Can you forgive me again?

I dont know what I said

but I didn't mean to hurt you

I heard the words come out

I felt that I would die

It hurt so much to hurt you

It was just a petty fight thats all, just like harper had said. Where was butch now though?

The wind whistled voilently as I picked up my pace, walking faster towards home. I looked around me to see if I could find someone familiar to ask where butch was but tutted when I saw no one. My ears felt numb and frozen due to the cold, my whole body shivered. I was preparing myself for tonight.

I was going to tell Butch everything about what happened with me and Stan. I was determined to let him know however that it meant nothing, that it was a stupid mistake I regreted more than anything. There was no going back, It was what it was and I was more than sorry for what i'd done. I would willingly do anything I could to make butch realise how truely sorry I was.

what would butch do though? would he...

I was weak when I slept with stan. I thought back to when it first happened. Me and butch had an argument the night before, he had been in a fight and had obviously hurt someone. Bad. The blood on his hands obviously wasn't his as he rinsted them off in the sink, I tried to make him tell me what happened but he wouldn't tell me anything and got all argumentative about it, he was in a foul mood but he always kept quiet about things like that. There was tension between us that day, but still, that was no excuse.

After ace had given me that offer just the other day I never said a word. It shocked me that I actully thought about it. If ace did kill Stan like he hinted he would. I would always have ace know that he'd killed a man in my favour. I would be eternally in his debt for the rest of my life, I couldnt do that.

It was going to kill me inside to confess everything, but I couldn't keep lying.

I couldn't blame Butch if he left me, but at least I wouldn't have anything to hide, but the sad thruth was I was having doubts about telling him.

I was at my appartment building. I sucked in a deep breath and walked up the flight of stairs, my eyes trailing across the floor. I reached butch's door and knocked to see if he was home. No answer.

"Butch" another knock, "are you home?" silence. I was shaking with worry, I wanted to know where he was and what ace had told him, was he safe? I went to my door and rested my head across the wood and let out a breath. As I unlocked my door, I heard a shuffle from behind me. As I turned to see who it was. I jumped instantly, my heart pounding.

I was suprised to see Stan in the corner of the hallway, a cigarette hanging from his lips, he was leaning casually against the wall, I gasped. Shocked to find him here. why was he here?!

"Told you it wasn't over" his deep voice eched off the thin walls.

"wh-what are you doing here?" I managed to stutter out, he didnt say anything, but a smirk tugged on his lips when he realised I was shaking, due to his presence.

He was messing with me, he really didn't care if he ruined everything.

He just stared back at me as he drew cigarette smoke out from his mouth, he walked towards me after dropping it on the floor and stumping it out with his foot. I felt as if somehow he had control over me, he could tell butch everything himself, he could hold that against me, I knew what would happen then, they would fight and get hurt. I didn't want that.

Stan did have power over me though, when I think back to those times I had fallen I couldn't understand how it happened. was it by force in some way? did he...

"how do you know where I live?" I mumbled loud enough for him to hear, he had never followed me home before, at least not that I knew of... He didn't say anything.

I started to get scared if butch came home at this moment and caught him here. It was almost night, he could be here any minute. I caught Stan's sight was on my lips. He scanned his dark eyes slowly down my body, making me shivver. He moved closer towards me taking a few steps, I looked him straight in the eye keeping my face emotionless, I was trying to seem as brave as I could. I had to pretend I didn't feel scared and intimidated by him, which I was. I didn't want to seem weak, my jaw was tense. He didn't answer my question.

"what do you want?" I said bravley, my tone serious, tring to hurry this to the point, the sooner we got to the point the sooner he'd leave.

"what do you think?" he glared at me slighlty but I knew what was in his eyes. Lust. Pure lust. I had to force my eyes away from his, I was determined not to fall into his trap again.

Through all what butch had shown me about sex, it just made the idea of cheating easier because I knew what it was like, sex was still new to me. The idea of it with stan seemed somewhat tempting, hard to refuse, looking at his handsome features and strong body alot like butch's. It was so easy to fall... but one way or another this was getting sorted now.

I wouldn't be like that with Stan again, I didn't want to. I had already hurt myself enough, it was killing me, even more so I'd hurt butch too, he just didnt know it, but he would.

why did I do it in the first place?

"No. Its not happening, not ever again" I said strongly, becoming defensive and on guard for any tricks he'd try to pull.

"I'll tell if him if you dont" he spat out threatening me, as if he was bullying me into sleeping with him again.

"I'm telling him myself" I gulped. It was only right that butch knew the truth. He desrved to, if I lost him... it was my own fault, but I love Butch and I wanted to keep him.

"bullshit" Stan put both palms on the wall at each side of my face, pinning me in, he was stronger than me, I felt so weak and so vunerable, the hate and lust in his eyes made my skin crawl.

"you won't tell him, you wouldn't dare, he'd hurt you for it, the guy's violent" he narrowed his eyes at me, I was shocked by the horrible thing he was implying, that butch would hurt me if he found out.

