Today's chapter is a little early because I plan on going to bed long before midnight, when I usually post these, and didn't want to forget.
This chapter contains the entirety of Australia. It's probably going to seem a little rushed, but that's because I despise that level and wanted to get done writing it as soon as possible.
So without further ado: Enjoy!
Just for future reference, if you're planning a trip, sixteen hours is fifteen hours too long to spend in a plane, especially when you're going to the Australian outback. While the home of awesome accents, the nearest decent shower to our proposed destination was about eighty miles past where Jesus lost his sandals.
On the three hour long drive out to where Murray said his guru lived, we were regaled with stories of his awesomeness that the hippo hadn't been able to fit into the plane ride. My iPod had died about five hours back and I'd come to the firm conclusion that most of what Murray claimed his guru could do, I would have to see to believe. Even then, I'd probably be worried that someone had spiked my water with a hallucinogen.
When the sturdy Jeep we'd rented rumbled up to the canyon, we became painfully aware that, once again, things had not gone to plan.
"I don't know about you guys," I said, peering over the edge, "But that looks like a full scale mining operation to me."
"I'm guessing that wasn't here the last time you were," Sly asked gently of Murray, who looked close to tears.
"No, I've never seen any of this before. And I can't see my guru anywhere!"
"It'll be alright, Murray." Bentley said, looking over the camp, "See that abandoned building down there? We'll adopt that as a temporary Safehouse for now and look for the Guru from there."
Once we all managed to get down to the building, Bentley went about setting up his tech (which he seemed to pull from some unseen fourth dimension) on a series of abandoned crates while Sly, Murray, and I ripped down boards that had been nailed up over three large floor-to-ceiling windows.
"Alright," Bentley said, plugging in the last set of chords, "Sly, you up for some recon?"
"Always," the thief replied, giving a toothy grin and slipping outside. Murray and I hovered behind Bentley as he turned on the binocucom station.
"The miners have really torn this place up looking for opals. Watch your step, they're sure to get rough defending their claim." Bentley advised, peering at the screen that showed Sly's binocucom.
"My master spends most of his time up there in that cave," Murray pointed it out to Sly, "Looking over the valley and contemplating the depths of deepness. I really appreciate you breaking the news to him that I want to break off my training."
"No problem, pal. I'm looking forward to meeting him. Anyone you call 'master' must be a heck of a guy."
"Oh, he's awesome! He'll get inside your head and freak you out six ways from Sunday!"
"Uh… awesome."
Normally, I would have had something sarcastic to say in that conversation, but I was too busy staring into dark corners to make sure they didn't house tarantulas to be paying that much attention.
Sly's voice came back over the speakers after a couple of minutes and a short climb, "Sorry pal, but nobody's home. Got any idea where else he might be?"
"Well, that's his hut," Murray said, indicating a small ledge clear across the canyon, "But he doesn't really hang out there on account of… the smell."
"The smell?"
Murray huffed out a sigh, "It's a long story, I had to apologize up and down for like a month before he'd speak to me again."
"What'd you do?"
"You don't really have to tell us," I was quick to add.
"The Unspeakable, guys. The Un-Speakable."
"Well, thanks for… speaking of it. I'm headed for the hut."
While he was en route, I turned to Bentley, "What's so great about opals?"
"They're precious stones that come in every color under the sun, which makes them in high demand for jewelry makers." He flicked his eyes over his shoulder at me, "That gem in your necklace is an opal, actually."
My hand went to touch the pendant Sly had given me ages ago on reflex, "Really?"
"Yes, though green, even that particular shade, is a very common color of opal. Red and black are the rarest and that's what the miners have found here."
Sly's voice came over the binocucom yet again, "Sorry Murray, nobody's home. And by the looks of it, I'd say the Guru was fighting something or someone off here. I'm starting to think the miners might have gotten to him."
"You're probably right," Murray said sadly, "They'd come in and be all angry and yelling and he'd be all peaceful and they'd just get ticked! Then he'd try to find a 'middle way' and they'd just go crazy- and smash everything up- and haul him off!"
"Do you have any idea where they might have taken him?"
"They got him! My master's a goner!"
