June, Part I
Katie's former stepson was her unexpected visitor of the day on Monday. Thursday and Friday had been wall to wall conferences and teleconferences. It wasn't much of a way to celebrate growing old, but Katie had the memory of a kiss to keep her going strong.
He knocked on the door and steeped inside.
"Liam, I didn't know we had a meeting scheduled. Did I miss a call from you?" Katie scrambled to locate her phone. This was a rare fumble as she was rarely without it.
Liam ambled into her office, making a show of taking in the décor. She'd put up a few more pictures of the men in her life. One from her birthday showed all three of them sporting faces covered in chocolate frosting.
"I called the house—that's where I stopped by the other night, on your birthday. Remember that night?"
Katie swallowed, anxious. How could I forget?
"You came by the house?"
Liam nodded obliquely. "I called first, but you didn't pick up. I don't know what I was thinking just showing up like that. I had gotten your message earlier in the afternoon about wanting us to meet and I thought I'd drop by and see what was up—you know, in case I needed to clean out my office before close of business."
"You're not being fired."
Liam sprawled into a chair, a picture of relief. "Oh, thank god. You don't know how happy I am to hear that. I'd hate to be fired. I really, really love my job."
Katie enjoyed having him in her corner.
"I'm sensing a topic change is in order."
"Yeah, I guess my question is 'when did you and Ridge become a couple to watch?'"
"I don't follow."
Liam only just reined in his visible disbelief.
"I came into the house—you should lock your doors, by the way. I came into the house after I saw RJ waiting in the car because I figured you wouldn't be busy."
"Oh."
"Mmm, yeah, I guess you can say I called that one wrong."
"That was…" Katie frantically sought a word to describe what Ridge's kiss had meant to her. None of those springing to mind were the sort she'd say out loud.
"You two have been in the society papers since February. You can't think this would come as a surprise to anyone."
"Contrary to what the tabloids have been saying, this is new. Liam, I'm not sure what this is. This could destroy my standing at Spencer. You cannot tell anyone."
"Who would I tell?"
"Who knows? You can't say anything. Rumor is one thing, but the first hint of real scandal…"
"Ridge is single. You are single. This is a victimless crime."
"Tell that to the next member of my family to come lecture me about whatever they think is going on between us."
"They should want you to be happy. I don't know much about how you two work, but I know what you look like when you're happy. That's the happiest you've been since you married my dad."
"He's not any happier about the situation."
"He's weighed in." Liam sighed to himself, "Of course he has. The truth is, my dad doesn't know when to leave well enough alone. He's got the life he claims to want. He can't contend with the idea of you and Ridge Forrester. He can't wrap his head around it. Up the moment I saw you two…like that, I don't think I could either. The cards weren't there."
"For me, either. Ridge wasn't on my radar before this year. He was Brooke's true love, not to be trifled with or touched. He was her Holy Grail. Who was I or any woman to think we could compete?"
"Something changed in Ridge while he was gone, didn't it? This Ridge…" Liam gestured vaguely. "He's not the same. This Ridge makes the two of you together seem natural. In the papers, in interviews when he mentions you—"
"Ridge mentions me?" Katie oversaw a publishing company, but she had very little time to spend reading anything that didn't come in the form of a quarterly earnings report.
"Uh, yeah, a couple of times recently. He was talking about perspective and new leases on life and how spending time with you had inspired him to see things in a new light. That's kind of why I figured you two were an ongoing thing. He hasn't exactly been subtle."
"He hasn't said anything to me. Up until he kissed me that night, I wasn't sure he had real romantic feelings for me. I figured I was misreading the signs."
"Billboards tend to be pretty clear."
"Not helpful."
"I'm just saying. He's been giving off smoke signals since, uh, the beginning." Liam ticked off the benchmarks on his fingers: "How he talked about you to Brooke—big sign. How he talked about you to Rick. How he talked about you to my dad. When I look back, it's obvious he's had these feelings. The only one who wasn't ready to see it was you."
"Why would he wait this long? That doesn't make sense. Ridge Forrester waits for no woman."
"Has it occurred to you he was waiting to see if you'd make the first move?"
"That's not me."
"Which he must have realized, so he took a chance and…here you are. The question you have to ask yourself is do you regret it?"
