I'm starting to mess with episodes now. I'm not gonna rely on canon-script, as it doesn't suit the needs of the story and if you're here, you know what happens already. So I'm taking artistic interpretation. Enjoy! (Usual disclaimers apply!) Also, for the purposes of my story, there is no Adam.
Sandover Bridge & Iron Inc, March 2009
There was something wrong.
Besides the fact that she'd randomly started hunting ghosts with two guys from the company, and that Sam, the big guy from her department, had insisted this was what they were meant for. She was meant to be with them, with him and Dean, hunting monsters like the funny looking idjits from the Ghostfacers video. But she didn't feel right. Even with meeting the boys, discovering something that felt like it should be, hadn't completely filled the hole that sunk into her very being - the hole she hadn't even realised was there until the weird things had started happening.
Something was missing, and it was killing her.
A flutter of bird wings caught her attention from behind her in the apartment; her apartment, decorated with funny knicknacks and scented candles, her little nerd haven. But was it really hers?
She was fairly certain that her decor had never included the rather attractive looking man in the trench coat that stood square in the middle of her living room.
'Who are you?' She asked curiously.
'I have come to take you home.' He took a step forward and reached out, placing two fingers to the middle of her forehead. Alex reeled back with the force of the memories returned to her, and she gasped, glaring up at Castiel with a fury he'd never seen in a human before.
'What - what the hell Cas?'
The angel looked like he winced and he looked away. 'It was a...test. Devised by Zachariah. He wanted you and your brothers to realise that you are hunters, and that you have a destiny.'
'A test?' She spat, then her panic set in. 'Where's James? Where is he?'
'He is safe. He is with Granpa Bobby.' The term of endearment,complete with James' usual omission of the "d", falling from Castiel's lips made her soften a fraction, but not for long. The steely edge to her voice returned.
'Take me back to him, Cas.'
'As you wish.'
The room blinked out and within a second, she was standing in the front of the Singer Salvage Yard house. Alex didn't even pause; she ran for the door, but Cas appeared in front of her before she could get there. 'Get out of my way, Castiel.' Her eyes bore into him and he felt nervous for a moment, which was a new and odd sensation.
'Before you go in, we need to speak.'
'I don't have time for this.'
'James has been fine with Bobby. The house is warded against both angels and demons. I need to speak to you now; I cannot follow you into the house.'
'Good. Means he can't get kidnapped by one of your psycho siblings again.' She scowled. 'I don't care right now, Cas. I need to see him. I spent the last few days with a gnawing hole inside me, and being away from him...I'm pissed and you do not wanna be on the receiving end right now.'
Castiel's mouth set into a thin line. 'You asked me before, who the angel was who gave you the grace.' She froze and he took a shallow breath. 'The angel who was responsible for James' existence.' He looked her dead in the eyes, those stupid too-blue eyes of his that she absolutely hated. 'I know Dean has not told you, though I am fairly certain that he knows.'
'Knows...who it...' Two and two suddenly made four, and she blinked, her body going rigid. Those stupid too-blue eyes...his willingness to disobey and bring James home...all of his behaviour. 'You.' Cas didn't make a sound as she found the knowledge. 'You're -'
'I was instructed not to tell you.' He sighed. 'But I've wanted...I have needed to tell you.'
She stared at him, as if caught in a spell. Her mouth twitched, like she wanted to say something but didn't know how to form the words, and Castiel simply stood there, waiting, unsure what to expect. A thud sounded from inside the house and the spell was broken. Alex fled past him, into the house, towards the excited shouts of "Mommy!"; into the house where he could no longer follow.
Castiel sighed heavily. He didn't know why he'd needed to tell her. He'd thought he might have felt better.
He didn't.
Free will was hard.
Sioux Falls, March 2009
April was approaching fast, and Alex had thrown herself back into training with gusto. James was picking up new skills daily, as well as the ones regular people learnt. Dean had taken a specific interest in the boy's weapons training, although Alex knew he was worried about what the child had overheard when he had been taken by Uriel. James had never said anything, and they had all tried to talk to him, but all he had replied with was the bad man had taken him, and Cas had saved him.
Castiel had been MIA since his confession to Alex. She hadn't decided what to do with the information yet. In essence, he was James' father, but she didn't know what that meant.
