Finding out the mother you thought had died over eleven years ago when you were six is actually still alive could be very traumatic for some. I had to learn about it after the death of a professor, my mother being the replacement professor, who didn't even recognize me or my name as she called attendance. As she told us all about how she had spent the past ten years in France working as a Professor at the Beauxbatons Academy of Magic, the only thing running through my mind was how she had skipped out on those ten years with me. To say the situation was awkward was a horrific understatement. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole.
"Alright class," Professor Millefeuille said cheerily, putting away the attendance sheet, "where shall I start?" I couldn't think of her as anything but Professor Millefeuille. If that woman had ever been my mother then that part of her was gone. "This year we will be reviewing everything from last year as well as learning some new spells, such as the Patronus Charm, the Reductor Curse, and the Legilimency Spell. For obvious reasons, I will be doing some theory on the three Unforgivable Curses and, if I see fit, we may attempt the use of the Imperius Curse," the entire class began to whisper amongst ourselves, "for practical uses only," she emphasized. "Now, shall we review?"
She walked over to the projector and turned it on with a tap of her wand.
"Nonverbal spells. I should expect all of you to be proficient in these by now. If I see anyone using anything but nonverbal spells in my class, I will send you to detention faster than you can sayI'll try again." She turned and smiled at us but the entire class had gone silent. She tapped her wand on the projector and the slide switched. "The Unforgivable Curses. There are three. If you can't name them all by now, you may as well buy your grave plot and have a tombstone made. This year we will be discussing defense against these spells and we will have a practical exam on them, for which these permission slips must be signed, giving your consent to being subjected to the Imperius curse for the duration of one class period, three times a week starting next week. The woman turned to stare at me as I squirmed in my seat, her eyes shining almost in delight at my unease.
She turned, her blue eyes piercing as her wand moved and slips of parchment flew about the room to each of us. "I want to hear no complaining about sticking to the curriculum in this matter. Your previous instructor was to leave you grossly underprepared for the world outside these castle walls. I, on the other hand, believe that expecting nothing yet preparing for everything is the better course of action." Another tap, another slide. "Levicorpus, the Disarming Charm, the Stunning Spell, the Reductor Curse, the Patronus Charm, the Tickling Charm, the Shield Charm, the Fire-Summoning Spell, and the Legilimency Spell. All of these are required to pass your N.E.W.T.s." She turned to us and smiled sweetly, but the voice that came out of her mouth was anything but sweet.
"We will be starting with the Legilimency Spell today, so that I can accurately judge your level in this class. Those I feel are adequate will be given a three. Those I consider subpar will be given a one. Everyone else will be given a two." Professor Millefeuille took a moment to look around the room. "Threes will be given special privileges such as extensions on assignments and less scrutiny from me. Ones will not be given any such liberties, and I will need to see vast improvement in the next few weeks in order for you to stay in my class. Anyone whom I believe is not capable of keeping up will have to drop this class by February."
The class got quieter if that was possible. I had, thankfully, passed with an Outstanding, so I wasn't as worried, but unfortunately I couldn't say the same for Charlie, who had a look of horror in her eyes. She had barely passed her O.W.L. with an Acceptable, and could barely produce a nonverbal spell. Mary MacDonald raised her hand and Professor MilleFeuille called on her.
"But Professor Brandenburgh let us in with an Acceptable. And by February, we can't switch into any other classes. And anyways, Legilimency isn't supposed to be taught."
Professor Millefeuille smiled sweetly again. "Well, I'm not Professor Brandenburgh, and I don't allow for failure in my class. Either you're good enough or you're not. And as for Legilimency, I'm preparing you for the outside world." She smiled at the rest of us. "Now, shall we begin?"
Professor Millefeuille had us come up to her office individually, and when people came out they either looked horrified or elated. Usually it was the former. She also had us separated on different sides of the classroom based on who had already gone and who still had to go. When she finally walked out onto her office balcony and called my name, I looked at Charlie who squeezed my hand and I walked up the stairs, nervous about what I was going to find. When I entered, she gestured for me to sit down in the chair directly across from her.
