. Tears flowed freely from his eyes. He brought his hands up to completely cover his face. He didn't want Rhodey to see him in this state. He was always confidant and in control (or at least he thought he was) when he was around Rhodey. He was never weak…

"I know I can't say anything to make things better for you," Rhodey told him. He paused for a moment. "I just…I wanted to give you a chance to go…and to go with support."

"I can't… Maybe if it were just…you, me, Happy…" Tony told him honestly. He figured he could face it if it were just people he absolutely trusted.

"Steve, Natasha, Clint, and Happy are all upstairs waiting," Rhodey told him. "We'll all be with you."

"There's going to be cameras…media…"

Rhodey sighed. "Believe me, we tried to get it to be close and quiet services, but they're insisting on televising it. They're treating her like American royalty."

"I can't," Tony told him, looking up at Rhodey for the first time. "I know she's gone. I saw her…I said goodbye…but I just can't accept it."

"Tony—"

"Maybe I'm fated to be the crazy hermit who talks to himself," Tony told Rhodey, his voice he noticed was calmer than it had been minutes before. Maybe it was because he was accepting this fate. After all, there really was no other choice…not without Pepper.

"I think you already have part of that taken care of."

"Will you do me a favor?" Tony asked. He knew this was coming. The funeral. He knew someone who try to retrieve him and take him to it. He knew all along that he wouldn't be able to go. But there was something he had to do…something he needed to make sure Pepper got. "I need you to take something with you… I need it put in with Pepper…"

"Tony—"

"I'll do it," a female voice piped up.

They both looked over towards the general vicinity of the doorway to the rest of the house. Natasha Romanoff was standing there, dressed very modestly in a black dress with matching clutch in her hands. Tony was sure that the door had locked behind Rhodey, but he wasn't surprised she was there. He had wondered all along why she hadn't forced her way in…he had always thought she could. This proved it.

Tony got to his feet and headed towards where his Iron Man suits were stored. They were still in the same position that they were when he returned. The first row of suits were up towards the ceiling, while there was an empty row waiting for new versions of the Iron Man. In the spot where the Mark 1616…Rescue…had once stood…was a small box. He retrieved it and walked back to where Rhodey and Natasha stood.

"Are you sure?" Rhodey asked.

"I'm sure," Tony responded evenly. He stared down at the box for a moment before finally handing it over to Natasha, who accepted and slipped it into her clutch. At least it would still be delivered to her…she could be buried with it…Tony preferred that over leaving it with flowers or setting it on the gravestone…he'd rather know it was with her rather than most likely stolen.

"We should go," Natasha spoke up. She gave Tony a nod before turning and heading out.

Rhodey lingered for a moment longer. Tony knew that he was worried about him and he also knew that Rhodey was probably taking Pepper's death hard. He didn't have to talk to Rhodey to know what his friend was thinking. They might fight about practically everything, but he knew what was on his mind. Rhodey was blaming himself, just like Tony was (though he felt like he had more reason to do so). Rhodey most likely felt like he should have known Pepper would take off (even if Rhodey didn't even know about the Mark 1616) and he should have been her back up. He couldn't have known. But just the same, it was something that they'd have to live with.

"The arrangements—" Tony started to say.

"Happy made sure that everything was as you would have wanted," Rhodey told him. There was obvious sadness in his voice. "Natasha helped."

"Good. Thank you."

"Are you going to watch?" Rhodey asked.

Tony shrugged. "I don't know." It was the honest truth. He didn't know what would be worse…knowing it was going on and being seeing it, watching it from home, or being there in person.

"It's probably on every channel, just so you know," Rhodey said before finally leaving.

He was probably right. Tony wouldn't be surprised if it was even on the cable channels. They said that they were treating Pepper's death like the death of American royalty. They were right to treat her that way, though, he thought. And then guilt set in, he turned and slammed his fist into his worktable. He should have taken the time to treat her like royalty. She deserved it. She deserved so much more.

. . .

"Sir, they are requesting that you suit up," JARVIS spoke up.

"I'm not doing it anymore. Iron Man is retired," Tony told JARVIS. It had been days since the funeral. Or at least he thought it had been days. Time moved differently in the workshop.

"They are insisting."

Tony sighed. He ignored JARVIS. He wasn't suiting up. He wasn't Iron Man anymore. The Avengers could recruit someone else. He knew there were others out there. Ones that were better superhero types (well, actually they were the superhero type). The Avengers would continue to save the world…possibly the universe…without him.

He heard the keypad outside of the workshop being played with. He'd purposely made it a bit harder to crack. Tony had no doubt that Natasha would get in, but it would take her longer. At least it would give him more time to ignore them. Even if they loaded up his suit and dragged him off to the SHIELD carrier, he wasn't going to do what they wanted. They needed to understand that. No matter what anyone said, he was retired.

