Annie had made her way to the football field. It seemed like no one had been there in years so she thought it would be a good place to hide out. Annie had also been ignoring Jeff's texts and calls for the past hour. She was not going to let him sweet talk her into his orbit again. How long was Jeff going to string her and Britta along? It didn't seem fair to either one of them. But a little more unfair to Annie, at least Britta got some action every once in a while.
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The Dean was in hysterics. He was sure, absolutely sure, that it was Jeff's affections for him that opened the door. Britta and Shirley were rubbing his back trying to calm him down. Britta had tried to come up with a good cover story for why Annie was missing. But then she started talking about unicorns and how their horns are metaphors for penis envy and well the plot was lost. She just ended up blurting out the truth.
"Who broke the Dean?" Jeff asked as he entered the study room. He had looked everywhere he could think of and sent Annie tons of 'its not what it looked like' texts and voicemails, but nada. When he saw the Dean crying on the couch, he guessed he wasn't the only one having a bad day.
Shirley and Britta looked up at Jeff with dismay. Jeff put his arms up defensively, "What did I say? Listen, I was just coming to see if any of you had heard from Annie." He ended that with a pissy face aimed at Britta.
The Dean's sobs grew louder at the mention of Annie's name. Jeff walked over to the Dean concerned, "Is this about the accreditation papers?"
The Dean stood up and his sobs became angry, "No it is not about the accreditation papers—though I do really need them—No, this is about you and me and the lie that is Borchert's lab." His sobs became desperate again and Britta and Shirley rushed to his side. "You are a heartbreaker Jeff Winger, a real heatbreaker!"
Jeff was in shock. "Craig, what are you talking about?'
"Don't play dumb with me Mister. Britta told me the whole story about you and Annie and the lab…"
"Britta, what the Fu…" Jeff was about the rain terror down on Britta for betraying his confidence in less than an hour. But then he realized. "Britta, how do you know about the lab?!"
Britta quickly pointed to Abed and tattled, "Abed told us! And Borchert told him for some dolls and a hairpin!"
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Annie knew it was time to get back. She had to find the paperwork for the Dean plus it was getting dark and she wasn't confident the lights near the football field would actually turn on. As she walked the length of the field she came across Duncan lying on the grass with a paper bag next him.
"Professor Duncan, are you ok?"
Duncan sat up "Hello Annie, what a nice surprise. It is usually only me and the coyotes out here."
Annie hugged her sweater tightly. Note to self, storm off somewhere coyote free next time. Annie continued, "You come out here a lot?"
"Why yes, as I am not supposed to drink in my office anymore."
"You are a recovering alcoholic. I don't think you are supposed to be drinking anywhere."
Duncan waved her off, "Semantics." He then pointed to his paper bag,"Want some?"
Annie hesitated. "Ok"
She sat down beside Duncan and he passed her his flask. Annie took and swig and gagged. "Ugh, what is this? It is vile."
Duncan was pretty proud of himself. "Irish Whiskey, isn't it great."
Annie shrugged and took another sip.
"So we know I am out here to get black out drunk. But Ms. Edison, it is a surprise to find you here. Jeff problems?"
Annie stopped drinking, "How do you know that, I mean No."
"Come on Annie, any outside observer can tell you two want to pull." Annie looked confused. Duncan corrected himself. "Hook up. Sorry, when I drink I start using the mother tongue."
"I wish it was that simple Professor Duncan. I know Jeff is attracted to me. He just won't let himself go there. I think the idea of being with me makes him feel ashamed, like it's somehow wrong or dirty."
"Yes", Duncan shook his head knowingly, "because of the obvious difference in your height."
Annie scrunched her face, "I was thinking age."
"Well Annie, in my book, wrong and dirty would go in the pros column."
Annie tried to sound as little repulsed as possible as she handed the flask back to Duncan. "Thanks…I guess."
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Everyone was yelling at each other.
"Ok everybody calm down", Abed had always wanted to be the one to scream that. "There are a ton of conflicts going on right now. I think it would be more efficient if we make a list and attack them individually."
"Well the list is about the get a hell of a lot shorter once I kill Britta and maybe you too Abed." Jeff screamed furiously.
"Kill me? I get that you are mad at me for spilling the beans. But COME ON, everyone knows you have the hotts for Annie. It's not like you have been dead the entire time and we just found out."
Abed gave Britta a high-five for the Sixth Sense shout-out. Yes the reference was kind of weak, but he wanted to encourage this positive behavior.
Jeff was so sick of everyone thinking he was just some horny old man lusting for the sexy school girl. Hell, he was sick of thinking he was a horny old man lusting after the sexy school girl. He finally broke. "Britta, I don't just have the 'hotts' for Annie. She inspires something in me that I can't explain. Maybe because I have never felt it before. It is scary and exciting. And I am mad at myself for wasting the last 5 years running away from her. I am finally ready to tell Annie that I am in love with her and now she probably won't even have me because she is sick of being strung along. So congratulations Jeff Winger you f-ed up your life once again."
Jeff fell back onto the couch with his head in his hands again, "I don't even know why I am telling you guys this."
Britta and Shirley abandoned the Dean and scooched next to Jeff. Both were rubbing his back. Jeff groaned in defeat.
Britta tried to suppress her excitement and sound as professional as possible, "So Jeff you aren't mad at me. But really you are mad at yourself for your inability to express your emotions. Maybe something happened in your childhood that you would like to discuss."
Shirley swatted at Britta. This was not the time to psychoanalyze Jeff. "You really love Annie, Jeff?" Shirley asked with all sincerity.
"Yes." He mumbled from behind his hands.
"Then you should tell her. I know I have been one of your biggest critics. But really who are we to judge." Shirley looked around. "We are all at Greendale because there are no shortcuts to happiness. Life is hard, but our reward is each other. So if you have a chance to be with who you love, you have to try." Jeff wasn't the only one who could give a winger speech.
Jeff looked up and smiled at Shirley, "Thanks. But she won't even talk to me."
"That is true. But she is mad right now. You two will make up like always and then none of us will stand in your way."
The dean began to shoot up his hand, "Well actually… "
Britta quickly shot him down with a vigorous shaking of her head. The Dean relented and sat back.
Meanwhile, Abed sat in his chair at the study table quietly hatching a plan. Cue maniacal laugh.
