I don't quite know if there's any such thing as a crackchapter, but if there is, this is it. Ember's brother is innappropriate...and he's more of a scumquat than in the Animated universe.

What? Who said that?


I typed in my brother's instant messenger screenname, sent him a message, and waited for him to respond. I knew he was online.

Mismatched: hey em long time no chat

BlackFire: I do not have much time for pleasantries, brother. I need help.

Mismatched: with what?

BlackFire: Did you happen to record any part of the most recent...er...altercation between my uncle's and father's armies?

Mismatched: yeah why?

BlackFire: I need the footage. My friend was wounded, and we must find out exactly how.

Mismatched: is he gonna die?

Blackfire: No. I hope not.

Mismatched: why are you so concerned about this mech huh? you fragging him or something?

Oh, he did NOT just ask that. My fingers moved even faster over the keys.

Blackfire: Damn it, Lockdown, no I am not!

Mismatched: you totally are! my perfect little sister isnt a virgin!

I palmed my forehead. There would be no living with him after this.

BlackFire: I am not involved with any of my collegues.

Mismatched: so youre still a virgin?

BlackFire: YES DAMN IT I AM STILL A VIRGIN!

Primus, the things you never think you will have to say to anyone, let alone a sibling.

BlackFire: But this is not my point. Can you send me the footage?

Mismatched: can you send me footage of you getting some?

Why that sick son of a--

BlackFire: WHY?

Mismatched: i dunno...i get bored?

BlackFire: You are sick, Lockdown.

Mismatched: you think im gonna touch myself to it? im not
Mismatched: i was thinking of selling it to some scum that hangs around the club across from my place

BlackFire: LOCKDOWN!

Mismatched: i wouldnt tell them who you were

BlackFire: I am not about to whore myself out to get this fragging footage, Lockdown.

Mismatched: okay okay okay geez i was kidding! ill send it to you!
Mismatched: primus cant even have a little fun with you officers

BlackFire: I will hunt you down if anyone finds out that this conversation took place.

Mismatched: i know

My half-brother was such a pain in the aft, but at least I got what I wanted.


So...yeah.