"I…" Katie thought of being in Ridge's arms and that feeling of being safe and loved that had immediately enveloped her. She thought of the look in his eyes that she had seen almost every day for months when she caught him watching her across a crowded desktop. You were there my whole life. How'd I miss you? She recalled the sheer undaunted, passion and want he'd poured into their kisses. "I don't regret it. Not the kiss or the time we've spent together. I've denied these feelings for the sake of keeping the peace and I'm not sure I can do that anymore."
"Then, you have to tell him. Falling love is the best thing in the world, but it's nothing if you don't share it."
"I don't have the luxury of loving whomever I want. There are consequences."
"Face them as a team, as you've faced all kinds of stuff. If it's my dad you're worried about—okay, yeah, he might be a problem. Cross that bridge when you come to it. Do this and then the rest. Just make sure you actually do it. Missing a chance at love to avoid some negative publicity is the worst thing you could to yourself in the long run. Take it from somebody who lives with that regret every single day."
…
Katie had taken time to process the talk she'd had with Liam. She'd given herself many opportunities to smile stupidly over the kisses she had shared with Ridge that sill made her lips tingle on recollection. This was happening, somehow.
Over the course of several days Katie had progressed from disbelief that Ridge had actual, non-guilt-related feelings for her to uncertainty over the nature of those feelings. Was it lust? More? How much was more than lust? There was a potent attraction, to be sure, as well as a willingness to act on it.
She herself was reluctant to put a label on the emotion that prompted her to smile when she received a text from him. Does he feel like that when he hears from me? Casual affairs were someone else's privilege. Katie had her son, her company, and her reputation to consider.
Ridge had called twice in the interim. Once, he hadn't left a message and the second time was to invite her on a lunch date that a last-minute scheduling conflict forced her to cancel outright. She'd been stumped on how to apologize for that without their conversation becoming about…this. She had, therefore, performed her best trick to perfection; Katie had dodged.
Until today. She had to face what the future held lest she wait and find it held nothing.
Katie made her way to Forrester right on schedule for lunch per their standing date.
"Hi, Pam, I have an appointment with Ridge. Is it okay if I just wait inside?"
"Sure, he's in a meeting with Carter downstairs, but he should be out in a couple of minutes. Make yourself at home. Let me know if I can get you anything."
"Thanks."
Pam left Kate in Ridge's office and shut the door behind her.
Katie took the time to survey her surroundings. It wasn't often she spent time in Ridge's office when the man was elsewhere. He tended to keep her absorbed when he was here, which meant she hadn't had much opportunity to notice what changes he'd made.
New pictures of RJ and Ridge in Paris had been added to the mix of family portraits featuring Taylor and Brooke, and one alone of a young Ridge embracing the first Caroline Spencer. He isn't giving any of them up. The Ridge who'd come back to L.A. wasn't the Ridge who'd left.
Caran d'Arche colored pencils littered his workspace in thirty bright hues. His trash bin overflowed with discarded professional-grade drawing paper. This is the studio of a master. Where confusion was channeled into art. Katie began to smile upon encountering a photograph of RJ and Will playing trucks on her floor.
Katie paused when she noticed a sewing mannequin standing beside Ridge's desk. It wore a dress in-progress, the skirt just about brushing the floor. The dress was breath-taking. All of Ridge's work tended to be works of art and everyone knew he had a particular gift for clothing the female form, yet there was something about this dress that called to Katie from across the room. What is it about this dress?
She carefully fingered the fabric. Cool to the touch. She skimmed the hand-detailing on the bodice where the black stitched embroidery underscored the supple richness of the silk.
"You like it?"
Katie jumped, spinning around to face Ridge. He was leaning against his office door and he looked as if he had been for some time. She hadn't heard him come in.
"It's gorgeous. I thought Forrester had finished its couture shows for the season. What's it for?"
"Special delivery."
"Isn't the entire couture brand special delivery?"
"Yes and no. Some pieces are a little more special than others."
Katie saw that in the flattering cut of the silhouette and the deep emotional rouge of the fabric and the dramatic flourish of the skirt that would glimmer like lightning in a storm when the wearer walked. This isn't just Ridge being Ridge. This is Ridge caring.
There was some part of Katie that wasn't sure she wanted to like the dress after all. Love had gone into the making of it.
"Is it for Brooke?"
"I haven't designed for Brooke in years. Caroline handles most of her custom requests when she orders in-house."
"Ah. Things are still a little awkward between you two."
Katie twisted the strap of her purse.
"Things are likely to stay that way. She wants a reunion I can't give her."
Ridge sauntered past her to touch a loose stitch on the dress.
"You could."
