Talking in Circles

Logan had about twelve hours before he'd promised to meet Marie online and have THAT discussion - the one where he told her what he looked like. This was going to be tricky. He had to find some way of telling the truth without revealing too much... and that meant he had a few things to do before their little chat tonight.

He stared into the mirror hanging over the tiny bathroom sink and frowned.

Oh yeah. This is gonna hurt.

He glanced at the razor resting so innocently on the white porcelain ledge.

Yeah, you little bastard, you're not foolin' shit.

He shaved – every few days, around his mouth and over his chin. Women liked it and he liked women... so, minimal shaving - not an issue... except he'd promised Marie he'd tell her what he looked like tonight.

Damn.

He eyed the razor like it was going to attack him. He might have even growled at it, he wasn't really sure. He just kept thinking that he'd promised Marie he wouldn't lie to her and he knew - he just knew - she'd ask about it. He couldn't very well tell her he had muttonchops. If he did that, he might as well start signing his emails WOLVERINE in big, blinking, neon letters. His girl wasn't stupid.

He wasn't going to lie to her either. He already felt bad enough about not telling her who she was talking with. He wasn't going to add lying about his appearance to his list of 'shitty things I've done to Marie'.

Fuck that.

That list was long enough already.

He looked back at the scowling face in the mirror as he picked up the razor.

Goodbye badass. Hello pansy ass.

He grunted in disgust as he lathered up. At least nobody would see him looking like a pretty-boy. With each pass of the razor, he tried to console himself with the fact that in a few days he'd be back to his normal hairy self. It wasn't working. He rinsed the razor in the sink one final time and reached for a towel to wipe away the last of the shaving cream.

Go on, do it. Look in the mirror, ya damn pansy.

His eyes flicked upwards.

Oh, God.

Logan groaned. It was worse than he thought. He looked... well not young exactly, but definitely different. His exterior no longer reflected how he felt on the inside. He felt jaded, hard, unapproachable and he liked looking that way on the outside. Projecting that kept people away, everyone but Marie, that is. She didn't seem to find him unapproachable. Almost frustratingly so. It forced him take a long hard look at himself and reevaluate some things he'd come to accept as fact. Feeling that change and accepting it was one thing. Putting it on display for the world to see was another animal entirely.

He looked back to the mirror and ran a hand over his smooth jaw.

Shit. All I need now is a visor and- WHOA. Back the truck up, bub. You are not - and will never be - that big a pansy. It's just a little hair. It'll grow back.

He growled at his reflection and released his claws.

There. That's better. Not the same but at least I don't look like... Aw, fuck it. I do. Fuckin' pansy.

He gave the image in the mirror a one claw salute and stalked from the bathroom.

An hour before he was to meet Marie, Logan decided to send her his 'five senses' description in email instead of telling her in chat. There was less chance of her asking questions that way and truth be told, he felt a little awkward describing himself. The last thing he wanted was to look like an idiot in front of Marie.

Shit.

Might as well get this over with.

+++++
(Email)

Rogue,

Evening, darlin'. I know I told you I'd do this in our chat tonight, but I thought maybe you'd like it before we talked. So, you know, no surprises. I guess I'll just get down to it then.

Sight... brown hair. Brown/green eyes. Big frame. Lean. Solid build. About 6 ft tall. Sound... I'm quiet. I don't talk much. Usually, I don't make much noise at all, so I guess my sound would be silence. Scent... I don't wear aftershave or cologne or anything so uh, just soap (cedarwood) and maybe some smoke from earlier, well, that and snow. Everything here smells like it. Taste... Well, darlin', like I said before, that would depend on the moment and the mood... I'm having a beer so that's what I'd taste like. Well, my mouth anyway. You'll have to use your imagination for the rest. Heh. Feel... Despite the freezing weather, I'm usually pretty warm. Living up here, it's a hard kinda life. There's a beauty here in the land, a wildness, but it's harsh and unforgiving. It weathers you. I guess that's how I'd feel. Weathered and rough.

So, there you go, darlin'. The whole enchilada. Talk to you soon.

L
+++++

Damn. That was tougher than I thought.