"Alexandra Jamieson. It says here you got an Outstanding in your O.W.L.s." She looked at me questioningly. I nodded and she smiled. "I'll be the judge of that." With that she raised her wand directly at me with her sickeningly sweet smile. "Legilimens."
I was sitting at the piano, Haley guiding my small little hands across the keys. My mother stood behind us, a hand on each of our shoulders. Even in my memory I could remember her smile.
I was at the platform watching Haley go off to Hogwarts, my hand tucked safely into my aunt's. She squeezed it and whispered to me that one day I would be boarding the train like Haley would, and my parents would have been so proud.
I was in class, performing the patronus charm, the wispy golden retriever bouncing about the classroom.
I was in class performing nonverbal spells, each hitting their mark perfectly.
I was in Hogsmeade, laughing and eating candy with Sirius. We were walking, simply walking.
I was in Dominic Maestro's Music Shop with Sirius, sitting at the piano. He was leaning in closer and closer and suddenly his lips were on mine and I was flying and –
I screamed, mad that this woman who should have known these things about me was only learning them through invasive Legilimency. Suddenly, I felt as though someone had stepped out of my mind, but also as if I was somewhere different.
It was Haley's first birthday, one that I had only seen in photos. She had pigtails and bright pink bows. My mother stood behind her, laughing as our father took the photo.
It was the day I was born and she was smiling down at little baby me, Haley and my father standing next to her hospital bed.
It was the day she had supposedly died, early in the morning. She crept into my room and woke me up by kissing me on the forehead. Then we woke up Haley and we all made pancakes together until my father walked in and chased us out, laughing at how badly we burned the pancakes. My mother kissed us goodbye, hugging us longer that day than usual.
It was the day of her supposed funeral. I was standing next to Haley, my left hand clenched hard in hers, my right clutching the small stuffed bunny rabbit that I would give up a year later. She was watching from the forest near the church as a bulky man in a suit came up to Haley and I, dropped down on one knee, and hugged us as we cried into his shoulders.
It was the day she had arrived and she was walking by me. My face betrayed my horror but she kept walking.
"Get out of my head," Professor Millefeuille hissed. I looked up, shaking my head to get rid of the memories. "Get out." I balked, not knowing what to do. Professor Millefeuille started shaking, her eyes flashing dangerously. "Get out of my office!" she roared.
I raced out, taking the stairs two at a time. I could feel Professor Millefeuille come out after me, her footsteps more menacing than anything Professor McGonagall could pull off.
"Next," she hissed, staring out over the class. "And Miss Jamieson?" I turned around, terrified. "Get out of my class."
I turned and walked out, tears threatening to spill. I felt like screaming and sobbing at the same time. She knew who I was to her. She had known all along. I had spent years under the name she had given me, hidden away in a castle she must have known I called my home. And she had never made any effort.
In my dormitory, feelings I didn't know how to explain suddenly formed in words on tear-stained parchment. The woman I had thought was my mother was actually a fraud, a cold bitch that held nothing in her heart for me. How I could ever have mourned such a woman tore at the memories of watching Quidditch pressed against her side, of painting her nails every colour of the rainbow, of baking cakes with my sister. It took me an entire hour and three sheets of parchment, but I finally managed to finish a letter to Haley, the only one who would actually be able to understand what I was going through, the only one who really deserved to know everything. Every letter on the page was a plea to my sister, begging her to help me through this. Knowing her, she might not want to come anywhere near Hogwarts if that woman were still around, so the words had to mean something. The parchment soaked up my feelings of abandonment, or sorrow, of longing, and I hoped that Haley would realize this and come to me.
I left the dormitory, the envelope holding my folded letter held tightly to my chest. Mumbling to myself under hushed breath, my blood boiling as I thought about Professor Millefeuille, I hadn't noticed the crouched figure had stood up and followed until I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Hey," Sirius said quietly. "Are you okay?"