"Er, maybe we should get Bentley on the line…" I took this as my cue to push Murray over to a corner he could cry in and drag Bentley in front of the binocucom station. That was probably abuse of the unspoken wheelchair clause, but Bentley didn't seem to care, he didn't even look up from his map.
"It's difficult to say, but I'd say that the miners might be using that area with a high fence as a makeshift stockade."
"It looks like there might be a way up there using that cliff below."
"Just watch out for that gyrocopter," Bentley said, peering out the windows at it, "I'm positive it's what gave away the Guru's position."
"Good tip. Thanks pal."
"These miners have no respect for the Aboriginal sacred sites. They're drilling into everything, Ayer's Rock, Cape Canyon…" He continued mumbling as he poured over his maps, "Wave Rock… The cultural insensitivity is sickening."
"Let me guess," I asked, "We're going to do something about that, aren't we?"
"Most probably."
Sly returned a few minutes later, "I found the Guru, but he won't leave without his gear."
"He's alive!" Murray cheered.
Bentley nodded, "I thought as much. I'm going to have to do some research to formulate a plan. Think you can come up with something to do for a couple of hours?"
"Sure," before I knew up from down, Sly had crossed the room and grabbed hold of the back of my shirt, "Come on, Jinx, you're getting some rock climbing practice."
"Was that entirely necessary?" I grumbled two and a half hours later, picking at the quickly-forming blisters on the heels of my hands and not even bothering to try to remove the fine layer of red dirt that now coated my fur.
"Given the amount of wall-hooks in this place and the look on Bentley's face, yes. Yes it was." Sly had had great fun torturing me in the name of training.
"The Guru won't leave the stockade until he has his walking staff and Moonstone," Bentley began, going to town on his slides with a Vis-à-vis marker. "He also insists we purify Ayer's rock of miners, only then will the Dreamtime spirits be appeased and he'll be free to use his powers. Sly must have impressed him, because now he's requesting Murray, Kaia, and I meet with him individually. Something about judging our 'spiritual centers'. I've discovered a path through one of the miners' caves that should make getting up to the Guru less difficult. He also mentioned that the miners have foolishly unearthed 'The Mask of Dark Earth'. I guess it was his job to guard the thing and now that it's loose, bad things are sure to follow."
"Cynical comment."
"I know, it sounds like mumbo jumbo to me too, but we've encountered some unexplainable phenomena in the past, so I'm not going to rule it out as a threat to our operation."
Sly and I headed out first. According to Bentley, the miners had divided the Guru's walking staff and Moonstone and were hiding them in two different caves, so we had to steal them at almost the same time to avoid an unsavory amount of attention on the remaining piece when the theft was discovered.
But first, I had to meet the Guru.
"All I'm saying," I whispered as we made our way to the stockade, "Is that I'm not sure how seriously I'll be able to take this guy. I mean, ghosts are one thing, but the way Murray talked about this guy made him sound like he'd come straight out of a Star Wars novel."
"You know, there's no reason to be nervous."
I almost fell off the wire I was balancing on, "Nervous? Where the heck did you get that from?" The extra octave in my voice did not help my incredulity.
"I'm sure he'll like you just fine."
"I'm not nervous."
He waved me toward the stockade, "Just smile and be your charming self."
"I'm also not charming, you deluded raccoon," I said, sticking my tongue out at him and dropping down in front of the stockade.
For a second, I couldn't see the Guru, then I caught sight of the small purple koala ambling up towards me.
I cleared my throat, "Uh, hi. I'm Kaia Jenks. Bentley said you wanted to meet with us individually and judge our 'spiritual centers'… I came first because I'm going to help Sly get your stuff back and we wanted to make sure it was alright with you and wouldn't mess up the spiritual essence of your gear. Or something." Sweet Lord, I sounded ridiculous.
I listened to what he had to say, then stared at him blankly for a minute, "Whaddya mean 'grey'?"
No one should be able to feign innocence like that.
"Okay… whatever. I'm going to go get your stuff. I'll see you later…"
Sly gave me a hand up onto the roof, "So, how'd it go?"
"… He's weird."
"Fantastic. Come on, let's get going."