Logan got up and got himself another beer. It wasn't as if he'd lied, really. 'About 6 feet' wasn't technically a lie. So he was a few inches over that - he'd said 'about' not 'exactly'. He closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath before letting it out with a heavy sigh. So, he'd said his sound was 'silence'. It wasn't as if he could tell her his signature sound was growling... and he WAS quiet, so again, not technically a lie.

Shit.

He took a long pull from the beer. He wasn't too pleased with his last answer either, but he couldn't tell her the only word to describe how he 'felt' wasn't weathered and rough it was 'hard'.

No way to say that without soundin' like a goddamn pervert.

Nevertheless, it was the first thought that had sprung to mind. He was hard in every sense of the word, physically, mentally, emotionally. His muscles were hard under his flesh, and the adamantium beneath that was harder still. The trauma and horror of the experiments had hardened him mentally and emotionally. Not by choice, it was just the only way he'd been able to cope. Until Marie, there had been no softness in his life at all. He was simply a hard man who'd lived a hard life.

He supposed that 'hard' was also an appropriate word in a more intimate sense, as well. She'd always had that effect on him, right from the beginning. It wasn't just her looks or her scent; it was just her, just Marie that did that. Something elemental and primal about her called to him. It was visceral and raw. She made his blood burn - made it pool hot and heavy between his legs. She made him hard and wanting, almost painfully so, at times.

He took another pull from the bottle and smiled wickedly.

Heh. I wonder what she would have said if I had written that I felt 'hard'?

The smile faded. Somehow, he knew that whatever answer she gave would have been far too insightful and much too erotic for comfort.

This new Marie, the adult Marie - the one with mature ideas and opinions and needs - that Marie was taking a little getting used to. She wasn't a kid. She wasn't looking for a father. Her interest in him was that of a woman for a man. He knew she liked that he challenged her, surprised her, made her think, made her aware of herself and the feelings she could arouse in him, and Logan liked this new Marie.

Yes, she was definitely taking some getting used to, but she had all the parts of the old Marie he'd been drawn to, compassion, strength, acceptance, understanding, tenderness... and she had new things too. Things he'd glimpsed previously, but not allowed himself to dwell on, to explore. Before it had been a spark between them. Now that simple spark had erupted into flames and Logan had every intention of stoking that fire until they were both burned to ashes.

+++++
(Chat)

(Snowbound) hey, darlin'
(Snowbound) glad to see you made it

(TwoPairs) hi, sugar

Long pause

(Snowbound) you're quiet tonight
(Snowbound) everything ok?

Pause

(TwoPairs) yeah. I'm just a little nervous
(TwoPairs) but in a good way, you know?
(TwoPairs) excited
(TwoPairs) flutterpated

(Snowbound) oh. heh
(Snowbound) don't be
(Snowbound) it's just me

(TwoPairs) hence the flutterpation

(Snowbound) heh
(Snowbound) I make you flutterpated?

(TwoPairs) yes and no ;)
(TwoPairs) my oral filter is spotty at the best of times
(TwoPairs) I'm a little nervous about what might pop out
(TwoPairs) I like letters
(TwoPairs) more time to sort through my thoughts
(TwoPairs) I think my brain works a little differently than most people's ;)

Understamement of the century.

(Snowbound) hey, don't be
(Snowbound) I wanna hear whatever you have to say
(Snowbound) you take however much time you need
(Snowbound) I want you to be comfortable

(TwoPairs) thanks

(Snowbound) you weren't nervous the first time
(Snowbound) in fact, you talked circles around me pretty good that first time

(TwoPairs) that was before

(Snowbound) before what?

(TwoPairs) before I knew you
(TwoPairs) before I cared about you
(TwoPairs) before I cared what you thought about me
(TwoPairs) before I thought about your mouth on me

Jesus, darlin'. That's an image I didn't need right now. I'm tryin' to keep myself in check, here. Logan shifted uncomfortably in the chair.

(Snowbound) oh
(Snowbound) I getcha

(TwoPairs) sorry.
(TwoPairs) Like I said, I have a bad habit of just saying what I'm thinking

(Snowbound) don't be sorry
(Snowbound) and don't feel like you gotta watch what you say either
(Snowbound) I don't want it to be that way

(TwoPairs) how do you want it to be?