He turned to where he normally played with holographic projections. "JARVIS, bring up the funeral clips again. Play."

They appeared and Tony just sat down where he stood. He just watched and allowed himself to grieve. This was the only time and way that he told himself he could grieve. He'd watched the funeral before and had ignored the girl who sang a song. He didn't think it was important and he definitely didn't even know the song. But now, he felt like there was something that he was missing. So, he backed it up and let it play again.

"Does it say who's who, somewhere?" Tony asked. He knew some of the people they showed by name (like Rhodey, Happy, Natasha, Clint, and Steve), he knew some of the faces vaguely (they worked at Stark Industries), but then there were some who he had no clue (like the girl…okay, so she was more like a young woman).

"Was there a person in particular?" JARVIS asked.

Tony stared at it. "The girl."

"Camera captions state that she is Zooey Carter," JARVIS reported. "She is Ms. Potts' cousin."

Tony continued to stare. There was something nagging him. The girl that JARVIS said was Zooey Carter, she looked like she could pass for Pepper's little sister. She was in her mid twenties, red hair down past her shoulders, light colored eyes, pale skin, some freckles…and she definitely had the face of grief even through her song (which he hadn't paid any attention to again). Then it hit him, he and Pepper had had a small conversation before. "Pepper doesn't have anyone else," Tony blurted out. When he'd had to switch out the original arc reactor made from scraps with the palladium one he'd made in his workshop, he'd had Pepper help him swap them… He remembered the conversation, she hadn't been too thrilled with it, she'd requested that next time he have someone else help him with it, he'd told her that she was the only one he had, and she'd told him that he was the only one she had too.

"JARVIS, do a search on Zooey Carter," Tony said.

Could this be some way to get to him? He didn't know. All he knew was that the woman he loved was dead and there was someone he felt was masquerading around pretending to be a relative. So, either this was some distant relative or…maybe a spy…or…he wasn't sure yet… All he knew was that he didn't like it.

JARVIS' search showed up on the holo-screens. Pictures of the young woman accompanied by information about her. Tony frowned. He still didn't like this. All of the information and pictures were there. She had a Facebook and Twitter account, but that meant nothing to him. He knew these things could be faked. He'd experienced this before…

…with Natasha Romanoff. She'd been undercover in Stark Industries as Natalie Rushman. Everything had been there as well, including pictures and information. Could she be with SHIELD? Wouldn't someone had said something? Or did they not care since he didn't attend the funeral? Or maybe no one thought that he'd notice?

Clint and Natasha were standing rather close to Ms. Carter throughout the whole funeral and even until the very, very end. Something was going on. Something that he didn't know about…and he wasn't very happy about that. As far as Pepper was concerned, Tony felt like he needed to know everything. He needed to figure out how to get Natasha to come down and talk to him about this…he figured it would be easy enough; all he had to do was ask… Of course, he was still pretty certain that she was the one playing with the keypad outside of the workshop.

"JARVIS, keep whoever is messing with the keypad out for a few minutes longer," Tony requested.

"As you wish, Sir."

"Zoom in on Ms. Carter and play her song again," Tony said. He watched it as it played through and a few words caught his attention and then he realized that he really hadn't paid enough attention. So, he sighed and asked JARVIS to play it again. He was sure that Ms. Carter and her song were what was nagging him. There was something there, there had to be.

Zooey's face was already pink from crying and there were tears present on her cheeks. At first, her words were broken. It seemed to make everyone else break down even more.

"I never dreamed of this sorrow,

I never thought I'd have reason to lament,

I hoped I'd never know heartbreak,

How I wish I could change the way things went!

I wanted nothing but goodness,

I wanted reason to prevail,

Not this bare emptyness.

I wanted Days of Plenty."

Her voice stopped breaking and her words were more confidant. Zooey reached up and pushed the tears from her cheeks as she continued to sing.

"But I refused to feel tragic,

I am aching for more than pain and grief.

There has got to be meaning,

Most of all when a life has been so brief.

I have got to learn something,

How can I give her any less?

I want life to go on.

I want Days of Plenty"

Tony was starting to wonder if the girl had chosen the song or someone else. He didn't think it was something that Pepper would have selected. It was obviously touching people, but it didn't have that sense of connection to Pepper.

"You have to Believe,

There is reason for Hope.

You have to Believe

That the answers will come.

You can't let this defeat you.

I won't less this defeat you.

You must fight to keep her there,

Within you!"

It was then that Tony started to doubt everything.

"So Believe that she matters!

And Believe that she always will!

She will always be with you!

She'll be part of the days you've yet to feel!

She will live in your bounty!

She will live as you carry on your life!"

