FF_992224_ 6/11/2010
A/N - Again I apologize for the delay in posting. It's not that I wasn't working on this, but I'd gotten myself in a corner with Maria and I had to figure out where that whole mess was going. Let me know what you think. Does it make sense?
Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.
Billy grinned and watched as the group got Nick up and out the door. He heaved a sigh, silently thanking the heavens that Cassie had shown up today. It was just the thing to get Nick's emotional balance back. Cassie was good for him. And he was good for her. Billy was glad Nick hadn't let anyone dissuade him from contacting her after the McBride case was closed. She was just the medicine he needed right now.
He locked up and left to meet Maureen O'Riley.
Brass woke up slowly. He blinked sleepily as he heard laughter coming from Nick's kitchen. He decided he needed to wake up before he went to discover why the atmosphere of the house was so dramatically different from when he'd gone to sleep.
After a quick shower, he made his way into the kitchen. He smiled when he saw Nick and Cassie working together to make dinner. They were making spaghetti and Cassie was at the stove, giggling at the suggestions Nick was making about seasoning the sauce.
"I saw it in a commercial," Nick insisted. "They really were putting cream cheese in the sauce. Are you sure you don't want to do that?"
"I'm sure," Cassie giggled. "That sounds gross."
"Well, what about nutmeg? Rachel Ray always puts a little fresh ground nutmeg in her red sauces." Nick winked at Brass then turned his attention back to Cassie.
"You watch Rachel Ray?" Cassie was laughing out loud, now.
"Hey, 30 Minute Meals! You think I wanna spend any more time than that on meals for this crew?" Nick grinned. "I make Brian watch it with me."
Cassie giggled again, imagining the two of them sitting and watching Rachel Ray together. "Ok, hand me some nutmeg," she said. "I'm not going to argue with Rachel Ray."
Brass watched them, bemused for a moment, before heading into the living room with the rest of the adults. He greeted Sage and asked how things had gone today.
Her face lighting up with laughter, Sage asked, "Do you mean in court? Or are you talking about the shopping trip?"
Bemused again, Brass asked, "Shopping trip?"
"Nick's compensation for forgetting that today was court day," Mitch said dryly. "We all had a wonderful time at lunch and shopping."
Brass grinned. The picture in his head of Nick and Mitch trailing Sage and Cassie on a shopping expedition was hysterical. He was sorry he'd missed it. He looked around, missing Billy. "Where's Billy? Did you lose him on the shopping trip?"
"No," Nick's voice came from the doorway. "Billy had a date. He hasn't gotten back yet." Brass smiled at the grin on Nick's face.
"Who'd he go out with?" Brass asked.
"Maureen O'Riley," Nick said with a smirk.
"Maureen O'Riley the Biology Professor at UNLV?" Brass asked.
"The very same," Nick drawled.
"Think he'll make it back tonight?" Brass asked.
"Who?" Billy's voice came from the direction of the door."Y'all wouldn't be concerned about little 'ole me, now would you?"
"Concerned?" Nick asked. "Naw, we weren't concerned; maybe a 'lil amused, though."
Billy laughed. "What's for dinner?"
"I'm helpin' Cassie make spaghetti," Nick answered.
"Shouldn't you be in there, then, and not out here?" Billy teased.
"I'm goin', I'm goin'," Nick said. He moved back into the kitchen.
It wasn't too long before Nick was calling them all in to dinner. The meal flew by with lively talk on a wide variety of subjects. Nick hugged both Sage and Cassie tightly when it was time for them to leave. He moved slowly, thoughtfully to his room. He slept, though it was fitful.
Nick was quiet the next few days. He spoke when spoken to, smiled and even chuckled a couple times, but for the most part, he was silent, contemplative. He worked on his speech and listened to the LVPD and UNLV security arrangements for his event. As the week went on and he didn't hear from Maria, he got even quieter, and his smile was seen less frequently. But he didn't stop – he didn't give up.
And then Johnny arrived. He wasn't staying at the house. Nick's house on campus (the Dean's house), as well as his personal home, were full. Nick's sister Ashley and her husband Roger Grey had come from Dallas with his other sister Amanda and her husband Matt Hancock. They were staying at Nick's Las Vegas home. Brass and Brian were staying with Nick, as well as another LVPD uniformed officer and the UNLV security officer assigned at the time.