I stopped in my tracks and looked at him. "What did she see in your head?" I whispered hoarsely, my hands shaking with fury.
Sirius ran a hand through his dark hair and sighed. "I don't think it was as bad as yours, considering she didn't kick me out." I raised an eyebrow at him and he continued. "It was a lot of memories of what we did in class last year, but for some reason a lot of them were about the Christmas I had when I was seven."
"That's strangely specific," I frowned, starting my walk to the owlery again. "Do you know why?"
Sirius shrugged. "No idea. Don't really like to remember family events to be honest."
I nodded. From him, that wasn't very surprising and I didn't want to push it. "Was that it?"
"Well, almost." He turned to me and smiled sheepishly. "There was also when we were in Maestro's shop."
I blushed. "Why do you think that was there?"
He shrugged and put an arm around me nonchalantly. "Probably because it was what I was thinking about. It's all I've been thinking about."
I felt my cheeks flush even more. "Really? And why is that?"
"I don't know," he shrugged again. "Maybe because ever since then all I've wanted to do was this."
And with that he put his hands on my waist and tugged me closer, kissing me like he had on the piano. I almost melted, my knees threatening to give out. My hands snaked up to tangle in his hair and hold on to his neck, the letter forgotten. When he finally pulled away, he smiled at me, his grey eyes shining.
"I didn't want her to see that," he explained, "so I pushed her out." I smiled sheepishly and stepped back, slightly embarrassed at how quickly I had been to return the kiss. Sirius raised his eyebrow and crouched down to pick up my fallen letter. "What's this?"
My good mood instantly crashed. "It's for my sister. Give it back."
I held out my hand but Sirius just smirked. "Oh, is this the letter talking all about how you met a handsome devil who kissed you in a music store and stole your heart?"
Even his easy grin couldn't make the situation less stressful for me. I just wanted him to give the letter back. I frowned and crossed my arms.
"No. Now give me back the letter."
"Oh, come now," Sirius said coyly, "you can tell me all about how you told how you feel like flying when I kiss you and how we're going to get married under the stars and –"
"Just give me back the fucking letter!" I shrieked, tears threatening to spill out again.
Sirius seemed as flabbergasted as I did and stared at me. "Look, I didn't mean –"
"I'm sorry," I whispered, my hand shaking as I held it out in front of me. "Just please give me back the letter."
Sirius wordlessly held out the letter and I grabbed it, hugging it to me as if it was the only thing in the world, stomping away.
"Can I ask why it's so important," Sirius said, his long legs making it easier for him to keep up with me as I tried to get away. I stayed silent so he continued. "I'm sorry. If I hit a nerve, I really didn't mean to. If you would just –"
"Just what?" I asked, my voice dangerously low. "Just tell you what this is about?" I fumbled with my robes for a moment before pulling out an old photo, one from my fifth birthday. I threw it at him. "Fine. You want to know why it's so important? Figure it out yourself."
And with that I walked away, the tears finally falling. I knew that I was out of line, that Sirius was only trying to be there for me, but honestly, I didn't want him to be.
Since writing to Haley, I had gone back to every class but Defense Against the Dark Arts. Flitwick had called me into his office at one point, but I had spewed something about woman problems and he had gone so red I would've sworn he was a tomato except for the fact that he had showed me out of the room with his wand that sent up several showers of sparks. Leave it to male professors not to know how to handle "woman problems," especially since they had been happening for over a week.
After the great Legilimens fiasco, as everyone was calling it, I had also sent a letter to my parents' old supervisor. As Aurors, their deaths hadn't been exceptionally surprising. It had happened during the raid of a rumoured Death Eater compound, but at their funeral he had been the one to drop down on one knee and offer help at any time – all we had to do was owl. I wouldn't have even remembered the funeral, let alone thought of him, had it not been for the Legilimens. Considering that he had access to files I couldn't even dream of getting a hold of otherwise, I had decided to take him up on his offer.