Tony spoke up quickly and before he really thought about his words. "She's not dead, JARVIS." Could it be true? Could he be right?

"So carry on,

Full of Hope,

She'll be there"

He found himself dropping to sit on the floor. He covered his mouth as he continued to watch. Would the people that were the closest to him betray him in such a way? The girl was pretty convincing as a relative of Pepper's… Was he just becoming paranoid and putting himself up for giant disappointment?

"For all your Days of Plenty""

His mind spun as the possibilities presented. "JARVIS, stop video." Tony could still hear the keypad being messed with. He sucked in a deep breath and held it for a moment as he closed his eyes. He had seen Pepper in the infirmary on the SHIELD carrier… He hadn't put his head down to her chest to listen for a heartbeat or anything, but why would they go to all of that trouble? Why would they tell him that Pepper was dead…if it wasn't true?

"Let Agent Romanoff in, JARVIS," Tony finally spoke up.

He just sat there, eyes closed and trying to steady his breathing. The one person that he really wanted to see right now was Doctor Banner, at least he didn't think Bruce would keep something like this from him…if he wasn't absolutely paranoid and crazy. But how could the others? And if he wasn't crazy, did Happy and Rhodey know too? Did they all keep it from him?

The sound of the door whooshing open and then the click clack of heels told him that he'd been right. Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow, was approaching. He needed to figure out how he was going to play this…and he needed to figure it out fast. He was sure that she wouldn't blink before throwing him into some kind of psych ward if he was wrong. Tony would really rather not vacation in a white padded room.

"We need you," her voice said, it was quieter than he'd remembered. It almost didn't sound like her, but Tony knew that it was her. Maybe it was the situation…or the location…

Tony shook his head. "I'm not suiting up anymore," he said. "I'll be like Banner. Just stick me in the lab." He didn't turn to look at her, but knew that she was behind him, to the right.

"Banner's on his way…and he won't be stuck in the lab. He's 'suiting' up too," Natasha told him. "No more excuses—"

"I'm grieving," Tony told her flatly.

"We need to go, Stark!"

"What's the rush?" Tony asked as he spun around on the floor, so that he was now facing Natasha. She was already dressed and armed as the Black Widow. She looked serious and like she wasn't going to take any crap from him. He was still going to push and try to figure things out.

"We have intell… I don't have time to fully explain. The point of it is, that millions of people could die if we don't act," Natasha told him. "Fury's called for us to assemble."

"I'll show up when Thor does," Tony told her.

"Stark—"

"Why not take Rhodey? War Machine could be almost as helpful as Iron Man," Tony told her with a slight grin. And then he remembered the questioning state he was currently facing and the grin dropped.

"I know that you're grieving, but—"

"Should I be?" Tony asked and looked straight up at her.

"What are you talking about?" she asked. Her face didn't give away any type of emotion. She stayed straight face and her tone was calm and even…possibly a bit of irritation in her tone.

He got to his feet and he threw his hand back in the direction of the holo-screen. "I was watching the funeral footage. Pepper doesn't have any family," he told her. "So, who's Zooey Carter?"

"We did our research," Natasha said. "She's her cousin, mother's side of the family."

"I don't believe you."

"Do you think this is a huge conspiracy?"

Tony shook his head and then waved his hand in the air. "Just tell me this. Did you take care of my favor?"

"I did," Natasha told him.

Tony stared at her and he could see it there, she was telling him the truth. He didn't know if that helped the feeling he had though. "Am I just paranoid?"

"I think you're grieving," Natasha said. "That's something different."

Maybe he should have gone to the funeral? It just seemed like he was full of doubts. "I can't go… I know you say you need Iron Man, but take War Machine… My head's not where it should be."

Natasha frowned at him. "I understand," she said finally. "Mind being back up?"

"I'll be here," he said. Tony turned his back to her. He honestly didn't know what to think. His mind kept spinning as his brain felt like it was kicked into overdrive trying to figure out if he was being paranoid or if he was really being betrayed by his friends. "Good luck," he said quietly as he listened to the retreating clicks of heels. He waited until he heard the door shut before turning around.

He was being honest though when he had voiced his concern about his head not being there. Pepper was gone. He couldn't endanger anyone else. And in all honesty, Rhodey could do the job. They fought about who was the 'bigger gun', but really…Rhodey could handle it and he would probably work better with the team than he did. Tony knew that when it counted, he was there…but not today. Not now. He needed time.

What he really needed…was Pepper. She'd know what to say. She'd know exactly what to do without being there being paranoia or craziness. Pepper was also famous for being able to control him. He was sure that she'd be able to get him to the point where he could leave the workshop, no matter the situation, into the Iron Man armor and off to help the Avengers.

. . .

TBC…