(Snowbound) I want us to be able to talk about anything, everything
(Snowbound) not just the fun happy stuff
(Snowbound) I want to know all of you
(Snowbound) I want to share all of me

(TwoPairs) I'd like that. I'd like that a lot
(TwoPairs) hmmm... ok
(TwoPairs) in that case, thanks for sending that last email...
(TwoPairs) I think you sound good
(TwoPairs) really good

(Snowbound) heh. thanks
(Snowbound) I think you sound pretty good yourself, darlin'

(TwoPairs) glad you approve ;)
(TwoPairs) tell me more about you?

(Snowbound) what do you wanna know?
(Snowbound) and hell yes I approve

(TwoPairs) just more!
(TwoPairs) anything, everything... glasses? tattoo(s)? beard?

Yup, knew that was comin'. Heh.

(Snowbound) no glasses. no tats. no beard
(Snowbound) just some five o'clock shadow
(Snowbound) I'm thinking of growing it longer though

Thinkin' of doin' that real soon. Like now.

(Snowbound) what do you think?

(TwoPairs) I think five o'clock shadow is sexy
(TwoPairs) I like that 'I haven't shaved in a couple days' look
(TwoPairs) I like scruffy
(TwoPairs) it makes me want to reach out and touch it and see if it feels like it looks

(Snowbound) good to know. heh
(Snowbound) I can do scruffy
(Snowbound) and feel free to touch me anytime you want to, darlin'

(TwoPairs) yeah?
(TwoPairs) touch you how?

She knew she shouldn't encourage him, but this was too much fun to resist... and more importantly it was a way to explore her sexuality with him in a way that was completely safe. He couldn't touch her so there was no way he could accidentally get hurt... and they had talked about so many things she knew he wouldn't think badly of her for sharing this part of herself with him. Holding it back felt wrong somehow. They talked about everything else. Why not this, too?

(Snowbound) any way you want to

(TwoPairs) such as?

Logan growled quietly.

Screw tryin' to keep it in check. She's askin' so I'm gonna tell her. Maybe not all of it, but enough.

(Snowbound) I think about your mouth, red and wet
(Snowbound) strawberry sweet and hot as fuck
(Snowbound) your open mouth on my neck. Tasting me.

(TwoPairs) yes?

(Snowbound) I wantcha all over me so I can smell you and feel you
(Snowbound) I wanna feel you breathe, feel the weight of your body
(Snowbound) learn the heft of your breasts. the rhythm of your pleasure
(Snowbound) I want the silky tickle of your hair on my skin

(TwoPairs) more
(TwoPairs) please

(Snowbound) I think about a lot of things
(Snowbound) my hands all over you
(Snowbound) my mouth on you
(Snowbound) hearing your breathing change...
(Snowbound) all for me
(Snowbound) because of how I make you feel
(Snowbound) because of what I can make your body do

(TwoPairs) oh, god

(Snowbound) you like that?

(TwoPairs) yes
(TwoPairs) so much

(Snowbound) is there anything you think about?

Pause

(Snowbound) come on
(Snowbound) tell me

This is a fun game, darlin', but only if you play too.

(TwoPairs) I'm a little embarrassed to say it
(TwoPairs) a little afraid of saying too much

(Snowbound) don't be
(Snowbound) I need it
(Snowbound) I need to hear it
(Snowbound) I put a lot out there, too
(Snowbound) I don't wanna be alone in that

Pause

(Snowbound) please
(Snowbound) for me?
(Snowbound) I wanna know what you think about too

(TwoPairs) well you did tell me, so I suppose it's only fair...
(TwoPairs) I think about your strong arms around me
(TwoPairs) plastering myself to you
(TwoPairs) a full body press so I can feel every bit of you
(TwoPairs) every inch
(TwoPairs) holding you. my cheek on your chest
(TwoPairs) your heartbeat under my ear

(Snowbound) that's real sweet, darlin'
(Snowbound) I like that a whole lot
(Snowbound) more?

Pause

(TwoPairs) I think about touching your hair
(TwoPairs) your throat
(TwoPairs) your chest

(Snowbound) and?