Even if it had been a long while, I was pretty sure that when he'd said any time, he had meant it. Granted, I may have told a little white lie in that I was researching Aurors and the dangers of being such for a class I was taking, but he had written back to me fairly quickly, his letter stating that he would be at the Ministry in two days' time, the day before Christmas Eve, and that I should stop by so that he could unlock the records department for me. If there was anything in there that could tell me why my mother hadn't died, perhaps a sort of Witness Protection Program type of thing in the ministry, anything that would give me information on her and possibly some hope that maybe my father was out there as well, I was going to find it.
For now, I was enjoying myself with Charlie, as we had the seventh year girls' dormitory to ourselves. Usually, Kendra would stay with us over the holidays, but her father had insisted she come home and take the time to visit with her 'step-monster' as she so called her father's new wife. In Kendra's absence, Amelia had taken her bed for the two weeks, since no one else in her dorm was staying over the holidays. She'd taken to keeping a stack of her clothes on Kendra's desk. At the moment, I was varnishing her nails on Charlie's bed as Charlie attempted to finish a crossword puzzle while sitting cross-legged on her desk.
"'Son undone by the sun'," Charlie piped up. Even though she was awful at crosswords, she would still try her hand every once in a while, although to no avail, causing her to ask us for the answers. "It's six letters across."
Amelia and I ignored her as I continued to varnish her left ring finger a deep, rich red. Her nails were alternately green and red to get into the Christmas spirit.
"So," Amelia started, looking at Charlie and me hesitantly, "this girl from my year in Gryffindor, Marlene McKinnon, she's alone for the holidays." I looked up from the varnishing. "Apparently she's just been sitting in the Gryffindor common room and wandering the grounds. I asked her if she might want to stay with me, but if I'm staying here, is it okay if she stays in this room with you two as well."
I pursed my lips and looked over at Charlie. "Char, what do you think?" I asked.
She looked up, seemingly startled that we'd been talking to her. Her pen was in her mouth and she was chewing it as she usually did when she was confused (which, when she was doing the crossword, was frequent). "What? Oh, yeah. Sure. 'Neitherblank anyone else.' Four across."
I turned to Amelia and smiled. "I guess that's a yes." I turned back to her nails and finished the pinky nail on her right hand a shiny forest green. "What's she like?"
"She's nice," Amelia shrugged. "I haven't really hung out with her much. I know she's smart, though. Top of the class in Defense."
"'Goddess whose home was on the edge of Oceanus,'" Charlie interrupted. "Three letters across."
I rolled my eyes and began to apply a top coat on Amelia's nails. "Well, if you think it's a good idea then I'll believe you. She can take Sydney's bed."
Amelia beamed. "Thanks Alexandra. It would mean a lot to her."
"Of course," I said, returning the smile. "We need a new face in here so long as Charlie's doing her blasted crossword."
"'Revolutionary paths.' Six down."
Marlene McKinnon was a pretty girl, albeit she was quite cold at first, a sharp contrast from Amelia's warm and bubbly personality. When Amelia brought her into our dormitory, she had only a small handbag. When I'd asked if that was all she'd brought she curtly told me that there was an Undetectable Extension Charm on the bag. At that point, Charlie gave another outburst.
"'Attack suddenly,'" she said, her voice slightly muffled by the chewing of her pen. "Six letters down."
"What's she doing?" Marlene asked.
I rolled my eyes. "Charlie fancies herself a genius at crosswords. She's bloody awful at them though."
"'Sorceress Morgan le blank.' Three letters across."
"Fay," Marlene answered. Charlie looked up at her incredulously. "What? Not all Gryffindors have the brains of a sack of hammers."
I laughed. "It's not that. We usually just ignore Charlie when she's gotten herself into a crossword. Over six years of the ruddy things and they'll get old real fast."
Marlene smiled. "Oh, okay. So what've you three been doing these past few days?"
