Hey there, my lovelies. I know a fair few of you thought I had abandoned this story, and I have not, I'm just trying my best to balance uni stuff. So here's a kind of less fluffy chapter, I may have rambled a bit, things got a bit deeper than usual. Forgive any mistakes, I hope you enjoy. It also kind of mirrors the new episode a little bit, but things just kind of ended up that way *shrug*. Hope you enjoy, leave a review if you like.
The day wore on as Shaw drove blindly, following Root's cryptic instructions. Rain lashed against the windows as the car sped through the busy streets. Root gazed blankly out of the window as the bustling, grey city slowly morphed into smooth, rolling hills of the quiet countryside. Their silence was comfortable, but with an undertone of tension – neither woman wanted, or even knew how to begin addressing it.
Root sighed and rested her head against the window, watching the trees fly by as Shaw focused on the road. Her leg still twinged, as did her arm – although painkillers were helping a little. Soon enough, she let her eyes drift closed for a few minutes. On a job, she was usually on point, ready for anything. It was necessary. It also meant she could only get snatches of sleep, brief moments of peace from her own mind, before the Machine or some other disaster wrenched her back to her reality. But here, with her silent companion, she couldn't help but let herself feel a little vulnerable. And afraid. Not for herself, but for Shaw. It wasn't safe for her any more. It never was in the first place, but with no cover story, she couldn't be out in the streets for too long. Never before had Root been this afraid. Never before had she thought about actively defying the Machine. Sure, she swung by Shaw's a few times to ensure she was okay for the overall benefit of the mission, but now, all she wanted to do was make Shaw turn around and find a place to hide out until this whole thing blew over. Of course, she couldn't allow herself to do that. The Machine needed her, now more than ever. But that didn't mean she couldn't allow herself to imagine what it would be like if she was free. It was a strange notion. She just did as she was told. That's the way it was. She only talked to those pertinent to the mission and then forgot about the majority of them. Get in, get out. She never suspected she'd begin to actually care. Especially about someone as cantankerous as Sameen Shaw, she thought, opening her eyes and glancing over at her driver. The emotionally dampened, irritable woman seemed to draw her like a moth to a flame. All the while she enjoyed teasing Shaw and getting under her skin, she didn't realise she was developing…
"Hey, psycho," said Shaw suddenly, effectively derailing Root's train of thought. Root quickly sat up a little straighter. Shaw was switching between watching the road and scrutinising Root closely. "You've been staring for the past five minutes," she stated bluntly.
Root raised her eyebrows in surprise, scolding herself for being distracted.
"Just…" Root paused, biting her lip. Could she explain to Shaw? Could she convince her that this plan was incredibly dangerous and they probably wouldn't live? Root smiled quickly, seeing Shaw's growing concern. No, she decided. Shaw would do it anyway. She had nothing to lose, Root thought with a sad, little smile. "Zoned out for a bit."
"Is everything okay?" asked Shaw, still trying to split her attention between Root and the road.
Root hung her head in an attempt at a nod, the practised smile on her face slipping slightly. "Fine."
"God's sake, Root," grumbled Shaw as she jerked the steering wheel violently. Root threw her hands onto the dashboard to steady herself as the car swung onto the side of the road. Shaw slammed on the brakes and the car skidded to a halt in the muddy turf at the side of the rural lane. Root sat back, staring bewilderedly at Shaw, who unclasped her seat belt and twisted to face Root, her elbow resting on the steering wheel, the other looped around the back of the seat. "What's up with you?"
Root adjusted her position, folding her arms and leaning back. "Why do you care?" she almost sneered, trying to get the other woman to back off by shifting focus.
"This isn't the time for your bullshit," snapped Shaw. "You've been quiet all day."
"I can have quiet times," replied Root, narrowing her eyes slightly. Then her face broke into a smug grin, just as the sun peeked out from behind the layer of granite cloud. Tilting her head slightly, she said "And I can have especially loud times –"
Shaw clenched her fist, smacking it off of the steering wheel hard. "Damn it, Root!" she all but shouted. Root's eyes widened slightly before she schooled her features again. "I need you to be okay!"