(TwoPairs) fingertips trailing down…

(Snowbound) jesus
(Snowbound) more
(Snowbound) tell me more

(TwoPairs) lower?

(Snowbound) hell yes

(TwoPairs) sliding my hands down, down…
(TwoPairs) fingertips or nails?

(Snowbound) christ
(Snowbound) nails

(TwoPairs) Mmm….
(TwoPairs) dragging my nails over your hips
(TwoPairs) leaving shivery trails your thighs
(TwoPairs) fingertips now, softly. softly
(TwoPairs) over your body where you burn for me
(TwoPairs) so ready
(TwoPairs) standing up for me thick and proud

Marie couldn't believe she'd just said that to him. She'd never said anything like that before. Not online or in real life, but with him it was somehow ok. Safe.

(Snowbound) oh god
(Snowbound) fuck

(TwoPairs) that's ok?
(TwoPairs) it's ok to think that? say that?
(TwoPairs) you like it?

(Snowbound) hell, yes
(Snowbound) damn, darlin'
(Snowbound) I like it too fucking much

Pause

Logan felt a moment of panic override his intense arousal.

What if this ain't real for her? What if this was just her way of explorin' without it bein' about her mutation? Shit. What if she's just playin'?

He didn't think she was, but he had to be sure.

(Snowbound) baby
(Snowbound) I need something

(TwoPairs) yes
(TwoPairs) anything

(Snowbound) tell me how you feel
(Snowbound) I hafta know
(Snowbound) tell me you're not just playing
(Snowbound) tell me that it's real for you too

(TwoPairs) I'm not playing
(TwoPairs) this isn't a game
(TwoPairs) I'm not like that
(TwoPairs) it's real
(TwoPairs) more real than anything I've ever had
(TwoPairs) and you know how I feel

(Snowbound) I want to hear you say it
(Snowbound) give me the words

Pause

(TwoPairs) I'm on fire
(TwoPairs) breathless
(TwoPairs) aching
(TwoPairs) needing

(Snowbound) needing what?

(TwoPairs) you
(TwoPairs) I need you
(TwoPairs) all of you. everything
(TwoPairs) breath. teeth. heartbeat. touch
(TwoPairs) over me, under me
(TwoPairs) inside me

(Snowbound) god
(Snowbound) yeah. oh fuckyeah

Pause

(Snowbound) jesus. my hands are shaking
(Snowbound) you get to me good
(Snowbound) so good
(Snowbound) you're making me crazy

(TwoPairs) sorry
(TwoPairs) well, not sorry exactly... haha :)
(TwoPairs) no. that's a lie
(TwoPairs) I'm not sorry. Not at all
(TwoPairs) I like it
(TwoPairs) I like making you feel that way

(Snowbound) watch it, woman

(TwoPairs) ohhhh
(TwoPairs) I'm scared, sugar
(TwoPairs) whatcha gonna do?
(TwoPairs) throw a snowball at me?
(TwoPairs) give me a backrub?

(Snowbound) heh
(Snowbound) damn tease
(Snowbound) careful there, darlin'
(Snowbound) you're just asking for trouble

(TwoPairs) maybe I don't want to be careful
(TwoPairs) and I like trouble
(TwoPairs) but only with you

(Snowbound) good
(Snowbound) I don't share

(TwoPairs) me either
(TwoPairs) and for the record
(TwoPairs) you make all of me shake
(TwoPairs) not just my hands

(Snowbound) christ, baby
(Snowbound) you're killing me here

(TwoPairs) good

(Snowbound) hmm... you like making me lose control?

(TwoPairs) most definitely
(TwoPairs) that's kinda a big thing for me, actually

(Snowbound) yeah?

(TwoPairs) yeah
(TwoPairs) that's it, isn't it?
(TwoPairs) the core of us as sexual beings, I mean
(TwoPairs) that something inside us is so powerful, so desirable
(TwoPairs) that it can make someone else lose control
(TwoPairs) that one's at the top of my list of hottest fantasies ever

(Snowbound) it is?
(Snowbound) tell me

(TwoPairs) there's no detailed, graphic fantasy exactly
(TwoPairs) it's just the idea of it
(TwoPairs) that my lover wants me so much he can't control himself
(TwoPairs) that what he feels is so big, so wild and raw
(TwoPairs) so primal and real
(TwoPairs) that it can't be contained by sex that has limits and boundaries

Logan was stunned. She wanted that? He could feel the animal rising now, aware and interested. Prowling along the edges of his consciousness. Hungry.

