Time was a strange thing. Being back was good. Sherlock had expected the anger from John, he also thought that he would get punched, well, maybe not three times in a row, but he let him anyway. What he didn't expect was the hug from Lestrade. They had never hugged before. But it was strange in more than one sense. Even days after that hug Sherlock still tried to find out if Greg had felt the strange rush of electricity cursing through his body as well. It must be a sign of their link. On the other hand they had touched before with no such effects, so this was new. But still Sherlock felt that is was not his role to make the first step. He still was too afraid to be openly rejected. If after all those years Greg still wanted to be unbonded than Sherlock was willing to accept that with all its consequences.
Finding out that John found his soulmate in Mary was a shock. Sherlock had hoped for his life to continue in the same way as before his faked suicide and the fact that he had truly lost that life was haunting him for a long time. But in the end Sherlock was okay with it. It would have been ridiculous not to be happy when your best friend was happy and so Sherlock even helped to plan their wedding and delivered a surly memorable best man speech. Just when he had deduced Mary's pregnancy and saw everybody dancing he felt a strange sense of being left out. So he left the wedding early and when he was back at home he felt truly lost. He realized that he would not get back what he had before the fall. He decided to devout himself completely to his work to spend the time he had left with as much excitement as possible. When Lady Smallwood came to his flat he thought that the case of Magnussen was the best thing that could have happened. Of course he could have faked the drug use, but in end it didn't really make sense, so he really took those drugs. He hated the way everybody treated him afterwards but his relapse was quickly forgotten when he nearly got killed. Being shot by Mary was something which could have truly done without, but on the other hand he understood her in the strange need to keep certain things from John and the willingness to do everything to keep it that way.
Weeks after Sherlock left the hospital he felt still tired. Maybe that was the reason why he didn't see the mess with Magnussen coming. How could he not see that coming? He was so stupid. Now he was waiting in a cell of a secret government base, waiting for his verdict. He was sure that there wouldn't be a trial. Mycroft would do everything to prevent that from happening. No, they would come up with some kind of punishment without a trial, without the public ever getting to know what happened in Appledore. He was lost in thought when somebody opened the door to his cell. It was Mycroft and by the look on his face the verdict was not what he wanted to achieve.
"Don't let me wait." Sherlock said taking a deep breath.
"I couldn't get you free. It didn't matter that they all wanted to get rid of Magnussen." Mycroft said and his voice broke a little, but there was also disdain in his voice.
"I didn't expect that." Sherlock said and he tried to smile. "So what will it be?"
"They offer you the choice. You can spent the rest of your life in a high security prison or you accept the suicide mission for the MI6." Mycroft said.
"Well, death on a mission or death in prison. How poetic." Sherlock said. "That is an easy choice. I take the mission."
Mycroft couldn't hide his feelings, Sherlock thought. The anguish in his brother face was so clearly visible.
"Sherlock, please, think about it. If you go to prison I might be able to negotiate your release in a couple of years." Mycroft pleaded.
"A couple of years?" Sherlock snorted with a smile. "You think I have so long?"
He watched as his brother took in what he had just heard. Sherlock waited for Mycroft to argue, but he just looked at him and said that he was sorry. They were sitting side by side for a while neither of them talking.
When Mycroft had left Sherlock thought about the choice he had just made. He was broken in so many ways by now, no way to deny that. And Lestrade hadn't made any try to bond with him, or even approach him with the question of it and he hadn't met another Gregory. So he frankly couldn't care less that he would be dead within six months. Maybe this was his destiny. He knew that if he wouldn't die in Eastern Europe his life time was running down anyway. Broken souls who didn't bond with their soulmate only rarely reached an age above forty, some didn't even made it beyond thirty-five. Maybe it was better this way, dying on a mission, in what was hopefully a fast death, rather then slowly fading away. And even more important for Sherlock was the fact that he would die far away from those he cared about. The last thing he wanted was to be pitied. Mycroft acting all concerned and nice was already getting on his nerves and he couldn't bear the thought how his parents, how John and his other friend would act.
He hasn't told Mycroft or his parents or John, but he had seen a specialist just a week before Christmas. He was tired all the time and since he wasn't sure if that was due to the bullet wound he contacted Doctor Rajendran, a world-renowned specialist in the field of soulmates. He asked him whether his tiredness was already the symptom of a broken one at the last stage of his life. Doctor Rajendran wasn't sure, but he told him that his past, the many injuries and the drug use were not working in his favor. Only when cracks show in the mark he could be sure, but even then it still could take about year until the end. Sherlock saw the first crack appearing in his mark just a day after Christmas while he was in his cell waiting for other people making decisions about a future he didn't have. For a moment he thought about telling Mycroft when he offered him the choice, but he didn't. Sherlock knew that his brother was clever enough to draw his conclusion from their conversation.