"These caves are dark as sin," I spoke into my binocucom with a hushed voice, "I can see vague outlines with these depth optimizer goggles you gave me, but that's about it."
"Can you see well enough to find your way?"
"Yeah, it should be fine. Looks like I'll have to use the rail slide a bit, though."
"Be careful, you're not good at that yet."
"I'm well aware of that, thank you, Sly." I flicked off my binocucom and began to tackle the rail slides. I did not like slippery rails by any stretch of the imagination. I could land fine, but I had a really hard time keeping my balance. Fortunately, as I was going up, not down, I just had to land right and then immediately jump again and hope that my legs didn't fly out from under me in the meantime.
Then I came to the hanging hooks. They were parts of conveyor belt cables, presumably to carry buckets of opals back to the entrance. In this case, I needed them to carry me across.
I un-holstered my baton, looked down apprehensively, and swallowed. Bentley had modified it so that, at the push of a button, a three edged hook would extend from the top section of the weapon. This added to the weight, making it do more damage, and let me go climbing, but somehow, I wished it had never been added.
After a harrowing minute of hanging over pure darkness with nothing but thin metal and glove grips protecting me from a bone shattering and likely lethal fall, I finally leapt to (relative) safety. I crept up a set of mine tracks to a small cave wherein lay a safe, but no traps.
The pure darkness actually made it easier to crack the safe. Not being able to see doesn't actually heighten your senses, it just makes you notice them more by eliminating distraction. It's kind of like how people who use calculators suck at math. They know what's supposed to happen to solve the problem, but they don't practice enough to be able to do it themselves without electronic aid.
It was only after the safe was opened and I had the Guru's walking staff in hand that the snag became apparent.
"Guys, it looks like this thing is booby-trapped. And I just picked it up."
"Mine was like that too, it's a light sensitive detonator. Get out into the sunlight as fast as you can and everything should be fine."
"There's a slight problem with that," I said as the first howls of angry dingoes reached my ears, tucking the walking staff into the straps of my backpack and preparing for a sprint, "The miners must have found out the moonstone was missing. They're heading this way now to check on the staff, I have to run past them to get out into the sun."
"Be careful," This came from Bentley, as Sly seemed to have lapsed into horrified silence, "They can knock you into the pits by twitching, use the smoke pellets I gave you if you get cornered."
"I will." I said and started running.
"I almost died so many times getting this thing, it is not even funny," I said, lobbing the walking staff haphazardly at Bentley, who, in a rare display of the reflexes he still possessed, caught it without having to look up. "Where are Murray and Sly?"
"Once we determined that we wouldn't have to fight through a horde of angry dingoes to prevent your untimely demise, they took off to go purify Ayer's Rock. You don't want to know," He added as I opened my mouth to question what he meant by 'purify'.
I shrugged, "You going to go give the Guru his stuff?"
"That I am. I'm not leaving you without a project though," He waved to a cooler that I was pretty sure I'd never seen before and a pile of what looked like dirty laundry.
"… Why do I get the feeling I'm not going to like this project?"
An hour and a half later, the gang plus the Guru was crammed into the Safehouse, watching in fascination as Bentley turned on the projector he had brought with him for some unholy reason.
"The Guru has agreed to join our gang, provided we can rid the canyon of the dingo miners and deal with the Mask of Dark Earth," Bentley said in recap, with a nod to the old koala, "It's a tall order, but we're up for it. First, we'll employ the aid of some local wildlife to help wear on the miners' nerves. Kaia has graciously helped me to make up a large quantity of pieces of raw meat saturated with the miners' scent, which Murray will feed to the local giant croc."
"I wouldn't say 'graciously' was the right word…"
"Hopefully, the croc will develop a taste for it and take to harassing the miners. Next, we'll hit these guys where they live or, at least, relax. If we can clear them out of this lemonade bar," A picture of it appeared, "It will be a crippling blow to their morale. They'll be begging to go home!"
"A lemonade bar?"
"Hard lemonade," Sly supplied with a laugh at my incredulity. "It's a favorite for drinking contests because it mixes alcohol with the sourness of the lemonade."
"What a masculine pastime," I said in my most uppity feminine voice. It must have taken Sly by surprise because he choked on his water.