He turned the mannequin to inspect the side zipper in search of something Katie couldn't fathom.
"Let me put it another way: She wants a reunion I won't give her. My feelings have changed. That was something I needed to admit to myself and, once I did, the decision not to get back together was easy. Telling her was not so easy."
"Brooke hears what she wants to hear."
Finally, seemingly satisfied with his findings, Ridge set the dummy back to rights and turned to perch on the edge of his desk.
"Brooke hears what I tell her and I'm often not as clear as I should be. I love her, I will always love her, she's RJ's mom, but I'm not in love with her anymore. That I was able to walk away from her on our honeymoon may be proof that I wasn't in love with her even then."
The tension radiating through Katie's body began to ease.
"Paris was good to you."
"Paris saved my life."
"Someday you'll have to tell me that story."
"Have dinner with me and I'll tell you all about it sooner rather than later."
"We have dinner all the time."
"Complete with dramatic and melancholy poetry readings and dancing?"
"I don't know, that sounds a lot like a date."
"It does."
"If you're on the rebound…"
"I've been single for close to two years."
That answers one of my questions about Paris.
"Technically, you just broke up with Brooke." Two years was a blink in a love story that had lasted for decades.
"That's the Logan interpretation of events. By all other accounts, we haven't been an item for ages."
"Why me?"
"I care about you. You're loyal, steadfast, and bright."
"I sound like a talented dog."
He allowed his eyes to drift down her body in obvious appreciation.
"You don't look like one. You're dazzling. You're driven and compassionate. There's nobody in the world like you."
There was a lifetime of insecurity in Katie's past. Simple kindness, affection, admiration; all these gifts that should have quieted her mistrust heightened it.
"It would be so easy to be seduced by compliments."
"Here's what I want you get from me: There are worse things than to be loved."
"To be loved and abandoned is far worse."
"I agree, and yet I'm still here, waiting."
He sat before her, this knight who wielded pens and verse instead of a sword. If I can show him a fraction of what I'm too scared to voice…
"Ask me again."
"Have dinner with me. Let's listen to bad poetry being read while drinking overpriced espresso in a dive. The place'll smell like clove cigarettes and hashish. Everyone, including us, will be wearing black. We'll clap no matter how terrible the reading is because they'll be braver than we are and that deserves applause."
"You've thought about this. You've thought a lot about this."
"Would it be admitting too much to say I haven't thought about anything else?"
"You should have asked." Katie could never admit it, but she'd wanted him to ask her this for longer than it bore remembering.
"Rejection is a scary thing to think about."
Ridge Forrester, frightened of me. This is surreal.
"I'm not saying no."
"But?"
"No 'but.' Let's go out and see what happens. I just want your word that I don't lose you if this doesn't work."
"You couldn't lose me."
"I could. Then, where would I be? Without you, I feel…"
"Lost?"
Katie nodded.
Ridge clasped her hands and tugged her close to nuzzle his cheek against her own.
"You're not lost."
Katie's breath hitched on the heat of his breath blowing over the shell of her ear. Trying to find solid ground this close to him was impossible.
Ridge wound his arms around her. Katie settled in, happy to be held. She was sick unto death of discussing what she hated about herself.
"How's the planning going for your summer in Paris?"
Ridge tensed and moved to let go of her. She held him fast. He didn't put up much of a fight.
"Not going. Brooke said no." A muscle near his eye twitched.
"Why would she say no? You and RJ have been planning this since before he came home."
"Brooke wanted us all to go together because their birthdays are only a week apart. I didn't have a problem with that. Then, RJ mentioned that we'd asked you and Will to come along and she raised some objections."
Katie removed her hands from his chest.
"She didn't want me to come with you. I wish I could say that didn't sound like my sister."
"I don't know what her problem is."
"Your ending things with her is the problem. She thinks the four of us are going on a family vacation and leaving her out of it. She'd recognize the tactic since it's exactly what she tried to do to me with Bill and our son."
"Sorry to bring up bad memories." He rubbed soothing circles down her spine.
"I won't hide from them. They are what they are."
"In any event, the trip is off. RJ and I have decided to go on a road trip instead right before school starts up, sometime in the last couple of weeks of summer. You should come."
"Brooke wouldn't like that."
"I don't really care what she thinks. Brooke's not my mother. We have joint custody of RJ and you're not a threat to his wellbeing. You're part of his family. If you want in, we want you; I'll want you regardless."
He keeps saying the right things. He might even mean them.