Shaw stared vehemently out of the front window, fuming as she took a few deep breaths. This wasn't her. Always around Root, she found her feelings - however muted they were - to be more difficult to grasp. It made her irritable – she never let anything get under her skin. But Root's persistence and the strange little dance they had developed over time had only made things more confusing. Not that she dwelled on feelings often. She refused to look at Root, but she could feel her damn eyes boring into her.
"You what?" breathed Root, a note of disbelief in her voice.
"Nothing." Shaw subtly shook herself, twisting back to face the front. "Forget it," she grumbled quickly, reaching for the handbrake. She flinched as Root's hand covered hers. Instinctively, Shaw would have broken anyone's wrist if they touched her when she was in this rare state. Instead, she batted Root's hand away and squeezed the steering wheel tightly. She couldn't think clearly, not with Root staring at her like that, with those large, hurt, confused eyes.
"No," said Root quietly, but firmly. Her hand hovered in the air between them, unmoving. Shaw's eyes darted to the side, watching the pale, slender fingers warily.
"Don't touch me," Shaw warned, more for Root's benefit than her own. Root nodded, withdrawing her arm.
"Do you need a minute?" asked Root in a calm voice. Shaw shook her head, staring dead ahead at a tree twenty feet away. The watery yellow sun shone through the thinning clouds, making the tiny droplets on water shine like tiny stars. Shaw shook her head as she waited for her tension to pass, glaring at the tree as if she were trying to set it on fire with only her mind. Root watched carefully with analysing yet sympathetic eyes.
Finally, Shaw relaxed, slowly leaning back in her seat. It had taken everything in her not to get out and run. But she marshalled herself. She couldn't do anything reckless or stupid right now. Closing her eyes briefly, she kept her head lowered and looked up at Root, much like a wary animal would regard a stranger.
"What's up with you?" she asked again quietly, her gaze slipping away from Root's face to stare at the edge of her seat instead.
Root realised that lying would only make things worse. With her fingers picking at the hem of her sleeve, she replied, "I'm… I don't like this mission." Shaw looked at her with an emotionless mask. "It's too… risky."
"That's never stopped you before," commented Shaw, her hands leaving the wheel as she twisted ever so slightly to face Root. "Even when you went to hide our identities from Samaritan, we were –"
"You weren't meant to be there," whispered Root, her eyes falling shut.
Shaw met Root's eyes for a quick moment, before both looked away. The silence that fell on them became stifling, suffocating them both. They were approaching a line that was probably best left uncrossed.
"But I was. And we're still here," stated Shaw quietly, leaning against the wheel again. Root huffed a hollow laugh.
"And for how much longer?" she demanded, her voice suddenly loud in the quiet car, dwarfing the sound of raindrops on the sunlit windscreen. Shaw raised her eyebrows – this wasn't flirty Root. This wasn't another one of her many aliases. This was the real Root, or as close as Shaw had ever seen. Gone was the flirty smirk, replaced with a grim, melancholic slash where a smile should be, accompanied by an outpouring of pure emotion from a tired, broken woman who had lost everything. Her friend, her confidante, the one who had her back, her reason to exist was under attack from Samaritan and its operatives. "What else is going to go wrong?" she snapped, talking to the ceiling. "Who else am I going to lose?" Her voice was rising still. Shaw saw Root's face slacken, her head falling forwards, her long hair shielding her face. Shaw watched her for a moment, wondering what she should do. If she should do anything. Then slowly, Root's head rose, her face completely under her control again, except for a tiny drop of wetness in the corner of her eye. "The least I can do is keep at least one safe," she said in a strange tone as she turned to look at Shaw. It almost sounded like an apology. Shaw's instincts suddenly went haywire, crying out to her to run.
"Root…" growled Shaw in a warning tone of voice as Root reached into her pocket. "Root, don't –"
"I'm sorry, Sameen."
There was a flash of light that lit up the interior of the car, followed by a sharp sizzling sound as rain continued to lash down on the roof, drops rolling down the windows.