"Finally," Bentley said with a glare at the two of us, "Sly will use some mining equipment to drill for radioactive oil deep beneath the dry lakebed. Trust me; it's the key to getting rid of the Mask of Dark Earth."
The feeding of the croc and the mining of the oil went well for what we were attempting to do, aside from when Murray thoroughly irradiated himself. After coming to the conclusion that a little radiation might actually be good for him, the needed oil was gathered and the gang assembled again to go hit the lemonade bar.
Which led to the current situation.
"What do you mean I can't come?!"
Sly's expression was a curious mixture of poorly hidden amusement and longsuffering, "Jinx, it's a bar. How old are you?"
"You don't have to be twenty-one to get into a bar, just to drink! And you know what? The drinking age in Australia is eighteen anyway!"
"If you come in with us as a member of the Cooper gang, you're going to have to drink, most probably." Bentley pointed out. "And I know you abhor the idea of drinking."
I wrestled with this for a moment. It was true, I hated it. I saw no point in drinking whatsoever and had seen only bad things come of it in my admittedly short tenure in college. I knew the guys were just looking out for me and I appreciated the idea of chivalry just as much as the next girl, but the guys were going to be out in the midst of something and, as a member of the gang, I wanted to be there too.
I finally came up with, "So, what, do I just stay here and play tiddlywinks with the Guru?"
The Guru grumbled a protest.
"No offense," I added over my shoulder.
"Jinx," Sly's expression had softened past the longsuffering, "Sit this one out and in exchange, I'll teach you that technique from the Thievius Raccoonus to slow time down."
It was a dirty trick to offer that bargain and he knew it, which was, I suspect, why he had been keeping it in reserve. It didn't actually slow down time, of course, it just allowed the user to move and process information so quickly that time appeared to slow. It was one of several techniques from the ancient book that I couldn't even understand the theory behind and thus, the bane of my attempts to learn.
I finally grumbled an assent and forced him to finalize the deal with a pinky swear before turning back to the Guru as the gang walked away, "Do you know how to play cards?"
"You cheater!"
The Guru chuckled happily and muttered under his breath, collecting his earnings.
"I am not a sore loser, you fuzzy purple soccer ball!"
The Guru and I were laying on the floor of the Safehouse, a pile of cards between us, when the door swung open and Sly, Bentley, and Murray stumbled inside, all looking a bit worse for wear, but immensely satisfied and in high spirits.
I took in their sorry looking state and reached for my first-aid kit, "Bar fight?"
"Yup," Sly said, half supporting Murray but sparing me a grin. "You would have hated it. A drinking contest followed by a bar fight. Very masculine."
This time I was the one to laugh as I opened up the kit, "Alright, who's first?"
After a brief argument over who would get patched up first (we settled on Bentley so he could then patch up Murray while I patched up Sly) and doing said patching up, we sat down to yet another slideshow, the last in Australia, if everything went to plan. But let's face it, when did everything ever go to plan?
"You can feel it in the air, the miners are about to pack it in. They'd already be long gone if it weren't for the corrupting influence of the Mask of Dark Earth. Obviously we need to destroy it. Time for Operation: Moon Crash!"
I just kind of sat back, settled my gaze on the projector screen and let my eyes glaze over. At this point I sort of had to accept that the Guru could do some weird stuff and that the Mask of Dark Earth wasn't exactly inanimate, but it would take a lot for me to regard the mythic folklore as empirical fact for basing an operation on. Bentley was much better at shifting his paradigms than I was.
Besides, all I really had to do was stay in the Jeep and keep the engine running for getting the heck out of dodge as soon as everything was over, a task I would enjoy because it meant putting the desert behind us.
"… the Guru will be free to join us on the Cooper Vault job." Bentley finished, switching off the projector. We all glanced outside as the sun began to peek over the canyon wall and he added wryly, "Obviously, this is scheduled for tonight. Let's get some sleep."
I drummed my fingers against the steering wheel in a weak imitation of the music I wished I was hearing. I'd recharged my iPod with Bentley's equipment, but wanted to be able to hear if something went horribly wrong which was, unfortunately, just as likely for the Cooper gang as was everything going perfectly well.