"we both know he wouldn't take kindly to the idea of what me and you have been doing bubbles," he cupped my chin roughly with his palm for me to look at him but I quickly pushed his hand away

My eyes lowered, I felt them watering with tears as that thought ran through my mind, that my own boyfriend would turn his violence onto me. I had a sudden realisation of how horrible and manipulative Stan could be, his harsh words and ruthlessness, he was talking me into the idea that butch would do that. Stan came here for a reason, for what he want's from me. He was bullying me into something I didn't want to do. I hated him for it, how could he be so cruel, but I knew better than to listen to him.

"butch wouldn't hurt me, what happened with us is finnnsihed, it was stupid and I regret it all" I spoke out, my words confident and guenuine.

"I didnt hear you complaining when we were.." he began suggestiveley, I cut him off before he could finnish.

"get out! stay away from me!" I shouted, the raise in my voice had taken a back on him, he looked shocked that I had actually stuck up for myself.

"shhhh," he lowered his voice "you better watch what you say to me doll," before I could react he grabbed my wrists painfully tight, nipping hard into my soft skin, I winced in pain.

"Ouch!" I squealed in his tight grasp, he moved quickly, shoving me into my appartment like i was just a rag doll. My eyes widened with shock, I was scared as to what he'd do next but I knew what was to happen between us. I began to scream for help as he started to attack me, forcing his lips onto mine. I was resisting, and pulling away from him, trying to fight him off, but I wasn't strong enough. I prayed someone would walk by and help me as my door wasnt fully shut. I wouldn't let stan have his way again. I wouldn't let him force me.

"help" I screamed. I kicked him in the shin he grunted in pain as I tried to escape but he was too fast. Stan twisted my wrists spinning me down onto the bed, he threw himself intop of me, pushing all his weight down, keeping me in place. I felt his rough hands trail up my chest as he tried touching me in all those places he did before, trying to get me into play but I wasn't having it. He silenced my cries for help with his huge hand clasped over my mouth.

"just do as I say, dont fight it or it'l hurt you more" what? is this what he did to me those times before? he ripped my top down the middle, so he could see me underneath,

"you'le enjoy it, you did before" he started unzipping his jeans, I could not believe what was about to happen I began to cry, hot tears streamed down my face. He smirked at my scared mannerism and exposed body. I began to whimper

I felt a cold draft rush from the door as I heard it being flung open, loud heavy footsteps echoed into the room

"get off her!" a familiar angrey voice was harsh and threatening. I was scared but so relieved to hear his voice at that moment. Butch. I was shaking all over.

"get the fuck off of her!" I felt a slight pain as Stan form was ripped away from my body as fast as I could blink, butch grabbed him by the collar and started pounding him with hard punches to the face, Stan groaned in pain and then dragged butch to the floor, tripping him over were they were fighting voilently. I gasped and moved to the far end of the bed out of the way of there wrath.

"stop" I shouted but it was pointless I covvered my ears to block out the swearing and pounding of flesh with thier fists. They had to stop this before someone got seriously hurt. Butch had a bloody nose and stan was clinging onto his stomach arching his body over in pain.

I was froze in the spot on the bed in shock. I curled my arms around my body to try and calm down my panic, I knew they knew distantly they probably have fought before I expected but Butch was really angrey, he was fiercley protective of me though.

"what did you think you were doing huh?" Butch's sinster eyes were staring daggers at stan for what he'd tryed to do to me.

"well," stan turned to look at me as he spat out some blood on the floor "your girl liked it when I fucked her all those other times" Stans words were honest. Butch's body locked up, after he'd processed Stan's words. My heart sank, my jaw dropped, I was absoulutley devistated, my ears felt hot with embarrrasment, as lump formed in my throat as tight a pebble as I resisted the urge to burst out in tears.

Butch's whole body froze and he stayed deadly still and silent, guilt and self loathing took over me, I could see the anger building up in him. He was knealing on the floor a foot away from Stan.

There was a short pause "what" butch said blankly, I felt my eyes well up with tears, I put a hand over my mouth to stop me from crying.

Each time i say something I regret I cry "I don't want to lose you"

but somehow I know that you will never leave me yeah?

A/N: Ok first of all sorry for the long wait, but I've not had alot of spare time. but here it is

This chapter is a cliffhanger so you'le have to wait for the next one to see what happens. Also the next chapter will also make this one make more sense as it goes back on itself in the one to come, but you'le see what i mean when I update ; P

I hope you guys liked it and thanks again for being patient I know how frustrating it can be waiting. I'm still waiting for CrystalGem to update her story TOTLTUTV as it's hands down the best fan fic I have ever read and she should definatley consider publishing it =)

also if any of you have any ideas, suggestions or ways I can improve about my story, please let me know in a review, constructive critisism is appreciated.

anyweys I'll try and have the next chap up alittle sooner! thanks so much for reading to all of you, and please review :)