Dean hadn't said anything to her, if Cas was right and he knew, but Alex didn't want to broach the subject with him. Bobby had told her about his words on the night he had returned with James, that what he had done was "what any father would do". And maybe it was. She knew he cared about James, but were angels even capable of love on that level? Did he understand truly what it meant?
It was too much for her to handle, so she ignored it.
James didn't seem to have any clue what was going on.
When they got the call for a job a few towns over, Alex offered to join them, taking James along for the ride. It was a simple salt and burn, and she thought it was about time that James knew exactly what they did, if he was destined for the life. Dean had put up a token argument, but then decided that with the three of them, James would be fine.
So when they'd gone into the shop, separately, James excitedly looking for comics, and his uncles doing their faux FBI thing, she was shocked to overhear of the existence of the books. The Supernatural books. The boys had immediately bought every copy in the shop, and the Winchester family returned to the motel. Dean read through the books, a permanent scowl on his face as he recounted their adventures.
James fell asleep as the sun began to set, whilst his mom and uncles were reading through stuff on the internet and the books themselves.
'You know, there's barely any mention of me in these books.' Alex grumbled. 'You two really did just forget about me huh?'
'No, we didn't. It just...' Dean grimaced as he threw down the latest book he'd been leafing through.
'It was painful.' Sam said quietly. 'But you did get a mention. You got your own book here. A single novel detailing your adventures whilst you weren't with us.' Sam squinted at the digital download copy he had of the Alex centric book. 'Whoa...' He blinked at the screen. 'Alex...'
'What?' She asked, worried about what he'd found.
'Did you...' He looked up over the laptop over to her, lowering his voice. 'It was Castiel's grace?'
Alex paled, and looked down at her laptop, not wanting to answer. Dean stood up and walked over to the table, sitting himself down in the chair.
'You knew?' He asked and she nodded.
'Cas told me a few weeks ago. He said...he said...' She sighed. 'He just told me okay. I don't know what it means.' She looked at Dean pointedly. 'You knew. Why didn't you tell me?'
Dean shrugged. 'I didn't think it was my place. If he'd left it too long, then yeah, I woulda said something. But he's told you, so...'
'So we're all okay with the fact that Castiel knocked our sister up?' Sam stated bluntly, earning twin glares from his siblings. He raised his hands in surrender. 'Okay. Okay. That subject is off the table.'
'What else do we know about these stupid books? How come we haven't heard of them before?' Dean asked, and Sam raised an eyebrow.
'They're pretty obscure. I mean, almost zero circulation. Uh, started in '05. The publisher put out a couple dozen before going bankrupt. And, uh, the last one – "No Rest For The Wicked"-' Sam turned his laptop towards Dean. 'Ends with you going to Hell.'
'This is freaking insane.' He clicked down through the pages Sam had opened. 'Check it out. There's actually fans. There's not many of them, but still. Did you read this?'
Sam nodded, brushing hair from his face. 'Yeah.'
'Although for fans, they sure do complain a lot. Listen to this – Simpatico says "the demon story line is trite, clichéd, and overall craptastic." Yeah, well, screw you, Simpatico. We lived it.' He scoffed, scowling at the screen. Alex chuckled; she was on the same site.
'Yeah. Well, keep on reading. It gets better.' Sam muttered.
'There are "Sam girls" and "Dean girls" and – what's a "slash fan"?'
'As in... Sam-slash-Dean.' Alex clarified. Dean looked blank. 'Together.' She waited for the other shoe to drop.
'Like, together together?' His eyebrows were almost through the roof of the motel.
'Yeah.'
'They do know we're brothers, right?'
'Doesn't seem to matter.' Sam picked up a discarded beer from the table and took a swig. 'It gets worse. Scroll down.'
Dean tapped the laptop mouse a couple of times, and his eyes widened as he found the other categories of "fanfiction". 'Oh, come on. That... That's just sick.' He raised his eyes to Alex. 'And you complained you weren't in it much.' He shut the laptop. 'We got to find this Carver Edlund.'
'Yeah, that might not be so easy.' Sam said, taking his laptop back and opening it.
'Why not?' The eldest Winchester sibling asked.
'No tax records, no known address. Looks like "Carver Edlund" is a pen name.'
'Somebody's gotta know who he is.'
Alex stayed behind the next day, whilst the boys went to track down the author of the books. She sat with James for a good portion of the morning, watching cartoon and reading comics with him, until he promptly announced he was hungry, and she decided they both needed a decent meal. So she'd made herself mildly presentable for the outside world, and they'd hurried down the street to the diner they'd eaten dinner at the night before. She left a note for her brothers, just so they didn't panic when they returned.