Admiral John "Johnny" Banks was a tall, imposing man. His composed face could be called craggy; his iron gray hair was cut short in an obvious military style. His dark eyes were fierce and cold. Brass was reluctantly impressed when he first met him. And then the Admiral saw Nick, and everything that was cold about him melted. Brass saw the genuinely happy and relieved grin that appeared when Nick moved into the room with his cane. The quick stride forward to clasp Nick's hand, and the gentle tug into a hug all showed Johnny's love and affection for Nick.
Nick flashed a smile and returned both the hand shake and hug. "Johnny," he said quietly, "it's good to see ya." The pleasure stayed in his eyes, though the smile quickly faded.
"You, too, Nicky," Johnny sighed. He examined Nick closely. "How are ya sleeping?"
Nick shrugged, easing into "his" chair. "Some nights are good, some – not so much," he admitted quietly. "But I'm hangin' in there."
"Are you ready for tomorrow?" Johnny asked.
"Yeah, I think so," Nick said. "I know what I want to say and how I want to say it. I guess we'll see how they take it." He settled into his recliner and watched Johnny take a seat on the couch. They quietly began to catch up, discussing what was going on in each of their lives. Things got a little rowdier when Billy joined them.
"So?" Johnny asked Billy when Nick went to the restroom.
"He's hangin' in there," Billy replied. "Hell, he's doin' a lot better than I expected." His eyes were serious when they met Johnny's. "I really don't know how he's gotten through all of this, sir. I just don't see how he's able to take it in stride."
Johnny cocked his head, considering. "He's got a lot of support," he replied. His eyes met Billy's again, concern evident in his gaze. "You're a big part of that, you know." He advised.
Billy nodded without speaking.
"Has anyone made any headway in checking Maria out?" Johnny asked quietly.
"No," it was Nick's voice from the door that replied. "Or rather, they haven't found anything," he clarified.
Johnny examined his face. It was calm and composed. There was no hint that any of this discussion bothered or upset him. That didn't mean that Nick was alright with it, though. He could just be hiding his feelings, believing that they wouldn't matter anyway. And in a way, they wouldn't. Johnny knew that Nick's friends and family would check Maria out whether Nick approved or not. They were determined to do their best to protect him. But that didn't mean that they weren't concerned about how he felt.
"Are you ok with us checking her out?" he asked Nick, bluntly.
A smile flickered on Nick's face. He'd known that Johnny would ask him anything he wanted to know straight out – no beating around the bush or trying to be tactful. It's not that Johnny didn't know how to be tactful or diplomatic – he wouldn't have risen as high in the Navy if he hadn't. But their relationship was such that Johnny knew Nick wouldn't be offended by his bluntness; that he'd actually welcome it after the kid-glove treatment he received from others. He raised an eyebrow at Johnny and asked, "Us?"
Johnny grinned and replied, "Metaphorically us, Nicky. I actually haven't gotten involved, yet."
Nick laughed softly. "Don't think I didn't take note of the 'yet', Johnny." He met Johnny's eyes squarely. "And yes, I'm ok with it. I wish…" he let his voice trail off for a moment and looked away. When he looked back, there was a deep sadness in his eyes. "I wish it didn't have to be this way. But I know it does." He sighed quietly before asking, "Any progress on the semtex?"
"Not yet," Johnny replied. "It's definitely missing. And we are finding indications that it might have headed this way. But there's nothing definitive." He sighed. "Gibbs is still working on it, though."
"He's good, sir?" Billy asked quietly.
"The best," Johnny replied. "If anyone can find that semtex, it's Gibbs."
The conversation turned general after that and it wasn't too long before Nick told them he was going to make a night of it. Nick slept fitfully, waking more than five times. But he knew he needed to be at his best tomorrow, so he did his best to relax and go back to sleep each time. When he woke and the clock read 5:00am, he knew he wouldn't get any more sleep. So he dressed and made his way to the kitchen. He was able to just use his cane this morning.