It was fifteen minutes into OP: Moon Crash when I was hailed on the binocucom.
"Things have gotten a bit out of hand, Kaia. Head toward the marker I'm projecting."
I was shifting the Jeep into drive even as I replied, "Dare I ask?"
"I don't think you'd believe us even if we told you. You'll have to see it first. Drive, Murray, drive!"
When I did see it, I had to admit that he was right, "Guys, why is a ten story tall Carmelita chasing you and carrying a truck full of explosives?"
I heard Sly heave a dramatic sigh, "All I did was say she had something on her face. Such an overreaction."
"So, we can blame Sly for this one, then?" I asked, swerving around a sharp turn to avoid being smeared messily against the canyon wall.
"Hardly. The Mask of Dark Earth fled to Carmelita when Murray's Thunder Flop missed. I tried to sedate her and my darts seemed to react with the Mask to make her even larger somehow. Bad luck, really."
"So we're blaming Carme-large-a on you, Jinx."
In order to avoid a particularly close explosive thrown by the hundred foot tall fox, Murray had to swerve and finally pulled over upon reaching Ayer's Rock. I screeched to a halt nearby, leapt out, and joined the gang.
"… pry off that Mask of Dark Earth and maybe we'll get back the Carmelita we all know and love." Sly was saying as I ran up.
"I do not love her!" Murray protested emphatically.
"Okay, not the point," Sly said, "It's all about taking off that mask. We've gotta find a way up there."
I actually had to crane my neck to see the Mask, "How does something do that?" I wondered aloud.
"Well, you're the climber," Bentley venture in response to Sly. "And I'm sure you've always wanted to get closer to her. Can't get much closer than climbing up her boot laces."
"That's not a crazy idea," Sly actually sounded contemplative.
"Oh yeah, it's crazy." Murray insisted, causing the raccoon to round on him.
"You got a better idea?" he asked with thinly veiled annoyance.
"Yeah, but we'd need a giant, fighting robot!" Murray gesticulated wildly.
"Sorry, going to have to go with the boot laces thing," Sly quipped patiently, running off.
I couldn't resist calling after him, "Try to make sure she doesn't step on you! I don't feel like scraping you off the bottom of the canyon!"
When Carmelita finally shrunk back down to her usual size, it was silently and unanimously voted that I'd be the one to make sure she was still breathing as I was the only other female within several dozen miles. A consultation with Bentley confirmed that she was fine, but the high amount of sedatives he'd fired at her in an attempt to keep her from barbecuing Sly with her shock pistol would keep her out for several hours at least.
Considering we couldn't exactly leave her there as a tasty treat for the local wildlife, I covered her with an emergency blanket from my kit and Sly and the Guru made a campfire that we huddled around as the chill of a desert night began to settle in.
It was mostly silent… until Sly found Carmelita's Interpol-issued camera.
I was voted photographer, something I did not exactly contest as I was not fond of the idea of being photographed in my disheveled state.
We rode the high of adrenaline and anxiety and took stupid pictures until dawn began to break. Sly climbed a ridge with a map in an attempt to ascertain where we were and scrambled back down less than a minute after climbing up, demanding that we all scale the ridge as well.
As soon as I got up there, I could see what he'd been so excited about. The sun had just begun to crest the horizon, striking the few wispy clouds already in the sky with unimaginable shades of pink and orange, which threw the whole remarkable landscape into a palette of colors that would make even an artist weep.
We didn't have near as long to enjoy it as I would have liked because of the weak groan that came from the direction we'd left Carmelita.
We dashed back to the Jeep, Sly only pausing long enough to deposit the camera on a nearby rock in plain view and leave a note that suggested immediate development of the film.
I took the wheel, for the simple reason that I made it to the Jeep first and refused to relinquish it to Murray, shifted into drive, turned my music up to unholy levels and rumbled away across the desert.
In my original version of this chapter, I swear the Guru totally had actual dialogue, but half the fun of the Guru's character is never knowing exactly what he says. When I was writing this out in Word, I has able to use an unreadable font to write his dialogue, but wouldn't let it carry over, so now you'll just have to wonder.
But yes, that is this chapter! I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought and be sure to check out the blog!