Halfway through the meal, James put down the child-sized burger he'd been munching on and looked up at his mom with those sparkling baby blues. They were so bright...she kicked herself for not figuring it out sooner. He had those damned angel's eyes. The question he asked did not help.
'Mommy, where's Cas been?'
Alex nearly choked on her salad as she raised an eyebrow momentarily. 'Cas...has been busy sweetheart. He's still around; he just had important angel work to do.'
'I thought we were important.' The bottom lip was quivering. Alex hated when he did this. 'He said we was. And I haven't seen him since forever.'
'Oh honey, I'm sure we'll see him soon. He's just...busy.' She finished lamely, looking down at her food. 'I'm sorry, baby, we'll try and call him later, okay?'
Apparently there was no need. As soon as the words had left her mouth, Castiel appeared next to their table, that solemn look on his angular face. James squealed in excitement and jumped up to hug the angel. Much to her surprise, he returned the embrace, then settled the little boy back down in his seat, before sliding in next to him.
'Cas! Where you been? Mommy said you was busy.'
'I have been. I am sorry, James. I did not mean to neglect you.'
'You haven't.' Alex said, before her son could reply. 'I know you've been keeping watch.' She smiled tightly. 'So you're joining us for lunch?' Castiel looked down at James' plate of food.
'I don't eat.'
She felt the need to scowl, but refrained. 'I'll order you a coffee. Just so you don't sit here looking weird.' She raised a hand to a waitress and placed and order. Five minutes later, the three of them sat, Alex picking at her salad, James heartily munching on his burger and Cas staring at his coffee as if it held the answers to the universe. Alex suddenly had the thought that they probably looked like a family, and it made her shudder a little.
Because Cas wasn't really James' father.
Not really.
He just donated...grace.
That just sounded really freaky.
'So where have you been?' She asked, and Cas looked up, bewildered at her question. 'Just wondering.' She shrugged.
'I have been keeping an eye on you and your family, of course. But I have had other matters to attend to.' He sighed softly. 'The angels are...displeased with me.'
Alex shot a cautious glance at James, but he was too engrossed in his food to listen to their conversation. 'Why?'
'Because I disobeyed. Although circumstances with Uriel were in the enemy's favour, they are unhappy with my decisions. My...attachment to your family.'
'So why don't they just station you elsewhere?' She swallowed hard, wondering if he'd pick up on the note of nervousness in her voice at the very idea of another angel replacing Cas. She'd grown attached herself - James certainly had - even though she was still kinda pissed at him. She wouldn't admit it out loud but Cas was...very attachable when he wanted to be.
'There is no other who would protect James as adequately. He is important. And they believe I hold the most vested interest because I am -'
Alex cut him off then. 'I get it.' Her eyes flickered to James, and Castiel frowned, then seemed to realise her urgency to stop him speaking. She hadn't told the boy anything yet.
'So you understand.' He asked slowly. She nodded, and went back to her salad.
'Are you staying a while this time, Cas?' James asked suddenly, shoving the last bite of his burger into his mouth. His table manners were not the best - and they seemed to be worsening the more time he spent with his Uncle Dean. 'Cos I miss you.'
Castiel smiled down at him, and Alex felt her breath hitch in her throat. The angel never smiled and when he did, it was only at James and it was always genuine. She couldn't deny that he cared for her son, and she found herself wondering how much of it was actual duty.
'I can stay for now. I may need to help your uncles with something.' He looked back to Alex and his smile was gone. 'They have found the prophet.'
They had returned to the motel after their meal, and James had promptly fallen asleep. Alex had turned her hand to research, and Cas sat still by the window, his eyes focused on her. To tell the truth it was a little unsettling. After half an hour of wishing her brothers would return quickly, she finally snapped and slammed the laptop shut. The angel didn't even flinch.
'Would you quit staring?' He immediately averted his eyes, and Alex huffed loudly, getting up and moving over to the small kitchenette. 'It's a bit freaky.'
'I apologise.' He said, turning his eyes to James instead. 'He is...' He seemed to lose the words, and went quiet as Alex looked at him sideways.
'Beautiful right?' She said quietly, and Cas nodded, almost imperceptibly. 'He's the best thing in my world.' The kettle clicked as it boiled, and she scooped up a sugar cube and dropped it into a mug. 'I guess...I have you to thank for that.'