(Snowbound) hands down
(Snowbound) that's the hottest fucking thing I've ever heard
(Snowbound) and probably the most honest

(TwoPairs) really?

(Snowbound) hell, yes
(Snowbound) men like a woman to be uninhibited too
(Snowbound) all wild and out of control

(TwoPairs) men?
(TwoPairs) or you?

(Snowbound) well, I can't speak for all of us, darlin'
(Snowbound) but the idea of it fucking does it for me

(TwoPairs) good
(TwoPairs) just the idea of it?
(TwoPairs) you've never had that?

(Snowbound) yeah, the idea
(Snowbound) nobody's ever wanted me like that
(Snowbound) ever wanted all of me

(TwoPairs) I do
(TwoPairs) so you can't say that any more

(Snowbound) yes, ma'am

The world was spinning.

(TwoPairs) I got the goosebumps just now when you said that
(TwoPairs) you did that to me

(Snowbound) you do that to me too
(Snowbound) make my body do all sorts of things
(Snowbound) from the other side of the continent
(Snowbound) from the other side of the screen

(TwoPairs) good!
(TwoPairs) ::evil grin::

(Snowbound) you know, you're gonna have to pay for that later

(TwoPairs) umm... is that a promise?

(Snowbound) god
(Snowbound) you're making it so damn hard to be good

(TwoPairs) is that all I'm making hard, sugar?

(Snowbound) what the hell do you think?
(Snowbound) I'm surprised you can't see the flames from here

(TwoPairs) hmm... sounds like a 'no' to me ;)

(Snowbound) it's more than just that

Pause

(Snowbound) you know that, right?
(Snowbound) that I...

(TwoPairs) that you... ?

Aw, fuck it.

(Snowbound) that I got feelings for you, darlin'
(Snowbound) real ones. deep ones
(Snowbound) strong ones
(Snowbound) they're wild and complex and scary as hell

(TwoPairs) I know
(TwoPairs) I do too
(TwoPairs) mine are kinda scary too
(TwoPairs) big and messy and so deep
(TwoPairs) so real and out of control
(TwoPairs) they're never gonna fit in the lines
(TwoPairs) not with you
(TwoPairs) not ever

(Snowbound) I'm real glad to hear that, darlin'
(Snowbound) I don't want any lines with you either

(TwoPairs) I wish...

(Snowbound) yeah, me too
(Snowbound) but I'm not
(Snowbound) I'm here...
(Snowbound) so talk to me, instead

Pause

(TwoPairs) damn
(TwoPairs) I can't
(TwoPairs) I have to go

(Snowbound) are you ok?

(TwoPairs) yes, yes I'm fine
(TwoPairs) and no, before you ask...
(TwoPairs) it doesn't have anything to do with what we talked about tonight
(TwoPairs) that's not the reason I have to go

(Snowbound) good. that's good
(Snowbound) what is it?

(TwoPairs) my boss (Charles) just called
(TwoPairs) one of my students is having some problems

Heh. She calls him Charles? Oh. Yeah, ok. That's gotta be the Magneto in her. Wonder what ol' Chuck thinks of that?

(TwoPairs) she needs to talk... or maybe she just needs someone to listen
(TwoPairs) the students here... well, it's a special school
(TwoPairs) some of them have a lot to work through

No shit, darlin'. I bet you're real good at that. You gotta good heart. Tender and soft and big as all outdoors. You take real good care of people. You always took care of me, even when you didn't know you were. You still do.

(Snowbound) I understand
(Snowbound) go on. go take care of her

(TwoPairs) I wish I didn't have to go

(Snowbound) I know, darlin'
(Snowbound) go. it's ok
(Snowbound) you take care of her now
(Snowbound) I'll take care of you later

(TwoPairs) that sounds good
(TwoPairs) thanks for understanding
(TwoPairs) goodnight, sugar

(Snowbound) night, darlin'
(Snowbound) sleep well
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