"Gosh, me in a car with three sweaty men for days at stretch. How could I resist?"
"The offer's open till we leave."
"Thank you for thinking of me."
"Always."
"You'll never get rid of me if you keep talking like that."
"Remind me not to stop—ever."
Like a thief, Ridge stole her into his arms and kissed just as he had that night, except today there was a horizontal surface and no sleepy children to deter them.
He lifted her off her feet onto his desk, knocking aside anything in his path to make room. Katie pulled him down with her, grabbing handfuls of his jacket to pull his body over hers—and oh god, she'd never stop wanting this. He covered her like nightfall, dark and heavy and completely enrapturing; his biting kiss left her breathless and his fingers twisting in her hair kept her coming back for more.
Katie wanted more of him, all of him. So much more.
She yanked at his blazer till he relinquished his hold long enough to let her push it off and tug him back to her. Their legs tangled as he divested her off the blazer she'd dressed in with such care. Don't care. More.
She pulled his shirt free from his waistband to seek out bare skin to sate this hunger he'd roused so carelessly.
Ridge surged against her like he'd been shocked back to life, grasping her hips to press as close as he could.
"Definitely trouble. Uh uh, we gotta save the best for later."
He peeled himself away, breathing fast. "Enough of that." Defeated, he came back for one more scorching clash of lips, and then withdrew, his musclebound form resisting every inch. She wasn't much better, sitting propped on her elbows to watch him run. Kissing him turned her into a raw, throbbing nerve.
Ridge made a show of reasserting his composure, wiping his mouth with a handkerchief from his discarded jacket.
Katie found a tissue in her purse to wipe off her smeared lipstick. The lips are mightier than the lipstick. She was going to have to guard against those lips of his or buy a better brand of makeup.
Time for a diversion.
She finger-combed her hair into what she hoped was some semblance of order.
"I'm in love with this dress. Who's it for?"
"Why does it matter so much to you?"
"You put a lot into it. It's meticulously tailored. The detail is exquisite."
"You noticed. I must be rubbing of on you."
Katie was very much in favor of that. Don't think about kissing him. Don't kiss him. God, I could kiss him all day. She had to drag her eyes away from his lips. And from his neck, his shoulders, his hands. Don't look at him.
"Don't change the subject."
"I'm not. This is very much on-topic."
Smoldering gaze locked on hers, Ridge leant down to kiss her shoulder where her blouse had slipped to leave it bare.
Oh.
Her breath left her in rush. Her head swam as she fought down a surge of yearning that would have made her reach for him to finish what they'd begun.
We're not there yet. We're not there yet. We will be, just not yet. Soon. Better be soon or I'm going to combust. Think of something else. Graceless as you please, Katie ducked out from under Ridge's mouth to step near the mannequin.
"So, if it's not for Brooke, who's it for?"
Ridge tracked her movements, all predator to her willing prey.
"Are you jealous?"
"Ha. If nobody ever asks me that question again, it'll be too soon. I'm just curious."
"She's easy on the eyes, if that helps."
He's teasing. I have to quit being such an easy mark.
"We're in LA, the American beauty capital. I'd be surprised if she wasn't stunning, but who is she?"
"Afraid of a little competition?"
"Afraid I've already lost, again."
Ridge swept her hair away from her face. "I'll give you a hint."
"Do I look like I'm up for a game of Twenty Questions?"
"This is one of those moments where you learn to trust me. I promise it will be worth it."
"I want to trust you."
Ridge kissed her hand. "Trust me."
"Trust is a sticky issue. This is one of things I envy Brooke for. She just carries on when she's been hurt. She picks up the pieces and launches herself head first into love again like it's nothing. I wish it could be that easy."
"That's all right. Trusting love again, and yourself, is difficult. Cageyness is to be expected."
"If I were more like that…"
"I'm happy you're not Brooke. If you weren't you, I wouldn't love you as much."
Katie's mind went resolutely blank.
He said…me? He…me?
"You don't have to say it back. I can wait."
She had to grab onto the chair beside her to keep to her feet once he'd turned away.
Ridge retrieved a sketchbook from his center desk drawer and brought it back to show to her. He was so cavalier, she couldn't believe he'd said what she knew he'd said.
"I'm working on this new line and I want your input. It's corporate fashion. You inspired it a little bit, so I wanna know what you think."
Katie tried to imitate his coolness, setting aside her Kleenex to take the tablet. He didn't comment if he noticed it shaking in her hands.