Cas looked up at her curiously, those damn blue eyes almost shredding her. 'How do you mean?'
'Well...he wouldn't be here without you right?' He seemed to contemplate her words for a moment.
'I suppose so.'
Alex finished making her coffee and moved back over to the table. 'I...I kinda wanna know. How you did it? I mean...normally creating a child...'
'Involves intercourse.'
She blushed then, his words making her feel hot. He said it so simply that if it were any other situation, she'd laugh. But he remained serious, his eyes back on her again. 'Yeah. I mean...that obviously never happened...'
'No.' He stated. 'It was not difficult. You are a healthy young female. It was simply a matter of gathering the genetics needed, a manipulation of molecules. I passed some of my grace to you, and you conceived.'
'Well, that takes the romance out of it a bit.' She muttered. 'Usually the touching is the fun part.' She raised the coffee cup to her lips and took a sip.
Castiel raised an eyebrow. 'I did have to touch you.'
She choked, spitting coffee down herself. Picking up a discarded take away napkin, she wiped it down, grumbling, feeling embarrassed. Cas didn't say anything. 'You what?' She asked, needing clarification.
'In order to pass my grace to you, I had to touch you.'
Alex paled. 'Where?'
'On the forehead.' He replied. She sighed a little.
'Oh. Oh, I guess...that's okay.' They fell into silence for a few moments, and Alex once again wondered where her brothers were. It was getting dark and they'd been gone most of the day. 'So...' She stretched her shoulders out a bit. 'You're technically his dad.'
'If it is uncomfortable for you, you do not have to refer to me that way.'
'No...it's not...' She exhaled hard. 'I guess, I got so used to just being single mom...but it's nice. To know exactly where he came from.' She looked over at the bed and her sleeping son. 'And at least it was you and not...you know. Someone like Uriel.'
'Uriel was not stationed with the Winchester family. He would have been unsuitable.'
Alex rolled her eyes. 'No...it doesn't matter.' Her gaze remained fixed on James. 'He doesn't look like you at all. Except for the eyes.'
'The colour of his eyes is because of the grace. He has none of my genetics. He is made purely from you, Sam and Dean.' Castiel looks over to the boy. 'He seems to resemble Sam more than Dean, though.'
She chuckled. 'Yeah, but he's got Dean's attitude.'
'I think he is more like you in his behaviour. You were always a polite and dedicated child.'
'And that isn't creepy at all.' She took another tentative sip of her coffee. 'I can't believe you watched us all those years.'
'I did what was requested of me.'
'How many times did you save us?' She asked, curiously.
Cas thought for a moment. 'I only healed you once, in those woods. I would have completely healed the wound, but Dean interrupted me. I stayed by your side whilst you healed.' He looked at her, and the intensity of his gaze made her tremble. 'I was not with you and your brothers all the time. I had other tasks.'
'Like?'
'Small things. Nothing of importance. But I was there with you when it mattered.' He seemed a little uncomfortable for a moment.
'Like?' Alex asked again, her curiosity prodding her.
He smiled softly. 'When you got lost in the Halloween maze your brothers took you to when you were ten. They were only gone for ten minutes, but the fear coming from you was enough to call me to your side. You were crying, and you dropped your candy apple. I stayed with you then, tried to comfort you whilst not revealing myself. You seemed to cope well until your brothers found you.'
Alex didn't realise she'd stopped breathing until he finished speaking. 'I - I thought -' She stopped, not sure what to say. 'Thanks. I guess.'
'I was also there at your junior prom. When that boy, Simon Wallace, was...inappropriate with you.'
She blushed. 'You were?' She hadn't even told Dean what happened.
Castiel nodded. 'When he was becoming insistent, your panic increased. You were trying to fight him off, but he was a lot bigger than you.'
'He was a dick jock.' She muttered. 'I was so glad when that fire tripped the sprinkler system and that teacher barged in.'
'I was the one who set the fire.' Cas said quietly.
'Were you also the one who cut the brakes on his car and caused him to drive into that tree and ruin his professional football career?' She asked innocently, expecting him to deny it. She knew he couldn't have gone that far to protect her almost sullied honour.