"Well," Amelia volunteered, "mostly just lazing about the dormitory, varnishing our nails, ignoring Charlie's antics. Sometimes we hang out with some of the boys. The regular things, I guess."
Marlene nodded. "Better than I've been doing. I've written my parents six times already. They went to Peru without me so I made sure to tell them about the absolutely dreadful time I was having here." We chuckled and she seemed pleased that we'd found it so amusing. Suddenly, however, her happy demeanour dropped and she furrowed her brow. "There's an owl at your window."
I looked over my shoulder and saw the tawny brown screech owl, a letter in its beak. I sighed and opened the window, allowing the bird to hop in so that I could take the letter off of him and send him on his way. Once the owl left, I put the letter aside and began to chip off my fresh nail varnish furiously.
"Aren't you going to open that?" Marlene asked curiously.
Thankfully, I was saved from answering by Charlie. "No, Alexandra has been ignoring letters from a certain Sirius Black ever since the holidays started. What is that? The tenth letter?" Then again, maybe having Charlie answer for me wasn't such the saving grace that I'd hoped it would be. "My guess is that he said something stupid – you know how James Potter is always pissing Lily Evans off? It's just unfortunate that Sirius managed to do that to the only girl at Hogwarts more stubborn than the Head Girl!"
"It doesn't matter," I said gruffly. "I'll read them at some point."
In fact, I'd promised myself I absolutely wouldn't read them to myself at any point. I didn't want to hear what he had to say about my mother because I didn't want to believe it, and if someone else said it, it would make it that much more real. Anyways, Sirius was already too prejudiced against unsupportive family members, and his bias was not something I wanted when deliberating what actions I would take. If I was going to make any decision for myself, he sure as hell wouldn't be a part of it.
"Are you dating Sirius Black?" Marlene pressed further. "I'd heard about something from the girls in my dormitory, but they all said you were just a fling."
I clenched my jaw and gritted my teeth. "Technically, no we're not dating. But if it's just a fling then he better stop sending me these stupid bloody owls."
"Well," Marlene said, walking over and grabbing the letter, "if I had a boy who wasn't my boyfriend send me all kinds of letters, I'd want to at least know what was inside them. Even if they were all just apologies for the stupid things he's said."
I shrugged. "I've kept them all, I just don't want to read them now. Can we stop talking about my love life now? Why don't we go to the library and annoy Madame Pince or something?"
Marlene shrugged. "I've always wanted to set off noisemakers in the library."
Charlie looked over and grinned at me, bobbing her head once in the direction of my bed, which had oodles of noisemakers and other annoyances stashed underneath. I quickly went over and ducked down to grab the small leather bag that held our contraband items, satisfied at the weight. With a devious grin on my face, I turned to the other girls.
"Well then let's go."
We giggled and raced out of the dormitory, but before we could go to the library, I fetched the boys from their dormitory. Carter and Jackson had stayed over the holidays, although they had been holed up in there longer than we had under the guise of Carter's pre-Christmas gift of the past fifty years of Quidditch Weekly that his grandfather sent over. In all honesty I was waiting my turn to flip through the magazines, but considering that I had no homework or assignments to procrastinate on, I would save them until later. But when I burst into their room, Carter had his mags laid out over his bed and Alex's while Jackson was reading a book in the corner.
"Thought you boys were obsessing over Quidditch Weekly," I teased. "Didn't know you could read, O'Hara."
Jackson looked up and stuck his tongue out at me. "Oh, shut up Alexandra."
I walked over and plopped myself down in front of him. "Whatcha reading?" In response he held up the book so I could read the title. "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis. Is it any good?"
Jackson put down the book, his eyes wide. "'Xandra, did you know that there are magical lands in wardrobes? The one I'm reading about is called Narnia and it's governed by a huge talking lion. You'd think that an entire land couldn't be governed by a bloody talking lion, especially since Gryffindor's are basically awful at any kind of governmental position in which there is power. But get this, there's actually four kids who were destined to rule over Narnia. Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy. You know, I met a girl named Lucy a little while back. She seemed incredibly like this Lucy girl."
