I don't quite know if there's any such thing as a crackchapter, but if there is, this is it. Ember's brother is innappropriate...and he's more of a scumquat than in the Animated universe.
What? Who said that?
I typed in my brother's instant messenger screenname, sent him a message, and waited for him to respond. I knew he was online.
Mismatched: hey em long time no chat
BlackFire: I do not have much time for pleasantries, brother. I need help.
Mismatched: with what?
BlackFire: Did you happen to record any part of the most recent...er...altercation between my uncle's and father's armies?
Mismatched: yeah why?
BlackFire: I need the footage. My friend was wounded, and we must find out exactly how.
Mismatched: is he gonna die?
Blackfire: No. I hope not.
Mismatched: why are you so concerned about this mech huh? you fragging him or something?
Oh, he did NOT just ask that. My fingers moved even faster over the keys.
Blackfire: Damn it, Lockdown, no I am not!
Mismatched: you totally are! my perfect little sister isnt a virgin!
I palmed my forehead. There would be no living with him after this.
BlackFire: I am not involved with any of my collegues.
Mismatched: so youre still a virgin?
BlackFire: YES DAMN IT I AM STILL A VIRGIN!
Primus, the things you never think you will have to say to anyone, let alone a sibling.
BlackFire: But this is not my point. Can you send me the footage?
Mismatched: can you send me footage of you getting some?
Why that sick son of a--
BlackFire: WHY?
Mismatched: i dunno...i get bored?
BlackFire: You are sick, Lockdown.
Mismatched: you think im gonna touch myself to it? im not
Mismatched: i was thinking of selling it to some scum that hangs around the club across from my place
BlackFire: LOCKDOWN!
Mismatched: i wouldnt tell them who you were
BlackFire: I am not about to whore myself out to get this fragging footage, Lockdown.
Mismatched: okay okay okay geez i was kidding! ill send it to you!
Mismatched: primus cant even have a little fun with you officers
BlackFire: I will hunt you down if anyone finds out that this conversation took place.
Mismatched: i know
My half-brother was such a pain in the aft, but at least I got what I wanted.
So...yeah.