'Yes.' Alex blinked. She hadn't been expecting that. The angel shifted uncomfortably. 'It made me angry. I'd never experienced anger before. And when he tried to hurt you...' He sighed. 'I see now why my superiors believe I became too attached. I was always more worried about you than your brothers, although all three of you are adept at finding trouble wherever you go.'
She smiled. 'Yeah, we've gotten pretty good at that. Comes with the territory.' She caught up with the rest of what he had said. 'You were more attached to me?'
'It makes sense, in some way.' He mused, looking back over to James. 'I felt...more of a bond with you than your brothers. I consider my connection with Dean to be more powerful since I raised him from Hell, and he feels it when I am near.' She frowned; Dean had never mentioned that. 'It is understandable as my grace is imprinted on his soul.'
'That sounds...kinda gay.'
'Dean has only touched my grace.' Alex sniggered, and covered it with another sip of coffee. 'You and James; you have my grace contained inside you. It is understandable I would feel a connection to you.'
She didn't quite know what to say to that. Luckily, the door opened at that moment, and the two Winchester brothers burst into the room.
'Alex?' Dean asked, looking between her and Cas. 'You okay?'
'I'm fine.' She asked, puzzled. 'Why?'
'Nothing. It's nothing.' Sam rushed out, smiling a little falsely. 'We were just...' He held several sheets of paper in his hand.
'You found the prophet?' Cas asked, his eyes also going to the pieces of paper.
'Prophet?' Sam asked, tilting his head.
Dean had been shooting her funny looks all the way back to Sioux Falls. Sam and James were asleep in the back seat, the youngest Winchester sprawled out over his uncle, as Sam was so tall he needed the majority of the back seat. Dean drove at a steady speed, trying to keep the journey smooth for them. Sammy was wiped out from what had happened with Lilith, and they'd argued about it before leaving. James had gotten upset over the tense atmosphere, coupled with the fact that Castiel had left again and Alex had finally ordered them all into the car.
But her big brother was still shooting her funny looks.
'What?' She finally asked in a hiss.
'Nothing.' Dean made a non committal noise and turned his gaze back to the road.
'Seriously, what?'
He sighed. 'Well, I was just wondering about your whole UST scene with Cas back at the motel.'
She went bright red. 'What the hell are you on about?'
'Chuck gave us a couple of pages. We knew what was coming with Lilith and well...he included your little love scene.'
Alex scowled. 'It was not a love scene.'
'So you didn't "blush and feel suddenly hot" when Cas mentioned intercourse?' There was smirk on Dean's face, and if he hadn't been driving with her son in the car, she'd have punched him in the face.
'Shut up.'
'Oh come on. You have the hots for him.'
'I do not!' She exclaimed loudly, then covered her mouth as she remembered the sleeping Winchesters. 'Anyway, I'm not the one with a "imprint on my soul".' She mocked, and Dean's eyebrows furrowed together, before he smirked again.
'No, his grace is just inside you.'
'Shut up.' Alex repeated, folding her arms. 'You're imagining things.'
'I think it's cute. And nice. At least you know who James' daddy is now.'
'He is not James' daddy.' She sighed. 'He's not around enough. It's not fair on James to tell him anything, or to get his hopes up. I'm lucky, Dean, real lucky that James never asked me why he didn't have a father like the other kids. He was happy with it just being me and him. I - I won't have him hurt.'
Dean looked over at his sister, the smirk dropping as he reached over to take her hand, squeezing it reassuringly. 'He won't, sis. You know we won't let that happen.' He dropped her hand and looked back to the road. 'But...I think he deserves to know. Just like I think Cas should man up and take some responsibility. If he's James' dad...then he should be involved.'
'He's an angel, Dean. What kind of reference does he have on how to be a dad? He wouldn't know how.'
'Maybe. But how are you gonna know if you don't give him a chance?'
'Is this some kind of macho "you knocked up my sister, now take charge" thing?'
'Yeah. Yeah it is.' Dean looked over at her. 'You've been coping alone for so long, Alex. And god knows, James has us and you, and Bobby. But...kid needs a dad.'
'Like we had?' She replied sadly. Her brother's face fell for a moment.
'No.' He said quietly and sternly. 'Not like we had. Better than we had.'
'And you think Castiel can be that?' Alex looked at him, hazel eyes meeting green for a moment.
'I don't know.'
Neither of them noticed the four year old in the back of the car, laying against his Uncle Sam with his eyes open, and his thumb jammed firmly in his mouth as he listened.