He found Officer Andy Akers sitting at the kitchen table reading the morning paper. "Hey, Nick," Andy said quietly. His eyes took in the dark circles around Nick's eyes and the tired lines on his face, but he didn't comment. He knew Nick was doing his best. Otherwise he'd have come out one of the other times he'd woken. Andy had checked on him discreetly each time. They both knew it, but neither needed to comment.
"Hey, Andy," Nick responded. "What d'ya want for breakfast?"
"You don't need to cook for me, especially today," Andy said slowly. "You need to keep your focus on your speech."
"Cookin' relaxes me," Nick drawled. "It'll help."
"If you're sure," Andy replied. "Eggs and bacon are fine."
"I'll do scrambled," Nick decided. "They'll keep better for the others." Nick moved around the kitchen, assembling ingredients and pulling out pans. He quickly began dicing potatoes, garlic and peppers for fried potatoes. Once those were started, he began frying the bacon.
The bacon was staying warm in the oven with the potatoes and the eggs were cooking on the stove when Brian and Billy made their way into the kitchen at 6. "Jim's takin' a shower," Billy said, checking to see if the coffee was ready. Andy poured him a cup. "Thanks, man." He looked over at Nick. "All right, bro, you're single-handedly spoilin' it for all us men-folk who can't cook."
Nick laughed, "It's like I told Andy," he said. "Cookin' relaxes me."
Andy looked over, smiling, "He's not kidding. I didn't believe it, but he's definitely more relaxed now than he was when he got up." Andy was happy to see that some of the tired lines on Nick's face had faded and the dark circles were not quite as dark.
Time seemed to move in spurts to Nick. The morning seemed to take forever to get through. He sat with Billy and Brian while they ate, just pushing his own food around on the plate. When Brass came in, Nick flinched at the accusation he saw in his stare. He sighed quietly and forced himself to actually start eating. For a while there, Nick swore the food was increasing on his plate. But he'd finally eaten enough to satisfy his critics.
He sat with his computer in the living room and nervously fiddled with his speech. He changed a word here, a sentence there. Then, looking at it in exasperation, he closed the file without saving any of the changes. Brian looked over at him when he heaved a heavy sigh and closed the computer.
"I need somethin' to do," he grumbled. "This waitin' around is drivin' me crazy." He kept his eyes from the LVPD officer's. "Maybe I'll go into the office."
"Like hell, you will," Brass contradicted. "Not today."
Nick's hands twisted together. "I'm gonna go crazy without anythin' to do," he complained again.
"Hey, guys, what's up?" Pat Tucker said as he came into the house.
Nick just looked at him, his discontent and frustration evident in his eyes.
"Grumpy, this mornin' are we?" Pat asked, raising his eyebrows.
Nick just glared.
"Well, aren't you lucky that I hate it when you're restless," Pat continued, a small smile on his face. He winced when he saw Nick's expression darkening. "I brought you those papers Frank Riker was tellin' you about – the ones from the graduatin' seniors last year. He thought you might like to read them."
Nick contemplated him silently. It might actually be something that would hold his interest. He nodded, still silently, and held his hand out for the stack of papers Pat was carrying.
"Thank you, God," Billy said, raising his eyes to the heaven.
"You're welcome," Pat said modestly.
Billy snorted and smacked him on the arm.
"I'm just glad someone found something to keep him still for five minutes," Brass contributed. "He was starting to drive me crazy."
Nick ignored them all and actually found his interest immediately caught in the first paper. His eyes flickered over the words and he found himself smiling or frowning, depending on the author's opinions. He was startled when someone put a hand on his shoulder.
"He always could concentrate," Pat remarked casually.
Nick looked up into Billy's gaze. "What is it?" he asked quietly.
"Lunch time," Billy said, smirking down at him. "We've been tryin' to get your attention for five minutes."
Nick shrugged and smiled. "What can I say, y'all are just not interestin'."
Billy smacked his arm lightly, and then waited for him to get to his feet.
Johnny came by for lunch. It was spent in talk that had nothing to do with missing semtex, Craig Miller, or public speaking. It was just a group of guys sharing a meal.
After lunch, time seemed to just fly. It was time to get ready for his speech before he knew it. Nick took a shower, and looked at himself in the mirror. Some of the stress and exhaustion on his face had faded. He was glad Jim had vetoed the office. He knew he wouldn't be as rested if he'd gone in. He quickly dressed in black jeans, and a blue button up shirt. He wasn't going to pretend to be anything he wasn't. And suits just weren't his style.