"This is exciting. I've never been anybody's muse."
"You probably have more times than you think." Ridge led her over to his chair where he opened the sketchpad and flipped in a few pages. "We're thinking sophisticated, chic, classic lines but a more modern aesthetic. A Working Girl sensibility for 2014."
"A tagline for the ages. I'm already impressed."
"I like impressing you."
"How did I know that?"
Ridge flipped the cover shut just long enough to lean over and catch her lips in another stolen kiss. Katie was thoroughly happy to be stolen. By a man who loves me.
This kiss was less plundering, more a tender pressing of lips that made her want to wrap around him for the rest of the night and not let go.
"All right, Trouble, time for business. Opine, critique, do your worst. Treat me like one of your contributors at Spencer. Give me the big, bad CEO treatment."
"You want me to boss you around? I could get used to that."
"You'd better."
When he dove for her again, Katie dodged his lips, to his vocal disappointment. He grumbled his dissatisfaction in the crook of her neck. She arched into the trail of sulky whispers murmured into her collarbone.
Her shivers soon turned to gasping laughter.
"I thought you wanted my professional opinion. I can't concentrate with you tickling me."
"Did I hear you say 'ticklish'?" She felt his fingers creeping toward her waist.
"No, Ridge. Don't you dare."
"You've unleashed the kraken."
She slapped his questing hands. "Don't! I am doing you a favor. I am going to review your line while you behave yourself."
"Where's the fun in behaving when this feels good?"
Ridge wrapped his bourbon-soaked voice around 'good' like he wrapped his lips around her earlobe, tauntingly and promising the stars.
"Work."
"Play."
Katie snagged the tablet from the edge of the desk and began to flip through it in search of the first sketch he'd shown her. The angel on her shoulder was shouting, but not louder than the rasping of Ridge Forrester's stubble against her hypersensitive skin. Go slow. That's the smart thing. Katie knew she'd be all in if they made love right this instant. What she couldn't decide was how much more in she could be.
Clearing her throat, Katie really gave the sketch her full attention. It featured a faceless brunette model wearing fairly standard business attire. A blouse and skirt fit to the model in the hand of someone who adored the female form in all its facets. He sure does.
"This print is impeccable. I have to own this blouse." Katie flipped to the next page, and then the next. All was in a similar vein and was likewise impressive.
Ridge pulled over another chair.
"Suggestions?"
"Not much. I'd include more slacks. Skirts are great, but never underestimate the appeal and versatility of tailored dress pants." Ridge noted as much on the side of the lead sketch.
"That's what I'm talking about. We work well together."
Katie was reluctant to take the praise outright.
"Fashion's not my area, I just know what I like."
"I have faith in your instincts. What about the color scheme?"
Katie narrowed her eyes at him. "Am I your market research?"
"You're the archetypical businesswoman we're trying to attract."
"It's working."
"Is it?"
"Mmhmm."
"That's what I like to hear."
"Happy to be of service."
"Come here, you."
He kissed her quick and soft, like Hello. She could greet him all day.
Katie was suddenly keenly aware of the time, and of not eating before work.
I'm in meetings till five. Food is a must.
"Can I expect to actually have lunch before I go back to work?"
"Is food all you think about?"
Katie raked her nails down his shirt, daring as any women drawn by his hand.
"Not lately.
He turned up her palm to kiss the center.
"Let's pick something up and get you back to Spencer."
"A man after my own heart."
"Oh no, I'm after more than that." Ridge stroked her arm. "I have another proposition for you."
"You're just full of exciting new ideas."
"Better than the alternative. Join me at the Make Your Fate gala."
"That was supposed to be last month. You skipped it to stay with me."
"We pushed it back. The summer line wasn't ready to debut. All promotional activities were delayed by a month. It's in two days, and I want you to be my date."
"Not a poetry reading."
"No, but it is important to Forrester. We're celebrating turning our image around. You should be there."
Katie scrutinized Ridge to see if he was hiding anything; his body language told her nothing.
"I'll have to get Caroline to go with me to pick out a gown to wear."
"I've got something in mind. Let me send it over."
Katie's eyes lingered on the dress. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah. I've been looking for an excuse anyway. This'll give me one."
"Should I buy anything for it?"
Ridge stroked her wrist.
"Don't buy anything. I'll have Caroline include the usual suspects. Jewelry, shoes. She'll probably even send some makeup tips your way. We'll think of everything. Just be there to put it on."