"Carter!" I got up and gave him a sharp look. "You know we can't give Jackson fantasy novels."
Carter shrugged, his nose shoved into his Quidditch Weekly. "He threatened to burn my mags."
I rolled my eyes. "God, the both of you are ridiculous. Come on, we're getting out of this dormitory." I sniffed the air and grimaced. "Ergh, it smells like feet in here. Have either of you bathed in the past few days?" Both of them gave me the universal look of 'you don't want to know.' "Disgusting, the both of you. Come on now. Charlie, Amelia, Marlene McKinnon, and I are going to the library to set off noisemakers."
Carter looked at Jackson and Jackson looked back at Carter. "We're in!"
I woke up the next morning completely energized. We'd spent an entire hour the day before placing noisemakers strategically amongst the bookshelves, all perfectly timed to go off one after the other. Then we'd sat at a table and pretended to do work, stifling our laughter as Madame Pince would scurry from one end of the library to the other, muttering curse words under her breath, the smashed remains of noisemakers in her old, bony hands. It had been such a fun time that I'd forgotten all about what I was supposed to be doing today until Mr. Weston's owl had arrived for me.
At first I thought it was a letter from Sirius and very nearly chucked it in the bin. I'd grown tired of his efforts to get in touch with me. If it was so urgent, as was clearly written in block letters across the last envelope I'd gotten from him, he'd very well floo in. But once I saw the ministry's symbol on the letter, my nerves shattered. I tore it open, terrified that he'd have to reschedule, but all he wanted to do was confirm what time I'd be arriving. I'd told Charlie and Amelia beforehand that I was leaving in the morning, and when I woke up I was unsurprised to see that they were still sleeping, but Marlene's bed (or, more accurately, Sydney's), was empty. I assumed she had just gotten up to use the bathroom early in the morning and continued getting ready.
Just as I was about to leave, I heard a tapping on my window and looked out to see Sirius's owl. I opened the window harshly, snatched the letter from the poor bird's beak, and slammed the window shut again. This time I did throw the letter into the bin over my shoulder as I hurried out the door, almost slamming into Marlene in the process.
"Woah!" I said, bracing myself against the door. "Sorry, didn't see you there."
She looked at me strangely. "What are you doing up?" she asked slowly.
"Going to tie up some family affairs," I said, equally as suspiciously. "My sister's not going to be around for Christmas, or so she says, so I'm going out to mail her package to her. Can't get rushed packages out from Hogwarts though, unfortunately." Marlene nodded and I crossed my arms. "What are you doing up so early?"
Marlene blushed. "I'm lactose intolerant and I had a bowl of ice cream last night at the dinner table, thinking it was gelato. I've had an upset stomach all night."
Her initial defensiveness seemed to melt away and I smiled sheepishly. "Oh, I'm sorry. Talk to Amelia, I think she's got some Lactase pills in her trunk."
Marlene smiled. "Thanks, Alexandra. See you later I guess."
"See you later, Marlene," I said brightly. I turned and hurried up the stairs to the common room, eager to see what the ministry records might have waiting for me.
But as I walked up the winding stairs, my eagerness dampened as I remembered the last time I'd been at the ministry, that time with my father. If one of my parents were to come back from the dead, surely couldn't both?
A.N.: Okay, so The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe does not belong to me, it belongs to C.S. Lewis, along with his character Lucy. And if you haven't read that book you should – it's awesome. Okay, so here's where I say some more things… My first chapter as a Trusted Author – it's scary! I'd like to thank pixileanin, not only for being the best Beta ever but also for being the most amazing Beta ever! If it weren't for Pix, I wouldn't be a TA. To WeasleyTwinMom and GryffinDuck who took the time out of the past few days to check over everyone's profiles – OMG that's dedication, thank you so much! To everyone reading, thank you! But most of all… Okay, Pix is literally amazing and she is the reason this is still going. She berates me in my Stories Offered thread. :P So, thank you Pix!