Picking up his cane, he moved to the living room. The others were ironing out the seating arrangements for the drive to the auditorium. Nick listened and discovered that Jim would be driving him along with Johnny and Billy. UNLV Security Officers Steve Norton and Bobby Jamison would be in the front car; and Brian and Pat in an LVPD car in the rear. He stood quietly in the doorway and waited for them to notice he was there.
"So where is the man of the hour?" Brass complained. "He's almost as bad as Catherine."
"Hey," Nick said, mock indignantly, "I resemble that remark!"
Everyone laughed. Nick slipped on his black leather jacket and moved toward the door. Steve nodded the all clear and moved out ahead of Nick. Rolling his eyes, Nick suffered through all the rig-a-ma-role the others felt necessary for getting him to the car.
Strangely enough, Nick's nervousness vanished on the way to the auditorium. He sat quietly in the back next to Billy, listening to the verbal fencing going on between Johnny and Jim, smiling to himself.
"Y'all aren't gonna intervene?" Billy whispered, nodding towards the front seat.
"And spoil their fun?" Nick returned, his smile blossoming into a grin. "No way!"
Billy listened for a moment. It did seem like the two men were enjoying their verbal sparring. It wasn't nasty and it wasn't getting personal.
He smiled back at his brother. "Ya know, contrary to popular belief, y'all are pretty smart."
Nick choked on the water he was drinking.
Billy grinned wider and pounded his brother on the back.
"Captain," Johnny barked from the front seat.
"Sir," Billy snapped to attention.
Nick could see Brass's grin in the rearview mirror.
"Let's try to keep your brother breathing," Johnny said wryly. "At least until he's given his speech."
"Yes, sir," Billy barked out. He grimaced at his brother's grin, but not until Johnny returned his attention to Jim and their conversation.
Nick was trying to stifle his laughter, but just managed to draw Billy's attention to it. Billy gently shoved Nick, prompting Brass to say, "Now, boys, do I need to separate you?"
Billy answered, "He started it," in a whiney voice.
Nick's laughter rang out through the car. He laughed even harder when he heard Brass's muttered, "Don't think I won't send ya to your room when we get back,"
Catherine was rushing around getting ready for Nick's address. She frowned when she heard sounds of someone crying. She found Lindsey in the living room, ready to go, channel surfing. Frowning again, she followed the sounds of distress to the guest room.
She knocked quietly on the door and waited for Maria's choked, "Come in," to enter. Maria had been very quiet since she'd arrived at Catherine's. They'd been overly busy at the lab, so Catherine hadn't had the chance to speak to Maria about what'd happened with Nick yet.
"Maria?" she asked, approaching the bed where Maria sat with tears running down her face. "Maria, what's wrong?" She laid a gentle hand on her shoulder.
"I've messed everything up," Maria replied without raising her head from her hands. "I promised Nick I'd be at his address tonight, but now I am sure there is no way he wants to see me there."
"Maria, what happened with Nick?" Catherine asked, troubled. Brass hadn't found any indication the young woman had had any contact with Craig Miller or anyone associated with him.
"I got scared," Maria admitted softly.
"Scared?" Catherine still didn't understand.
Maria sighed and looked at Catherine. She was actually surprised the older woman was still allowing her to stay at her house. "I tried to be as strong as Nick, but the car accident terrified me," her tears increased. "I know the easiest way for Miller to hurt Nick is through me and I am so afraid of what he will do."
Catherine's heart went out to the terrified young woman trembling in front of her. She gently squeezed Maria's shoulder. "Oh, sweetie," she said. "Have you talked to Megan?" Megan O'Rourke was Nick's psychiatrist and a friend of Maria's from the hospital.
"She is the one who helped me understand that I was afraid," Maria admitted. "I was so confused. When… when I left Nick," Maria's heart contracted at those words. She still couldn't believe she'd left the man she loved like that. She forced herself to continue, "When I left Nick… all I could think of was getting away." Her hands covered her face again and she wept silently for a few moments.
"I know I hurt him so badly," she wept. "I do not know how to fix this." Maria looked up at Catherine. "I do not know how he can ever forgive me." Her hands twisted together. "I do not know how I will live without him," she whispered.
Catherine gently rubbed Maria's back. She knew if what Maria was saying was true, Nick would forgive her in a heartbeat. But one thing was still bothering her. "Maria, what happened with Nick's medication?"
She watched as the other woman's face flushed. She was surprised when Maria raised her head and met her eyes. She saw embarrassment and shame there.
Finally Maria began to speak. "I took the medicine with me when we went to that dinner theater," she saw the confusion on Catherine's face. "Nick had talked to his sister Lynnette that afternoon and I was concerned that he might have an attack. Lynnette was very nasty. Nick said it did not bother him, but I knew it had." She could still see the confusion on the other woman's face. "I forgot… I forgot to put the medicine away when we got home." Tears filled her eyes as she remembered why she'd forgotten. She and Nick had gotten caught up in their passion for each other and Maria had forgotten she'd even taken the medication.
"When Nick asked…" her voice failed her for a moment, "When Nick asked about the medication, I truly did not know what he was talking about. I didn't remember what I had done. I was already upset that Nick did not trust me with his pain. And then I remembered. I was embarrassed and ashamed that my forgetfulness was the cause of so much of Nick's pain."
Maria took a deep breath. "I started to explain. But I said it wrong. And then when I realized what he thought I had done, I was hurt. First he would not let me help him, and then he thought that I could deliberately allow him to go through that pain without his medication. I just… I did not understand how he could think that of me." Maria saw the comprehension and horror fill Catherine's eyes. "And then… and then he asked me if I loved him… as if he was not sure I did. It overwhelmed me. All I could think about was getting away. His doubts cut into my heart and I had to get away."
Catherine kept up her soothing rub of Maria's back. She was horrified that all of this began with a simple misunderstanding. She knew both Maria and Nick were under a lot of stress with Craig Miller out there and she promised herself that she'd help them resolve this.
"Maria, why did Nick locking you out upset you so much?" she asked, determined to get all the answers before coming up with a plan. "He locked everyone out."
Maria nodded, willing to put all her problems on the table because she sensed that Catherine was trying to help her. "Yes, he locked everyone out. But I am not everyone." She spoke again before Catherine could begin to suggest that their relationship was not a reason to let her in. "I am a doctor." She saw realization dawning in Catherine's eyes. "I deal with issues like his pain every day. It is my job." She wet her lips and suggested, "It would be like Nick refusing your help if he was accused of a crime." She saw the understanding fill Catherine's eyes. "It hurt that he would not turn to me." Suddenly tears filled her eyes. "It does not matter any more," she whispered, "I have already destroyed our relationship."
Catherine pulled Maria into a hug and let her cry for a few moments, thinking hard. With a tentative plan in mind, she pulled her away and waited while Maria composed herself a little. "Do you want to fix this?" she asked, searching the other woman's face.
For the first time since she left Nick's house, hope flared in Maria's heart. She gasped, "Yes," searching Catherine's face for any scrap of hope she could find.
"Then let's get you cleaned up. You're coming with us to the auditorium," she said firmly.
"Will they let me in?" Maria asked fearfully.
"They'll let us in," Catherine said firmly. She quickly got the other woman up and moving. She had a relationship to mend.
Catherine muttered to herself as she maneuvered her car through the traffic. They were running late. She picked up her phone and dialed a number on speed dial.
"Brass," she heard.
"Jim, it's Catherine. We're running late. Can you stall Nick until we get there?"
"Sure," Brass replied. "Nick'll want to wait for you anyway. Is Lindsey with you?"
"Lindsey and Maria," Catherine said softly. She listened to the silence on the other end.
"Are you sure that's wise?" Jim finally asked, troubled.
"Trust me, Jim. You know I wouldn't do anything to hurt Nick." Catherine said. She flashed a reassuring look at the nervous woman sitting beside her. "We'll be there in ten."
"Ok," Brass replied, "but we're gonna talk about this afterwards."
Catherine agreed and ended the call.
A/N: Let me know if I left anything hanging with Maria and Nick's relationship. I think I covered why everything happened the way it did. Next chapter will deal with Nick's speech and there or the next will let Nick and Maria resolve their problems.
